Your Monday Night Football Double-Header Open Thread

[feels a bit icky making a baseball-related reference]

Damn, I like this 7:10 (eastern) starting time. Sometimes my extraordinarily strict post-work beer, scotch, cider, wine and martini regimen catches up to me and the world starts spinning and the games (yes, the games) lose their focus and I have to find out the score the following morning. This way I’m guaranteed to be coherent all the way into the third quarter of the first tilt. Enough about me-TO THE GAMES!

Steelers/Redacted’s-I feel as though Pittsburgh without the services of rb Bell and wr’s Bryant and Wheaton is a team playing with one arm tied behind their back but it won’t make much difference in the end. I think it has a lot to do with not being able to judge the prospects of Washington objectively because Dan Snyder has come to be the embodiment of a number of shitbags I deal with in my work setting. [takes a deep breath] Everyone is yakking about the Norman/Brown showdown but doesn’t the former play just one half of the field? I’m sure Brown will get moved around a bit and they will cross paths but I think it’s cb Breeland (with help from Hall?) that does the heavy lifting. It’ll be a tiny bit interesting to see who among Coates, Heyward-Bey and Rogers gets the majority of catches. Cousins’ pursuit of a long-term deal would benefit from a home win here.

Rams/Niners-As hc Kelly prepares for the game Jim Tomsula (“we hardly knew ya”) prepares for the coming hobopocalypse. A wasteland of discarded bindles and can-openers awaits mankind-he’ll be the first to tell you! STAY AWAY FROM THE SWITCHYARDS, PEOPLE! The game? Gurley runs roughshod on the Niners and qb’s Keenum(what?) and Gabbert(who?) try their damnedest to keep their combined giveaways below 7. Fantasy-wise, if Hyde goes for 35+ I may just squeak out a not-earned victory.

There she be. Now…LET’S WATCH THE SHIT OUT OF THIS!

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Kungjitsu

If Marshawn Lynch was protesting, he’d have his dick and balls out. God I can’t wait five years until his HOF speech.

King Hippo

what about the guys standing, but with THEY HANDS OVER THEY DICKS??

Horatio Cornblower

LOOK AT THAT FUCKING PHOTOGRAPHER WANDERING AROUND THE SIDELINES NOT PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO THE ANTHEM. FUCKING COMMIE-FAG-KENYAN-MOOSLAM!!!!
-Nobody tomorrow at all

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hawt Taek…Lindsay Sterling’s National Anthem would be way better if SHE wasn’t wearing pants.

Fucking SFO, man.

Horatio Cornblower

The anthem clearly wasn’t designed for the electric violin.

I Will Dye Blonde

It’s better than listening to someone singing the song.

Redshirt

I may fall asleep to this anthem.

ArmedandHammered

I like Lindsay Stirling, but sort of an odd choice for the anthem.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?

Spur

An entire game of Berman? Don’t know if I can handle this.

I Will Dye Blonde

I have returned. This room needs some more estrogen!

herodotus450
King Hippo

+1 Bechtel test

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who’s she talking to?

Horatio Cornblower

Well OK, but it’s well after 10 on the east coast so I’m not putting my pants back on.

I Will Dye Blonde

No pants required.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I may just start spamming pics. I have no faith my interest in the game will last. Sorry in advance

the king in yellow

I’m looking forward to it!

Kungjitsu

The game hasn’t even started and fuck Chris Berman already

Sep

Fuck Chris Berman always

Horatio Cornblower

Berman’s hairline is putting up far more of a fight than the [*Redacted] s just did, but then he’s giving it far more help than Snyder is his defense.

Moonbatting Average

At least Berman’s hairline keeps a few draft picks

JustStopDude
makeitsnowondem

Favored by the absolute barest of margins over OSZ going into this game. Break a leg, Todd.

Old School Zero

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

theeWeeBabySeamus

SF???? Really?
Their stadium is named after pants. How is this OK??????

Sharkbait

Bleergh sends all non believers to Levis Stadium and are forced to wear pants for eternity.

...

Oh fuck Berman’s doing the nightcap.

That’s a good reason to sleep.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

OK, where’s CB? I demand a Niner presence to mock, dammit!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Not sure if I am gonna make it through the late game. My level of caring is sub-Cutler. At least this one had 2 teams with things to hate on.

Sharkbait

Oh I’m definitely not.

King Hippo

nekkid Tomsula watch starts…NOW!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You fucker you.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Oh FFS, it’s Berman.

Moonbatting Average

Have the Steelers ever really played an away game? I feel like this a fundamental, cosmological question

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Chris Berman? MUTE BUTTON!

LemonJello

“Nuke the site from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.”

King Hippo

The only choice, when a shotgun is sadly unavailable

montythisseemsstrangetome

The Rivera family for USAA has really big foreheads.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

So, is Kirk (Kissin’) Cousins a Washington [CENSORED] next year?

/shakes Magic 8-Ball…

http://cdn.thisiswhyimbroke.com/images/magic-8-ball.jpg

Spur

Who’s ready for some PAC 12 AFTER DARK?!!!……………..Oh wait this is the NFL

theeWeeBabySeamus

As a Ravens fan, I don’t hate the Stillers. At one time I was a Stillers fan (b/w Colts…fuck you….and Ravens).
But James Harrison can suck it. I’d like to take a basedball bat to that dude’s cranium. Like repeatedly.

If the NFL had a real PED testing program….

Redshirt

Same here. I’m a Bengals fan, but I respect the Steelers.

Now if we can have two or three games without having season crippling injuries…

Old School Zero

It’s not like Washington had a choice, or could really fight back.

herodotus450

I didn’t know Jameis Winston played for the Steelers now

Trevor Semen

No, but The Ben does

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Just the way The Ben like it!

montythisseemsstrangetome

He had a choice; he didn’t have to cross the Delaware.

