You can take the states of Meeeechigan and Ohio and use them exclusively for nuclear waste storage for all I care. Oh, and I guess to hold the collective ESPN commentator ejaculate.
Anyway, Burnley host Man City to kick your Saturday off. You can watch while pretending to have resolve to get up early and get on that treadmill/exercise bike (7:30, NBCSN). You get a terrible, unspeakable game on NBCSN in the 10:00 window, watch Leicester/Middlesbrough on CNBC instead.
5th position Spurs invade top of the table Chelski at 12:30, and it rightly gets big boy NBC coverage. This is the match of the weekend, and a true test of whether Chelski have the mettle of a potential champion. Tottenham usually do quite poorly here, but this is a different caliber side than most of the past decade-plus.
CNBC start Sunday with a drab double-header of Watford/Stoke (7:00) and Arsenal/Bornemoth (9:15). At least the latter is a grudge match between Horatio and yeah right!
The real action is in the 11:30 window, with NBCSN taking Manure hosting West Ham, with Mourinho trying to pull himself out of a death spiral against an equally desperate side that surprisingly finds itself just clear of the relegation zone. On CNBC, 7th position Everton visit 11th place Soton, who will look to provide a rude welcome to their former manager, Ronald Koeman. Everton are in very poor form at present, so…blech.
Georgia Tech at Georgia (Noon, SECN)
This game is underrated in the intensity of the hatred it produces/involves, but it will be nigh unwatchable this year due to the Bees’ offensive style and the Dawgs’ offensive ineptitude. The latter is largely due to youth, though. GT is abandon all hope, ye who enter here…
Kentucky at Louisville (Noon, ESPN)
They moved this “always used to be Labor Day Weekend” fixture to the end of the season, presumably to make fans more confused as to why this isn’t a basketball game.
Michigan at Ohio State (Noon, ABC)
HantaAIDS FOAR all.
Mississippi State at Ole Miss (3:30, SECN)
Johnny Reb needs this Egg Bowl (coo coo ka-choo!!) to qualify for a shitty bowl bid, thanks to their hilarious loss at Vandy. The Cowbells just aim to fuck shit up, which is always fun in a rivalry game.
Auburn at Alabama (3:30, CBS)
Iron Bowl! A game Roll Damn Time could conceivably lose! No wait, Bama’s at home. Try again next year, War Damn Eagle.
Notre Dame at USC (3:30, ABC)
Because laughing at Brian Kelly is really, really fun.
Utah at Colorado (7:30, Fox)
Buffs go to the Pac 12 title game with a win. Otherwise, SC gets it.
South Carolina at Clemson (7:30, ESPN)
The Chickens are pretty meh, but stabilized a little bit late, as the Tiggers have wobbled. Minor upset potential is present.
Tennessee at Vanderbilt (7:30, SECN)
Vandy can also get into a shit bowl with a win over a rival, and the Vols have little to play for other than maintaining their .950-ish all-time record over the sad sack Commodores. Again, minor upset potential is present.
Florida at Florida State (8:00, ABC)
I see nothing compelling in this “spotlight” game whatsoever.
I caught some of the local news last night by accident and they broadcast some MOS interviews with people about their reaction to BLM protests along Michigan Avenue that included blocking some stores.
Of course they interview all sorts of frustrated white people who say things like “this isn’t the proper time or place for this” with the subtext being that proper place is “where I can ignore it” and the proper time is “never.”
I mean, Heaven forbid someone brielfy interfere with your unnecessary shopping.
Apparently if you are Native American having an unarmed protest for a violation of sovereign land the full militarized force is set upon you, if you are white and have an armed insurrection and occupy a federal building we’re good; free to go.
I’m guessing this is your fave band?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9rG7hSHC1I
/can’t resist a dig
I just had to type it to let it sink in a bit. Pardon my big ass.
GOAL SPURS!!! And not-Harry Kane, so can be fully happy!!
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6hvj3q4BS1qz4jelo1_1280.jpg
Joe Bob Briggs – approved boob fu
If I had a massive penis enlargement I wouldn’t waste it on bricks.
/Dominoes is where it’s at
Announcer states Ohio QB has good protection as defender sacks said QB. Fuck I hate sports announcers.
ur not like the other ppl here in the trailer park..
JUMPIN’ JESUS ON A POGO STICK!!
So when does Harbaugh…woody hayes a mother fucker?
http://i.imgur.com/iAOK5tL.gif
My money, its his own player…
Have leftover ham from Thanksgiving?
Dice it up and remove the nasty bits.
Take 2 pounds of potatoes and run then through a mandolin or just slice super thin.
