Your “Seattle Doesn’t Care If Stafford Has A Thorn In His Paw” NFC Wildcard Game Open Thread

Det/Sea– Let’s be honest. We’re all pretend friends here, right? Does this not look like a Seahawks win etched in stone? Detroit has lost three in a row. They’re one and done the last eight times they’ve donned cleats for an extra game. Qb Stafford is 1-23 (1 and 23!!!) on the road vs. teams over .500. WOOF! The Lions D is dead last in the rankings despite having the finest living room accessory/head coach in the league. I’d like to see Andy Reid emulate a throw pillow! Grit Monster Zach Zenner is going to give it his best but throwing pearls before swine don’t win football games.

GIVE IT YOUR BEST SENTIENT HUMANS!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This chili needs about another hour in the slow cooker, maybe two. I should probably drink steadily until it’s done.

Sharkbait

Every time I cook I have a drink. It’s required.

makeitsnowondem

Hope you gave the chili some beer too.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I did! It was a Belgian/IPA thing that I bought for the housesitter that she didn’t finish. It was surprisingly good.

Dunstan

Wow, those NBC “memes” make me feel better about every lame thing I’ve ever posted.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Seriously. Even NFL Memes puts more thought into their “original” content.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’ve been posting about Teddy Bridgewater?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It only looks like Baldwin stole that TD from Kearse. In truth he saved it from bouncing off of Kearse’s helmet, up off the upright, and into a DB’s hand.

fleshwound_NPG

Three defensive backs, two receivers…both receivers open

The Detroit Lions!

herodotus450

Jimmy Graham doesn’t know what happende, they don’t have intercepstions in basketball.

Brocky

reminder: god hates detroit

Dunstan

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Unsurprised

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*Whew*

Who knew you could make 14 gifs from 50 seconds of video. Oh my God, what have I done with my life?

ballsofsteelandfury

You have fulfilled your destiny. Now share.

Unsurprised

See page 6

ballsofsteelandfury

She seems familiar.

fleshwound_NPG

The Buttception

herodotus450

Are there glass bottle shards on the field?

Redshirt

Asscatch? Asscatch!

theeWeeBabySeamus

ASS HERPES!!!!!!
(sorry…carry on)
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Horatio Cornblower

The only way that scene ends is with 10 players getting suspended and then Minnesota boycotting the Sun Bowl.

herodotus450

This Thomas Rawls I call him Col. Rawls because the guy he took over for was obsessed with grabbing his junk so now he calls everyone a cocksucker, and also by hte way he’s probably gay but knew how to play the game so he didn’t get fucked.

fleshwound_NPG

BUTTCATCH

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Butt-catch?

BUTT-CATCH!

Sharkbait

Asscatch!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I firmly believe that no team benefits more from incompetent Refereeing than the Seahawks

Beastmode Ate My Baby

The Packers O-line looks up, then goes back to holding as usual.

Redshirt

Super Bowl XL begs to differ

Horatio Cornblower

If I won $50K because of dumb luck at a Plinko rip-off I would leave immediately, which is why I will never be on one of those games.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe….Nice.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is it too early for sexual innuendo?
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Sharkbait

It’s never too early for that.

Horatio Cornblower

I feel like I should give her a dollar.

Dunstan

We go live to the Detroit sideline:

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Redshirt

BLEERGH is in playoff form!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Tackling a Seahawks quarterback when he isn’t looking! Fifteen yards!”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Cam Newton wept.

Curse of Marino

FRAG FOR THE FRAG GODS

ballsofsteelandfury

Did they call the facemask this time?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Speaking of KISS, you should watch this short stand-up bit by a gene simmons impersonator. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbBX5vsFEsI

ballsofsteelandfury

I have seen Mini-Kiss.

Live.

Brocky

had a friend’s parent’s legitimately try to book them for an open house.

couldn’t agree on a fee and timing.

fleshwound_NPG

meastly motherfucker

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Baldwin knows he is supposed to be running the clock out, right? He has ran out of bounds 2 plays in a row

Spur

That’s it. Am hate drinking and playing some BF1.

ballsofsteelandfury

Boyfriend1?

herodotus450

If I could amend my time travel plot from before, I would somehow frame broccolli to be complicit in the murder, so that it too is abolished from the earth. Get out of here broccoli, when you makin me pine for the days of Brussels sprouts, you know you a shitty cabbage family member.

Brick Meathook

Show me your nuts
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Horatio Cornblower

That guy is clearly gonna fuck that Subway “steak” sandwich.

Which is only the second most perverse thing associated with Subway ads.

JerBear50

There’s a good chance that sandwich is too old to interest Jared.

litre_cola

Opens up notebook.

Writes YOUR PLAYCALLING IS SHIT YOU HAD A CHANCE TO BEAT THESE GUYS! MAKE AN EXPRESSION CALDWELL!

Sharkbait
Croooow

I love that the like/dislike ratio is a perfect 50/50.

Dunstan

Wow. Gregg Easterbrook is a mean drunk.

Spur

Lions playoff team = Bengals playoff team

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit….I’m ashamed I know that’s Kiss.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

EVERYONE should know that’s KISS. Everyone.

Brocky

I’ll never understand the hate kiss gets.

so what, they’re over the top. the entire decade of the 80’s was practically glam rock.

so what gene simmons is a dickhead, so are countless other rock stars.

maybe the kiss army is diiotic but you know what…..yadda yadda

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t hate Kiss.
That’s my point. I tried to….even wanted to.
Couldn’t.

Brocky

you’re a good man. you are virtuous and true.

you have my blessing to marry the most attractive of my imaginary daughters.

her name is helllga. that’s with 3 Ls

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

THERE IT IS!!!!!

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’m not an expert, but the playcalling for the Lions seems pretty shitty. Is it just me?

Dunstan

NBC was saving up that Journey song for a Lions TD, and just decided, fuck it, better use it or lose it….

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Same with “Detroit Rock City.” NBC is oddly optimistic.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

“Don’t stop BEEEELIEEEEVING” seems like kind of a cruel thing to say to Lions fans right now.

Dunstan

Mmm. That implies that Lions fans ever believed in the first place.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

SHA’NKHOR is opening up a chance for a bullshit Lions comeback with with 2 scores and actually making the extra points

Spanky Datass

ALL HAIL DOIN’KHOR!

litre_cola

Is this like the Life Of Brien where we either follow the shoe or the gourd?

Beerguyrob

Finally Shan’Khor has been sated.

Dunstan

Not that I’m complaining, but how did they become the Fuck Lions, without having Rex Grossman at QB?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow…..that was way too easy.

ballsofsteelandfury

SHANK’HOR IS PLEASED!!

King Hippo

yeah, this is all kind of poop, and NE, KC, and DAL haven’t started playing yet.

Sharkbait

Shankor has graced us with his presence

Col. Duke LaCross

PRAISE SHAN’KHOR!

...

I can tell I’m not having a great night when I keep passing up chances to makes Thomas Rawls/John Rawls jokes.

ballsofsteelandfury

No Lou Rawls?

Dunstan

You’re leaving the rest of us behind a veil of ignorance

fleshwound_NPG

DOINK

Doktor Zymm

I’m going to go to sleep and dream about adorable kittens.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Weirdo

JerBear50

That’s generally what I dream about too. Well, close to that at least.

ballsofsteelandfury

Me too! Except I don’t use the K word.