A pretty slow day today, most likely still a Week 1 hangover combined with horror at tomorrow’s Jets-Bills color-rush game. So the Thread is up early to help give everyone someplace to chat/rant/prognosticate.
NFL Notes:
- Justice for Cam! For their questionable hits in last Thursday’s game, Darian Stewart was fined $18000 and Brandon Marshall was fined $24000.
- Sam Bradford is predicted to be the Vikings starter for their Week 2 tilt against the Packers.
- the defence better hope Aaron Rodgers develops the same accuracy as Marcus Mariota.
- Gronk is practicing and expected to play Sunday against the Dolphins.
- They found Sam Wyche a heart donor, and he had the transplant procedure Tuesday.
- According to Forbes, the move to LA increased the value of the franchise from $1.45 billion to $2.9 billion.
- the Cowboys are worth most, at $4.2 billion; the Bills are last at $1.5 billion.
- The NFL is reportedly now pursuing Lady Gaga for the halftime show.
Finally, according to the math majors at PFT, Jeff Fisher is now third in losses all time. He’s now racked up 157 defeats, passing Don Shula in a hilarious 163 fewer games. He now stands behind only Tom Landry and Dan Reeves.
- Dan Reeves: 190-165-2 (357 games)
- Tom Landry: 250-162-6 (418 games)
- Jeff Fisher: 169-157-1 (327 games)
- Don Shula: 328-156-6 (490 games)
Based on Monday, he’ll be first in something by November, and fired at the end of the season.
Trying their best to prove the world is wrong about Russians, a group of Russian hackers calling themselves “Fancy Bears” got into the data files of the World Anti-Doping Agency, or WADA, and have started leaking results to the media.
Their first target is US athletes (natch), in an attempt to show an unfair double standard. Important to note: all of the named athletes (so far) had “Theraputic Use Exemptions” (TUEs), allowing them to take the medication in monitored dosages. Among the athletes named were:
- Serena Williams: anti-inflammatories
- Venus Williams: treatment for Sjogren’s Syndrome; anti-inflammatories
- Simone Biles: Ritalin
- Elena Delle Donne: unspecified
What does this prove? Right now, all it shows is that US (female) athletes followed the rules, and that Simone Biles is an honorary member of the Legion of Boom.
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB Baseball: Orioles at Red Sox – 7:00 PM | ESPN/TSN
- Rio 2016 Paralympic Games – 7:00 PM | NBCSN
- World Cup of Hockey Pre-Tournament:
- Sweden vs. Europe – 7:00 PM | Sportsnet360
- Russia vs. Canada – 7:30PM | ESPN2/Sportsnet
- MLB Baseball: Mariners at Angels – 10:00 PM | ESPN/TSN
Finally, if all else fails, South Park premieres tonight.
Here’s a long-form interview with Matt & Trey from the Hollywood Reporter, replete with an oral history. Twenty years. IMPRESSIVE!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlpeeU-keOY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u0XGsfo6ng
If I had to be up at a normal hour I would be annoyed with you. As it is I am liking it. Still a song back. Never heard of any of these and found them mostly enjoyable.
Un mas….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTKXflPq2fU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG-X1iOQBXE
Show over. I am giving myself 20 more minutes to listen to whatever ALXMAC has been posting. I am still getting 8 and a half hours of sleep anyways. I don’t have an early start time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgWDcrocmSo
WARD WEDNESDAY:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FpPLZF8qm0
Fuuuuck, why am I still awake?
Yeaux, Bears folks. Who’s the right handcuff for Langford? Carey or Howard?
Howard got zero (0) carries week 1. But he’s good. So for now, it’s Carey, but by week 7 it should be Howard.
/is never helpful
You have to go Howard over Carey. And start that face slap counter from now actually. I went and let my dog out
I only stayed up til now because… my cable stream is 2 and a half hours behind for some reason. Someone slap me if I try to stay up for longer than 22 min to watch You’re the Worst
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-PsyDk74OU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x02Pbb4GxcE
Evening
Gentlemen…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24NNTRDwjvM
Three live Europa League matches tomorrow and not one of them is Saints v. Sparta Prague.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC26XpXjSVw
In happier news than my ongoing attempts to prove the definition of insanity and urging you to put your money on Redshirt in the “Who gets laid first” pool… did I tell you guys I’m playing a certain famous hall whose directions to get there are “practice, practice, practice”? Because that is a thing that is happening, so I got that going for me.