Get a pint of heavy cream.
Grab a cup and grate some fresh Parmigiano-Reggiano into it. Yes a full cup.
Mince a couple of cloves of garlic.
Get some sprigs of fresh thyme.
Combine all of this and put in a baking dish.
Sprinkle with salt, freshly ground black pepper and a sprinkle of NUTMEG!
Bake in a preheated 375 degree oven until bubbly.
Rest for 10 minutes and serve with a side salad and some crusty bread.
Congratulations, you just made baked ham and potato gratin.
Accept the accolades and bask in the glory.
Drink all of the beer.
I’m not even a little hungry and that still sounds mouth-watering.
It’s so simple and so damn easy and so damn rich.
Slicing the potatoes correctly is key.
Be careful with that mandolin.
We lost a lot of good men out there.
Ray Romano’s brother is no Fred Gwynne.
Nor was he Jackie Gleason..
If the company softball game is any indication, he’s no Tony Gwynn either.
If I am made emperor…scores from unaffiliated sporting leagues will not be shown at the bottom of the score board during sporting events.
I keep getting confused by basketball scores during a fucking football game…STOP IT!
When I’m elected God I’ll appoint you emperor and we will GET SHIT DONE
Don’t these asshole sports networks know that there is an invention called the DVR?
And people may want to watch more than one sporting event while fast forwarding through the commercials?
Stop showing the scores you stupid fucks!
Hot take: Lewis Black’s “Rules Of Enragement” is a top 10 of all time comedy album.
It’s in the running for sure. Rant in E-Minor always works for me.
I saw him at the DPAC in Durham like 10 years ago (pre recluse-hood), and he was great.
Milwaukee with Dave Attell and Mitch Hedberg (RIP goddamnit).
Holy shit! All on the same bill?
Yup. Insomniac tour.
Every fucking time…
I can never deep fry a turkey without a fucking problem….
I’m sure it’s just cosmetic. A coupla coats of paint will fix it right up.
I was five payments away from owning that shit outright…
Seriously…every time I buy a turkey fryer on layaway, bad shit happens….
Frabreeze would work.
Hey scotchy this is that “yule log” channel you were watching yesterday.
[Mistaking it for a dumpster, cheers half-heartedly]
-Browns Fan
So this morning I made some machaca with slow-scrambled eggs for burritos. My wife and I got into a fight because she INSISTED on adding to it some overcooked scrambled eggs from the previous morning (that I had been saving in the refrigerator to give to the DOG). She’s insane, right? Like, over the rainbow, bars in the window, right?
You should get her one of those stylish white coats with the extra long arms and all the buttons in the back.
Scrambled eggs must be served immediately. Please scramble your eggs softly.
This has been a message from the egg advisory council.
Abraham Lincoln was a chimpanzee! Much like everything else, Mark Wahlberg can’t comprehend it!
That movie is idiotic. Marky Mark spends the entire opening complaining they should let humans fly the ships, and each time he does it, HE CRASHES THE FUCKING SHIP. Chimp flies? Perfect landing.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/51a199ef6cf20c4eb08adcf70cb4e719/tumblr_ognrrfUqJn1s6de4ro1_500.jpg
I love my wife’s brother’s family, but four full days of being nice is just way too much.
I couldn’t make it 4 fucking hours with my sister’s family, but you know me well enough not to be surprised.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/5ca2b7ba4e2735e15564fc300476f0e6/tumblr_ogbb2gJlVv1qz5q5oo1_1280.jpg
Jeebus…I’m still recovering from just one day with my own family.
You deserve Sainthood, Sir.
Man Neil Gaiman needs to cut back on the cocaine.
THEY’RE FINALLY GONE!!!
Your food processor may be sentient though.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/814eb4c8e7cd9ef5fd99dd06044b24f0/tumblr_ogbm3fpoKz1rbhnqko1_400.gif
True story that Ram commercial reminded me of: papa entropy asks me, as a teenager, “if everyone you knew jumped off a bridge would you do it too?”
I replied, “if everyone I knew jumped off a bridge sooner or later it wouldn’t hurt.”
Oh he beat the shit outta me.
I laughed before I got to the beating part, now I feel bad. ASSHOLE!!
It’s cool. I earned that one when I wouldn’t stop laughing. And I wasn’t hospitalized or anything.
The fucking Chevy commercials drive me nuts. Its like they collect the six individuals they could find in America that have never seen a fucking car before, and film how amazed they are at one.
“I like that the headlights face towards the road!”
When you’re strongest selling point is basically “it’s a mullet,” maybe you’re doing it wrong.
