Your “NFC East Feast And/Or Blowout” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

I’d like to take this time to share with you some of my acquired non-football related wisdom. Are you ready? Here goes. I have moved many, many times over the years. It’s only been in the last dozen or so that I’ve been able to hire fellas to do it for me. That said, “the cheaper the moving company, the more likely said movers will have significant hygiene issues”. You’re welcome. Now… TO THE GAME!

Dal/NYG– Dallas has reached 11 straight wins due to the good fortune of qb Romo doing what he does most consistently-getting injured. Okay, maybe they lucked out in the draft. Okay, maybe they bothered to spend some money on their offensive line. Okay, maybe they’ve benefited from a weaker sked. Okay, maybe owner Jerry Jones has ceded some footballing decisions to folks that are far more qualified. Okay, for absolutely sure I’m a-feared of these damn Cowboys going forward. Honestly, Elisha has to pull a Super Bowl-winning performance out of his ass if the Giants are going to win. His play this year has been…Elisha-like to date, so I’m thinking Dallas is going to romp.

I hope that they don’t romp BUT I HOPE THAT YOU ROMP COMMENT-WISE! DO IT!

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Horatio Cornblower

Apparently not

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

By returning it for an arsenic smoothie.

Shogun Marcus

BOH BA BEE, BOH BAA BAA
BI GO BON BAA
BAA BAA BOW DA BI GO BAA
/sorry not sure if I have a cold or just saw mcadoo

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

I am dying of envy

laserguru

Fuck it I’m going bourbon shots and beers from here on out.
Let’s make the season merry!

Horatio Cornblower

Dez Bryant did literally everything he could to avoid making a tackle and then tripped over someone and landed ass first on the guy with the ball.

I’ll bet his Mom knows something about that.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

She is an upstanding lady, how dare you?

I mean she prefers to fuck while standing.

Spur

Dak Arm Punt, not cool.

Doktor Zymm

Apparently that play heard me calling the last play dumb and took it as a challenge!

Horatio Cornblower

“Hold my beer…”

King Hippo

DAK?

Unsurprised
Sharkbait

Arm punt!

King Hippo

Pretty piss poor coverage imo

Doktor Zymm

Oh, that was a dumb play. That was REAL dumb.

Horatio Cornblower

I can’t wait for Tyron Smith to get busted for trying to drive 340 lbs. of pot across state lines.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

All stuffed up his ass.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Have you every tried to leave Texas by car? It is 30 hours of desert in any direction to leave the state

King Hippo

That’s why they keep gaining Congressmen

The Maestro

Tyron Smith will eat you for breakfast and shit out your bones by lunchtime.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Who hasn’t pooped out a good bone?

Spur

Tyron Smith omg

Doktor Zymm

Morris needs to go back to the Skins, and then I can nickname him, Chris Thompson and Rob Kelley THE MORRIGAN

Unsurprised

This deserves more “You Like That? HUH?”s

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am pretty sure I drank too much today. I am gonna take a shot to level me out. I better make it a double.

Brocky
Horatio Cornblower

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Horatio Cornblower

Got your back

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I wanna wank to Uma Thurman

and bury my face in her chest

I can shoot mountains

I can take some Lamictal, Take some Lamictal

Sit here like an oaf

And then I do fart

*Munsters music*

Brocky

You have just solved a decades long mystery for me. I am not exaggerating.

I vaguely remembered watching some of this movie as a kid, but could not remember anything about it for years. I remembered this scene, but never realized it was uma.

you have my thanks.

Spur

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I feel the same way about pecan pie

Brocky

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Kungjitsu

I bet it’s faster for that chick to tell you which simplexes she DOESN’T have. I still would.

Horatio Cornblower

“Alfred Morrish”?

Al’s had more to drink than I have!

Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

And that makes it a two-score game.

Spur
Horatio Cornblower

Turns out you can get killer abs if you do so much cocaine you don’t retain fat.

King Hippo

Cocaine really DOES solve everything. If it were only free…

Doktor Zymm

Did Odell Beckham run over a gypsy recently?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Odell Beckham is 2 inches more of hair and a meltdown away from lip syncing Milli Vanilli at Bergen County dive bars.

Spur

OBJ cold or scared?

Mr. Ayo

He was surprised Eli hit him in the hands.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m pretty happy Beckham brought his paddles to the game instead of his hands.

The Maestro

Multiple first downs in a row?

