Don’t know why I bother to teach French to you guys but, oh well.
Pats/Cards-Both Brady and Gronk are out of this one so we’ll only hear about them 40% of the time. Yay! Cards hc Arians is 11-2 against the AFC. If the Pats win the division championship, guess who I’m cheering for? (perhaps I’m getting a wee bit ahead of myself) Arizona’s O looks like world-beaters. Rb’s Johnson and Johnson are above average and so is the wr trio of Fitz, Brown and Floyd. The D is solid and cb Peterson can take out your #1 receiver. The Pats start the season 0-1? Let the showerfreud* begin!
*some German word I may have misspelled
You know, I think I’ve watched more commercials in the past half hour than I did in the entire off season.
But how else are you supposed to know that Bud Light, State Farm, Nationwide, Miller Lite, Geico, McDonalds, Burger King, Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, AARP, USAA, or Coors Light are even companies that exist anymore in these turbulent times of the free market?
Football is Family, and the NFL is the Melendez brothers
There goes assistant head coach Tom “Methuselah” Moore.
With a side of Peyton Manning mention…finish your drink!
NAWT ENOUGH David Johnson, you hipster asshole
Stop making constipation faces right before getting shitfaced on Mikolov
Mikolob
Michelob. I’m 15, the only thing I drink is Captain Morgan my mom leaves on the counter
As a former lifelong cps worker…play on.
Uhh, it was just a ruse to entrap small children. I’m really a 37 year old man, I swear!
Giselle received a pass from Tom. Finally, one from her husband she didn’t drop.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_u6DbmmBTsCs/TKkxDEXMRJI/AAAAAAAABW0/13Uk1qKta_Y/s1600/1001-gisele-tom-kissing-zoom-launch%5B1%5D.jpg
Those shoes make it look like she has hooves.
sure…looks like
Don’t look…DON’T LOOK….
But she’s got a raging semi.
There’s a good reason she’s never done a nude shoot.
I’m happy to report that about half the plane immediately checked their fantasy team upon landing.
the other half knew they were eliminate already ,, smh
“If that were live it’d have a huge impact on ratings for us” and your dick would make a big impact on your pants, Cris
The NFL players union, incompetent union, or the MOST incompetent union?
I dunno. There are plenty of police union spokespeople who would like to throw their hat in the ring there.
Somebody say Union?
(yes…I’m totally ripping this off from someone else last night)
http://media.hotbirthdays.com/upload/2015/05/15/gabrielle-union.jpg
Fuck if I’ve ever said these words and meant them before now…
But come the fuck on Cards…quit dicking around already!!!!!!!!
Come on, refs, didn’t you see the Cardinals players high-fiving and yelling with joy? Throw another flag!
Come on, Cris, say it: Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace
Man, I need a shower. How does sitting on my ass on a plane all day get me this gross?
Zymm, as someone of the overweight persuasion, you have been welcomed to the world of “Office ass”.
Once you open Pandora’s Ass Crack, it is never the same.
welcome to…almost middle age??
I blame the close proximity to other people of indeterminate bathing habits.
Aaaaaaand yet another reason I don’t fly.
When you fly, you are sharing the recycled air of all those people you would never spend time with in any other situation.
Stop mentioning Tom Brady! You bastards are gonna kill Pirate Sloth!
Oh yeah… he’s definitely a gonner
Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady. Tom. Brady. No hard feelings, Pirate Sloth.
I thought it only was three times to bring him back.
I died already.
Bo Knows…Kias?
Not to disrepect the achievements of the American Ninja Warrior contestants, but aren’t ninjas supposed to be tricky and sneaky, as opposed to, say, big-time Crossfit afficionados?
Tell that to your shoulder.
Yes. No where on that course is ground glass blown into your eyes, totally not authentic.
The Jets had a rather appropriate 9/11 tribute today: after the unfathomable offensive there was a lot of shitty Folk that came out.
It’d be easier to tackle that car in Tecmo bowl than it would be to tackle Bo Jackson
Oh, Kia, really ever since the BDSM hamsters, anything you throw out there is such a refreshing change I am elated for it!
That’s better! I should complain about things on the internet more often. It seems like an effective way to get things done.
It sure has worked well for gaping assholes!
Ummmmmm…..
Yay Fittydown!
Pizza is on its way. This score confuses and enrages me.
Sounds like an excuse for angry wine to me.
Waaaaay ahead of ya
More angry wine!
Gresham staying germaine to this game.
Football is Family.
And “family” provides the highest likelihood for abuse of all kinds, statistically.
“…”
-Joe Paterno
Man I haven’t seen Arians this upset since Jesse Owens took gold in ’36!
http://media1.giphy.com/media/dOxMHecx24CY/giphy.gif
“Pound you on the inside…”
No, Cris, that’s not how those lyrics go.
Rodney Harrison once told me I couldn’t use the word niggardly. He ironically was eating Saltines at the time rather menacingly.
