Your AFC East Colour Rushing Barfganza Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

I guess every team deserves a shot at the national spotlight at some point in the year, if only to remind the average fan as to why he/she has no interest in watching that team. But we are not average fans, are we? We will watch anything. Besides, it’s early in the season-we’re a long way from “The Late-November Turgid Battle of Teams That Won’t Make The Playoffs Blues”. (I believe it was sung by Sonny Terry and Brownie McGhee) Both these teams are win-less and the loser will be making an appearance on next week’s “Power Rankings of the 0-2 Teams” post.* What are we waiting for? TO THE GAME!

Jets/Bills-Many mentions will be made of the Watkins/Revis showdown but on the other side of the field wr Woods is up against a cb (Buster Skrine) that allowed opposing qb’s to post a 100 QBR against him in 2015. It seems to be just a matter of a few games before cb Marcus Williams, who had a pick last week and six last year, becomes more prominent in the Jets secondary. The Bills have McCoy at rb and still managed only 176 total yards of offense against a Ravens D that just doesn’t look very imposing. OC Roman takes all the blame and should open things up this week. The thing is, the Jets interior D-Line of Wilkerson, Williams and Richardson are run-stopping, pocket-collapsing goliaths. Look for LeSean to run outside/catch short balls in space. Equally uninspiring was the yard work of wr’s Decker and Marshall last week. They caught 54 3-foot increments of space combined. It does seem as though the qb that raises his game the most under what will be intense defensive pressure will be the one that comes out with the V.

Ladies and gentlemen, START YOUR TYPING!

*Stay tuned

 

 

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Brocky

Bill’s first down

dead silence from crowd

sounds about right

Horatio Cornblower

I just realized I have Ryan Fitzpatrick and Matt Forte going in one of the Insanity leagues and Eric Decker in the other.

I’m doing quite well in one of those games.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“17, unanswered” is the TL/DR version of the transcript of Mark Chmura’s interrogation.

Sill Bimmons

Ditto Mark Sanchez.

What is it with “Marks?”

Fronkenshteen

We’ve entered Insanity League territory. Godspeed, all.

herodotus450

Why wouldn’t you go for two there? Up 13 with 4 minuets left? Are you counting on extra points being so hard to miss?

JustStopDude

Vegas over/under was 40. And like the majority of degenerates, I took the under.

No child support payment this month!

Horatio Cornblower

No one could blame you.

Unsurprised

How is that different from any other month?

JustStopDude

This month I couldn’t pay. Usually it’s I don’t pay.

Clear distinction.

Unsurprised

Hooray for technicalities.

JustStopDude

Our nation is built on technicalities.

Unsurprised

Well, we’ll know for sure tomorrow.

Brocky

So matt forte has to get injured by like week 7 right?

RIGHT?

Fronkenshteen

Sill?

Sill Bimmons

Yes?

Fronkenshteen

Forte seems to have popped off. Comments?
/you saved me in my money league. Thanx.

Claymaker

Fun (allegedly) true fact: Buffalo Bill Cody killed as many bison is 1867 as were alive in North America in 1946, the year that the Bills started using their name in the AAFC.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Another fun (alleged) fact: there’s a county in West Virginia that is on Mountain Standard time thanks to clerical error and a refusal to relegislate the original mistake.

JustStopDude

Boone County. YEE FUCKING HAW!!!

Brick Meathook

Fun (alleged) fact: George Wahington was appointed General of the Continental Armies because he was the only wealthy guy who already had a uniform.

Horatio Cornblower

Did you guys hear Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard?

litre_cola

A Stiller running back from Detroit told me that once.

Croooow

I heard this rumor that Antonio Gates played basketball.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Please disregard the Snowden thing, I didn’t see that before I posted.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can’t get a single yard in two plays? That’s good Bills’in.

Fronkenshteen

Now the Jets’ll fuckitup. They think they just won.

Sill Bimmons
blaxabbath

That’s the biggest smile of Bowles’ life.

JustStopDude

I would love a documentary, similar to Hard Knocks, on NFL officials.

Recovery Whiskey

Bill Leavy’s inspiring battle with early onset dementia

Beerguyrob

Perhaps Fancy Bears can hack the refs drug tests.

blaxabbath

It’s a damn passing league!

Fronkenshteen

Punt that shit!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You sound like one of Trump’s advisors talking into his earpiece when he’s asked a question about his tax returns.

Recovery Whiskey

guess AL East > NFL today

Horatio Cornblower

Coulda done without that last inning

Fronkenshteen

Fumble?

JustStopDude

What was the over/under for total points score for this game. It has to be doubled by this point right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Five yard penalty on third and six? That’s good Jetsin’.

blaxabbath

Just brought shame to Mouldin III and Jr, if he’s still alive.

Col. Duke LaCross

Fuck Brian Cashman with a rusty pitchfork for trading Andrew Miller.

Senor Weaselo

I mean, I’ll take it considering it was a white flag move at the time.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah I have no problem with that. I would much rather they traded Betances but they needed to restock and Miller got them a lot.

Col. Duke LaCross

Oh I know. It was a great move. I’m just lashing out.

Horatio Cornblower

Good going Joe. You managed to use Betances for 3 straight, lost this game doing it, and lost him for probably the next two games. Terrific stuff.

Manager of the Year my ass.

Senor Weaselo

Don’t forget wasted a terrific performance from your ace in the pitching matchup that was most in your favor!

Horatio Cornblower

Excellent point

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Considering their expected W-L based upon run differential is 71-75, just relax and enjoy whatever happens for them this season.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s not that they lost Buddy, it’s that they lost being stupid. And to the Red Sox. That’s just goddamn annoying no matter how the season’s going.

