I’d like to take this time to share with you some of my acquired non-football related wisdom. Are you ready? Here goes. I have moved many, many times over the years. It’s only been in the last dozen or so that I’ve been able to hire fellas to do it for me. That said, “the cheaper the moving company, the more likely said movers will have significant hygiene issues”. You’re welcome. Now… TO THE GAME!
Dal/NYG– Dallas has reached 11 straight wins due to the good fortune of qb Romo doing what he does most consistently-getting injured. Okay, maybe they lucked out in the draft. Okay, maybe they bothered to spend some money on their offensive line. Okay, maybe they’ve benefited from a weaker sked. Okay, maybe owner Jerry Jones has ceded some footballing decisions to folks that are far more qualified. Okay, for absolutely sure I’m a-feared of these damn Cowboys going forward. Honestly, Elisha has to pull a Super Bowl-winning performance out of his ass if the Giants are going to win. His play this year has been…Elisha-like to date, so I’m thinking Dallas is going to romp.
I hope that they don’t romp BUT I HOPE THAT YOU ROMP COMMENT-WISE! DO IT!
[stunned silence]
How will Eli mess up this gift?
Apparently not
By returning it for an arsenic smoothie.
BOH BA BEE, BOH BAA BAA
BI GO BON BAA
BAA BAA BOW DA BI GO BAA
/sorry not sure if I have a cold or just saw mcadoo
I am dying of envy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDJz1yYMEgM
Fuck it I’m going bourbon shots and beers from here on out.
Let’s make the season merry!
Fast forward 2 hours:
http://www.stripersonline.com/surftalk/uploads/gallery/album_14349/ad4e5479_Drunk-Christmas-Elf-Passed-Out.jpeg
Dez Bryant did literally everything he could to avoid making a tackle and then tripped over someone and landed ass first on the guy with the ball.
I’ll bet his Mom knows something about that.
She is an upstanding lady, how dare you?
I mean she prefers to fuck while standing.
Dak Arm Punt, not cool.
Apparently that play heard me calling the last play dumb and took it as a challenge!
“Hold my beer…”
DAK?
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50498/19d7d7504970895.jpg
DAK! CEPTION! WHOOOOOO!!!!!!
Arm punt!
Pretty piss poor coverage imo
Oh, that was a dumb play. That was REAL dumb.
I can’t wait for Tyron Smith to get busted for trying to drive 340 lbs. of pot across state lines.
All stuffed up his ass.
Have you every tried to leave Texas by car? It is 30 hours of desert in any direction to leave the state
That’s why they keep gaining Congressmen
Tyron Smith will eat you for breakfast and shit out your bones by lunchtime.
Who hasn’t pooped out a good bone?
Tyron Smith omg
Morris needs to go back to the Skins, and then I can nickname him, Chris Thompson and Rob Kelley THE MORRIGAN
This deserves more “You Like That? HUH?”s
I am pretty sure I drank too much today. I am gonna take a shot to level me out. I better make it a double.
via GIPHY
Got your back
I wanna wank to Uma Thurman
and bury my face in her chest
I can shoot mountains
I can take some Lamictal, Take some Lamictal
Sit here like an oaf
And then I do fart
*Munsters music*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfwycQ5e1iY
You have just solved a decades long mystery for me. I am not exaggerating.
I vaguely remembered watching some of this movie as a kid, but could not remember anything about it for years. I remembered this scene, but never realized it was uma.
you have my thanks.
I feel the same way about pecan pie
I bet it’s faster for that chick to tell you which simplexes she DOESN’T have. I still would.
“Alfred Morrish”?
Al’s had more to drink than I have!
And that makes it a two-score game.
Dallas D held
http://www.wrestlecrap.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/heenan-lotion.gif
Let’s go offense
Turns out you can get killer abs if you do so much cocaine you don’t retain fat.
Cocaine really DOES solve everything. If it were only free…
Did Odell Beckham run over a gypsy recently?
Odell Beckham is 2 inches more of hair and a meltdown away from lip syncing Milli Vanilli at Bergen County dive bars.
OBJ cold or scared?
He was surprised Eli hit him in the hands.
I’m pretty happy Beckham brought his paddles to the game instead of his hands.
The only way the Giants can win this is to make it as ugly as possible. So far so good.
Multiple first downs in a row?
Who’s quarterbacking this team? Johnny Unitas? Joe Montana? Get outta here with this competency shit.
Aaand then overthrow to the side.
