Pictured is Ronald Koeman, in a rare smiling pose. Despite being unbeaten on the young season (with three wins on the bounce, after humiliating David Moyes on Monday Night Footy with some help from Big Rom), Big Ron is something of a perfectionist, always urging his players to strive for the very best they are capable of delivering. It’s been a refreshing change from the delusional optimistic bullshit of Roberto Martinez, and if the early returns are any indication, exactly what the Blues needed.
Everton get Middlesborough at home this week, spotlight dance on big NBC (12:30 EST), though my local affiliate is showing Georgia Tech/Vanderbilt because North Cakalaky is still a cultural wasteland in many ways. Anyway, I will fire up the laptop in hopes for points 11-13 out of 15. Come on, you Blues.
There are no early games this week, in honor of my daughter’s 8:30 cross country meet. How fucking nice (and what foresight that she would qualify!!) of the FA to think of me like that ,, smgdh. Arsenal and Hull make NBCSN out of the 10:00 window pack, with the battle of the Wests (Brom and Ham) meriting some attention on Extra Time. Seems like Spurs should somehow be involved, no?
Speaking of Spurs, they get Sunday Funday feature treatment as the only NBCSN fixture (11:30), in what should be a home throttling of Sunderland. CNBC “boasts” the doubleheader of Watford hosting Manure (7:00) and Palace hosting Stoke (9:15). Extra Time offers Swans at Saints as alternate viewing at 9:15, but…meh.
That seems like some teams got left out, because the Redshite won 2-1 at Stamford Bridge Friday night. Christ, the knob slobbering won’t end, even if Everton keep winning to stay above them in the table. Which they must and will.
Hey want to talk about some jayvee stuff? Thought you’d NEVAR ask!!
Florida State at Louisville (Noon, ABC)
Talent vs. coaching, watch the argument play out before your eyes. Except that the “coaching” side of the argument also has a legitimate Heisman candidate in Lamar! Now away from the bright lights of Washington, DC that once hounded the young, flannel-clad GOP Presidential hopeful (and also now black), Lamar! is putting up video game numbers with his arm and legs for the Fightin’ Petrinos. Jimbo Fisher couldn’t coach his way out of a wet paper bag, but some years they so good it no matter. Is this one such year? Today will be quite telling in that regard.
Oregon at Nebraska (3:30, ABC)
This is an interesting inter-sectional matchup between two teams we really know nothing about. They could be sleeper-ish good, they could be shit, they could be 6-7 win pudding again. It’s September, the fuck do you want from me??
Alabama at Ole Miss (3:30, CBS)
Ah yes, the Katy Perry boob sweater memorial classic! The juju is strong with this one, and Nick Saban will want revenge for the last two defeats more than he thirsts for the blood of a newborn puppy. Johnny Reb done got him a loss on his’n resume, so he can’t afford no more if’n he fixin’ to contend all national-like.
Mississippi State at LSU (7:00, ESPN2)
The Cowbells got their shit back together last week, and now take said shit on the road. To face the Bayou Bengals, who look to be, well, shit. But that’s why they play the games, yeah? This fixture has made for entertaining 4th quarters in recent vintage, FWIW.
Texas A&M at Auburn (7:00, ESPN)
Another SEC West tilt, with the better team being the road side. That can make for an even contest and multiple overtimes. Not predicting, but if it happens…betcha it happens here! Both of these defensive units are solid.
Michigan State at Notre Dame (7:30, NBC)
Thankfully, nobody will need to watch this shitburger tonight. Huzzah, schedulemakers!
Ohio State at Oklahoma (7:30, Fox)
They don’t see any horns on your head, so you wouldn’t mind if…
This game has the advantage of Gus Johnson, so I will watch quite a bit so long as Boomer Sooner maintains a working margin throughout.
