As Barry Manilow would caterwaul, “Looks like we made it” to our second Super Bowl as a bunch of kid-like creatures that exist under the DFO banner. Well done everyone! [waits for ecstatic applause to die down] It just goes to show you what can be done with a wee bit of moxie, three cadavers, an empty garage, a government research grant, one teaspoon of wasabi, a pair of cargo shorts from Eddie Bauer, the letter “R”, (“G” can suck it-look at us now buddy, maybe you’ll actually answer your emails in the future) a few bottles of Zantac (150-the extra strength kind), the love of a bi-polar woman, superior gas mileage and some second-hand pot smoke. We’re unbelievably lucky because if you were to combine all these things together at any other point in time you’d not only not get this particular result, you’d more than likely get arrested. I thank God every day that there was no God to interfere with the extraordinarily delicate process that brought this whole thing to fruition. TO THE GAME!
In your daily wanderings across the internubs you may have gleaned that the Falcons of Atlanta are dueling the Patriots of the New England. Based on my long history of watching football I know that each and every member of both teams are going to try their very best to win the game because there is a financial bonus attached to doing so. For some it might be 10k, for others it may be 5 mil-whatever the amount, all participants (including coaches) regard this as “free money” and will do their utmost to have that money dumped into their bank account. Some will secretly record practices, others will intentionally deflate footballs. It’s more than likely that a certain unnamed squad is violating the spirit of a specific rule as I type. I’ve always felt that you are the sum of your actions and not what your guttural one- and two- and three-word responses in press conferences imply.
Okay. Now you know who I’m cheering for. Big whoop. Now it’s time for you folks to chime in. Tell us goobers what you’re up to. What are you cooking? Where are you watching the game? Hey lurker, say hello and let us know that you like what we’re doing and how we might make things better. We’re all ears-except for me, I’m all coccyx. Yeah, that’s right-I’ve got a big coccyx. If you lurk and have a medical degree…please, this condition is not pleasant AT ALL.
Enjoy the game people.
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Final thing of hate:
Belichick doesn’t fuck up coaching wise. Even when they were down 28-3 my uncle and I were like “Jesus, this isn’t over.” What other goddamned coach would even make you think twice about the outcome being in doubt in that situation?
Ugh, and they did this sans Gronk!
Same. I finally felt a little comfortable at 28-3 because four scores, right?
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Since it switched to full digital I have a second CW channel. I rarely check it but it does seem to do a ton of MST3K marathons when I do see what it is playing. I should have gone “Manos: The Hands of Fate” instead of the second half. The marathon is still going on but I don’t remember if “Beginning of the End” is any good so I will find something else. I might go “Space Mutiny” from another source.
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Well, gloating was fun for a while. And the Edelman catch was sick.
/1000 yard stare
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Imma let my hate flow
HURR DURR WHO NEEDS CLOCK MANAGEMENT WE LED LEAGUE IN SCORING HURR DURR EMPTY BACKFIELD ON 3RD AND 1 HURR DURR
When do pitchers and catchers report?
Porn is 365.
I think the fact everyone is learning this year is never let the Cubs win the World Series. Only bad things will come after that happens.
Brian Billick:
Dan Quinn and Kyle Shanahan are going to have nightmares over this 3rd and 1 play call…in shotgun, 5-step drop. NEEDED 1 YARD.
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Just gave my dog another Greenie (dog crack)….. made me feel a little better.
I usually take a greenie at about 3:00 pm, gets me through the rest of the day.
I’m burning more now.
My Twitter is full of Super Bowl/election jokes.
Yes, let’s open those wounds too.
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why has dog forsaken us? Excused me while I vomit with rage
You are up 28-9 with 2:05 left at the NE 41 after a fucked up onside kick, and an illegal touch during fucked up kick.
Good God, way to gift this you dumb fucks.
*sighs again*
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“We had a 3 score lead so I figured I would just call it a day on doing anything that worked on offense and defense. They made some plays and I did my best to mismanage the clock and my timeouts so much that Andy Reid sent me a text on the sideline saying he came. We went with our prevent defense because that is smrt, then refused to make the smart play on offense. … Seriously what did you expect of me. I did this 2 years ago as the DC of Seattle”
– Dan Quinn
I’m beyond angry, and puppy gifs can’t help, so night y’all!
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Fuck the Patriots and good night!
I knew that Atlanta was going to blow it the second Freeman missed that block. Before the fumble even happened, it was like I could see into the future. God fuck this truly is the darkest timeline.
I still think his arm was moving forward, there was zero review.
That was a fumble. His arm may have been moving forward but the ball was moving backwards.
Even with that play all he has to do is not get sacked when they were already in FG range and the lead is 5, (or the kicker is the goat), but that was just too much.
Why in God’s name do you go into a shotgun 5-step drop on a 3rd and 1?
Katie, care to comment?
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Eh, pats winning was worth it
So this is where you fuck up…
4rd Quarter, 8:31 left (28-12 ATL): You go into shotgun on third and fucking 1, fumble it, Patriots have it at the 25.
4th, 3:56 (28-20): At the Patriots 23, Matty Dipshit takes a sack for 11 yards, holding next play, puts them at 3rd and 33, oops.
That last drive of regulation, what in God’s name was Quinn thinking?
Fuck you, and fuck prevent defense. Dumb asses.
Yeah, taking that sack is something only someone with a BC degree would do.
Add Ryan to the Romanowski and Chmura BC Academic Hall of Fame.
Oh my God, I’m looking at the Falcons second half drives, and I am less depressed watching ISIS beheading videos.
I hope Atlanta’s flight home is better than this game, because otherwise they’re going to have the best take-off ever followed by a 30,000′ plunge into the ground just after the airport comes into radar range.
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Roger Goodell is a national disgrace. I’ll see you folks in the offseason.
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Well, now that that’s over, I can get back to more important things, like accepting the world ending soon.
Or welcoming the world ending soon?
Trump likes Putin and Putin has a Patriots Super Bowl Ring…. dear Lord just further proof that Trump is the Patriots.
In WWIII, we’re the bad guys.
You guys are cool with my turning HRTN into Gronk/Brady slash fic, right?
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Cowboys got this next year folks. Zeke and Dak wouldn’t have put up a goose egg in a 2nd half.
We still have Kawhi and the boys at least.
And Coach Pop talking like the adult in the room… and Murray and Bertans.
Congratulations Atlanta Falcons. You just won Super Bowl LI, according to kids in sub saharan Africa.
I was going to say they should airdrop all those clothes to the kids in Syria but really, they’ve suffered enough over there.
Oh, this explains it. Goodell made the Falcons throw the game because Robert Kraft didn’t want black people wearing Patriots gear
THIS GAME, I CALL IT THE EXXON VALDEZ OIL SPILL BECAUSE DIRTY BIRDS CHOKED AND DIED.
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Lady Gaga was just a two-bit rip off of
Manic Mailmanke#hahttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edP0L6LQzZE
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Good God someone get Terry off the stage.
Come on Brady! RETIRE! There’s nothing left to do!
I was just thinking he should flip Goodell double-birds, yell “FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!” and then retire. Would’ve been great.
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32 teams in the NFL.
For 31 the narrative would be how the losing team royally fucked it up.
The 32nd one? We rewrite the story for that one.
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Love the Pats fans booing da Hammer
Everyone after Gronk on that line is gonna end up with a bunch of new diseases and their wives are not gonna believe their story they got it from kissing a trophy.
My goodness, the glorious boos.
I approve of Goodell getting the Bettman treatment
Wow. Goodell is getting HBK-in-Toronto or Reigns-anywhere nuclear heat.