Your AFC East Colour Rushing Barfganza Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

I guess every team deserves a shot at the national spotlight at some point in the year, if only to remind the average fan as to why he/she has no interest in watching that team. But we are not average fans, are we? We will watch anything. Besides, it’s early in the season-we’re a long way from “The Late-November Turgid Battle of Teams That Won’t Make The Playoffs Blues”. (I believe it was sung by Sonny Terry and Brownie McGhee) Both these teams are win-less and the loser will be making an appearance on next week’s “Power Rankings of the 0-2 Teams” post.* What are we waiting for? TO THE GAME!

Jets/Bills-Many mentions will be made of the Watkins/Revis showdown but on the other side of the field wr Woods is up against a cb (Buster Skrine) that allowed opposing qb’s to post a 100 QBR against him in 2015. It seems to be just a matter of a few games before cb Marcus Williams, who had a pick last week and six last year, becomes more prominent in the Jets secondary. The Bills have McCoy at rb and still managed only 176 total yards of offense against a Ravens D that just doesn’t look very imposing. OC Roman takes all the blame and should open things up this week. The thing is, the Jets interior D-Line of Wilkerson, Williams and Richardson are run-stopping, pocket-collapsing goliaths. Look for LeSean to run outside/catch short balls in space. Equally uninspiring was the yard work of wr’s Decker and Marshall last week. They caught 54 3-foot increments of space combined. It does seem as though the qb that raises his game the most under what will be intense defensive pressure will be the one that comes out with the V.

Ladies and gentlemen, START YOUR TYPING!

*Stay tuned

 

 

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blaxabbath

What’s ‘bourble’?

Unsurprised

Correct for $200

King Hippo

pervy cameraman always has a tough day/night in Buffalo

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

In case you forgot Richie Incognito is a complete piece of shit:

The investigators also determined that the harassment extended to members of the staff. An unnamed assistant trainer, who was born in Japan, was targeted by Incognito, Jerry and Pouncey, the report said. In December 2012, on the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor, the three linemen wore Japanese headbands given to them by the trainer and “jokingly threatened to harm the assistant trainer in retaliation for the Pearl Harbor attack.”

Martin told investigators that they had mocked the trainer by using an “Asian accent” and by making jokes about his mother and girlfriend. They also called him a “dirty communist” or “North Korean,” the report said. The trainer, who did not return messages seeking comment, was said to have confided in Martin that he was upset, but he denied in interviews that Incognito had offended him because he said he was worried about losing players’ trust.

packman_jon

I forgot about that guy. Fuck that guy.

JustStopDude

The funny thing for me, the whole reason I have a job is that the Japanese government cannot go a year with offending the rest of Asia. Imagine Merkle going to the Hitler Bunker once a year to lay a wreath.

Obviously a completely different situation. Richie should not have a job.

Redshirt

Super shitty day. Parents suffering through personal crisis. Brother is a complete dick. At least I got to see a team do the Reverse Flea Flicker play from Tecmo Super Bowl. Thanks, UC!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9RpqXDkEJ0

JustStopDude

Woman just grabbed my arm and asked if that was a tattoo on it.

“No it’s a birth mark. I am the chosen one sent to save the world”

She did not find my response humorous.

Redshirt

Its only has to get you laid once for it to be a success.

JustStopDude

I cannot stand it when random people touch me.

It’s a humorous tattoo, meant to memorialize a brother I lost overseas. Not an excuse to just grab me.

Unsurprised

White people, dude.

Fuck ’em

JustStopDude

Crackers be crazy yo.

Unsurprised

Should’ve said Mark of the Beast

Spur

Tossin’ Salas

blaxabbath

I like that State Farm commercial because Clay Mathews uses PEDs.

JustStopDude

It’s totally realistic that he would be that stupid.

Horatio Cornblower

Adam Warren is godawful at pitching.

Senor Weaselo

It is panicking time.

Col. Duke LaCross

Yuuuup.

trollsoharduniversity

All of you fuckers who were wondering why us Jets fans were convinced we’re gonna lose? That’s why.