UCLA at BYU (10:15, ESPN2)
Late night DVR/tweaker/insomniac pick is IN! The Bruins impressed me on their trip to College Station (well, apart from their butterfingered WR/TE corps), and they will get the chance for a solid road win in Provo against a Mad as Heck!! Team Big Love. I hear Brice’s mom let him have TWO Sprites the day after the loss to “the U” last Saturday night, the family was so shaken up about it.
Saturday dance gif-off…..
http://67.media.tumblr.com/a268807ff7ac6eb10755e32d6e822431/tumblr_obcrtmizcV1qfh70bo1_250.gif
…or French toast?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/9b3ef9dcbb562f29f080da4eccce8c1d/tumblr_oc3z26avDd1s2bgfho1_500.jpg
or both?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7agGdeu1wYA/VTqjQueHL_I/AAAAAAAANH0/qUvhvgNcWYI/s1600/Wham%2BDancing.gif
I have to drive into Baltimore proper in a couple hours. Probably ought to stop drinking. I sometimes decide it’s ok to go check out some questionable areas of town. Probably shouldn’t be drunk and without inhibitions should that urge strike me (again) tonight.
DUI is not so much the concern as these areas don’t generally have a police presence anyway.
So, you are on ScarJo’s security team……..
/fan fic starts in head.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/fba900022b5ed8b9f9191b983d7429cd/tumblr_oded6wdqHm1qjx6n6o1_400.gif
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Pipe-Bomb-Explodes-on-the-Jersey-Shore-Police-393823801.html
How long until states start using “Business friendly regulations, low taxes, — oh, and NO TERRORIST ATTACKS” as a selling point to bring in new residents?
watch out, FSU gets teh 2nd half kickoff!!
35-10 sounds nice. To go with 3-1 Everton
http://66.media.tumblr.com/900a79db4d2ecc0f972c321a9aacdd1c/tumblr_od82gbdKPs1r95b6lo1_1280.jpg
This seems a little NSFW; was it in the original? Not so “little after all.
h
ttp://67.media.tumblr.com/9606bf200cbb272ab1fee8fce3b8420d/tumblr_nnf2scobAS1tm8ajfo1_500.gif
Where there is a short punt to the sideline like that (like how that one was bouncing down the field) why don’t they just teach the returner to put one foot on the sideline then touch the ball to kill it? You don’t risk a fumble and you don’t give up that extra ten yards (or more) of the rolling ball.
FUCK OFF SAM! I am at peace; let me have my unpantsed moment, let the draft cool my sack, let my farts flutter my toga…..
http://67.media.tumblr.com/4198f26bf8d064a71ca89a01e14b9cd5/tumblr_mkhgjdr0a11qgnlt9o1_1280.jpg
Oh jeez. A couple d-bags I went to high school with are both realtors now. So they post their little open houses on facebook and I discover today that they are actually like working together.
They’re like the douchebag home selling team. I hope they fail.
The place they have posted is listed too high (IMO) to I think we’re off to a good start.
I was going to make an Ace and Gary joke. But I don’t wanna go overboard on the sexual orientation jokes as I really am fine with it.
(call me, Hippo and balls….YOU know what I’m saying. Moose, next time I’m in CO, you’re in trouble too)
YOUR PANTIES BE COMIN’ DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!!
“A couple d-bags I went to high school with are both realtors now.”
These statement is too obvious and common.
I don’t mean to hate on realtors (I really liked mine), like I do attorneys, but it does seem like the mid-life equivalent of, “I’ll just be an actor.”
The one was his own AllState outfit before though. But he also has a wife who is a ten and is like a nurse practitioner so, yeah, fuck him.
Well, true; a good 10-20% of realtors are………
“It’s legal to push him from behind now”
-K. Herbstreit
(also probably not the first time he’s said that….no that there’s anything wrong with that)
It’s only gay if another dude bangs YOU.
I’m thinking that might not be accurate.
Butt seks is fine, kissing is GAY!
I remember rumors he was giving it to Erin Andrews from behind, but maybe that’s just something I wrote in my weird x-rated College Game Day script.
I noted rumors about me doing some butt stuff to Erin and her really enjoying it.
