Your Sunday Late Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Sea/LA-Pity the poor Rams. (but not their ownership or coach) They were blasted by the Niners on Monday night and now come back “home” to meet up with the Seahawks. Wr Austin was rated by Football Outsiders as the worst at his position last week. How does one go about accomplishing this? Well, what you need to do is catch a mere 4 of 12 targets for 13 yards. And he’s their #1 guy! Not much hope in Ramsville. BTW, qb Wilson’s high ankle sprain will play.

TB/Ari-Wr Evans, he of 99 yards/1 TD last week gets cb Peterson this week. On the other side wr Fitz gets cb Grimes. The former is not at the height of his powers any longer but his stat line of 8/81/2 begs to differ. Tampa lb Alexander has his eyes set squarely on rb Johnson. I really like both these youngsters-they’ll both be super productive for the next decade.

Jax/SD-Here is another Battle Royale of 0-1 teams. The Jags young D did quite well against a talented Pack team and despite the loss I bet they are coming to realize what they are capable of. Rb Gordon is the Bolts leading rusher with [is tapped on shoulder] Uh, hold on. Woodhead is leading the team? Really? C’mon! I’d just like to add that recently signed first-rounder Bosa is nowhere near game shape.

Atl/Oak-The Falcons leading rusher is Coleman with 22 yds. Yeah, as a matter of fact they did lose last week. I get the feeling that Atlanta’s small window of relevance is closing very fast. Qb Carr and co. found a way to beat the Saints in the Dome last week which should serve them well this week. Wr Jones will of course get his but on the other side Cooper should do the same.

Indy/Den-If you drafted qb Luck as your guy in fantasy, congrats on your 1-0 record! Today he’s up again a whole ‘nother kettle of horses in the Denver D. The Colts tissue-paper D ensures that qb Siemian will improve on last week’s pedestrian numbers. Look for the Colts to play catch-up all game long.

[tips hat] LET’S DO THIS, FOLKS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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blaxabbath

Anytime the announcer says they are now going to the studio in LA or New York and then there isn’t a cutaway, I’m just waiting for a Gabbo moment to come through on the broadcast.

American Pie Story

Go Not Gore!

ThePirateSloth

Fuck. You. Lincoln. It is nothing like that.

blaxabbath

Former basketball player reference — EVERYONE DRINKS!

litre_cola

Was it Jimmy? Or Antonio? Is Jerome from Detroit?

blaxabbath

Lineman for TB. #69, I think.

Old School Zero

Whoever this Tyrell Williams is, I’m glad he’s on the Chargers.

Shogun Marcus

Baking done (awesome cookies if I do say so myself). Meat braising. Other duties complete. Ahh…
Donks/Clots until our turn. Things are good.

Sill Bimmons

At least Goff dressed this week!

litre_cola

Can’t say that about most of us this Sunday

Bortleback

That earphone he has in isn’t to listen to the play calls – he’s listening to an audiobook about astronomy so he can finally understand where the sun rises and sets

blaxabbath

Matthew Mcconaughey: What is, when Hollywood thinks any good looking actor can pull off the Bryan Cranston.

King Hippo

you gotta be shitting me…

litre_cola

Zymm is that you?

...

When the parties at Zymm’s house take that weird turn, she’s still always ready to share a drink.

blaxabbath

Palmer sucks.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which one?

litre_cola

Arnold. Past his prime.

Shogun Marcus

Inorite? Seriously, Iced Tea OR Lemonade? PICK A SIDE!

Bortleback

Is he the new Peyton? Puts up big numbers, everyone says he’s amazing, but he consistently shits the bed at the worst possible moment in the playoffs

blaxabbath

ARI is not a playoff team ever again.

Doktor Zymm

If I was gonna have kids (not gonna have kids) I would want to be Fry’s mom.
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Dunstan

Look, I think we all know how this Patriots QB situation will play out:
1. Pats sign Johnny Manziel.
2. Manziel wins two games, throwing a total of ten TD passes.
3. Brady returns from suspension; Pats trade Manziel to Dallas when Jerry Jones offers every draft pick ever plus a MILF to be named later.
4. Manziel never throws another TD ever.

Horatio Cornblower

God I wish you were wrong.

Doktor Zymm

We can only hope and dream.

Sharkbait

Now this is a scenario I can get behind.

...

The idea of Belichick using his pact with Satan to sabotage other teams is possibly the only way I could like him.

Doktor Zymm

Hit hit bo bit…shit.

Sill Bimmons

MIKE EVANS SMASH FITBAWS AND CAMERA GUYS

Bortleback

“Winston is not the most athletic quarterback, but he’s a pretty good runner” – the announcer forgot to mention how much better he gets at running if there are crab legs or a lack of consent involved

ThePirateSloth

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE Keenum-sack

litre_cola

Adam Humphries? Doesn’t Grumblelord have a monopoly on gritty receivers?

King Hippo

he is probably the best player on my insanity team this week. The Maestro is NAWT using lube, even with Gronk out…

The Maestro

IT’S A FACKIN CAWK PUNCH FOAH HIPPO, NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Sharkbait

I picked Seattle in a suicide pool. Why? Why would I do this to myself?

King Hippo

on the ROAD?? After the turd they laid LAST WEEK?

Doktor Zymm

I picked the Rams last week…..it seemed like a good idea at the time…..

litre_cola

Same boat. Alot of the DFO did i reckon

I Will Dye Blonde

Seattle vs. Rams will always be a defesive battle.

blaxabbath

Seahawks don’t start playing until November.

