I’d like to take this time to share with you some of my acquired non-football related wisdom. Are you ready? Here goes. I have moved many, many times over the years. It’s only been in the last dozen or so that I’ve been able to hire fellas to do it for me. That said, “the cheaper the moving company, the more likely said movers will have significant hygiene issues”. You’re welcome. Now… TO THE GAME!
Dal/NYG– Dallas has reached 11 straight wins due to the good fortune of qb Romo doing what he does most consistently-getting injured. Okay, maybe they lucked out in the draft. Okay, maybe they bothered to spend some money on their offensive line. Okay, maybe they’ve benefited from a weaker sked. Okay, maybe owner Jerry Jones has ceded some footballing decisions to folks that are far more qualified. Okay, for absolutely sure I’m a-feared of these damn Cowboys going forward. Honestly, Elisha has to pull a Super Bowl-winning performance out of his ass if the Giants are going to win. His play this year has been…Elisha-like to date, so I’m thinking Dallas is going to romp.
I hope that they don’t romp BUT I HOPE THAT YOU ROMP COMMENT-WISE! DO IT!
Peak Hotness
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMYi
They’re here~
Borked
Tasty ginger snaps >> That ginger fuck Jason Garrett
Ginger snaps are pretty tasty, you’ve got a point there.
Hi I am here for the meteorite hitting Jersey, am I too late?
Hasn’t happened yet.
Unfortunately, no
hu·mor.
[ˈ(h)yo͞omər]
NOUN
1.the quality of being amusing or comic, especially as expressed in literature or speech:
“his tales are full of humor”
synonyms: comedy · comical aspect · funny side · fun · amusement ·
2.a mood or state of mind:
“her good humor vanished” ·
synonyms: mood · temper · disposition · temperament · nature ·
3. historical
each of the four chief fluids of the body (blood, phlegm, yellow bile [choler], and black bile [melancholy]) that were thought to determine a person’s physical and mental qualities by the relative proportions in which they were present.
VERB
1.comply with the wishes of (someone) in order to keep them content, however unreasonable such wishes might be:
synonyms: indulge · accommodate · pander to · cater to · yield to
Could you do ‘hummer’ next?
Nobody would get that either.
Does Ben McAdoo have a bowl cut?
He and Mark Davis go to the same guy at the same time and are in and out of there in ten minutes.
Ten?
DAL is frighteningly good.
I will legit welcome a second Patriots dynasty with open arms if it means there will be no Dallas championship.
You must hate “others”.
Whoa. Let’s not start saying shit we can’t take back.
It’s that kind of insanity that gave us Marky Mark the Actor
PI – Yes, Rouging Eli – NO
Pretty pretty girl
Audibles considered for Eli:
NUGGETS!
JUICE BOX!
CRAYONS!
DORA! DORA! DORA!
http://68.media.tumblr.com/8f4f28d2ca45c76e05b2260042a4eaf1/tumblr_ogn4fgRfw81r4dip7o1_540.jpg
Wendy O. killed herself in my current town.
So we’ve got that going for us.
“PBJ! PBJ! NAPTIME… NAPTIME… HUT!” – Elisha
Sounds like a night at Dahmer’s house.
Jinkies! It’s Jenkins!
Fuck! Dez slipped.
As long as he didn’t slip upside his momma’s face
Dez Bryant when he got drafted was asked if his mother was a whore. He also was asked if his father was Dolemite, and if so, could he get him to autograph some shit for the Miami front office.
Reason 14, why the Democrats lost the election
Lamp Lives Matter?
Quitting that bunch of losers was almost as satisfying as passing the bar exam.
In a just world, the old man reading his book would beat that motherfucker to death with the phone handset attached to the side of his face.
The man would then be carried off on the shoulders of the rest of the people in that waiting area to be feted with women and booze like the goddamn hero he is.
I appreciate originality, I applaud with both hands.
I loathe assholelishness, I pummel with both hands.
