Your “Merciful Heaven, It’s A Game 7!” Wednesday Night Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Norv news! Norv Turner resigned from the Vikings this morning. No reason has officially been given, so speculate away!
  • Wade Phillips is back at work.
  • The PA may be pushing the NFL to tolerate Mary Jane as an alternative to chemical painkillers, especially if/once Proposition 64 passes in California,
    • There are marijuana ballot initiatives in other NFL-friendly states like Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts & Nevada.
      •  Adding in Colorado & Washington, that’s 6 states with (currently) 10 franchises.
    • If they look to licence official suppliers, they don’t need to go further than Ricky Williams, blunt brother #1.
  • It’ll be the Nick Foles show for the Chiefs versus the Jaguras this week, as Alex Smith’s 13 concussions last Sunday will have him on the sidelines.
  • Seriously, Tom Brady – shut the fuck up!
  • Should have shut up sooner? Brian Baldinger, who has been suspended by NFL Network for 6 months for advocating the Eagles put a bounty on Ezekiel Elliott

    He swears he won't do it again.
    He swears he won’t do it again. Scout’s honor.

There’s nothing more fun, or nerve-wracking, than a Game 7 for the championship. (Or, y’know, the Super Bowl.) Add in whatever historical factoids that give extra weight/incentive to a team and a fanbase, and you’ve got instant ratings.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have been to  three NFC Championship games and one NHL Stanley Cup Game 7 in my lifetime. The NFC championships were:

  • 2007 – Giants at Green Bay
  • 2013 – Niners at Seahawks
  • 2014 – Packers at Seahawks

Each one was fantastic in their own way. Giants-Packers was going to be on “the frozen tundra”. I spent the night before trying to drink Titletown Brewing dry. The game ended the way most Favre seasons did – with an interception leading to the other team’s winning field goal, followed by 6 months of retirement rumours.

Plus, I got to see a guy wearing a deer.

Having grown up a Packers fan – yes, I have one of those shares; the Seahawks didn’t exist until 1976 – it was bittersweet, because I thrilled at the fact of going to my first Lambeau game but cheated that I wasn’t rewarded for having spent all that money to get there. I’d like to think it would’ve felt the same had I lived there.

The Niners-Seahawks was great from both a season ticket-holder perspective and a fan’s perspective. Having gotten my season’s tickets in 2010, I hadn’t been there for long, but had been there for the whole Pete Carroll era, and it seemed like the culmination of an actual plan, something fans rarely see work through to fruition. My wife didn’t cotton to all the “FUCK THE NINERS!” yells and chants, but the celebration at the end was a sports feeling I’d never had.

She's got a valid opinion on this as well.
She’s got a valid opinion on this as well.

The 2014 game, therefore, was full of mixed emotions: Packers fan but Seahawks season ticket-holder. It was one of those situations where I had two dogs in the fight, so I couldn’t lose. But a significant part of my sports fandom wanted a different outcome, even though Mike McCarthy’s goal-line decision-making in that game eerily foreshadowed the circumstances of Super Bowl 49.

The 2011 Stanley Cup Game 7 had the same circumstance. Growing up as a kid, and Atom-level hockey player, I wanted to be a Bruin, either Bobby Orr or Gerry Cheevers. I had their cards, posters and knock-off jerseys. I suffered them losing to the Habs and the Oilers, and then losing Ray Bourque to the Avs, so he could finally win one. I know the Red Sox had a longer drought, but as I’ve often said – I don’t give a crap about the Red Sox.

I grew up in Vancouver. The Canucks have been a consistently bad franchise for most of their 46 years, so the few triumphs really stick out in people’s minds. (And, unfortunately, turn casual fans into complete assholes – Patriots fans, but without any trophies.) I became a Bruins fan partly because my younger hockey-playing self needed a hero, and there wasn’t one locally. Both the 1982 and 1994 Cup Finals teams were unexpected surprises, which made cheering for them fun. The 2011 team was expected to make the Finals, so that was different.

Once again, the 2011 Game 7 was a case of having two dogs in the fight.

I got what I wanted, and took its picture too.

Given that the youngest curse ending tonight is 78 years, expect lots of interviews with old people just before the meteor hits.

“CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!…Ahh, shit…”

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB: Game 7 – Chicago at Cleveland – 8:00 | FOX/Sportsnet
  • College Football: Toledo at Akron – 7:30 PM | ESPN2
  • NBA Basketball:
    • Raptors at Wizards – 7:00 | TSN
    • Bulls at Celtics – 8:00 PM | ESPN
    • Thunder at Clippers – 10:30 PM | ESPN/TSN
  • NHL Hockey:
    • Canucks at Canadiens – 7:30 | Sportsnet1/360
    • Red Wings at Flyers – 8:00 PM | NBCSN
    • Penguins at Ducks – 10:30 | Sportsnet1/360

I have friends who support both teams, so I want a good game. DON’T BE A BLOWOUT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Senor Weaselo

And now the attrition begins…

Doktor Zymm

Hey! They’re pulling out the tortured stats! My favorite!

