Your “Don’t Do What Donny Don’t Does” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

(Banner pic via)

NFL News:

  • Reports of dissension within the Giants ranks. Eli called out Odell Beckham in the post-game presser, and ODJ is saying the refs are holding him to a different standard, based on the personal foul calls.

 “I just have to understand if I sneeze the wrong way, it will be a flag,” he said. “It will be a fine. If I tie my shoes the wrong way, it might be a fine or a flag. It is what it is. You have to understand that. As tough as it is to understand that for a 23-year-old who has been blessed with a lot that God has given to me — an amazing amount of ability and amazing amount of everything — it seems like it’s all working against you. (ESPN)

  • WON'T SOMEBODY BEAT THE WHIZ?!
    NOBODY BEATS THE WHIZ!

    Rumblings out of San Diego have Mike McCoy as the potential first fire-e of the NFL season. The only thing holding the Spanos family back, outside of their general incompetence, is that the immediate replacement from within is Ken Whisenhunt.

    • FYI: the Chargers have lost 15 of their last 20 games.
  • The Cowboys are now down La’el Collins as well, following news he is going on IR due to toe surgery. No update on Dez.
  • Bruce Arians is hopeful Carson Palmer will be able to play Thursday night versus the 49ers. Not helping matters is that Chris Johnson and Tyvon Branch have been placed on IR.
    • I think he’d be more worried if NaVorro Bowman was still eligible, but he broke again.
  • Antonio Cromartie has been released by the Colts. First paternity results from Marion County Public Health should be reported in May.
  • Ornithologists rejoice – A.J. Hawk has been signed by the Falcons. Hopefully, his first game is called by Ian Eagle.

Finally, Cam Newton is being sued for damage done to a Beverly Hills rental property he used during the 2016 off-season. According to TMZ Sports, the lawsuit calls for the reigning NFL MVP to pay $270,324.47 plus legal fees for damage ($90,324.47) and lost rent ($180,000).

My favourite part of the TMZ report is the pseudo-racial language they imply, saying things like “Cam responded by telling the housekeeper to quit diming him out”. It’s not TIME blackening O.J.’s mugshot, but it’s on the road to it.

The home is owned by a guy named Jared Pobre, who is married to former WWE performer Stacy Keibler. So I think you know where I’m going with this info.


GODDAMMIT!!!
GODDAMMIT!!!

It’s a topic that divides sports fans: Which sports month is the best month? The question is once again at the forefront because today marks the start of the baseball playoffs with the Wildcard play-in game. Honestly, my money has always been on October, because of what you get:

  • start of NHL season (October 12)
  • the second quarter of the NFL season
  • baseball playoffs
  • start of NBA season (October 25)

It’s mostly due to the amount of hope involved. I’d put April second, because of hockey & basketball playoffs & the start of baseball, and January third, due to the NFL playoffs and college bowls, plus the NHL Outdoor games.

Which look like fun.

 

February & March are at the bottom, redeemed only by the Super Bowl (February) and March Madness.

DISCUSS!


If you want to give the trivia centre of your brain a challenge, it’s Jeopardy Contestant Testing Week. There’s three test dates & times:

 

  • Tuesday, October 4 – 8:00 ET
  • Wednesday, October 5 – 9:00 ET / 8:00 CT
  • Thursday, October 6 – 11:00 ET / 8:00 PT

Sign up here. Take the test with millions. Feel the shame of ignorance alone.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB Playoff: Orioles at Blue Jays – 8:00 PM | TBS/Sportsnet
  • Preseason:
    • NHL:
      • Sabres vs. Hurricanes – 7:00 PM | NBCSN
    • NBA:
      • Knicks at Rockets – 8:00 PM | ESPN
      • Clippers at Warriors – 10:30 PM | ESPN
  • WWE SmackDown – 8:00 PM | USA/Sportsnet360

For your alternative viewing ‘pleasure’, there’s the Vice-Presidential debate from Longwood University in Farmville, Virginia. That possibly-informative-but-probably-unwatchable event runs from 9:00 – 10:30 ET.

Conversely, you could watch Kristen Bell on “Conan”.

I THINK I KNOW THE AUDIENCE!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Buck why didn’t you bring in Zach?”

“Well, have you ever read Augustine’s Confessions? Neither have I but your mother’s a whore.”