Is dropping a linebacker like dropping acid?
No that is using Chantix to quit smoking
If he drops right on your head, you’re probably gonna be seeing stars for a while either way.
Dropping acid should be less painful.
I’ll be happy to walk you through Dok.
LSD is the fucking best… until it isn’t.
I like Cris and Al trying to sell a game involving 12 punts as a “great defensive game” instead of a 36th week abortion of an offensive game.
I called it after the first TD. It is your fault for continuing to watch
Well, this game does have a lot of incompletions.
Occasionally it actually is a great defensive game. This is not that occasion.
On the plus side, Mike Pence will try to make those illegal.
My year end bonus is coming this week and Planned Parenthood is getting a donation in Mike Pence’s name. They’ll send a thank you addressed to him.
(not sure what Planned Parenthood is going to do with $4.62 but we work with what we have)
Lotsa hair and teeth where hair and teeth ought not be too. Smgdh
Quit making fun of my prom pictures.
Fuck it. If I want to watch athletes fuck up at things they’re supposed to be good at, I’ll watch botchamania. Speaking of which, need to get caught up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn2VYVJFRco
Holy fuck a first down!
http://68.media.tumblr.com/2da9762f054a95c372feb2445fb082fd/tumblr_n0p2oylRfn1t7lixko1_500.gif
I’m going out on a limb and say that this game may not be being played at the highest possible level of footballing quality.
Dak is playing like shit. Thank God Eli is playing worse.
Eli is playing like blood in the stool.
http://thumbnails115.imagebam.com/50873/1d0288508721635.jpg
This game reminds me of my great-grandmother’s beautiful last words on her deathbed:
“HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGLURG”
So, if you join their online club, Makers Mark sends out pretty good holiday gifts. This year, it’s a setup to hang fake mistletoe over a bottle of Maker’s Mark. The implication being, I suppose, that you should be wrapping your lips straight around the bottle.
CHRISTMAS GIFTS, Zymm.
Unless you can hang a loaf a challah over the Maker’s Mark mmmmmmmm.
I would murder a challah grilled cheese with a Maker’s Manhattan
Does it cost anything? I mean I do like free shit.
Totally free! And they don’t even spam you with tons of emails, it’s maybe 4-5/year and they have drink recipes and shit.
I got enough emails about shit when I was in Najeh Davenport’s Fan Club, thank you much.
His laundry tips were, surprisingly, quite helpful, though.
I was out drinking during Obama’s first election and I got two free whiskey glasses with red and blue Maker’s wax on em, cause Maker’s likes giving out free patriotic shit to Tuesday drinkers!
I hate that stupid wax. I just want to drink my whiskey.
You sound like my uncle Bill whenever he was at one of our birthdays.
Been there. Done that. Recently even.
Me and Maker’s are completely cool.
I’ll give it a go.
I’m watching Empire of the Tsars on Netflix. Fucking geniuses in the People’s Will. Geniuses.
Another Fast and Furious trailer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umU_uMfi_yo
JPP right now
JPP’s dead? Oh shit.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/69c2d88567efb8703f492b8fb396fe2d/tumblr_odjtjfmRhK1r4dip7o1_1280.jpg
Sean Lee made a tackle where his man landed on him, and he didn’t break anything in his body??
OK, NOW I’ve seen everything in football.
Sean Lee right now
http://68.media.tumblr.com/aab5bbacac50f42e984ce5f3e4f976c4/tumblr_odjpovCnBm1r4dip7o1_1280.jpg
So, does Romo go to the Browns, or the Giants after Eli is fired into the sun after this game?
Denver.
Aww. Poor Nacho. Remember the preseason?
http://115.imagebam.com/download/mSoHpBeZSdtlF3aWdlNyKw/48823/488228279/talib.jpg
Supposedly the Browns want to go after Jimmy G which would seem the most Brownsiest way to go considering the track record of NE backups.
Sean Lee, bless you.
http://media.nbcphiladelphia.com/images/620*350/Runner-Hit-by-Deer-Gynnedd.gif
True story: An ex-girlfriend of mine was actually struck by a running deer.
She also somehow managed to get the antler of a deer stuck under her car and drug a dead deer for several miles before someone in a parking lot pointed out she was dragging a dead deer.
She’s afraid of them to this day.
Remind her she’s 1-0-1 against them. Undefeated!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln1ucGoPvWk
Come on, Church!
I think that the Church has come plenty already