Who’s quarterbacking this team? Johnny Unitas? Joe Montana? Get outta here with this competency shit.

Sharkbait

Aaand then overthrow to the side.

Doktor Zymm

Is dropping a linebacker like dropping acid?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

No that is using Chantix to quit smoking

The Maestro

If he drops right on your head, you’re probably gonna be seeing stars for a while either way.

laserguru

Dropping acid should be less painful.

I’ll be happy to walk you through Dok.

Kungjitsu

LSD is the fucking best… until it isn’t.

Horatio Cornblower

I like Cris and Al trying to sell a game involving 12 punts as a “great defensive game” instead of a 36th week abortion of an offensive game.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I called it after the first TD. It is your fault for continuing to watch

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well, this game does have a lot of incompletions.

Senor Weaselo

Occasionally it actually is a great defensive game. This is not that occasion.

...

On the plus side, Mike Pence will try to make those illegal.

Horatio Cornblower

My year end bonus is coming this week and Planned Parenthood is getting a donation in Mike Pence’s name. They’ll send a thank you addressed to him.

(not sure what Planned Parenthood is going to do with $4.62 but we work with what we have)

King Hippo

Lotsa hair and teeth where hair and teeth ought not be too. Smgdh

Horatio Cornblower

Quit making fun of my prom pictures.

Gratliff

Fuck it. If I want to watch athletes fuck up at things they’re supposed to be good at, I’ll watch botchamania. Speaking of which, need to get caught up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn2VYVJFRco

Sharkbait

Holy fuck a first down!

King Hippo

I’m going out on a limb and say that this game may not be being played at the highest possible level of footballing quality.

Spur

Dak is playing like shit. Thank God Eli is playing worse.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Eli is playing like blood in the stool.

Unsurprised
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

This game reminds me of my great-grandmother’s beautiful last words on her deathbed:

“HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGLURG”

Doktor Zymm

So, if you join their online club, Makers Mark sends out pretty good holiday gifts. This year, it’s a setup to hang fake mistletoe over a bottle of Maker’s Mark. The implication being, I suppose, that you should be wrapping your lips straight around the bottle.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

CHRISTMAS GIFTS, Zymm.

Unless you can hang a loaf a challah over the Maker’s Mark mmmmmmmm.

Doktor Zymm

I would murder a challah grilled cheese with a Maker’s Manhattan

Senor Weaselo

Does it cost anything? I mean I do like free shit.

Doktor Zymm

Totally free! And they don’t even spam you with tons of emails, it’s maybe 4-5/year and they have drink recipes and shit.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I got enough emails about shit when I was in Najeh Davenport’s Fan Club, thank you much.

...

His laundry tips were, surprisingly, quite helpful, though.

Doktor Zymm

I was out drinking during Obama’s first election and I got two free whiskey glasses with red and blue Maker’s wax on em, cause Maker’s likes giving out free patriotic shit to Tuesday drinkers!

Kungjitsu

I hate that stupid wax. I just want to drink my whiskey.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You sound like my uncle Bill whenever he was at one of our birthdays.

...

Been there. Done that. Recently even.

laserguru

Me and Maker’s are completely cool.
I’ll give it a go.

Unsurprised

I’m watching Empire of the Tsars on Netflix. Fucking geniuses in the People’s Will. Geniuses.

Curse of Marino

Another Fast and Furious trailer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umU_uMfi_yo

Spur

JPP right now
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Horatio Cornblower

JPP’s dead? Oh shit.

The Maestro

Sean Lee made a tackle where his man landed on him, and he didn’t break anything in his body??

OK, NOW I’ve seen everything in football.

Spur

Sean Lee right now
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

So, does Romo go to the Browns, or the Giants after Eli is fired into the sun after this game?

Doktor Zymm

Denver.

Unsurprised
JerBear50

Supposedly the Browns want to go after Jimmy G which would seem the most Brownsiest way to go considering the track record of NE backups.

Spur

Sean Lee, bless you.

...

True story: An ex-girlfriend of mine was actually struck by a running deer.

She also somehow managed to get the antler of a deer stuck under her car and drug a dead deer for several miles before someone in a parking lot pointed out she was dragging a dead deer.

She’s afraid of them to this day.

Mr. Ayo

Remind her she’s 1-0-1 against them. Undefeated!

Kungjitsu
Spur

Come on, Church!

Unsurprised

I think that the Church has come plenty already