Unsurprised

I still don’t care about this G.L.O.W. series she’s working on, but I’m sure others will.

http://115.imagebam.com/download/s7ZmmYdp59LamKebgE7Z1w/50782/507813474/alison%20%289%29.jpg

Senor Weaselo

Well now my interest is piqued…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m out after this…seriously.
But you’ve got the best fucking relief man in baseball sitting in the pen….yet you choose to bring Ubaldo fucking Jimenez into this game. ARE YOU FUCKING SUFFERING FROM DEGENERATIVE NEUROPATHY CAUSING SUDDEN AND SEVERE DEMENTIA BUCK????? Did you not see why Jimenez got demoted to the pen to begin with? why is he even on the post season roster???? How fucking stupid are you Buck?
Your ass needs a good firing. I watched you build shit in NY and AZ. those teams didn’t win shit ’til you got the fuck out. Well you’ve worn out your welcome in Baltimore as far as I’m concerned. You and Angela pack your shit and be out by dawn.

Hallelujah, holy shit, where’s the Tylenol?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Perhaps over attribution …… DFO should buy you a scotch from the cat’s wallet.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/75904ae2f8bce05d480cc3cd0441aaea/tumblr_oeja9z2gXP1tr6ni8o6_500.gif

Senor Weaselo

I got ibuprofen and something else, which do you want?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“One beer, that ain’t nothing”

I wish the video were longer because Lou Piniella then pulls his players off the field and gets hit with a program walking back to the dugout.

https://youtu.be/0F-D7QZAi7M

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Commenting about baseball. What has the world come to?

Col. Duke LaCross

Punch drunk from the 18 hours of NFL the last two days?

SonOfSpam

So I guess now we just rewatch the VP debate and jerk off to Mike Pence?

Stupid sexy Pence.

SonOfSpam

Stupid sexy penne.

Mr. Ayo

Stupid sexy glasses

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m leaving for tonight so I don’t say something I’ll regret.
Buck Showalter is a fucking moron. Holee shit.

SonOfSpam

I may have to rethink my stance against corporal punishment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We all have to be open to new data rigorously examined by experts.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I think that ball was still 200 feet away from landing and Wieters was just, “Fuck this.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I was like “fuck this” as soon as Showalter called Jimenez’s number.

SonOfSpam

The baseball would like to apologize to Toronto for being a distraction.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Way to go Buck. It’s not Ubaldo’s fault….he’s not smart enough to know better.
YOU fucking pulled him from the pen Buck. In a situation you should have known he’d fuck up.

I knew he would. As soon as I saw you call his number, I knew this game was over. You’re suppose to be the baseball guy Buck. But you fucked this up. Badly. I hope you get fire for it.

But at least my blood pressure won’t have to deal with this shit anymore until next year…you fucking moe-ron. Zack Britton…..FUCKING ZACK BRITTON BUCK!!!! two goddamned innings at least, and try to manufacture fucking run. But guess what? You couldn’t see it baseball guy. And now you get to go the fuck home and think about it for six months.

Senor Weaselo

I’m putting my foot down here, I don’t need the ’16 O’s to fully become the ’95 Yankees.

SonOfSpam

That was a motherfucking rope.

– cop explaining things at the Dun
/gets hit by lightning

Sill Bimmons

At least it wasn’t Bautista.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

He’d have tossed that fucker to Etobicoke.

Unsurprised

How courteous

LemonJello

Must be one of those Canadia bears.

Sill Bimmons

Was that Buck just saying “Eh, fuck it. I’m tired. Let’s go home. UBALDO”???

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sounds right.
I’d fire Buck’s ass right fucking now if I was the GM.

Col. Duke LaCross

That might be up by the Canseco seat.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Is that the one with the syringe sticking out?

Senor Weaselo

Boooo Team Drake.

Senor Weaselo

Is it going to be the Ubaldo Jimenez 3.00 WHIP show? Probably.

Sill Bimmons

Things about to go all asplodey in the basedball.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holee fuck. Ubaldo. Sure, why not. Might as well drive me to suicide now. Why wait.

Shit is about to go sideways for Baltimore. Fuck Buck, what are you thinking????

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I heard rumblings he might be hurt.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have a long history of Ubaldo hate. And not without reason. Buck Showalter just earned a good firing.
Holy fucking shit.
I know enough not to bring Ubaldo in in this situation. Buck doesn’t.
Fuck me.

Senor Weaselo

It’s Jack McDowell in ’95 all over again!

Senor Weaselo

All I can think of is the old adage “Save your closer on the road for when you have the lead.”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Does Zach Britton have SARS or something?

theeWeeBabySeamus

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was a pretty good conversation I had going with…. myself…. in “older comments.”

Situational awareness; it’s……. what?

http://66.media.tumblr.com/01c59267c9a9cacee99631f92b241699/tumblr_nz8h55i7h71rpc5kho1_250.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

Adam Jones, you beautiful black mofo. I want to have your babies.
Call me.

Senor Weaselo

Chuh chuh.

/Yes, I know, wrong Adam Jones

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shouldn’t he call your mother?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Believe it or not, my mother is right here watching with me.
And yes, she just saw what you said
(just kidding…she didn’t…but she is watching…my Mom is a cool chick)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re the one that called him a mofo…

theeWeeBabySeamus

It was a term of endearment. Not a request.

But if it gets me lower box comp’d behind the dugout…sure Adam, bend her over and go for it.

Brick Meathook

I want to read this just so I can figure out what the fuck is going on here.

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Unsurprised

The pulps were beautifully bonkers

Gratliff

I hate every one of these wishy washy fucks on CBSN right now. I can see them at a Kmart during Lent debating whether or not buying a chocolate Jesus for their kid is a sin.

Sill Bimmons

Pretty sure chocolate Jesus is a sin.

Jesus is made from crackers.

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Spanky Datass

And grape juice!

Sill Bimmons

We got the real deal at my church growing up.

Sill Bimmons

How Lily so happily suffers all these clowns I’ll never know.

http://williamsonpsp.com/assets/chronicles/2014/04/24_ads/att_375.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck Joe Carter.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Holy God Darren O’Day throws 86 on a good day, but no one can pick it up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup, exactly. That motion makes 86 look like 106 out of the hand.

Gratliff

Frank Luntz–The man who consciously and against his own, stated good wisdom created the political discourse that include things like “climate change” and “enhanced interrogation” for profit–Is looking at his focus group right now in disbelief that people put zero value in facts and reality. EAT IT UP, MOTHERFUCKER. YOU CREATED THIS.

Gratliff

But by god, he did just scorch the Factory, so maybe make the boulder he’ll be pushing through hell a micron smaller.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I already know how this ends. O’s will score a run in the top half of an extra inning. tWBS will be happy. Toronto will score two in the bottom half of an inning. tWBS will not be happy.

God hates me. But you know what? I hate him right back even more. So far it’s worked out fine.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh goodness, Cal Ripken Jr. is a dullard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He really is. I’ve met him. Dumb as dirt.

Spanky Datass

Overtime in Toronto! Now, do they spot the ball at the 25 or just do a regular kick off? Oh, or that bounce the ball at mid-field thingy like in Australia?!?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

They kick the ball from the pitcher’s mound. Best of 5.

Spanky Datass

Ugh, the worst of all the common overtime options … oh well.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Senor Weaselo

Bonus cantos! Wait, sorry, wrong team.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I am only watching because I want to see Adam Jones maim some pasty white guy in blue.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You and me both.
And now we get extras. My liver hurts.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Congrats MLB umpires. Your inability to recognize a ball vs a strike just fucked the Orioles right out of the post season.
Not like they deserved to be there, but fuck you anyway.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate Toronto. I fucking hate those dicks.
If you live in Toronto, you have no self respect, and probably would have non-consensual sex with a farm animal.

Redshirt

What do you think BLEERGH does in the offseason?

Spur

If Trump builds that wall where will baseball get all it’s players?

Senor Weaselo
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d say we accept any players that are able to get over the wall, but not even Bo Jackson himself could manage such a feat.

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Spur
Gratliff

Once more for good measure, fuck Frank Luntz.

Spur

Was playing HOTS, what I miss? This bird game going until 2am back East. Is Trump Prez now?

Redshirt

Employee: “…and thank you for switching to AT&T. What caused you to switch? Our prices?”
Me: “No.”
Employee: “Our quality of service?”
Me: “No.”
Employee: “An irrational fantasy about the girl in our commercial?”
Me: “Yes.”
Employee: “Of course.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did you see that I encountered her (the actual real live Milana) in an elevator?

Redshirt

I might have missed that. Nice.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Rogers Centre is a yuuugggeee shithole.
That is all.

Senor Weaselo

“There are many ways to figure home field advantage…”

…Like whether you’re throwing trash at the players or in protest of the umpires! (I saw that one with a Braves fan friend of mine and she was saddened when that happened.)

Gratliff

I’ve been annoyed with Kaine most of the night, but it’s nice how he boxed Pence in at the end.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Too bad no one’s still watching except people that already know who they’re voting for.

And Canadiens, apparently.

Gratliff

It would help if they didn’t double box them in a way that made it look like they’re facing the opposite direction. There’s like a foot and a half of space between them. Single frame that shit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mike Pence: “I try and spend part of every day on my knees”

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Redshirt

America is lucky to have Trump and they should bend over and let Trump get to work on America.