I want to seriously injure the Chevy guy.
My old man was way more sarcastic…. and for that I thank him.
If UK beats UL…do the votes have to come up with a Lamar! replacement?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/2c72365091038d85826e200120d8b44d/tumblr_mwegnxTTr01sp0wbko1_500.jpg
“You used my image without my permission?”
-Buddy Cole
One of the bittersweet things about our New Business Overlord is that we can finally do away with the term “microaggressions,” which makes me rather happy; the sad part is we will simply replace them with 50s-style actual aggressions.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/723c86057f365010b9005546f5a5f15e/tumblr_ogq45x3Peo1qirdrko1_1280.png
Twitter-aggressions?
Tweet Lives Matter?
While Trump is certainly no committed nationalist, I fear that he’s sufficiently normalized and softened up the country to accept an actual nationalist who really will do scary pogrom-esque shit.
or he will just delegate the “race war” and “pogrom” elements to trusted lieutenants, while he happily grifts and tweets.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/dc-restaurant-apologizes-for-hosting-alt-right-group-diners-who-performed-nazi-salute/
and the polite term for Neo-Nazi; “Alt-Right.”
Stop being insightful-I’M DRINKING OVER HERE!
I’m just drunk enough to appear deep, I’ll be a moron again soon.
Way ahead of you.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/f2738551b241daeaa61c531249177b75/tumblr_oghtunTagb1rbhnqko1_400.gif
I don’t get pokemon….
Shut me off cuz I’ll go crazy with this planet on my hands…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKj5cJ9_KSg
What does everyone thing the percentage of people in the stands for the Ohio State/Michigan that actually went to either colleges?
I’m thinking low teens…
Ah, someone’s taking the over, I see.
You think they went to college?
It’s where all the best parties were in High School.
I don;t know how anyone could not be a little pumped for the Ohio/Michigan game.
I mean its two really good time, from two of the most racist, ignorant parts of the US….so many easy ways to troll morons on twitter…YOU GOT TO LOVE IT!!!
derps…”Teams”….the gin is getting to me already….
It’s the Iron Bowl for people who sneer at the South while sharing many of its key values!
To be fair, they usually just laugh at the South for being poor and uneducated. They know damn well they share the racism.
Yeah, but they’ll pretend they don’t share than on the surface.
am I the only one watching not-OH/MI? Just randomly clicking about until Spurs/Chelski
I kid you fucking not…I am working a steel mill job in Ecorse.
One of the site electricians working with me asked where we were based out of.
“Virginia”
“Man…I don’t know how you Niggers can live in the racist ass south”
I fucking hate working up in the Great Lakes region. I never…EVER get disrespected, even in the deep fucking South, like I do up there.
Yeah but we’re just so enlightened up here that we can talk like that.
What, did you guys “take the word back,” Randall-style?
We don’t even see race; we just assume we’re white because the state went to trump
Ah, the Pennsylvania Strategy. Gotcha.
Sorry everybody…I didn’t really mean to harsh the whole thread.
Nothing to apologize for; we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled dick jokes soon enough.
The fact that was not an ironic comment is so very, very telling of how the Midwest thinks.
I have heard that from other black folks, that it’s MUCH less comfortable in the rust belt midwest/Boston where the racism is under a veneer than in the more “hashed out” racist South.
Shit, in the non-Appalachian parts of states like VA and NC there is likely less ACTUAL racism, even.
Every steel mill I have worked in the South, the day shift is white, black, latino….well there is one mill in Arkansas, that the one shift electrician is so openingly gay, its FANTASTIC!
All that matters is production. They want the best of the best available 24/7.
You go up north…the day shift are the old white guys. The few minorities and women all have to do the night shift and that’s when everything gets done. The union demands this and the management tolerates it.
No wonder unions are dying off.
I’m watching Planet of the Apes or as Trumpers would call it, ‘that documentary about Obama’s America”.
Pretty much every commenter at StormFront just got a bloody nose from that comment.
/Dinesh D’Souza cums
/cellmate beats him
All of these RIP Castro comments from kids on the tweetbook can’t be real. No one knows history anymore. Castro is not Guevara. Guevara was the socialist idealist known equally for his compassion for the poor and tired, and willingness to murder people who didn’t agree with him. Castro was the one who rode that populist revolution to power, maybe sorta sold Che out, immediately compromised the idealism for communism when the Soviets offered resources, and let his country spend the last 3 decades in squalor because he wouldn’t adapt to the world changing around him.
They really shouldn’t celebrate Guevara either, but a deep vein of righteous rebellion (and secret love of autocratic rule), is the far left’s fatal flaw.