OK, maybe those rumors are just contained inside my own cranium, but still.
FSU needs some of this.
(It’s just crab leg rape juice)
LMAO at trivia question.
I know at least ONE fricking team that wasn’t involved.
We’re going to Hawaii for our honeymoon in December. I really hope we get to see whales (bonus if they do the song from the insurance commercial).
Beer slushie = good
FSU figuring out not sucking = bad
Did the ref just say “chup buck” or was it just me?
I want to beat Kiefer Sutherland about the head and torso with a Louisville Slugger. I feel that I should feel badly for feeling that way. I don’t.
He has a reputation of being a dickhead, so you probably will get lots of support if you do that.
Does the description “instinctive” when referring to a black athlete seem slightly racist?
Well, he can’t POSSIBLY be quick-witted now, can he? smgdh
Mmmmmh…..Might be a reach.
Made me go “hmm” was all. Sounded like “athletic ability”. Always hated that one. The sports equivalent of “going forward”.
Oh I definitely see your point. I just try never to presume someone’s mind on stuff like that. They generally reveal it soon enough anyway.
At this point, I think it’s just another filler buzzword. That’s all these broadcasts are a combination of anymore. There is no substance.
If you beat a ranked team, you should get to take their rank. It would make as much sense as the current, or any past, system. Or even just randomly assigning ranks every week.
I thought the rankings used the dartboard approach once a team lost.
I’m playing music! Out loud! HOORAY!!!
Noles adopting the “hope the dual threat QB gets a charlie horse” strategy.
“He’s gonna tire himself out early running all over us – GENIUS!!!!”
Just keep sending wave after wave of your own men at them until they reach their preset yardage limit.
Ah yes, college football: When you want all of the head trauma, institutional greed, and moral bankruptcy of professional football but really dislike the idea of players getting paid.
And a ‘pure’ game where 50 year old men who draw up gimmicks and outsmarting kids who barely made it out of high school — as oppose to teaching tackling — are heralded as kings.
They’ll absolutely spout off about how, “We build men out of boys!” without the slightest bit of irony either.
I wish the NFL would just let high school kids circumvent needing to give away 3-4 years to these assholes, but alas, they seem content to serve each other at the player’s expense.
They should make NFL Europe a U-21 league. Let the kids get paid and bring the best back to play in the NFL.
Too bad the NFL probably gets more kickbacks and blowjobs from the NCAA than they can from such an NFL-Europe venture so it’s already DOA.
Is there no marketing gimmick more effective than patriotism/”The Troops”?
http://www.arizonawildcats.com/images/2016/9/16/bb_39_shirts.jpg
It’s effective pandering for sure.
We will NEVER see a President who graduated Louisville.
Hotel fridge set way cold = Beer slushie. Nice.
And Hippo, the coaching vs talent argument matters little when you have neither. I expect both these teams to embarrass us. Badly. Hell we might not win again after tonight, but at least we don’t have to go to Winston this year. Then there’s ‘Cuse (sorry scotchy). But I don’t see moar than 4 w’s unless we get our head out of our collective arse.
Sorry, forgot home vs BC. But you know we’ll drop at least one out of BC/Wake/’Cuse. It’s just how we roll.
life sucks at the bottom of the bottom of the barrel, fo sho
/thankful FOAR NFL and rabid interest in sports as a more general matter
The voices in my head have nothing to say on that matter. Or anything else these days. Once the ratbirds start to tank it by losing to the factory tomorrow, they’ll chime in again probably.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/4c59651bd7b3b0eb486077056ec76301/tumblr_nre3bwIn7w1uxticxo2_400.gif
You still need good matching uniforms.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/9a29c5fb57f0496541738ba99f0d719a/tumblr_nxj0x61rKh1sqxw6oo1_500.jpg
That’s definitely his “Don’t make me put my rings on!” look.
