[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

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HEY YOU! STOP LURKING, SAY SOMETHING!!!

Shogun Marcus

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Hey lurkers! It’s time we meet. I’m Shogun Marcus, one of the tamer folks you’ll meet. If you stumbled into us, I do apologize up front. We try to play nice to most. It’s just that sometimes we all coalesce into a united hatred. (Hint…it’s ALWAYS the P*ts, sorry Maestro) You wanna join us? Hey, if you have half a brain, don’t get ridiculous with your fandom, and can accept the fact your team has issues, you will do well here.

But there IS a Pledge. Recite as such:

To Bleergh and Shank’or:

I pledge allegiance to Bleergh,

That torments these united fandoms.

So long as they suffer under the ginger crown,

Happiness will never be found.

Until the day Bleergh and Shankor can no longer deny,

I will be here to the end, sadly until I die.

And although your point may shine in the night,

Go fuck yourself, though you’re likely right.

Now…START TALKING.

Editor’s Note:  This will serve as the Monday Morning Open Thread until Balls decides to get off his lazy ass and write something.  Don’t hold your breath.  BTW, how was your weekend?  I had a nice little weekend, you know, a little Bed Bath and Beyond with the Mrs., some anal sex on Saturday night, and a couple of beers on Sunday.  What more can you ask for?

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walkingthedog

A former KSK reader from Croatia here, living in Germany. I have to say I like all Boston teams, ever since Dino Radja played for the Celtics and he was my idol growing up, plus lived my last year of high school in Vermont.

I found about your website from Wikipedia. I was reading fairly regularly MMQB and one day went on wikipedia about it and saw that KSK was “making a mockery of it”, and instantly fell in love with it, because I did not see it a mocking but rather as an informed rebuffal.

I love how this site is not just into (american) football, but also has other great posts like Historical Badasses and lesser footy (go Tigers), I loved the kill kill kill and found out about townienews.com and the Draw Play through your website. I even think I’m going to go with the Freemantle Dockers in the AFL Women’s thanks to your post.

Personally I don’t care about all the hate towards the Pats, at least it’s warranted and makes a Pats Schadenfreude Day meaningful. Plus after watching live the two Superb Owls against the Giants, I vowed never to watch a full Pats Big Game live, so what I do is put on the livestream, cozy up to my gf and fall asleep (to be honest, the game starts at midnight on a Sunday here and goes until 4 am at least). I do watch the 1pm games and the 4 30 ones when I can, no matter who’s playing but I’m not such a diehard, mainly I come for the dick jokes…

So here’s my dick joke,
Mary and Sue are talking about the new guys they’ve been dating and Mary goes:
“I’ve started seeing Steven, he’s a political science student at NYU, and on Thursday night I invited him over for some coffee and we’re there talking, when all of a sudden he whipped out his penis.”
“What’s a penis?”
“It’s like a dick, but smaller”

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

i just read at the old site for years. FU BudUprox. The comments were just as funny as the articles themselves. Was too intimidated to even sign up. But that’s my shortcoming.

With the Quotables posts here, I felt like it shouldcould comment.

Grilled chicken on saturday and steaks on sunday ( Early Valentines dinner). It snowed all weekend, so didnt do much outside.

And i spent my day cleaning up someone else’s mess, for demo for a contract that we probably won’t get. Good times.

/Canadian
//packer fan

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JerBear50

/Canadian
//packer fan

That’s two strikes right off the bat. Maybe go back to lurking. I mean, umm, welcome.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

lol, thanks man.

Does it help that I hate the Leafs? Or did i just lose my commenting privileges?

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JerBear50

I know fuck all about hockey, so it doesn’t affect me much either way.

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ballsofsteelandfury

You mean the Ice Argos?

Nah, you’ll be fine here. Welcome and thanks for joining in!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Also, well done on the early V Day celebration. That’s a veteran move right there.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I married a smart lady. all her. i just was in charge of not burning the meat. She thinks valentines is stupid.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Not burning the meat.”??

Protip (just the tip) Use more lube.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

yep, haven’t got my secret football to hockey decoder ring in the mail yet.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I believe this is the official guide, although we’re going to need to update it:

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/02/09/balls-offseason-plans/

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

ATTN: LURKERS

Posting on DFO gives me free reign and license to (mis)use your username to my heart’s content in HRTN. It’s like, a law or something, and totally enforceable. Right, Horatio?

Oh, sorry, man. Didn’t know you were working out.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

How did everybody’s day at work go??
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LemonJello

I’ve heard of a Tijuana boob job, is this an Arkansas sex change?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well done.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is this thread open(ish)? I’m on a conference call and want to be entertained.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’M LURKIN’ ‘N’ JURKIN’!!!!!!

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LemonJello

Which prison shower do I send the powdered soap to?

Man, if JoePa was still alive….

Nothing would be done about this.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, OKAY! I’ll start posting!

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Fronkenshteen

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blaxabbath

“Lurkers are slowing down bandwidth for all users. We must end net neutrality so middle class Americans in trailers with no computers can access top speeds while muslims have to wait 5 hours for their bomb plan emails to load.”

http://static1.businessinsider.com/image/588f9c704757521b008b5679-480/sean-spicer.jpg

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Sean Spicer

I never said that. That is FAKE NEWS spread by the liberal Lurker media to distract everyone from the fact that they don’t comment.