Evening (once again) everyone.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/f0aaefaa4080c2df078a560cdc6ce258/tumblr_ohb44n13IZ1r4dip7o1_1280.jpg
If virtual reality makes you cry, you aren’t spending enough time in actual reality.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFfriNOJy54
http://68.media.tumblr.com/497fcb1074b6693730a996c4866ffb6c/tumblr_ohb3yrMUWO1r4dip7o1_500.jpg
“Chantax, if you think the cigs aren’t killing you fast enough.”
As I’m sure I’ve mentioned here before I became a Cowboys fan in ’76 when I received a Leroy Jordan jersey for Xmas. My brother got a Franco Harris jersey and has been a Steelers fan ever since.
We’re simple people.
At any rate I always thought that my father, a Giants fan, (although he doesn’t really care about football), gave them to us so that we wouldn’t suffer, because the Giants back then were BAD. I recently thanked him for that and he said “I never gave you those shirts. That was your Aunt (X), and I’ve never forgiven her for it.”
So that was awkward.
They lost me when JJ bought the team.
I’m sorry your aunt made you a horrible person.
So there’s a man who has a bionic penis, and apparently women want to sex him up a lot. I don’t know about you but whenever they switch from bottom to top it counts as a turn of Moore’s Law!
Wait, so his penis gets twice as small and fast every couple years?
If anyone ever asks me why I come here, it’s for people who manage to make dick jokes involving Moore’s Law.
Why couldn’t that be me?
Old Ass Witten making you look slow
http://68.media.tumblr.com/20d65bbd571af50b9b221719f240fffc/tumblr_oguk5mgDU61r4dip7o1_1280.jpg
All she’s going to attract is a bunch of broke fuckers
Also, the new Daniel Tosh stand up album is fucking brutally funny.
That man clearly gives no shits – and is a gigantic asshole.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/794719b60aca92489b28763337faf8a3/tumblr_ogsiq7G9Ve1r4dip7o1_500.jpg
It’s hard enough not to stab people without listening to that racist, sexist piece of shit.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/9034308a2180597acce3f729e237003b/tumblr_oh1qdngmW91r4dip7o1_1280.jpg
Oh Eli…thank you.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/e32b17b81c2acf26bc151f88c0bca527/tumblr_ohb46h7wjA1r4dip7o1_500.gif
Apparently Beckham has decided to make his murder of my fantasy season as slow and painful as possible.
Imaginative play-calling by the Giants? I’m unfamiliar with this world.
Ah, shit.
You know, the one thing that the Trump regime is going to bring – packs of skinheads and neo nazis – will bring me a new hobby of beating the fuck out of people who deserve it.
My last fight was with a skinhead who kicked me in the chest, and I was able to bloody his nose and punch him hard in the ribs.
Fuck these people. They deserve the very worst. And I’m ready to deliver it to them.
JJ Fozz: The hero we need but probably don’t deserve.
We absolutely do not deserve him. We deserve the eight-year ass raping we’re going to get.
There’s a new meme macro on FB about how the lesson from Standing Rock is that it worked.
1) No, it did not.
2) This just means that we’ll never see a proper antifa or punk-like movement arise and it’s a goddamn shame because the best part about skinheads and antifa fighting is that on this side of the Atlantic, we have GUNS. LOTS OF FUCKING GUNS.
It’s funny what happens when you stumble into a cancer ward.
it IS war. No doubt about it, they’ve made an open declaration. Don’t go Vichy. Fight back.
You got lucky there was only one. I’ve never known those fuckers to be brave enough to not fight in packs.
Nodell
/Actually turns to look at the game
What the fuck are those pants?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mput_1lVYus
You know the thing that weirds me out about watching NFL broadcasts…its the show promos. I have no fucking clue who watches this shit and why, and it kind of drives home the point I have like zero fucking connection with US culture.
I understood tv better when i was living in Japan.
That’s why we’re all here.
And seizures.
(I would have posted the infamous Porygon seizure bit here.)
Network TV still has to cater to as broad of an audience as possible and that means producing lowest common denominator schlock.
40 years of cable and now cord-cutting has proven that is impossible to do, but …
Oh, I forgot who I’m talking about. Fuck.
“The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, on…yknow, whenever the fuck it’s on.”