Boro running train on the Toffees in the first 7′, no goals…yet
If this were hockey, and people threw the latest issue of Harper’s out on the ice everytime Lamar scores, I could die happy
Lamar! Strolls through the Super Tuesday states!!!
SANDERS IS STILL IN IT! SUPER TUESDAY DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING!
Rushers gotta get their hands up.
That is NOT how you become a second round draft pick, Kicker!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/5d0fdb414856e718ec84fac59f355b33/tumblr_o4iip0XPwr1uo6dfuo10_400.gif
Odd, this car should have Indiana license plates.
Just a Miata with a couple Indianapolis hotties out for a joy ride.
Did you see the Louisville kid make alligator arms?
Some good “yard ball” there!!
I had that once; try dry skin healing lotion.
this was apparently amongst the FSU QB’s “strengths” per the teevee box. ESPN makes me smarterer
I would be surprised if they had a bad case of “yard ball” along with “jock itch.”
Louisville went through FSU like a hot knife through shitty defense.
To think those uniforms started out white. They better dispose of them in a restaurant dumpster real fast before the cops start asking questions.
/looks over both shoulders
I know a place.
I need to read the other damn responses; yours was way better.
[Ray Lewis looks up from his iPhone]
Looks like FSU should have Jameis come talk to the team about football and not just getting away with rape.
(I know, house stuff — I need to finish my coffee first!)
Some sick Paterson burns here:
http://deadspin.com/penn-state-crisis-communication-professor-has-crisis-wh-1786752865
What was the banner we had up here about the JoePa commemoration?
Buddy Cole’s “forty years worth of moments of silence” bit. One of the best ones we’ve ever had, IMO. I think makeitsnow’s “boot stamping on a videocasette, forever” is still my favorite ever, though.
Again, that whole program, or even better the entire shitstain university, needed to be razed to the ground, and the earth salted.
Instead, they were let off probation EARLY so they could commemorate this asshole publicly and bitch about “due process.”
FUCK the NCAA. FUCK it so very hard.
Paterno. Wow. Even my autocorrect is trying to look the other way.
Louisville’s helmets are both great and terrible.
Ok — so off to do some house stuff. LET ME KNOW IF YOU ALL SEE ANY GOOD GIF CHOICES FOR QUOTABLES PLEASE.
Everyone on Lamar! v Jimbo?
Lamar! strikes first, and Jillian from Workaholics in the stands (GIF alert!!!) approves.
Testing
I would think Bournemouth would be better, what with Adam Smith and his invisible hand…
/as always, economic jokes are the worst jokes
Ugh, working out suuuucks. Why can’t being fat be a healthy lifestyle?
If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here sweating on the ground until someone scrapes me off the floor.
Manchester City v. Bournemouth
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/ff/ffa1e089b8328988dde39800fc003bca6a6d488d32e64900b2f7791d70b967e4.jpg
Hey, looks like they changed the NBCSN fixture to City/Bournemouth, and all matches are a bit shit. Suppose I will watch Foxy Footy (without all teh foxiness) beat Burnley, until my runner kid is ready to watch Fear the Walking Dead,
Shut up.
It’s actually getting better. Still not good per se, but no longer stinks like Fred Flintstone’s ass.
(wooooo!!!! hotel wifi marginally better after checkout time)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6AJM79gsAU
Wait, Bournemouth is on the TV?
Please don’t trick a cold addled old bastard into getting up early if it’s not true.
I’m feeling like utter shit and have very little ambitions on the day.
I will watch my boys play the footie though.
The doctor said to drink plenty of fluids.
/checks score. Goes back to bed.
I told my wife it’d be fine to go out for dinner & drinks last night with her girlfriends last night after work, resulting in me putting in a 15 hour shift with the kiddo. So today, I’m being rewarded with being allowed to stay home (guilt-free) while she & young Fronkenshteen visit the in-laws till tomorrow afternoon. My in-laws will be fine with it, because we were just there 3 weeks ago when I busted my ass (happily) helping them cater my brother-in-law’s wedding at their house. Like I said, guilt-free.