We love lurkers!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

THIS IS A FAKE ACCOUNT! THE #REAL SEAN SPICER IS NOT THIS GOOD AT PUNCTUATION!

Also; I now know where I’m getting my new microwave oven.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/money/companies/sears-kmart-join-other-retailers-in-dropping-trump-branded-items/ar-AAmR6VB?OCID=ansmsnnews11

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

1. Don’t get this “lurker” thing. It’s called reading.
2. I mean, gimme a fucking break, huh. Sometimes all one wants is to read and be left alone.
3. There’s no way I’ll pray.*
*’Cept for someone’s health. Still an atheist, tho. Por los siglos de los siglos, amén.

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Don T

Sorry. I thought this was Fleshbot.

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ballsofsteelandfury

There is no shame in praying for sex. Specially since it works!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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LemonJello

She seems nice.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The whole ‘sacrifice your penis’ thing is a bit worrisome, but you take what you can get, right?

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SonOfSpam

I’d tap dat azztec

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litre_cola

I always wonder how many lurkers we do have. At our old home I lurked for about 6 months and then couldn’t help but get in on the ridiculousness.

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Senor Weaselo

I lurked for at least a year and then spent another year not registering because I couldn’t come up with a good football related name. So I understand.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

BTW, lurkers and other newbies, here’s an open letter I wrote to new DFO visitors last fall: https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/09/06/an-open-letter-to-new-dfo-visitors/

I’m sure it stands the test of time (note: has not read it since September).

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LemonJello

I think this was the post that encouraged me to start participating.

With that in mind, I’ll share this with BFC:
http://29wyu31qhvsjwj4mf2oi5lg1.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/participation1-680×365.jpg

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Were the beers Sunday because your bum was still sore from Saturday?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Where do you think buttchugging came from?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Matty Ice?

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Senor Weaselo

Next week, read as Shogun answers how to get your long-distance wife or girlfriend to be down with anal!

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The Maestro

I’m ok with being a committee of one. I can handle this.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, I thought we had more than one decent human being that unfortunately roots for the Patriots and is Canadian.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

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Sharkbait

I’m one of those things!

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s what i thought!

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King Hippo

They let me post here, and I don’t even like Batman!!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Not even the silly 60’s version?

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Senor Weaselo

Apparently Hippo don’t dance the Batusi?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Your attitude on cheese is much more of a concern.

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King Hippo

Cheese is pure evil. Batman is just, like, eh, whatevs.

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Dolph Ucker

I am a lurker. Apparently.
I have always (almost always) enjoyed the idle time I’ve spent reading the DFO posts, and only occasionally horked up milk out of my nose while laughing too hard at what others have written. I am a Packers fan (sorry to just about everybody on here), but when it comes to hating the Pats, I believe I fit in well. Football is less of an obsession for me now than it used to be, but I do keep coming back every year for more.
My weekend was good. Spent both days out on the boat in a rare window of sun and decent temps for February in the Pacific Northwest. I skipped Bed, Bath and Beyond (never actually been there anyway), I did have the beer, but without the anal sex. And now it’s Monday, dammit.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Welcome! Thanks for joining in and please do not feel bad about being a Packers fan. We have plenty here and they are all good people.

Well done on the weekend!

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Cuntler

This is fake news. None of them are good people. They are Packers fans.

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blaxabbath

Wait – we hate Packers fans?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do you not?

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Gratliff

Haven’t you met any?

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litre_cola

Welcome. Yes, I believe we hate all teams that “Do it the right way”

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blaxabbath

But Clay Matthews is all hopped up on Papa John’s garlic peds…

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laserguru

Welcome.

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SonOfSpam

Beer without anal sex is like kissing without fisting.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t listen; most Packers fans are OK (except to inter-division foe-fans, of course).

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S8sNznwFyyY/T-EnnY1Bq-I/AAAAAAAAiBk/m1Z10AnroBA/s1600/FGBreakingNews.gif

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Sharkbait

I cooked this weekend since the weather was shitty. I made red sauce (gravy for the italians) and lamb shank stew.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What a coincidence, I talked to Boltman and he said he spent the weekend making “red sauce” too!

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SonOfSpam

Is that a death/destruction joke or a period joke?

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LemonJello

Yes? Yes.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

See, and I thought I was the only one who pictured BOLTMAN as a hermaphrodite.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

IT’S NOT FUCKING GRAVY! THAT TERM WAS TAKEN BY ANOTHER SAUCE. THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE HAS A BAJILLIONTY-SEVEN WORDS- PICK ONE THAT DOES NOT CONFUSE EVERYONE!

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ballsofsteelandfury

I saw the Lego Batman movie. AWESOME!

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Gratliff

It was nice that you had to have a working knowledge of old Batman TV and movie things to get the most out of it.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, the old references were great. There was a family behind me and it was funny to hear what the parents laughed at vs what the kids laughed at. There was definitely something in there for everyone.

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laserguru

There’s no way it was as awesome as LA LA Land. I’m seriously going to see that again.
And of course I cooked yesterday. Stay tuned.

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