Fantastic. You deserve a gif.
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-19259-so-I-got-that-going-for-me-whi-CKYI.gif
This, literally, is great.
Shut the front door!!!!!!! That’s fucking awesome my man. Congrats!!!!!
When is this little hoedown happening if I might ask?
Next Saturday night. In the big hall. I’m excited. Previously mentioned cellist friend (who I contracted, yes, I contracted people for this too!) is excited and nervous.
Very fucking cool!!! Congrats. Wish I could get up there for it but I’ll be otherwise on the road from the looks of it, going in the opposite direction.
But seriously….way, way fucking cool, dude.
I might be interested in attending provided it’s not some sort of fart-sniffing classical thing.
Yeah, about that…
Eh, I guess I can stand the music if it’s a good bingo crowd.
I know you’ve never played there so I’m going to go look it up on Yelp brb
(and where?)
http://youtu.be/189Zm69kt10
I presume you’re joking, but just in case….
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/29/nyregion/29fyi.html
unfortunately I was not; I like to consider myself well versed in pop culture and Jeopardy! style trivia but that’s new(s) to me. Maybe it’s b/c I live in KS (maybe).
No, but seriously, Redshirt. I’ve got my money on you.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/fd/fd1163428f3a930756d1babb67db5adf557daaf02f53f2a067aec3546bf182a9.jpg
Well with that attitude…
There’s no one else who holds a candle to her, and I’m worried that that wildfire’s been dropped with Foscheck (yes I had to google what it was called).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2pxEIKeQs0
♫Looks like you maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit♫
http://www.gaming-awards.com/NEWS/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Bingo-Hall-Image1.jpg
Nice going, kid. Knock ’em dead.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=-UzkOrdKUII
My sister in law made a goddamn glorious green chile beef stew that is threatening to burst my stomach lining as I type this, yet I still have the urge to cram down more.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdrdgidypb1r283lbo1_500.gif
(and I thought I came up with that phrase for warning co-workers of an incoming fart)
That sounds amazing. I miss green chile stew.
Can someone explain “color rush” to me? It sounds like a discontinued Crayola product.
I think it’s code for a woman’s period. Like “flow moon” or “blood coming out of her whatever”.
$ + stupid planning, but then more money so who gives a fuck.
Nike produced a line of bright af uniforms for TNF. Since everyone plays TNF, you’d see everyone’s CR jersey once each year. But then some teams have too similar of CR jerseys AND are playing on TNF this season (ARI + SF, for example) so one of the team’s will not wear their CR uniforms. There are four teams who will not wear their CR uniforms this season. However, officially licensed replica CR jerseys for these teams will still be sold for $120.
So you can basically buy an officially licensed fake jersey of four teams because of Color Rush.
Marketing ploy with a tight deadline.
-Color Special?
-Too nleh.
-Full Color?
-Too racial.
-Color Special?
-Monochrome Eye Rape?
-Again: NO!
Bright
Egregious
Neon
Ghastly
Horrible
Atrocities
Zero
Interest
“…and that Simone Biles is an honorary member of the Legion of Boom.”
Hilarious.
Beerguyrob is the REAL MVP of this site.
THIS TAEK CAN MELT STEEL BEAMS
Didn’t Todd Hurley have a very rough start in PIT and with Ben? I knda remember it that way. They’ve been shredding everyone for some years now.
Haley. Damn, that dis gets at least a honk horn and a double bird from Boss Todd.
Hoo boy, that CWC was something else.
This gif is never inappropriate, and never gets old.
Remember that dreamy transitional stage between wishing to have football to bitch about and straight bitching about football? Let’s watch:
Getting ready to sample an IPA from a local (Raleigh, NC) brewery. Lonerider Brewery’s “Hoppy Ki Yay”. Yes, I will probably watch Die Hard while drinking it if at all possible.
http://www.loneriderbeer.com/wp-content/uploads/HKYWebFrontPage.jpg
I cannot see a flaw in that plan.
