Your “NFC East Feast And/Or Blowout” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

I’d like to take this time to share with you some of my acquired non-football related wisdom. Are you ready? Here goes. I have moved many, many times over the years. It’s only been in the last dozen or so that I’ve been able to hire fellas to do it for me. That said, “the cheaper the moving company, the more likely said movers will have significant hygiene issues”. You’re welcome. Now… TO THE GAME!

Dal/NYG– Dallas has reached 11 straight wins due to the good fortune of qb Romo doing what he does most consistently-getting injured. Okay, maybe they lucked out in the draft. Okay, maybe they bothered to spend some money on their offensive line. Okay, maybe they’ve benefited from a weaker sked. Okay, maybe owner Jerry Jones has ceded some footballing decisions to folks that are far more qualified. Okay, for absolutely sure I’m a-feared of these damn Cowboys going forward. Honestly, Elisha has to pull a Super Bowl-winning performance out of his ass if the Giants are going to win. His play this year has been…Elisha-like to date, so I’m thinking Dallas is going to romp.

I hope that they don’t romp BUT I HOPE THAT YOU ROMP COMMENT-WISE! DO IT!

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Spur
Gratliff

They’re here~

Unsurprised

Borked

Doktor Zymm

Tasty ginger snaps >> That ginger fuck Jason Garrett

Senor Weaselo

Ginger snaps are pretty tasty, you’ve got a point there.

litre_cola

Hi I am here for the meteorite hitting Jersey, am I too late?

Sharkbait

Hasn’t happened yet.

Unsurprised

Unfortunately, no

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

hu·mor.
[ˈ(h)yo͞omər]
NOUN
1.the quality of being amusing or comic, especially as expressed in literature or speech:
“his tales are full of humor”
synonyms: comedy · comical aspect · funny side · fun · amusement ·
2.a mood or state of mind:
“her good humor vanished” ·
synonyms: mood · temper · disposition · temperament · nature ·
3. historical
each of the four chief fluids of the body (blood, phlegm, yellow bile [choler], and black bile [melancholy]) that were thought to determine a person’s physical and mental qualities by the relative proportions in which they were present.

VERB
1.comply with the wishes of (someone) in order to keep them content, however unreasonable such wishes might be:
synonyms: indulge · accommodate · pander to · cater to · yield to

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nobody would get that either.

Sharkbait

Does Ben McAdoo have a bowl cut?

Unsurprised

Ten?

King Hippo

DAL is frighteningly good.

Gratliff

I will legit welcome a second Patriots dynasty with open arms if it means there will be no Dallas championship.

Spur

You must hate “others”.

Unsurprised

Whoa. Let’s not start saying shit we can’t take back.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

It’s that kind of insanity that gave us Marky Mark the Actor

Spur

PI – Yes, Rouging Eli – NO

Unsurprised

Pretty pretty girl

jjfozz

Audibles considered for Eli:

NUGGETS!
JUICE BOX!
CRAYONS!
DORA! DORA! DORA!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Horatio Cornblower

Wendy O. killed herself in my current town.

So we’ve got that going for us.

The Maestro

“PBJ! PBJ! NAPTIME… NAPTIME… HUT!” – Elisha

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sounds like a night at Dahmer’s house.

Spur

Fuck! Dez slipped.

Doktor Zymm

As long as he didn’t slip upside his momma’s face

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Dez Bryant when he got drafted was asked if his mother was a whore. He also was asked if his father was Dolemite, and if so, could he get him to autograph some shit for the Miami front office.

JustStopDude

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Spur

Reason 14, why the Democrats lost the election

Sharkbait

Lamp Lives Matter?

Unsurprised

Quitting that bunch of losers was almost as satisfying as passing the bar exam.

Unsurprised

In a just world, the old man reading his book would beat that motherfucker to death with the phone handset attached to the side of his face.

The man would then be carried off on the shoulders of the rest of the people in that waiting area to be feted with women and booze like the goddamn hero he is.

jjfozz

I appreciate originality, I applaud with both hands.

I loathe assholelishness, I pummel with both hands.