-Al Michaels
“The Tonight Show with Harry Carson”
If Al really thought that, I’d be forced to like him.
why hasn’t anyone set that irritating little chucklefuck on fire yet, anyway?
Okay, it’s not all that bad
Watching the NY vs DAL game, and I have a serious, urgent question. Do you thing the NYG head coach is aware of how doofy he looks. I mean, he looks like he’s playing the role of the mentally challanged guy in an insensitive 80’s movie.
yes, it was hard not to yell at the teevee in “Corky voice” because I am a terrible, terrible person
I’m tempted to watch Timeless to make myself angry at how horrible a time travel serial can be.
It may be cold in New York but take solace in knowing that it is warm where Joe Paterno is. By that I mean 30 men are masturbating to his photo in a SoHo bath-house.
Re-reading that in Buddy’s voice nearly made me piss myself from laughing so hard
I hate the Cowboys and I want them to advance about to the second round of the playoffs, and then I want to watch them get destroyed like an 18 year old virgin at the hands of a young, virile, off the charts horny John Holmes.
That would truly be a Wonderland.
I want them to end up in a playoff game with the Raiders, and then have a Raiders fan streak across the field with a knife and stab the most hateable members of the Cowboys.
I support this message.
Insurmountable lead
Twitter just reinstated the account of the white nationalist that created and popularized the term “Alt-Right”…
because if twitter needs one thing…its more racist, shit spewing trolls.
Twitter is a cesspit for people who can’t use words as complicated as cesspit
And Ape
Well, that’s who owns and operates Twitter and the entire goddamn Internet. So it’s only fitting.
I thought alt-right was a new keyboard combination, but “Jew-CapsLock” isn’t a potential combination.
Great fake.
That was a sweet play.
I know I am suppose to hate the Cowboys…but dear god, this team is fun to watch. I can’t help but enjoy watching a young player just click with his team like Dak is doing.
TD Cowboys!
Zeke is a snow blower.
Nah, that’s just a milk moustache
You sure it’s not his Michael Irvin impersonation?
Sometimes when I see those shirts that say “Arm the Homeless” and I think that’s what Jimmy Haslam calls the guy who told him to draft Manziel.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/ad57f3eddae7845644664eb6845eb2e1/tumblr_mso9m9ySs11rey868o1_500.gif
PIVOTAL COWBOYS MOMENT : AVOIDING JOHNNY FOOTBALL
I didn’t watch the second slate of games because Flyers hockey is very watchable as of late. What the fuck happened to Russel Wilson?
all the NC State QBs went full moe-ron today. Tampa is just damned lucky they didn’t have to put Glennon in.
The Russians have apparently had an influence on our election, but I think we need tend to underestimate their other influences on us: the stark reality of a grey life that ends in a potential nuclear holocaust.
When depressed people ask me for book recommendations I always go with Russian lit. Why read self-help books that’ll just make you roll your eyes when you can read about making depression a way of life?
Russia did dystopian novels before dystopian novels were cool.
If you buy a Dos”Toy”evsky for your child, it is a doll weathered by time wrongfully spent in a gulag and potentially may or may not have tried to seduce the Nabokov Bake Oven.
It’s when you kill your Barbie just to see if you’re capable of it and to learn about universal justice
That’s when you go from Nabokov to Chikatilo.
Soon there will be robot butlers and people won’t have to date other people just to avoid walking to the kitchen to get their own drink.
Yeah, they keep saying that but I am still stuck here with no one to get me more ice
or to…you know
/watches Westworld
“al, you stole my thought.”
THIS QUOTE, I CALL IT A HARMLESS CRIME
He only had the one…..so sad
look at the balls on that ginger freak!
Young man, I’ll have you know that they are referred to “testicles”, and they reside in a sack of smooth, shorn skin that has been bathed in the very best lotions one can purchase in Manhattan. T
As it turns out, someone took Dave Chappelle’s old bit and ran with it.
http://www.medicaldaily.com/scrotox-botox-injection-claims-smooth-and-boost-size-wrinkly-male-private-398969