Your Sunday Night NFL Football “Piece Of Resistance” Open Thread

Don’t know why I bother to teach French to you guys but, oh well.

Pats/Cards-Both Brady and Gronk are out of this one so we’ll only hear about them 40% of the time. Yay! Cards hc Arians is 11-2 against the AFC. If the Pats win the division championship, guess who I’m cheering for? (perhaps I’m getting a wee bit ahead of myself) Arizona’s O looks like world-beaters. Rb’s Johnson and Johnson are above average and so is the wr trio of Fitz, Brown and Floyd. The D is solid and cb Peterson can take out your #1 receiver. The Pats start the season 0-1? Let the showerfreud* begin!

*some German word I may have misspelled

 

 

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Doktor Zymm

You know, I think I’ve watched more commercials in the past half hour than I did in the entire off season.

ThePirateSloth

But how else are you supposed to know that Bud Light, State Farm, Nationwide, Miller Lite, Geico, McDonalds, Burger King, Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, AARP, USAA, or Coors Light are even companies that exist anymore in these turbulent times of the free market?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Football is Family, and the NFL is the Melendez brothers

Dick E. Phuck

There goes assistant head coach Tom “Methuselah” Moore.

LemonJello

With a side of Peyton Manning mention…finish your drink!

King Hippo

NAWT ENOUGH David Johnson, you hipster asshole

Trevor Semen

Stop making constipation faces right before getting shitfaced on Mikolov

Trevor Semen

Mikolob

Trevor Semen

Michelob. I’m 15, the only thing I drink is Captain Morgan my mom leaves on the counter

Shogun Marcus

As a former lifelong cps worker…play on.

Trevor Semen

Uhh, it was just a ruse to entrap small children. I’m really a 37 year old man, I swear!

John Difool

Giselle received a pass from Tom. Finally, one from her husband she didn’t drop.

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_u6DbmmBTsCs/TKkxDEXMRJI/AAAAAAAABW0/13Uk1qKta_Y/s1600/1001-gisele-tom-kissing-zoom-launch%5B1%5D.jpg

Old School Zero

Those shoes make it look like she has hooves.

King Hippo

sure…looks like

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t look…DON’T LOOK….
But she’s got a raging semi.

Trevor Semen

There’s a good reason she’s never done a nude shoot.

Doktor Zymm

I’m happy to report that about half the plane immediately checked their fantasy team upon landing.

King Hippo

the other half knew they were eliminate already ,, smh

Trevor Semen

“If that were live it’d have a huge impact on ratings for us” and your dick would make a big impact on your pants, Cris

Doktor Zymm

The NFL players union, incompetent union, or the MOST incompetent union?

Old School Zero

I dunno. There are plenty of police union spokespeople who would like to throw their hat in the ring there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Somebody say Union?
(yes…I’m totally ripping this off from someone else last night)
http://media.hotbirthdays.com/upload/2015/05/15/gabrielle-union.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck if I’ve ever said these words and meant them before now…
But come the fuck on Cards…quit dicking around already!!!!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Come on, refs, didn’t you see the Cardinals players high-fiving and yelling with joy? Throw another flag!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Come on, Cris, say it: Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace

Doktor Zymm

Man, I need a shower. How does sitting on my ass on a plane all day get me this gross?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Zymm, as someone of the overweight persuasion, you have been welcomed to the world of “Office ass”.

Once you open Pandora’s Ass Crack, it is never the same.

King Hippo

welcome to…almost middle age??

Doktor Zymm

I blame the close proximity to other people of indeterminate bathing habits.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Aaaaaaand yet another reason I don’t fly.

I Will Dye Blonde

When you fly, you are sharing the recycled air of all those people you would never spend time with in any other situation.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Stop mentioning Tom Brady! You bastards are gonna kill Pirate Sloth!

Covalent Blonde

Oh yeah… he’s definitely a gonner

Dick E. Phuck

Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady Tom Brady. Tom. Brady. No hard feelings, Pirate Sloth.

I Will Dye Blonde

I thought it only was three times to bring him back.

ThePirateSloth

I died already.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Bo Knows…Kias?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not to disrepect the achievements of the American Ninja Warrior contestants, but aren’t ninjas supposed to be tricky and sneaky, as opposed to, say, big-time Crossfit afficionados?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tell that to your shoulder.

Doktor Zymm

Yes. No where on that course is ground glass blown into your eyes, totally not authentic.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Jets had a rather appropriate 9/11 tribute today: after the unfathomable offensive there was a lot of shitty Folk that came out.

Trevor Semen

It’d be easier to tackle that car in Tecmo bowl than it would be to tackle Bo Jackson

Covalent Blonde

Oh, Kia, really ever since the BDSM hamsters, anything you throw out there is such a refreshing change I am elated for it!

Doktor Zymm

That’s better! I should complain about things on the internet more often. It seems like an effective way to get things done.

Old School Zero

It sure has worked well for gaping assholes!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmmmm…..

Senor Weaselo

Yay Fittydown!

Doktor Zymm

Pizza is on its way. This score confuses and enrages me.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Sounds like an excuse for angry wine to me.

Doktor Zymm

Waaaaay ahead of ya

I Will Dye Blonde

More angry wine!

herodotus450

Gresham staying germaine to this game.

Old School Zero

Football is Family.

And “family” provides the highest likelihood for abuse of all kinds, statistically.