Senor Weaselo

Expectations were low, but now it’s a race!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ1xHmQgXDM

Also it was the Red Sox. Fuck those guys and fuck the deification of Ortiz considering he’s not exactly clean himself.

Unsurprised

What is this shit? I was promised NO OFFENSE!

blaxabbath

Yeah, what the fuck was Chip supposed to do with THAT in PHI?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Ah fucking GritSaux

Senor Weaselo

All right, show me Jets derp for the Senor’s mad at everything trifecta.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I am such a bastard, I assume everyone here is a 35-year old white male and looks like David Koechner unless proven otherwise.

Sill Bimmons

Older, shorter, no crown line, beard.

litre_cola

Older, taller, bit of an accent.

Col. Duke LaCross

Betances might be overthrowing a tad.

Horatio Cornblower

YA THINK?

And Girardi should shut the fuck up. We’ve all seen enough of what Betances is like on 3 straight days to know this was coming.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Aren’t expanded rosters supposed to prevent that sort of stuff from happening?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So for those of you who missed it, I encountered Milana Vayntrub as she was coming out of an elevator last night.

hippofant

Pics or it didn’t happen.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There is a very small (but nonzero) chance she will come to a poker game I play in at some point in the future. Fingers crossed.

Sill Bimmons

If that happens I will fly to LA just to loiter outside in the hopes that she’s irresistibly attracted to shorter, fatter Stone Cold lookalikes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When I got into my car later – I swear to God – the song on the radio was Aerosmith’s “Love in an Elevator”.

Sill Bimmons

comment image

Redshirt

Man, Rikki. Your fantasy are really boring.

Unsurprised

I just remembered I can watch TNF, SNF, MNF, and NFL Network on my iPhone. I want Redzone, but that costs extra, so fuck that shit.

I am also regretting this decision.

Senor Weaselo

Horatio and I are now in full uncomfortable mode.

blaxabbath

Punt Ret for TD in 5…4…3…2…

Col. Duke LaCross

God dammit.

Horatio Cornblower

Thank god Hanley Ramirez refuses to walk.

Redshirt

Wow, UC. Way to represent!

Senor Weaselo

Hey, it’s only… *checks score* oh.

Redshirt

It was 16-12 in the 4th Quarter. Things happened, apparently.

Horatio Cornblower

“Betances has a lot of confidence in his breaking ball”

Well he certainly should, he’s 1-14 throwing it for strikes so far this inning.

Col. Duke LaCross

They’re pissing this game away.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh indeed.

Fronkenshteen

GO DOWN!

Fronkenshteen

Decker

Sill Bimmons

But I barely know ‘er!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I prefer the term ‘carpenter’ but hey, work is work.”

– Todd Marinovich

Croooow

And Taylor just made a miraculous recovery…

Fronkenshteen

Jellybrain McPickleburger!!!!!

Fronkenshteen

Let me back in there godammit!! This is the Battle of the Somme!

Shogun Marcus

Something something maginot line.

Redshirt

NFL Concussion Test:

Doctor: “Do you have a concussion?”
Player: “No.”
Doctor: “You’re good!”

Unsurprised

Except without steps 1 and 2

blaxabbath

Doctor: Pounds Player on the head and tells him to get fired up and get back in there.

litre_cola

Are you more or less inclined to take a knee during the anthem?

Less.

Get back in there kid.

Redshirt

EJ Manuel is still in the league? How is this possible?

King Hippo

and what sorcery is this? HE COMPLETED A FORWARD PASS?

JustStopDude

Bar tender just told me not to worry about my tab. I guess it’d my reward for not making a scene. On one hand, I am moving from Guinness to Glenivet 12 year…but on the other hand…what did he think I was going to do? 4 years of drinking at this bar I never did nothing but drink and pay my tab.

It’s like ” Hey man. I know how you brothers are….a seething cauldron of violence. Thanks for fighting your base instincts and not just attacking some clueless drunk person. I know it’s hard for you people…here is some free booze”

I need to take a knee….I know I am over analyzing this shit but man…it pisses me off.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As a white male from suburban Connecticut, I do not feel I am qualified to comment on this situation. You have my sympathy, though.

JustStopDude

Nah man. You bros here are chill. Family. I’m just drunk ranting.

blaxabbath

You gonna Big Ben that chick or what?

JustStopDude

Yeah cause in the South, that is totally tolerated…

I kid. I actually like working in the South of the US than the. Northeast and Great Lakes Region.

Redshirt

Apparently you past some Secret Test by passing on the Drunken Crazy Chick, and your reward is free booze.

JustStopDude

It’s got to universal that drunk chick is worse than drunk douche right?

Security always can handle a drunk dude.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I have a buddy who is somewhat known in NYC comedian circles, and he says all of his heckling incidents have come from “35-45 year old women who you can tell used to be hot and have never been told to shut the fuck up.”

Horatio Cornblower

Hey look, Girardi put Betances in for the 3rd game in a row and he can’t find the fucking strike zone with a map.

Senor Weaselo

As opposed to finding the base to throw to with a map. And there’s a double steal because they know he won’t throw over.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Just stick Wetteland in and you’re set.

blaxabbath

“We need to put Taylor through the concussion protocol!”

“Uhhh, Ed, that’s just what Rex Ryan’s offense looks like.”

Claymaker

I feel like if Phil was a coach he’d have his kicker boot it straight out of bounds and give them the ball at the 40 JUST IN CASE.

blaxabbath

It’s the right thing to do!

blaxabbath

Hit him inbounds….in the head…with his own head.

Wait — I almost forgot McCoy is a thug too.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You sound just like William Hatfield.

Jets don’t like leads apparently.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Or Malaysian pilots

Redshirt

I’m lucky. My hallucinations of me only chastises me for the mistakes I’ve made in my life.