So it’s just me, Ruby the dog, and Rosie the cat.
Money’s tight till payday, but I have fifty bucks cash (Chinese food!), a jar of fantastic weed, a fridge full of assorted beers and half a box of Twinkies. I have my fantasy lineups all set, but I should write them down now, so I can reset them after I get drunk and fuck them all up today.
(Fuck! West Ham down 0-2)
So I have the rare opportunity to drink with you guys today. I’ll try not to act like a maroon.
http://i.imgur.com/MptCkTb.gif
1. Shut up and let’s hear more about Ruby and Rosie!
2. I need to learn how to roll a J. My functioning pot addict friend is of no help other than to tell me that the rolling paper at the corner store sucks. I typically just magic flight launch box but sometimes I want to feel like a boss. ::twerks 5x::
or just switch to pills like a proper adult!
/your friendly neighbourhood quack
You guys are just like the worst lawyers.
(Now that I read that typed out, I can see how wrong this statement is.)
what can we say, was totes the easiest doctorate to obtain BY FAR. Undergrad was considerably harder (environmental engineering).
The trick is to seal the ends after the first full roll and don’t let it get too fat in the middle then a quick lick to close the deal.
Actually that life advice works on a lot of levels.
Guess I’ll be having Chinese food for dinner. We’ve got this place that makes Chinese sausage fried rice.
Oh kids. OH kids.
I’m planning on grilling some brats and cooking the last of my leftover egg rolls for NFL Sunday tomorrow but I can handle some Chinese today.
Sounds like you should go to Chicago…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvKs2VLmVnY
This was EXACTLY what I thought of, too.
Overburdened hotel wifi will sadly limit my input today.
/everyone applauds
Took 15 minutes just to get logged in and get page to load. Youtube clips or giiffy goodness? no chance.
/everyone applauds again
But I’ll be here in spirit. Right after I go door to door and tell these folks that morning hotel porn is a bad look and they need to reassess their life choices.
Hotel Wi-Fi is top 3 on the list of factors taking Hippo from partial to total recluse.
FINALLY got the fiancee back on her feet and well enough to go back to work — well, she’s been fine for like 3 weeks but since she lets the doctor/phyiscal therapist/insurance outfit all move at their own paces, it’s been an extra two weeks of her waiting until 4:45pm each day to complain to me that no one is doing anything when they said they would and, when I tell her to call and ride everyone involved, she just says, “Well, I sent him an email.” Right — because the one thing that gets a businesses attention more than one person tying up all their resources and paralyzing them from getting other work done, is an easily ignored email.
It’s been like four or six weeks since she hurt her back and, with the kitchen stuff going on before that, I haven’t had a day to myself in months (which, like all weirdos, I sorely need). So we’re up this morning and she’s like, “oh hey, can you do me a favor and swing by Walgreens to see if my prescription is filled? I haven’t gotten anything that it has been so I don’t know if they just forgot to renew it or what but can you ask them if there is a way they can renew it if the doctor forgot?”
I about put her back in the hospital. I’m like, I can pick up your prescription (just BC) but they aren’t going to let me order stuff. And, furthermore, if you have no indication that it’s ready, it’s probably not ready. Just wait until they open and then call them — if it’s ready, I’ll grab it. If not, order it and I’ll go when it’s ready. But she’s basically asking me to drive to Walgreens (which isn’t a big deal in itself although it ALWAYS turns into a 20 minute wait because there’s moron who has 50 questions or wants to bitch about their doctor in front of me) in lieu of her just making a phone call — which should could have addressed anytime over the last week that she’s just hanging around the house “so bored”.
Sorry bitch but I some Sunday Gravys to get after!
I like when Brother Mouzone makes Lamar look for Omar in the gay bars and Lamar is NOT comfortable in those places.
http://celebritywc.com/images/deandre-mccullough-2.jpg
Mernin’.
Did someone say Lamar?
was great with teg javelin ,, ppl forget that