LemonJello

“…”

-Joe Paterno

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Man I haven’t seen Arians this upset since Jesse Owens took gold in ’36!

Covalent Blonde

“Pound you on the inside…”

No, Cris, that’s not how those lyrics go.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Rodney Harrison once told me I couldn’t use the word niggardly. He ironically was eating Saltines at the time rather menacingly.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

If that was flag worthy every fucking play should get flagged

BrettFavresColonoscopy

FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD

Bloody Lethal

They’re not?

Dick E. Phuck

In unrelated news: Thank god Terrance Williams was dumb enough to stay in bounds. I can hear the lamentation of those Cowboys fans.

Covalent Blonde

NONONONONONO! No Flags!

Brocky

I’m legtimatley torn on how i want NE to fare during these four games.

given the 0-3 performance from the rest of the afc east, no one else can take the divison, so if NE goes 4-0 it’ll cause dissention among the Boston faithful.

Kinda like ’08 when the patriots went 11-5 without brady

Trevor Semen

I kinda want to see dumbass Pats fans going all “FACK TAWMMY, GARAWPAWLLO IS AWR MAN!” after he loses to the Steelers or some shit.

ThePirateSloth

My Pats friend – “coming from a Pats point of view, Collingsworth was always anti-Brady”…

dammit

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

For driving through Arizona that quickly, Sheriff Joe Arpaio just asked to see Jimmy Garoppalo’s papers.

John Difool

Banner worthy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

We may need a bigger banner this week.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck Arpaio. With a rusty pipe. With no lube. And shoot him the head simultaneously.

In fact just shoot him, I don’t need to be witness to the rest of that stuff.

Old School Zero

HOOOOOOGAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!!

http://a.fod4.com/misc/Hulk%20Hogan%20NSFW.gif

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Cris Collinsworth pictured below.

Covalent Blonde

It feels like I am watching a highly spirited jibber going on there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Now that snow is here, I have to note that I brought good beer to my buddy’s house with directv for earlier…and have nothing but shitty Stella that I won’t drink in my fridge. So, we’re a few minutes from whisky time.

makeitsnowondem

Oh man. Never put all your beers in one basket.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You are a little late for whiskey time. That started at noon.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I prefer beer with my football and whisky with my sadness

herodotus450

STEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brocky

Man 9/11 memorials morphed into bash Obama day so gradually, I hardly even noticed.

except it wasn’t gradual. I can name the exact calendar year it happened.

Old School Zero

2008?

Trevor Semen

He wasn’t in office until 2009, and from about July to December 2008 every day was bash Obama day to Republicans

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Since when is a quick release praiseworthy?

Trevor Semen

Since like 5 minutes ago

BrettFavresColonoscopy

5 minutes? That’s endurance.

Dick E. Phuck

Drunk one night stands?

Dick E. Phuck

Garoppolo looks like those goons that get slapped around by Joe Pesci in Scorsese movies.

John Difool

“The last time I saw a Johnson lose 50 pounds I stopped a fat chick from blowing me… mid blow.”

-Rob Gronkowski

Old School Zero

Lots of offensive facemask calls today. Is that new or did I just not notice it until this year?

herodotus450

Seems new to me. Didn’t it used to be called “Illegal hands to the face”?

Shogun Marcus

That was my thought too.

Mr. Ayo

You have disrespected Blergh. Sleep tight.

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

If you say so.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You can’t prove that!!!!!!!!!!!

Old School Zero
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lies

Covalent Blonde

Finally!

Shogun Marcus

Tell it to the judge.

/no seriously tell him! Totes would help my situation.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The two coaches: a douche with hair and someone who looks like they cannot stand up straight.

It’s just like the election.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

WIN.

Shut it down, DTZM. Further posting is futile.

I Will Dye Blonde

Only 13 year-olds talk about the voice.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m really happy you fixed that. I had no idea what you said the first time.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

She types code for a living, not English.

Covalent Blonde

I mean obviously we all want NE to go down in flames. On the other hand, if they win at least the sound of crying and gnashing of teeth from Foxborough may not keep me awake as it echoes across the country if they lose.

herodotus450

I want them to win just because everyone else hates them so much. And by everyone else I mean Roger Goodell (and apparently the Judicial branch of government).

theeWeeBabySeamus

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ThePirateSloth

But think how great that sound of crying and gnashing would be? It would be so soothing that it could put every baby outside of NE to sleep in 2 minutes!

theeWeeBabySeamus

White noise
/nawt raycess…probably

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Covalent Blonde

It’s like watching a plecostomus. It’s hypnotic!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nawt TD Seahawks?
Hmmmmmm…..

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t want to live in a world where Josh McDaniels merits praise

Trevor Semen

THAT PLAY I CALL IT THE 2014 OFFSEASON BECAUSE IT INVOLVED A COUPLE OF CARDINALS HITTING A BLOUNT

Trevor Semen

That was the year some key Cardinals got suspended for weed, right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow, after watching the Bears this afternoon I almost didn’t recognize a running game.

John Difool

Did you not see them running out of the tunnel before the game started?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They got stopped after 2.5 yards

Old School Zero

Dante Scarnecchia, aka Dracula.

herodotus450

Coach Feratu

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
LemonJello

“Hi Coach Dungy!” {insert Forest Gump wave}

Croooow

Just got back from the store. Saw someone in a Justin Tucker jersey.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s Justin Kicker, the tucker, to you.