Unsurprised

Nobody was wondering shit

packman_jon

What is it with Rick’s

Unsurprised

The Bills hired George Hamilton?

It’s so considerate of the Jets secondary to give up these big plays this season.

Spur

What’s up with the jets secondary?

King Hippo

a game that only the Jets could fuck up, you say??

JustStopDude

Game getting interesting g after I stumbled into the bar.

Senor Weaselo

So it begins.

Unsurprised

“I guess every team deserves a shot at the national spotlight at some point in the year”

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Fronkenshteen

Grounding?

Spur

“That ceremony we showed commercials during sure was something”

Unsurprised

Ah, NBC

trollsoharduniversity

The only two players to ever had their numbers retired by the Bills are both four time Super Bowl losers so that’s what Bills fandom is.

Horatio Cornblower

“David Ortiz with his 34th HR of the year! How does he do it as his age?”

Red Sox announcers really ask this question. The answer, as always, is ‘roids.

Spur

So who’s getting the iphone 7 tomorrow??

theeWeeBabySeamus

I might. Apparently my Samsung may go all kersplodey at any minute.

blackroseMD1

Well shit.

Moonbatting Average

Now with more My Little Pony porn!

Horatio Cornblower

I just got an iPhone 6 of some sort, so naturally I’ll be lining up for the new one.

/will do no such thing.

blaxabbath

My 4 sucks but I don’t care.

Col. Duke LaCross

Going to wait a year in anticipation of the tenth anniversary release and probably wind up disappointed.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You sound like my father at my tenth birthday.

Unsurprised

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King Hippo

Talking about Big 12 expansion, why not rescue NC State and maybe, say, Georgia Tech, from teh ACC, dicknose??

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck GT. We need to package ourselves with VT.
Just like we shoulda done foar SEC purposes.

King Hippo

Nah, they fucked us by not gettin’ on the train last time. Gots to find a partner ready to DANCE, chuh chuh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Think GT would really make that jump?

Spur

Let them stick tobacco leafs up their ass.

– Texas Tech

theeWeeBabySeamus

Easy, big fella.

Horatio Cornblower

Fuck that, the Big 12 is UCONN territory!

Assuming, of course, that the Big 12 is looking for a decent basketball program and a shitty wasteland of a football program.

Unsurprised

Because fuck the South

Horatio Cornblower

Houston is following up their big win against Oklahoma last week by leading Cincinnati by 2 midway through the 3rd.

Also this beer is delicious.

trollsoharduniversity

It’s hockey season already?

Spur

I’d much rather watch the ceremony on the field than watch this “analysis”

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO. MASN is billing Chris Archer vs Ubaldo Jimenez tomorrow as a, and I quote…”great pitcher’s matchup”. Holee fuck. One of those times when you just want smash the
teevee box to bitsl

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Not too many guys lead their league in losses and strikeouts. Chris Archer may do that this season.

Duchess

So the only people still perpetuating the horned helmets your Minnesota Vikings are gonna decide that since Iceland made it cool that they will just start doing the “war chant” too

Spur
Sill Bimmons

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blaxabbath

I need a burrito. Soccer aint til 9p and I’m not about to try to survive on this diet food shit the fiancee has in the house (oh, well for me — she’s at some pharmaceutical sponsored steak dinner).

Sill Bimmons
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Bring me all the prime Philly bitches! Even you, white girl with the Geno’s ass!

blaxabbath

Is this Shady’s tryout for the Cowboys?

Smithchez

Congrats Buffalo, your first round trick play fullback got that 1/2-yard sneak.

blaxabbath

This is why we don’t let fans coach the games.

blaxabbath

The Jets are, literally, laughing at the Bills on the field.

Pathetic.

jjfozz

How many tits could a titfucker fuck if a titfucker could fuck tits?

Fronkenshteen

This is as good a time as any to point out that a poll of Jets fans at the 2:00 warning would almost certainly reveal at least 65% believing NY will lose this game. We are cynicism defined.

Senor Weaselo

Whoa, 35% think they’ll win?

blaxabbath

There are ties in football.