Spur

You ready for next week Cincy? Please put this Pittsburg assholes in their place.

King Hippo

PICKERCEPTION WOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Kill V. Maim has mathematical chance

Sharkbait

Not a catch?

Glorious Chairman Dan

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE…. just had to give me one last kick in the balls.

JustStopDude

Why the fuck not…

Franchise tag is looking pretty smart…

WCS

teehee

King Hippo

RUN IT IN DAMN YOU

...

I just read that the Redacted are 2-15 at FedEx on Monday night games and 5-20 over their last 25 primetime games. Eugh.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

One of the many reasons Gov McAuliffe wants them to move to Virginia

...

When I read about that I realized how much damned leverage Little Dan has. He can play two states and DC off one another to get a billion undeserved dollar for his team and all it takes is one dumbfuck municipality to blink for it to happen.

Doktor Zymm

Um…no. That’s not even vaguely how local DC area politics work. If Danny could really get his way he would have moved back into a renovated RFK. He probably will end up in VA by default since DC and MD won’t have him.

Doktor Zymm

The only people in MD trying to get the team are a subset of PG county politicos. MD is split between the DC suburbs and the rest of the state, and while there’s plenty of money in those counties, there’s also really divided support for large projects like that, and complicated land use regulations. No way they get the support they need to realistically keep a new stadium.

Doktor Zymm

The District wants nothing to do with Snyder, and even if they did, they aren’t allowed to make funding decisions like that. Congress would likely step in and override any stadium budget measure.

Doktor Zymm

That’s the stat line since Snyder bought them? It’s about the right number of games.

Trevor Semen

Down by three in fantasy. I have DeSean on my team. fuck that guy with a red hot dildo

Trevor Semen

Like seriously Cousins, can you suck any more?

litre_cola

I am down 2 and have him as well. Fuck that guy.

Trevor Semen

It’s fucking garbage time. Let the Redacteds have their fun

montythisseemsstrangetome

Why is this game still going on?

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, tyme foar alcohol and opiates. Only way to make it thru the LAR/SF shit show.
And maybe also moar ice cream.

Doktor Zymm

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did those come out of your toilet?
Not saying that’s a problem, just moar a point of curiosity.

King Hippo

jelly? JELLY!!

Sill Bimmons

Stillers this good or [REDACTEDS] this bad?

Sharkbait

Probably a healthy mix of both.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Imma choose door #2 Monty.

Spur

Both

Doktor Zymm

A little bit of column A, a little bit of column B, and a small dash of spectacularly lucky random shit going the Steelers way.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Speaking as a Redacteds fan, I’ll assume the second.

King Hippo

goddamnit

Spur

If Alfred Morris has half as good of a game next week as DeAngelo I’m gonna cream myself.

King Hippo

I need that blessed DeAngelo garbageDOWN not be negated by my foe’s Cousins and DeSean…

Sep

National Anthem shade from the booth

theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s kinda pertty.

Sill Bimmons

56 MILLILITERSOFFURY WAXES TUMESCENT

JustStopDude

The most important position for any football team is the owner. Nothing else.

The perfect owner is someone that is completely in the background. You never see or hear from him except when someone needs to be shitcanned.

Snyder is like the anti-owner. He is constantly trying to clumsily rule from above. His hands are all over everything. I cannot imagine anyone having long term success with him. I mean even Joe Gibbs couldn’t do anything and this is a guy that has had success in completely different sports.

I would argue he is far worse than Jerry Jones. I mean at least JJ is laughing as he rides his daisy cutter into ground zero and he owns his stupid decisions. Snyder is that douchebag friend of yours that completely fucks you over…and then blames you because he feels like a shithead for fucking you over.

Doktor Zymm

Besides being more entertaining, JJ is also much, much older and closer to death!

Kungjitsu

JJ is a self made man out of Arkansas. He’s going to live to 115, minimum.

Doktor Zymm

That’s probably true. I’m pretty sure JJ could beat the Snyde in a bare-knuckle boxing match any day of the week.

Kungjitsu

Without putting down his glass of Johnnie Walker Blue.

Son, you don’t wawnt any part o’ this.

King Hippo

and he’s not even old or in poor health…

/the perfect owner is/was Pat Bowlen

Spur

Double J handed over reins to his kids years ago. He’s more of a figure head now, like the Queen of England.

...

This comment greatly explains why I like Cubs ownership so much. They do exactly what you suggest they should: stay in the background and give the competent people what they need to run things well and defer to their judgment.

JustStopDude

I think Ravens fans should thank their Boh soaked gods for Buschotti who is so much fucking better as an owner than Modell.

Old School Zero

All right, come on Todd Gurley!

http://i.imgur.com/ajVPvS7.gif

...

Holy shit, you can actually hear the Cubs fans in the crowd at Busch chanting “MVP” as Bryant is at bat.

Spur

Alright Antonio now you’re just showing off.

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen [*Redacted] s come up with defensive strategy this poorly thought out since the Six Nations sided with the French in 1754.

Spur

King Phillip’s War son!

Glorious Chairman Dan

The last time [*Redacted] s had a noche this triste, we ended up with Spanish Mexico

theeWeeBabySeamus

Where the hell is balls?
He should be here talking junk. I bet he’s worrying over one of those job thingys, huh?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

As this game winds down I am saddened when I think about the later game.

LemonJello

I thought the “Playing Marco Polo with Marco Polo” was clever.

LemonJello

Dafuq? This didn’t end up where it was supposed to.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate it when that happens.

LemonJello

Inorite?

Sill Bimmons

FYWP

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