Sharkbait

Evening (once again) everyone.

jjfozz

If virtual reality makes you cry, you aren’t spending enough time in actual reality.

Spur
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

“Chantax, if you think the cigs aren’t killing you fast enough.”

Horatio Cornblower

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned here before I became a Cowboys fan in ’76 when I received a Leroy Jordan jersey for Xmas. My brother got a Franco Harris jersey and has been a Steelers fan ever since.

We’re simple people.

At any rate I always thought that my father, a Giants fan, (although he doesn’t really care about football), gave them to us so that we wouldn’t suffer, because the Giants back then were BAD. I recently thanked him for that and he said “I never gave you those shirts. That was your Aunt (X), and I’ve never forgiven her for it.”

So that was awkward.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They lost me when JJ bought the team.

Doktor Zymm

I’m sorry your aunt made you a horrible person.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So there’s a man who has a bionic penis, and apparently women want to sex him up a lot. I don’t know about you but whenever they switch from bottom to top it counts as a turn of Moore’s Law!

Doktor Zymm

Wait, so his penis gets twice as small and fast every couple years?

...

If anyone ever asks me why I come here, it’s for people who manage to make dick jokes involving Moore’s Law.

Unsurprised

Why couldn’t that be me?

Spur

Old Ass Witten making you look slow

Unsurprised

All she’s going to attract is a bunch of broke fuckers

jjfozz

Also, the new Daniel Tosh stand up album is fucking brutally funny.

That man clearly gives no shits – and is a gigantic asshole.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

It’s hard enough not to stab people without listening to that racist, sexist piece of shit.

Spur

Oh Eli…thank you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Claymaker

Apparently Beckham has decided to make his murder of my fantasy season as slow and painful as possible.

jjfozz

You know, the one thing that the Trump regime is going to bring – packs of skinheads and neo nazis – will bring me a new hobby of beating the fuck out of people who deserve it.

My last fight was with a skinhead who kicked me in the chest, and I was able to bloody his nose and punch him hard in the ribs.

Fuck these people. They deserve the very worst. And I’m ready to deliver it to them.

...

JJ Fozz: The hero we need but probably don’t deserve.

Unsurprised

We absolutely do not deserve him. We deserve the eight-year ass raping we’re going to get.

Unsurprised

There’s a new meme macro on FB about how the lesson from Standing Rock is that it worked.

1) No, it did not.

2) This just means that we’ll never see a proper antifa or punk-like movement arise and it’s a goddamn shame because the best part about skinheads and antifa fighting is that on this side of the Atlantic, we have GUNS. LOTS OF FUCKING GUNS.

Gratliff

It’s funny what happens when you stumble into a cancer ward.

King Hippo

it IS war. No doubt about it, they’ve made an open declaration. Don’t go Vichy. Fight back.

Horatio Cornblower

You got lucky there was only one. I’ve never known those fuckers to be brave enough to not fight in packs.

Doktor Zymm

Nodell

Gratliff

/Actually turns to look at the game

What the fuck are those pants?

Spur
JustStopDude

You know the thing that weirds me out about watching NFL broadcasts…its the show promos. I have no fucking clue who watches this shit and why, and it kind of drives home the point I have like zero fucking connection with US culture.

I understood tv better when i was living in Japan.

Unsurprised

That’s why we’re all here.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And seizures.

Senor Weaselo

(I would have posted the infamous Porygon seizure bit here.)

...

Network TV still has to cater to as broad of an audience as possible and that means producing lowest common denominator schlock.

Unsurprised

40 years of cable and now cord-cutting has proven that is impossible to do, but …

Oh, I forgot who I’m talking about. Fuck.

Spur

“The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, on…yknow, whenever the fuck it’s on.”
-Al Michaels

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“The Tonight Show with Harry Carson”

...

If Al really thought that, I’d be forced to like him.

King Hippo

why hasn’t anyone set that irritating little chucklefuck on fire yet, anyway?

jjfozz

Okay, it’s not all that bad
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Watching the NY vs DAL game, and I have a serious, urgent question. Do you thing the NYG head coach is aware of how doofy he looks. I mean, he looks like he’s playing the role of the mentally challanged guy in an insensitive 80’s movie.