If that was flag worthy every fucking play should get flagged
FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–QJ3I9v6C–/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/odt50agahqqb0uzvorkg.gif
They’re not?
In unrelated news: Thank god Terrance Williams was dumb enough to stay in bounds. I can hear the lamentation of those Cowboys fans.
NONONONONONO! No Flags!
I’m legtimatley torn on how i want NE to fare during these four games.
given the 0-3 performance from the rest of the afc east, no one else can take the divison, so if NE goes 4-0 it’ll cause dissention among the Boston faithful.
Kinda like ’08 when the patriots went 11-5 without brady
I kinda want to see dumbass Pats fans going all “FACK TAWMMY, GARAWPAWLLO IS AWR MAN!” after he loses to the Steelers or some shit.
My Pats friend – “coming from a Pats point of view, Collingsworth was always anti-Brady”…
…
…
…
…
dammit
For driving through Arizona that quickly, Sheriff Joe Arpaio just asked to see Jimmy Garoppalo’s papers.
Banner worthy
We may need a bigger banner this week.
Fuck Arpaio. With a rusty pipe. With no lube. And shoot him the head simultaneously.
In fact just shoot him, I don’t need to be witness to the rest of that stuff.
HOOOOOOGAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!
http://a.fod4.com/misc/Hulk%20Hogan%20NSFW.gif
Cris Collinsworth pictured below.
http://filmjackets.com/FEATURES/IMAGES/Feature_HogansHeroes-big.jpg
It feels like I am watching a highly spirited jibber going on there.
Now that snow is here, I have to note that I brought good beer to my buddy’s house with directv for earlier…and have nothing but shitty Stella that I won’t drink in my fridge. So, we’re a few minutes from whisky time.
Oh man. Never put all your beers in one basket.
You are a little late for whiskey time. That started at noon.
I prefer beer with my football and whisky with my sadness
STEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man 9/11 memorials morphed into bash Obama day so gradually, I hardly even noticed.
except it wasn’t gradual. I can name the exact calendar year it happened.
2008?
http://www.maximumpop.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/vjqq1QB.gif
He wasn’t in office until 2009, and from about July to December 2008 every day was bash Obama day to Republicans
Since when is a quick release praiseworthy?
Since like 5 minutes ago
5 minutes? That’s endurance.
Drunk one night stands?
Garoppolo looks like those goons that get slapped around by Joe Pesci in Scorsese movies.
“The last time I saw a Johnson lose 50 pounds I stopped a fat chick from blowing me… mid blow.”
-Rob Gronkowski
Lots of offensive facemask calls today. Is that new or did I just not notice it until this year?
Seems new to me. Didn’t it used to be called “Illegal hands to the face”?
That was my thought too.
You have disrespected Blergh. Sleep tight.
Gentlemen.
If you say so.
You can’t prove that!!!!!!!!!!!
http://i.imgur.com/mzkXXER.gif
Lies
Finally!
Tell it to the judge.
/no seriously tell him! Totes would help my situation.
The two coaches: a douche with hair and someone who looks like they cannot stand up straight.
It’s just like the election.
WIN.
Shut it down, DTZM. Further posting is futile.
Only 13 year-olds talk about the voice.
I’m really happy you fixed that. I had no idea what you said the first time.
She types code for a living, not English.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/28cd4cbba449f67894424615fbb047f6/tumblr_inline_o9xc0i9cQA1u7kv0p_500.gif
http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/writing-is-hard-gif.gif
LMFAO
I mean obviously we all want NE to go down in flames. On the other hand, if they win at least the sound of crying and gnashing of teeth from Foxborough may not keep me awake as it echoes across the country if they lose.
I want them to win just because everyone else hates them so much. And by everyone else I mean Roger Goodell (and apparently the Judicial branch of government).
But think how great that sound of crying and gnashing would be? It would be so soothing that it could put every baby outside of NE to sleep in 2 minutes!
White noise
/nawt raycess…probably
One team is a divisional rival…
The other team is the Pats…
http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30600000/You-are-tearing-me-apart-rebel-without-a-cause-30637923-480-187.gif
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lst1q7lrB61qg39ewo1_500.gif
It’s like watching a plecostomus. It’s hypnotic!
Nawt TD Seahawks?
Hmmmmmm…..
I don’t want to live in a world where Josh McDaniels merits praise
THAT PLAY I CALL IT THE 2014 OFFSEASON BECAUSE IT INVOLVED A COUPLE OF CARDINALS HITTING A BLOUNT
That was the year some key Cardinals got suspended for weed, right?
Wow, after watching the Bears this afternoon I almost didn’t recognize a running game.
Did you not see them running out of the tunnel before the game started?
They got stopped after 2.5 yards
Dante Scarnecchia, aka Dracula.
Coach Feratu
http://abcdefghijklmn-pqrstuvwxyz.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/O_Gif-Nosferatu_1.gif
“Hi Coach Dungy!” {insert Forest Gump wave}
Just got back from the store. Saw someone in a Justin Tucker jersey.
That’s Justin Kicker, the tucker, to you.