Not bad. Sadly I can’t find my Die Hard DVD. 😉
If only there were some easily searchable computer program, an “engine” if you will, that could point you to a place where you could acquire a virtual copy of the film and “load it down” into your computer’s memory so you could play it any time you want.
But we dream…
Then I might miss out on enlightening conversations here.
(yeah, I heard it!!!!)
((smgdh))
Alternately, you could watch Deadwood, though that’s less “yippie ki yay” and more “goddamn cocksucker.”
You can be like our man yeah right and spend the day making kickass Korean sauces from scratch LIEK A HWARANG BAWSE
OAR you can rely on the lovely people at CJ Foods to make those sauces for you.
http://www.buykorea21.com/productImage/img20110719143319.jpg
For some reason I read that as “saurce”, and I believe I like that as a word.
Pittsburgh PA trying to fire up the foreigners with a little Ozzy because MURKA
http://blog.lehighvalleylive.com/movies_impact/2008/09/large_Ozzy.jpg
You’re The Worst is on. Everyone go watch it.
We still got a half hour
Skip Bayless >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Trent Dilfer
http://ftw.usatoday.com/2016/09/skip-bayless-trent-dilfer-undisputed-colin-kaepernick-plantation-mentality
Breaking News: Suck it Red Sox
Canadia? MOAR LIEK LACKADAISIA AMIRITE
Evening folks. I think I have to start facing reality about her. I feel like I’m awaiting execution because I wanted to ask about our… potential?
Look, just ask her out. If she says yes, great. If she says no MOVE ON AND DO NOT LOOK BACK.
Sorry to sound like an asshole but dude this thing has been going on way too long and it never comes to any sort of resolution and it’s never going to unless you put things on the line and stick to it.
Now get out there and GET YOU SOME RESOLUTION!
http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Praise_3794c1_654754.jpg
Co-signed.
Failure at this point isn’t rejection but not acting.
She’s currently seeing someone who her ex—who I originally complained about way back when, but has become a good friend of mine and still is one of her closer friends—said he considered that guy a placeholder until she was ready for me. Her best friend at school (aka Bills fan friend) said something along the same lines, but tries to calm me down with “It’ll happen when it happens.” Like, I’m surprised it lasted until July 4th, but we didn’t start doing our dance again until afterwards, and then I had to play my shows.
I can wait, but the wait fucking sucks and I don’t want to play Hungry Hungry Hippos/get someone else. And I’m scared of losing one of my best friends. The first person who has seen the worst of me, and stopped it in its tracks before it was about to destroy her. The first girl who has said “Yes [Senor], you’re cute, you’re attractive, you have sex appeal, and *fingernail down my back* I bet you don’t even know what you like and it would be fun to corrupt you.” Who started to break down the insecurities in my head that I’d never be good enough for anyone. And she deserves better than what she gets, like she’s not free of what she did with the last serious relationship she was in years ago. (This guy she didn’t want him to call her his girlfriend last I checked, she wanted to be some girl he was seeing, and she knows I want her and her alone, with nobody else lurking over my shoulder) He seems… dull and he tries too hard to be snarky? And she shares a first name with his sister, which is a red fucking flag and I told my own sister and she responded “So he’s a sociopath.” She deserves someone who loves her like that last serious guy did, and they were looking at rings at one point. And even though I’m not saying that far, I want to be that guy, and I want the day to come where I hold her, and nobody’s lurking over my shoulder, and I don’t have to let her go, because if and when that day comes, I hope I never have to.
Cellist friend, on the other hand, has cursed her out for stringing me along, and I don’t want her to say “I told you so.” She won’t, or she will but she’ll be really sad about it. I’ve had to mediate a fight between the two of them, and it sucked because I was between two of my best friends and no, there wasn’t any rippage. (For those asking “Why don’t you get with cellist friend?” I approve of her boyfriend even telling him “welcome to our family,” she actually was fine with that term, and my trio’s like family, she’s like another sister to me, and we’re the brothers she wished she had instead of her real brother.)
This person can’t possibly be worth the drama.