I Will Dye Blonde

Wake us up in November!

Bortleback

Y’know who’d probably love to come out of retirement for 2 games of a superbowl run? Peyton Manning…….

litre_cola

How is Wilson still standing with his High ankle sprain? Or is it a conspiracy?

Bortleback

Nanobubbles don’t melt steel ankles

Sill Bimmons

YES THEY DO BUILDING 7 WAKE UP SHEEPLE

Doktor Zymm

So, if the long shot happens and I do end up in an analytics job with the Jags, there is basically a 0% chance that any of the coaching staff listens to anything that I would suggest, since I am a mathy girl who has never actually played football. Considering the current state of the Jags, this is a good thing, as no one wants responsibility for this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You can commiserate with their newly hired pool technician out of Rio de Janiero.

LemonJello

Looks like errything is coming up Doktor Zymm!

King Hippo

We ALL need to get jobby-jobs there (once Dok is established and can vouch FOAR us), and turn it into our own personal vehicle for mischief. Get Khan into the Commentist Party. C’mon, that dude is FREAKY and would love it!

...

The first NFL team run by the offshoot of an offshoot of a snarky dick joke sports blog? That’s monumental.

King Hippo

NFL? Prepare your anus!!

Sharkbait

I’m pretty sure as a collective we could run a team better than some teams are currently run

litre_cola

Will there be a job for a 40 year old cabana boy?

Doktor Zymm

Can you provide your own uniform that’s an affront to modesty?

...

Football recommendations from A GIRL?!?!

*monocle falls out due to shock*

Doktor Zymm
Old School Zero

Kaep 2 NE CONFIRMED pls rt

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

?

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Doktor Zymm

My twitter account is private, but I’ve done my part in misleading my tens of followers!

Dunstan

The “how ironic that this TRAITOR plays for the ‘Patriots'” hot takes practically write themselves…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

McManus drills it

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Doktor Zymm

Let’s be careful when talking about riding a Gurley

Redshirt

So, Rams 6-Seahawks 3. If we know how “good” the Rams are, but what does this say about the Seahawks?

litre_cola

They are gettin Rammed.

RAM IT!

ThePirateSloth

That they cause me to drink. Heavily.

Sill Bimmons

Pretty much everything about the Jags is tragic at this point.

King Hippo

not Khan’s stache. NOR moutheyes!

Doktor Zymm

Wait….I’ve got it! Cutler to NE! Rubella sweeps through Boston!

Sharkbait

Stahp.

Old School Zero

Kaep.

Kaep is perfect for the fanbase.

ThePirateSloth

No no Dok. We need this man:

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King Hippo

kick it NOW

American Pie Story

Brb going to drown in my own tears

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Butter’s in the fridge.

Doktor Zymm

Save those tears in a bottle, use to make dirty martini.

Moonbatting Average

Over/under on fantasy points for the entire Jags team: 20? 25?

ThePirateSloth

“He can still bang it, outside of 50”

Nothing truer has ever been said of Belichick

Sill Bimmons

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Redshirt

Alright. I have came down from my catatonic rage state. How are the afternoon games?

Moonbatting Average

Nuke the Jaguars from orbit

LemonJello

It’s the only way to be sure.

Doktor Zymm

Clausen to NE? Let’s start some Twitter rumors!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

People say Jeff George is keeping his arm loose and ready to come out of retirement

Old School Zero

i hear there talkin with jammarcas russle dudes got a arm on that dude

Sill Bimmons
The Maestro

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Redshirt

My God, King. That’s Drew Bledsoe’s music!

King Hippo

First Half Chargers are Superb Owl caliber, that’s fo sho.

Old School Zero

That’s what we said last week, too.

blaxabbath

BURRITO TIME!

I’ll see if I can get one with crab legs.

Sill Bimmons

BORTLESCEPTION 2: PULLTHEPLUGOOGALOO

Horatio Cornblower

I got up at 11:22 this morning, started drinking beer with my brother and father at 2:15 and just got back from the bar with an order of chocolate mousse for my wife.

Come at me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Apology chocolate mousse ain’t gonna get you laid.

Bringing Moose home, on the other hand…

Horatio Cornblower

I just gave her a piggyback ride out to see the pumpkins we accidentally grew when I threw last year’s jack-o-lanterns out in the back fields. I’m way past apology mousse.

Also WHO WANTS PUMPKINS!?!?!?

Sill Bimmons

Hi!

blackroseMD1

We’ve secretly replaced the Chargers secondary with the Legion of Boom in their prime. Let’s see if Blake Bortles notices.

Sill Bimmons

Yep. He noticed.

Gratliff

Could Tampa beat FIU at this point?

blaxabbath

Injuries don’t help.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Neither does rapistry

King Hippo

Ware AND Von!!!!

/oh and they sexy

American Pie Story

Oh god please don’t die Humps

Gratliff

Should have fucking started Wentz. I resisted blatant homerism just because I didn’t want to be a blatant homer and that’s what Charmback gives me.

blaxabbath

Draft better.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

HODOR misread that route.

I have no joke, just haven’t heard a HODOR reference in a bit.

Doktor Zymm

How much derp could a derp derp derp if a derp derp could derp derp?

Doktor Zymm

Damn that Sally! She said she was public domain!

blaxabbath

Destroying TB would seem more meaningful if they weren’t from the NFC South.

ThePirateSloth

What the in god damn fuck Seahawks.