King Hippo

yes, it was hard not to yell at the teevee in “Corky voice” because I am a terrible, terrible person

...

I’m tempted to watch Timeless to make myself angry at how horrible a time travel serial can be.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It may be cold in New York but take solace in knowing that it is warm where Joe Paterno is. By that I mean 30 men are masturbating to his photo in a SoHo bath-house.

Unsurprised

Re-reading that in Buddy’s voice nearly made me piss myself from laughing so hard

jjfozz

I hate the Cowboys and I want them to advance about to the second round of the playoffs, and then I want to watch them get destroyed like an 18 year old virgin at the hands of a young, virile, off the charts horny John Holmes.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That would truly be a Wonderland.

Doktor Zymm

I want them to end up in a playoff game with the Raiders, and then have a Raiders fan streak across the field with a knife and stab the most hateable members of the Cowboys.

litre_cola

I support this message.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Insurmountable lead

JustStopDude

Twitter just reinstated the account of the white nationalist that created and popularized the term “Alt-Right”…

because if twitter needs one thing…its more racist, shit spewing trolls.

Doktor Zymm

Twitter is a cesspit for people who can’t use words as complicated as cesspit

Unsurprised

And Ape

Unsurprised

Well, that’s who owns and operates Twitter and the entire goddamn Internet. So it’s only fitting.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I thought alt-right was a new keyboard combination, but “Jew-CapsLock” isn’t a potential combination.

Spur

Great fake.

JustStopDude

That was a sweet play.

I know I am suppose to hate the Cowboys…but dear god, this team is fun to watch. I can’t help but enjoy watching a young player just click with his team like Dak is doing.

Spur

TD Cowboys!

Spur

Zeke is a snow blower.

Doktor Zymm

Nah, that’s just a milk moustache

Senor Weaselo

You sure it’s not his Michael Irvin impersonation?

Unsurprised

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Sometimes when I see those shirts that say “Arm the Homeless” and I think that’s what Jimmy Haslam calls the guy who told him to draft Manziel.

Doktor Zymm

PIVOTAL COWBOYS MOMENT : AVOIDING JOHNNY FOOTBALL

Gratliff

I didn’t watch the second slate of games because Flyers hockey is very watchable as of late. What the fuck happened to Russel Wilson?

King Hippo

all the NC State QBs went full moe-ron today. Tampa is just damned lucky they didn’t have to put Glennon in.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Russians have apparently had an influence on our election, but I think we need tend to underestimate their other influences on us: the stark reality of a grey life that ends in a potential nuclear holocaust.

Doktor Zymm

When depressed people ask me for book recommendations I always go with Russian lit. Why read self-help books that’ll just make you roll your eyes when you can read about making depression a way of life?

Gratliff

Russia did dystopian novels before dystopian novels were cool.
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

If you buy a Dos”Toy”evsky for your child, it is a doll weathered by time wrongfully spent in a gulag and potentially may or may not have tried to seduce the Nabokov Bake Oven.

Doktor Zymm

It’s when you kill your Barbie just to see if you’re capable of it and to learn about universal justice

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That’s when you go from Nabokov to Chikatilo.

Doktor Zymm

Soon there will be robot butlers and people won’t have to date other people just to avoid walking to the kitchen to get their own drink.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Yeah, they keep saying that but I am still stuck here with no one to get me more ice

King Hippo

or to…you know

/watches Westworld

jjfozz

“al, you stole my thought.”

THIS QUOTE, I CALL IT A HARMLESS CRIME

Doktor Zymm

He only had the one…..so sad

King Hippo

look at the balls on that ginger freak!

jjfozz

Young man, I’ll have you know that they are referred to “testicles”, and they reside in a sack of smooth, shorn skin that has been bathed in the very best lotions one can purchase in Manhattan. T

Gratliff

As it turns out, someone took Dave Chappelle’s old bit and ran with it.

http://www.medicaldaily.com/scrotox-botox-injection-claims-smooth-and-boost-size-wrinkly-male-private-398969