Time for a clean break.
http://fanaru.com/twix/image/207069-twix-twix.gif
Today I looked up my comments for the Cardinals-Pats thread, Jesus no wonder I fell asleep on the floor. Good times.
And by “fell asleep” I meant “Passed out on the floor with about two inches of bourble left in my glass, along with a half eaten sleeve of Saltine crackers.”
Also, my middle son had fallen asleep on the couch, so once I regained semi-consciousness I looked at him and said, “Eh, he’ll be alright.” So he slept downstairs the entire night.
I could eat shrimp toast until I barfed it up. Then I would eat more shrimp toast.
So the CWC has been fun so far.
http://static1.squarespace.com/static/522a2049e4b0a0ce717e990c/57c99b73893fc038921b1a81/57c99b7dd2b857fedc70e704/1472830344861/Jack+Gallagher+hand+stand.gif
Josh Marvine @JoshMarvine Sep 13
“The iPhone doesn’t have a headphone jack but the Galaxy literally explodes” is a perfect metaphor for this election.
Suicide Squad is also a great metaphor. People are cheering on the psychotic, murdering sociopaths over the straight up deranged and evil big bad. The Lesser evil if you will.
Animals
calling bullshit
The point is that masturbating in the shower is wrong.
Wasting water like that is worse than cancer.
Bro! I’m struggling here. Stick your thumb up my ass, Bro. It’s not gay, Bro. You’re just helping out a Bro.
Most likely, although more-wordy-than-necessary explanations of “policies” that have a shameful accomodation are a hallmark of higher ed. institutions. Besides, why ruin a worthy strawman?
Yeah, this seems like an elaborate, and awesome, joke that someone pulled on the RAs.
Animal
http://66.media.tumblr.com/4733d40104cbcc4212b37a2c9d41cc8c/tumblr_nyan1v9cpT1slbj5no1_500.jpg
“Our drains are not built to withstand semen”: now THAT is my fave kinda bullshit.
Dollar bills are not built to withstand being coke straws, just like police uniforms are not built to withstand camera equipment. None of this is false, but each is an able use that’s creative or necessary.
But God bless any RA built to withstand a discussion of masturbation policies.
I would have referred them to the Director Of Student Life or whatever other deranged lunatic administrator it was that wrote that thing.
Yep, consider this a myth. I’d link to it, but the article referenced something called BroBible, whose very existence of the name makes me wanna order my X chromosome to kick the Y in the balls.
This, on the other hand ?
http://www.sportspickle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/BhaPJj9IIAEYQQF.jpg
@pattonoswalt
what If ur burning the flag for warming a baby that will grow up and punch the King of isis americca is complex its why we’re are best
Pop quiz: do you know what ISIS stands for?
No peeking!
Islamic State of ISIS and the Levant, at least according to Richard Stallman
Alex, what is Aleppo?
Gary Johnson is a shifty-eyed turd
YUUUUUUP!
http://static3.gamespot.com/uploads/scale_medium/117/1173143/2915682-3946080916-ISIS_.jpg
Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion
http://soundbard.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/banshee-title-on-black.jpg
International Secret Intelligence Service.
http://img13.deviantart.net/7da9/i/2011/280/7/b/isis_badge__sterling_archer_by_pinkfizzypops-d4c5e6i.jpg
duh
Goddammit Spanky.
Tom Landry and Don Shula are tied in ties.
I’m slowly deleting all of my online accounts except this one as it keeps me from wading into the ocean of bullshit that gets me super-argumentative. It feels pretty nice to not comment.
I need to do that
You need to reach that point where you see how you’re just using up your energy like a car spinning its tires in mud. It’s oddly hard to stop unless you can just step back and realize that you’re basically using it the same way you’d use a drug.
I’ve done that multiple times, but my willpower is non-existent and I half-ass it and then end up going back.
Did anyone say “Hehe… oral history” yet?
Cam’s reaction to the fines:
I have to go do an assignment but I am a fan of Sill going to pics early. I will have to keep checking in. MILFs with giant boobs is a good theme.
Write a script that prints out “GO FUCK YOURSELF” on your professor’s computer over and over. He’ll love it.
It is an assignment using loops and the book always tells us to add our own flair to it… but I already finished it with more subtle not caring. Plus I like this professor, its one of the other ones I don’t like.