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit.

Hey, good thing Maddon took Hendricks out at 63 pitches in the 5th!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And it’s a good thing he felt the need to overextend Chapman last night with a large lead!

Duchess

He has fucked up the pitcher changing this game. Hendrix could have stayed in for the 5th Lester could have gone longer.

Horatio Cornblower

Exactly. There was no reason to take Hendricks out other than panic, and as a Yankees fan who watched Joe Torre I know more than I’d like about panic. Hendricks goes 80-90, and he was at full rest so that’s pretty easy, Lester comes in at most in the 7th and Chapman gives you the one inning he might have had.

And don’t forget they still had Lackey, who wasn’t great in his one appearance but was rested and was good this season.

Doktor Zymm

If Coco Crisp retires and gets fat, will he then be Coco Puffed?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Chapman is toast. Get the hook.

Spur

Isn’t Lebron a Yankee fan?

Senor Weaselo

“You’re right, but he can go fuck himself.” -(Most) Yankee fans

blackroseMD1

Oh for the love of everything Cubs, just win this so LeBron shuts the fuck up.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck you Lebron

Gratliff

Cubs fans everywhere accept their fate

Horatio Cornblower

Straight outta Willimantic CT ya’ll!

Doktor Zymm

OH FUCK NO I HAVE TO WAKE UP 5 TOMORROW I CAN’T DO EXTRA INNINGS END THIS SHIT

Horatio Cornblower

Just stay up. The emergency sirens will keep you from sleeping either way.

Sharkbait

Ho. Lee. Shit.

WCS

Hey, Dok, you may want to shelter in place.

Doktor Zymm

There’s someone outside either yelling “GO” or “NO” repeatedly. Either way, I ain’t leaving my apt tonight.

Gratliff

AHAHAHA

Spur

I’ve noticed the Indians score when pitchers get changed during the inning…

Horatio Cornblower

Oh Cubs.

LemonJello
Doktor Zymm

Honestly, even if the Cubs blow this, they have exhibited so many un-Cubs-like characteristics over the course of these playoffs, that I really won’t be able to say something like “oh, haha, they Cubsed it.” They’re legitimately good this year, will still be good next year, and have shown that “curses” are really just consistently poor management.

Senor Weaselo

Can you say that Maddon Cubsed it?

Gratliff

Here comes the pain

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, your chances are not “huge” to be shot or burned out by a “militia” after the election, so just relax.

*Depending on where you live.

http://thighgaphack.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/how-to-get-a-bikini-bridge-gap.jpg

Senor Weaselo

Not over yet!

Doktor Zymm

Huh, my voter registration card (I finally switched to IL after living here 8 years) doesn’t have my party affiliation on it. I registered as Republican back when I turned 18, cause I’ve enjoyed a good joke my whole life, and I was kind of looking forward to going to vote in the low-income coop across the street with that on my card. Oh well, it’ll just have to wait until I make my fortune and run for Senate!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who drinks yellowtail other than college students, young gay men, and people at parties where someone brought it hoping it would be opened after they left?

Unsurprised

Mascots being assholes. http://imgur.com/gallery/Sfm2j

Senor Weaselo

I didn’t hear a single guitar riff, stomp, or clap!

LemonJello

comment image?resize=1220:*&output-quality=75

“WHO HAS DISTURBED MY SLUMBER AND SUMMONED ME?”

Senor Weaselo

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Horatio Cornblower

The fuck is that elephant running away for? Richard Sherman hasn’t tackled anyone in years.

Shogun Marcus

Throw a flag, he’ll just stop right there and cry.

Spur

At least Cleveland will still have the Browns.

LemonJello

Don’t remind them.

Gratliff

History vs soul crushing disaster: WHO YA GOT!?

Old School Zero

You talking about this game or the presidential election?

LemonJello

The answer, of course, is yes.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes

Senor Weaselo

Yes?

Spur

Trump in a close one because the “fuck the Clintons!” vote is strong.

Doktor Zymm

I kinda like the Indians being good. Their horribly offensive mascot kind of distracts from the whole [*Redacted] s conversation.

Senor Weaselo

They said they were going to talk about it after the Series. Let’s see what happens.

Shogun Marcus

There won’t be a name change, but I’m guessing chief wahoo gets sent to the rez.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So the argument is the NAME isn’t offensive but the mascot is, while the [REDACTEDS] are offensive as a slur.