It’s easy to get lost in his philosophies and stories dealing with the downtrodden, but you would think the fact that half the people who survived the revolution consider him a monstrous butcher would give away the game.
Say what you will about Stalin, but at least that man was THOROUGH
Many, perhaps most of these people, are the reason we will have a President Trump. No understanding of history or critical thought.
Nothing made me roll my eyes harder than seeing guys on Facebook with profile pictures holding their child in their suburban dwelling talking about how “maybe we just need to burn it down.” Bitch, if shit really burned down, you’d be fucking food.
Now 4-4 with 7 minutes of added time. BONKERS.
That was fun! WOOOOOO SWANS!!!!1!
PS Please don’t get relegated.
I would LOVE to see Palace and/or the Hammers go down instead.
Hell yes!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hkt8E2Ul-Xw
Just got a fucking phone call from the fucking funeral. Because the procession got stuck in traffic, ergo instead of getting to the grave site by 3pm, we got there at 307pm…it counts as a “night time burial” and therefore they need to charge for the lights they never set up.
I fucking detest funeral home directors.
How does a funeral procession get stuck in traffic? Do they not let them go through all that shit by you, or is that a PA thing?
This is the official version which probably is not truthful.
http://patch.com/illinois/beverly-mtgreenwood/police-involved-shooting-mt-greenwood
“What’re you gonna do, unbury him?”
At some point, baseball bats become acceptable negotiating tools
Nikki (the bass player) is adorable in concert. She does this weird little hopping dance the entire time she plays.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XN0NtrnfMY
My kids get a kick out of the fact that the lead singer is actually a guy (Brian). And not only a guy, but a bearded, married father. Nikki, a mom of twins, is like his platonic bestie and DJ’ed his wedding.
And Nikki sings background and occasionally co-lead, so they will ask me “is this the guy, or the girl??” Hee hee.
I love these guys. They are truly amazing in concert.
Having heard them speak a few times, they seem like they would be amazing to hang out with, too. Glad they are having such success.
Palace get a fluke deflection to go level at 3! Alan Pardew, still a cunt!!!
And apparently, being Captain this weekend turns you into a homo ,, no ofence
http://68.media.tumblr.com/afaeef607f71565fc7be57b9b527f921/tumblr_o4kcbddBsE1qf5hozo1_1280.jpg
Know what’s fun? Trying to get a house decorated for Christmas with an 11 yr old ADHD case running all over the place knocking shit over.
Christamighty.
STOP PULLING ON THE F…..
…ON THE TREE!!!!
/profanity editor enganged
Impressive. I’m usually about twelve f-bombs deep before one of my family members gives me that “you’re such an asshole” look and I have to pretend it’s not hilarious when a three year old says “fuck.”
You still pretend? That’s impressive caring.
I do my best. When she starts shouting “FUCK!!” just to get a reaction from people, I lose my damn mind. That’s usually when everyone starts asking why they invited me again.
Give it time….I haven’t started drinking yet.
Past 3 years, I make the kids do everything except the tree lifting. I’m mad because all three are in TN this year with my ex-in laws (they have health problems) so I am not supposed to be saddled with a tree but twins got one yesterday anyway.
With the pressure of the old house not selling and various work-related stresses, I really DID NOT need one more stupid ass layer on the shit cake like this.
I hate putting this shit up too, especially before my birthday. But b/w the kid and it being Mom’s favorite time of year (and now with dad gone), I kinda don’t have a choice.
Vodka will fall hard later, tho.
So the term “conflict of interest” has apparently lost all meaning.
Christ, I am somewhat comforted by all this. If he is just in this for grifting, that’s better than blowing up the world and/or destroying the economy and/or our basic democratic and civil service systems.
I mean, it’s still obviously, patently wrong and SHOULD be criminal…but this is what WE THE PEOPLE elected and deserve.
The entire Trump presidency will be four long years ending with the punchline, “Bitch you knew I was a snake when you picked me up.”
All one needs to know about the world can be discerned from a viewing of “Natural Born Killers.” HUZZAH!!
Yeah, it was pretty clear that this was the most likely outcome. The people screaming about him being an orange Hitler never really understood Hitler. Hitler believed in something bigger than himself; Trump believes nothing is bigger than himself.
All of this is setting up for a bloodbath in the 2018 midterms which I eagerly hope for.
Yeah, the Democrats are going to get their asses kicked.
Man, that Swans/Palace game really went bonkers whilst I was taking a shit.
It’s going to be hilarious when Texas is forced to buy out Tom Herman for $15 million after two 7-6 seasons.