Senor Weaselo

“There are?” -Donovan McNabb

Fronkenshteen

I once escaped an angry men’s room crowd at a Bengals game by drunkenly assuring everyone the Jets would blow their first half lead. They did.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Truck is packed, Mom is thoroughly hammered. Sounds like a recipe foar a road trip, no?
Next stop, MD Eastern Shore (to unload old lady cargo). Short side day trip to Ocean City early tomorrow, with Baltimore(ish) layover by mid afternoon tomorrow.

Pittsburgh on Sunday, w/ return via Morgantown.

Thus begins my 5 cities in 5 days ultimate road trip….w/ my mom. smgdh. FML

Shogun Marcus

Safe travels and shenanigans.

Duchess

Sounds like a Seth Rogan movie

jjfozz

Godspeed, pack a few barf bags for moms. Again, sorry schedule didn’t line up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No worries my man.
But I seriously may die at my own hand before this shit ends in five days.
But thanks.
😀

Smithchez

It’s great that the joke about how incredibly attractive actresses must fight to play Kevin James’ overbearing wife is still relevant in 2016.

jjfozz

Kevin Can Wait proves that shit can be transported via electricity.

blaxabbath

Did I miss something where King of Queens was so good that they had to remake it?

JustStopDude

Tom Cruise…where his leading ladies are now the square root of his age is bit silly.

The fact that the fat guy from King of Queens can just keep upgrading his leading ladies is fucking insanity.

And further proof that I should be able to get Lady Helen Mirren to star in my re-imaging of “Murder She Wrote”.

Spur

Kevin Can Wait for Diabetes

JustStopDude

Fuck…out of beer…which means I need to saunter down to the bar and continue getting shitfaced because its only friday one day as week.

Spur

Howdy.

jjfozz

Fuck you Paul, I don’t care what color your hair is. I think you smell like day old Tampax and cheese.

Smithchez

I do love that, with Rex’s weight loss, Rob Ryan now looks much more appropriately like his evil, hedonistic alternate universe doppleganger.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The rippin and the tearin

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blaxabbath

Thanks Phil. Now I hate beer.

jjfozz

Got invited, with the family, to some fancy schmancy horse steeplechase thing by a rich family whose son plays on our football team.

I’m tempted to show up wearing riding breeches and carrying a racing crop.

Shit, I’m going to embarrass myself anyway when I get pants shitting drunk.

blaxabbath

“…some fancy schmancy horse steeplechase thing”

Outside of Baltimore, this is called a carousel.

JustStopDude

I fucking hate that shit.

All the times I will have friends and coworkers that I get along with that want me to meet their significant others at some kind of formal occasion or some shit.

“Do you like being friends with me? Cause if you do…I can’t meet the wife…you won’t be allowed to hang out with me anymore”

jjfozz

This thing is also catered, so I’ll be barfing up top quality chow when it’s all over.

blaxabbath

Your street food is crab! I imagine Baltimore is the finest dining on earth!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

To be fair, prime rib does wonders for your enamel.

Sill Bimmons

If you get really annoyed, just stab somebody in the neck with your fancy schmancy new pen.

I believe they call that the Baltimore Hickey.

Duchess

Went to Middleburg and watched a Dressage exhibition.

blaxabbath

It would seem that NYJ only has two receivers. Why can’t the Bills cover them?

Senor Weaselo

Aaaand Decker just decked a camera guy.

JustStopDude

Not sure if the following is a parody site, a fetish site…or serious site…

http://www.steelandvelvet.org/

ALXMAC

HAWT!!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

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Sill Bimmons

Britney Spears: Middle-aged mom.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“How nice, more twats doing bullshit in my name. Imma nap for a bit.” – Jesus

blaxabbath

I wonder how much Target pays the 16 year old who makes these commercials (and hides the one ‘plus size’ model in the corner of the final frame in order to say you’re progressive).

It’s good that Rex’s teams are as a volatile as a man with Parkinson’s holding a candle on the Hindenburg.

Sill Bimmons

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Moonbatting Average

If only I had picked up the refs off waivers instead of the Jets D