I’m not an expert.

Doktor Zymm

They both have offensive stuff, offensive to the same groups, debatable whether it’s different or which is worse or whatever. The sad truth is that the nation has a short-ass attention span for this stuff, so talking about both is hard for the crowd.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, well, next time fight harder.

-Trump voter, probably

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Let’s see some insurance runs

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I wanna know if it’s gonna be happy riots, or angry riots

Spur

I could crush those kids in a skills competition

Spur

What i remember of the 90’s Indians
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV3fNK31HD4&w=560&h=315%5D

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Horatio Cornblower

My son, the high school baseball pitcher, just called Lester a pussy for the way he threw that ball to first.

He’s not wrong.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Made me feel better than if he’d wound up and thrown it to second.

Horatio Cornblower

If by “second” you mean “deep centerfield”

Old School Zero
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I don’t understand how a pitcher can’t throw to a base

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, usually that affliction is restricted to Chuck Knoblauch types.

Spur

Do these games always drag like this?
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Doktor Zymm

I think this is actually a fairly fast moving baseball game. As I understand it, baseball was popular back before they had tv, because it gave people who were skipping work something to look at while they were drinking all day.

Horatio Cornblower

You know what would be better? The last two minutes of a football game with 4 time-outs, the 2 minute warning, and 7 commercials for guys who can’t get a boner unless they own two bathtubs.

Doktor Zymm

When the little man in the diving helmet surfaces from the bath water, we need to get him to a pressure chamber right away so he doesn’t get the bends!

Senor Weaselo

Is this leading to a “man in the boat” punchline?

Doktor Zymm

It totally could! I feel like there’s a rich vein of filthy puns here…

Doktor Zymm

That was very clearly a “God Dammit”

Doktor Zymm

I always thought it would be great if Zoberist was a huge drunk, since his name sounds like soberest. Of course, they don’t really do the heavy drinking thing in baseball anymore. It’s all those clean living, talented immigrants taking over the game!

Horatio Cornblower

Clean living immigrants like Jose Fernandez for instance.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/29/us/miami-jose-fernandez-toxicology/

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Find me a single sober person on a boat in Miami.

I’ll wait.

Horatio Cornblower

“Find me a single sober person on a boat”.

Fixed

Doktor Zymm

Pfft, he should be able to drink many times that much and still function. He ain’t no Wade Boggs.

Senor Weaselo

Plot twist, that was the magic of the chicken.

Spur

Can the Cubs do it?
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hate this Chapman in the eighth speculation. Up 3, wait and see what happens.

Doktor Zymm

I kinda wish I had made more of an effort in the interview I had with the Cubs a couple years back. I could totally ride these coattails and put ‘contributed to the Cubs not sucking with fancy sports statistics’ on my resume

Senor Weaselo

I wish you’d get a saber for mastering your sabermetrics. You know, for ceremonial purposes.

Doktor Zymm

A saber is a slashing weapon. FOR SLASHING CONFIDENCE MARGINS!

Horatio Cornblower

And you could have gotten us all tickets!

Doktor Zymm

Nah, those tickets would have been for my good friend StubHub.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well that sucked.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spur

Is Charlie Sheen at the game with a minor?

LemonJello

Is Charlie Sheen at the game without an ankle monitor-bracelet?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

I lived in NYC during the 2000 Subway Series, and Chicago during the past week has been waaaaay crazier.

Senor Weaselo

Yeah, I agree, it was more the high level smack talk than anything because we had seen the World Series a fair bit in the city the last few years.

Doktor Zymm

I remember many discussions centering around the relative payrolls of the two teams. This has been WAY more emotional.

Senor Weaselo

Padre Weaselo said he had never heard the dojo so quiet after Jeter went yard to start Game 4, they had the radio on during their warmups and then immediately shut it off.

Doktor Zymm

I was even less baseball-aware back then, but I remember walking down the street and hearing the game playing in every place I passed. Deja vu on that this week, and since it’s been crazy warm, that even includes people’s apartments. It’s pretty freaky, and people walking by are watching through every window as they pass. People were playing it on their phones on the bus. It’s a whole extra level.

LemonJello

Charlie Sheen playing the Crypt Keeper in a new Tales from the Crypt movie?

Old School Zero
Doktor Zymm

I follow the games so I know when to run!

Horatio Cornblower

If that picture were taken in Cleveland the flood would be gravy and NOBODY would be backing up.

Old School Zero

And Indianapolis residents would be bussing over.

Horatio Cornblower

I know this isn’t a popular position but if I never see Bill Murray again I’ll be OK with it.

Duchess

Hey America only likes people who have been accused of spousal abuse when they are White and Whacky!

Spur

more of this please

LemonJello

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