Wait. Horatio likes Arsenal AND the Cowboys?
Holy Jesus.
AND the Yankees
GAHHHH!
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/8c/8c30e980d79aa75ea142e723f24b5c06eb93295e594226e4c81982463cf136aa.jpg
I guess we’re allowed to have one of them here. But just one.
For everyone but Horatio, we get rid of the login math test and ask for team allegiances.
Harrumph!
For some reason a part of me thinks he’s a Lakers fan too.
Uh…… I’m the Lakers fan here.
//ducks
“We are thoroughly engaged, gentlemen.”
-Scotch Mode
I weighed myself yesterday, living on one serving of oatmeal, coffee, fruit/veggie juice, and pills until further notice. JESUS FUCK.
I’ve been doing the “Plenty of Booze and 1 Meal A Day Plan” for three weeks now. The results are astounding!
That much, eh?
Go get ’em Scotchy.
I’m not even out of bed yet.
Are you kidding? It’s 49 degrees outside.
49!
How much is a man supposed to take?
49? 49?!?! That’s when it is comfortable to go pantsless and masturbate at the bus stop.
Temples are also back this winter, that is a good thing:
Don’t tell me this gal needs a sammich, she perfect in every way. How she gets such giant sound out of that teeny body, I just dunno…
DAMN.
Sounds as if someone, I won’t name names, would be willing to help get some sounds out of that teeny body.
MOAR LIEK “Ewwwww, no…..” hee hee
I’ve always been a sucker for a girl with a voice so I too say DAMN.
I like one that will rock a track suit like that, too. Shades of Emily Haines (another in my inner sanctum of idealized songstress womenfolk).
Ain’t nuttin’ wrong wit skinny girls.
*Except the unhealthy ones.
**She seems very healthy.
***Anyone who’s dated a multi-orgasmic distance runner will….. never mind.
Every girl I dated in high school was a volleyball player. Coincidence? Yes.
/perhaps not though
//they practised before the basketball team and there were tight gym shorts, bouncing boobs, flushed faces and other things
Tall and fit? Sign me up.
Pre movie code; one year later they covered everything up.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/6c31fa02dd0fd1db9a719c4848d23e01/tumblr_og1c8f6sNg1qz78r0o1_1280.jpg
It does not feel like Saturday. But let’s all just never go back to work.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/ed6e51fa5e05d31bf9fb38f3aa469d32/tumblr_n5jljbBCED1s6u7eho2_1280.jpg
For a UCLA guy, you would think today is a root for the meteor day. It’s not. I hate Notre Dame with the intensity of a thousand suns and I can’t wait for USC to embarrass them on national TV.
I’m also catholic, so…
The alternative is that the Domers spring the upset and embarrass USC which I would find highly hilarious.
So today is a Win Win for me, is what I’m saying.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/234eff32ebe9c24fe014b1fd08d9e3f0/tumblr_ofk0w5aVjL1rbhnqko1_400.gif
This is a very strange video. Good song, though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBzrzS1Ag_g
Definitely like the intro
I thought that would go over well here.
LOVE IT. Tame Impala is the best. Incredible musical range. For instance, this oldie but goodie (Pink Floyd vibe):
10:15 AM whiskey? 10:15 AM whiskey.
There’s a lot of local insanity regarding today’s Penn State game, and I must be fortified to deal with any of it.
Nice. And here I was waiting until 11 for no real reason…
I may not be the best person to use as your drinking compass.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbdz9c8TaB1qcxymno2_500.gif
Here I am, trying to find a reason to just power through. Wifey took baby to her mother’s for the day. I’ve got the place to myself for the first time in months. Problem is, I’m probably just going to listen to Neil Young while passing out.
Fidel Castro dies [#TOPICAL] and goes to Heaven. St. Peter meets him and Fidel says:
–I wanna talk to God.
St. Peter says no but Fidel goes on a two-hour harangue and St. Peter relents:
–Down the hall, third door on the right.
Fidel goes in, three hours pass, four hours, ten hours… The door flies open [teehee] and St. Peter asks:
–God! What’s going on?
And God says:
–First of all, it’s “comrade”. Second, God doesn’t exist.
Did someone say Chilli?
http://rollingout.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/15737_rozonda_chilli_thomas_scaled.jpg?b0a886
Speaking of chili….
Up all night, because I’m dranking and making chili. Simpsons marathon only adds to my addictions.
I put chorizo in mine yesterday because I found some at the grocery store. Do you how often that’s on the shelves in Forgotten, Ontario? About twice a freakin’ year.
Don’t read the ingredient list.