Oh.
Then just do it to the other as a goof
I can’t go complete vulgarity or break my code in any way but I think I should start adding in hidden code that does something fun to my programming.
Hooray. One day off and then five on.
Not going to a bar assn social event because I’m too tired to get dressed
This Canadia–Russia matchup is significantly less energetic than the Canadia–US tilt the other night.
I’m in Poland right now for a really important conference. On my way there, I watch Batman v Superman and Civil War for the second time.
Hot taek alert: B v S is way better on the second viewing and I liked it more than Civil War. Yes, Marthaghazi was stupid, but, at least Snyder set it up at the beginning and B v S had resolved issues. Civil War on the other hand, reminds me of Skyfall. It’s good until you start to think about how absurdly stupid it all is and how a lot of it made no sense. This really surprised me. Like, a lot. I have faith that Justice League might actually be really good now that Snyder is on a short leash. What a time to be alive!
One last thing: If you’ve been to Gdansk and there are things you really liked, by all means, let me know. After tomorrow, I’ll have free time to explore the place and wouldn’t mind checking some stuff out.
On a related note, I never thought I’d say this, but, Polish women are gorgeous. I had no idea this country produced so many attractive women. Good hustle Poland! But you’re language is still stupid and makes no sense.
http://thelingerieaddict.treaclemediallc.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/marina-218×300.jpg
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m09rcizG5P1qb90vso1_500.jpg
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OAWCa8xb8ms/TlCGld1rqZI/AAAAAAAAATY/vErtEjl7nNE/s1600/HJ.jpg
GIS says this was posted once before to DFO. I can’t imagine why.
http://thumbnails113.imagebam.com/46958/963411469572706.jpg
http://thumbnails114.imagebam.com/47440/61a0c1474396230.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3dc526f9508890fb8e2d8aec3b60ac17/tumblr_mrez5jnj8z1r3yc8oo1_500.jpg
“In Women’s Tennis I always bet against the heterosexual.”
Yo!!
This woman is a 4th grade teacher.
http://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/scalefit_630_noupscale/57d966351300002a0039bef2.png
“Mr. Bimmons, would you like to come up and work out this problem on the board?”
“No, that’s all right. I’ll take the zero.”
I reverse google image searched it. She got in trouble for that dress? Yes. I was gonna make inappropriate comments about how she is hot. It takes the fun out of it if idiots that can’t put on a condom and get stuck with a kid they “Have to protect” are just terrible people
People suck
She’s fully clothed with no revealing skimpiness to her clothes. The fuck is she supposed to wear, a religious habit? Not her fault she’s got a tight body and incredible curves.
People with a problem with what she’s wearing should check out some of the French immersion teachers in Canada. Some of the clothes they were are borderline inappropriate for night clubs.
Not complaining, I think she looks fantastic.
I just know that 4th grade me would have been more than a little distracted no matter what she was wearing.
Went to catholic school for 13 years. A habit is not going to stop the imagination of a pubescent boy
something something your 50″ wide screen is showing.
Those kids should all be brain dead in return for having a tv that big
If the Russkies could go back in time and prove that Carl Lewis was juicing that would be great. Because fuck that sanctimonious shitbag. Everyone did it at the time-including him.
So I’m watching the Seinfeld where Kramer decides he’s still young and fit enough to wear jeans and is proven wrong by and for unrealistic comedic situations.
I wonder if the Internet would have had a “too old for jeans” meltdown similar to the recent “too old for shorts” kerfuffle had it existed at the time.
We’ll never know.
Seinfeld could never air today
*sarcastic tone* “Looks like Gronk is together again.”
-Perez Hilton, sports reporter
So between my fridge completely dying overnight (and all the things to come with that) and finally getting a new computer at work, I am completely shot and ready for a god damn beer.
Is it 5 yet?
South Park is back tonight, so enjoy some Chef music from what according to the first few comments also was very recently used in a Luke Cage ad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqR4CZj0mJQ
If you know what episode of a specific TV show I am watching you are as much to blame as me. Happy (or I guessed I started it off sad) Wednesday.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQxLAccYzTA