Glad to see you made it through the day. It’s always a bit of a relief to get this stupid day into your rear-view mirror, isn’t it? Going over the comments in the open threads yesterday, I must say that the vast majority of you typer-people showed their A-game. Tons of giggles were had by yours truly. [eyes dart back and forth] I’m sure quality work like that can’t be replicated for this tilt. [pregnant pause] TO THE GAME!
NYJ/Ari-For all those that are stashing wr Decker at the bottom of your roster it’s time to let him go-he’s done for the year. Speaking of lost years, the Jets are looking at same if they lose this one on the road. The only thing in their favour right now is that the Cards have lost 2 of 3 at home. Still, qb Fitz McHarvard has been heartily welcomed back to mediocrity by his arm, instincts and understanding of how NFL defenses work. So this seems like qb Carson’s game to win, right? Uh, over the course of the last 8 games he’s thrown 13 intercepts and fumbled 6 (!) times. It’s a bitch being 37 years old in the NFL. Lover of the deep ball and coach of the best (it’s debatable) young rb in the league Arians just can’t figure out what to do. Will he let his fella run wild like he did last week? Or will he continue to give the other Fitz, Brown and Floyd those big strike chances? Let’s find out, shall we?
I’m done-GO GO, GADGET FINGERS!
Did ABC just use the video of Fitz smiling while going over how bad his second half stats are?
That’s fucking cold.
Okay, I know it’s Week 6, but: Who the hell is Gruden’s booth partner?
Sean McDonough. He got his start years ago, (possibly decades), doing Red Sox play-by-play and he was really good at it and very funny.
His personality appears to have been sucked out of him as part of his deal to do MNF, which figures as that’s what the NFL tries to do to everyone.
THIS GUY SEAN MCDONOUGH I CALL HIM A PENN STATE INVESTIGATOR BECAUSE HE’S ASKING ME WHAT I WAS DOING WITH ALL OF THOSE YOUNG PEOPLE!!!
29 years per age?!
Boston area Jets fans meetup update:
This bar is quieter than when I jack it in the bathroom so nobody hears me. Only applause happens when the Cards commit a penalty.
Be safe bro.
I haven’t seen a Johnson benefit so much from the sudden appearance of a gigantic hole since November 22, 1963.
/going to hell
Holy shit.
If this isn’t on the banner next week I will vote for Trump just to spite you people.
/Also I live in CT and Hillary’s gonna win by 18 points.
Spiting “you people” is why everyone votes for Trump.
GODDAMN IT
DFO is a safe space.
As opposed to the back of a Cadillac in a Dallas parade.
1 out of 2 people agree with this
oh my god this rules
TOO SOON
That”s one of the best ever, here and on the other site. One for the ages.
Agreed. That’s some Otto Man level shit right there.
Holy shit, I go to get food and I come back to this. I wish I could be this demented.
I’m so proud of you guys.
Boston area Jets fan meetup update:
Got a free Bud Lite from the marketers. Trying to decide who got the better end of that deal.
Not you.
you stayed so long that free piss seemed like better than continued sentience. J-E-T-S!!!!
Arians is looking at himself in the mirror with two rushing TDs like, “What the hell have I BECOME?!”
a man who has VERY GRUDGINGLY accepted the reality that his best player is a beastly RB, and his QB is a walking cadaver.
johnson brothers powers activate
Remember, it’s NAWT GAY if there’s no eye contact!!
Eyes. Floor.
The last time this much yellow was hitting a field in Arizona, John McCain was having a flashback…
you get inside the 5 and trust Carson Fucking Palmer to throw??
In BA’s defense, that play almost worked for SEA in the Super Bowl.
Congrats to Buster Skrine on his new endorsement deal with Six Flags.
This game truly is a monument to BEERGH.
I wish I were fast enough to run down NFL wide outs and hang on them. Then I could play DB for the JETS.
Does the NFL pay the refs a bonus for each flag thrown?
Tithing.
Boston area Jets fans meetup update:
By far the most cheering is at Cardinals penalties.
That’s depressing as fuck
Not one Spur player in that ESPN NBA promo? Eat shit ESPN, that’s why the NBA on TNT is award wining and you are slipping in ratings.
HEY LOOK EVERYBODY IT’S THE GUY WHO STOPPED TRUMP FROM GOING TO VIETNAM AND WINNING THE WHOLE WAR SINGLE-HANDEDLY.
If you’re better at your job it doesn’t matter if the other guy wants it more.
Fuckin-A! GHOST with the highlight music!
I gotta check out because early morning tomorrow, but you folks are bringing it again this evening.
/my funny comment-inspired boner salutes you!
Head
Thorax
Knees
And
Toes
Knees
And
Toes
ARI is soft.
Soft AF.
Though I’m super stoked to see them holding onto their tackles this week. That’s been killing them this season.
Arizona is as soft as the strained peas that make up the meals of 70% of the state’s residents.
As soft as John McCain’s grasp of what Congress is supposed to do.
It would be slightly easier if you all who post imgur links just link to the page instead of the file.
Okey dokey
I have seen no one but you post imgur pics today, and you posted like 9 of them. Who are you talking to?
Some dude
Alright.
And sorry. Rereading how that came out was meaner than a meant, was just meant to be a light razzing
http://i.imgur.com/r8GV6.gif
Tonight, Bruce Arians looks like a taxi cab driver during the New York City Pride Parade.
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
Itching to run down a motherfucker?
MOAR LIEK fatherfucker imo
When are they gonna let Chris Ivory pound the rock?
When they lose to the Jags?
Holy crap that was just the first quarter.
If any one wants to see what really happens when the stitches on a wound give out during a baseball game you should go look at the highlights of Trevor Bauer’s start today.
Looking at you Schilling, you goddamn fraud.
Also, fuck Toronto.
Goes without saying.
I went to see Bob Dylan last night. I’m not really into music much or go to concerts or anything but those dudes are professionals. I mean, to consider that they created that show from scratch shows just how impressive people can be. Impressive. 10/10.
Now, excuse me while I go write some dick haikus for mid-week #content.
Man, one of the owners in one of my leagues is trying to play the “Oh, they had the wrong guy in my lineup” card on us and everyone else is falling for it. Fuck. It’s a big-play league and he sat Brandon Cooks, so I get it, but these pansies are going to let him do it!
Isn’t the ruling on that supposed to be “tough shit”?
Have you casually let him know that you have the combined might of dozens of internet commenters at your command?
Who is “they”? The Illuminati? The Elders of Zion?
You set your line-up, you live with the consequences.
Right? I’m outraged. They’re actually throwing he words “Gentleman’s agreement” around. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
I think you need to just kill them all.
Um, it’s Monday. MAYBE you listen to that plea at 4 p.m. yesterday, but no way in hell that plays now.
How some of you may be feeling.
Pelican-Dead Between the Walls
https://youtube.com/watch?v=-PqSPAV1GVM
SKEE BALL FUCKIN RULEZ
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/0/08/Lisa_skee-ball.gif
Have you ever yelled at a book you’re reading?
I did. Joe Hill (Stephen King’s son) wrote a book called “The Fireman”.
And this fucker just will not end. Like when you get crabs, you know?
So last night, I looked to see my progress, and it was 65%. And I yelled, “Just end the fucking thing!”
I need a new life.
Go read his father’s 8 book The Dark Tower series if you want to yell at something that just won’t end.
Or do what my wife does and yell at her marriage.
Horatio, I finished that series and I have never been more pissed off about a book in my life. What a fucking goddamn suck ass ending.
I wanted to hang King on a meathook and throw lit matches at him.
Fucking shit ass ending.
/Closes book 2, throws it in trash
//The virtual trash of course, on my kindle, cause what, am I a farmer?
No, read the first three, then maybe book 4, then just stop and write an ending of your own in your head.
The first three books are great, the fourth is good but if you’re like me you’ll start to get an “uh-oh, where’s he going with this?” vibe from it, and then the last three are just an unholy mess.
But I know people who love all 7 so whatever.
I finished that series and sold all 7 books for $5 at a tag sale and I feel like I won.
I never have and never will read the 8th book.
THESE NEW YORK JETS, I CALL THEM MY CRIPPLING DEPRESSION BECAUSE THEY HURT ME BUT I’M SOMEHOW WORRIED THAT I’D MISS THE HURT
“Missing the Hurt?”
– cryptic text message sent to Marlee Matlin, February 14, 1987.
A lesser god would let that go.
I’m sad to hear CHI let Forte go. Was it just one of these big FA contracts or what?
He is 31 and they were trying to go young. His FA contract was managable (3 mil a year) but he was owed 9 by the Bears if they kept him
Plus he’s like 31, which is 105 in RB years, according to every sports pundit everywhere.
Viagra single packs. Because you only paid for the half-hour.
The other 3 1/2 hours are YOUR problem…
Batten down the hatches, fuckfaces!
http://i.imgur.com/1drGDrE.jpg
Batten down! The hatches fuck faces!
Bat! Tendown! Thehat! Chesfu! Ckfaces!
Batten? Like button?
I can’t see the pic but “her cups runneth over” seems like a thing should be done.
“Damn it Larry! Cut him, Bruce!”
-Phoenicians
Arizona Cardinals vs New York Penalties
BLEERGH offers no quarter, Gang Green
ALL HAIL BLEERGH!
I’m going to get three more jobs, and work really hard. I’m going to save my money and invest some of it. Gonna cut costs down to the bone.
And I’m gonna get rich.
And launch a satellite that has a laser gun on it.
And I’m going to use it to fry Chris Berman like a doughnut at a state far.
Too late.
Do you have a Kickstarter?
“I’m gonna get three more jobs…”
– Todd Marinovich, describing his anticipated employment for the remainder of 2016.
I think you left “give” and “hand” out of that sentence.
Out by the dumpster is also missing.
Cute cat. Impressive video. http://imgur.com/gallery/Qa1a2ef
Indeed
I have a problem with jjfozz’s banner quote. I thought the Antichrist was supposed to be a charismatic leader. Cris Collinsworth couldn’t lead the goddamn Cincinnati Bengals.
Boston area Jets fan meetup update:
First “YOU SUCK” is shouted by a Jets fan at the Jets. Also, a decidedly non/petite person showed up wearing an enormous Kelly green “Fitz Magic” shirt that is somehow at least two sizes too small.
Is anybody remembering the “old days”?
http://cdn2.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/2363180/waaatryan.0.gif
The first time I came to this thing was the chiefs game and someone was wearing a Sanchez jersey. There were several suggestions that the jersey was bringing in on all the ints.
Please post a picture of said person.
Only two?
A shirt?
I don’t care what anybody says, Ryan Fitzpatrick has what it takes to be a Big XII quarterback.
http://113.imagebam.com/download/Vg4FZHjvZwR5fFbptCy04w/47266/472652246/180462.jpg
Here is a good parking space.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BUDyULMQNTI/Toq2KlqVW1I/AAAAAAAAPGw/t94EGwGn6gQ/s1600/FUNNY+FAIL+flying+machines+aircrafts+airplanes+helicopters+47+Jet+blast+destroys+van.gif
I’ve seen worse at Costco
Other than I’m assuming he actually would go to class.
http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/1476110366-20161010.png
http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/182vo7u0fn4ysgif/ku-xlarge.gif
Define vodka in a “plastic jug” plz.
/asking for a friend
Checks out.
Accurate as fuck
Can we end this game and let the Falcons and Seahawks play a 5th quarter?
Insert “cups runneth over” joke here:
http://i.imgur.com/4k3VQXg.jpg
http://crazyhyena.com/imagebank/g/funny-ceiling-fan-gif-Darwin.gif
That’s what happens when you try to get high…
God DAMN
Is Fitzpatrick’s cerebral plan to just hold onto the ball too long and, just before getting blown up by two defenders, to duck his head and try to get a headshot personal foul?
That’s Harvard brilliance for you!
If it’s stupid but it works it’s purple monkey dishwasher.
Where am I?
“I agree?”
-Trent Green
BUT HE’S A WHITE IVY LEAGUER SO SHUT UR PIEHOLE!!
– The same people who brought you the 2006-08 financial crisis
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/crazy-clemson-fan.gif
Fun fact: one way to break into the modeling scene here in LA is to schedule a headshot illegal touching session with Terry Richardson.