entropy Reads the Classics…. a call for submissions

OK, Folks, I know I have been mad lazy what with producing no new kontent and barely commenting and all, and I should probably apologize for that…

but it would be bullshit, because I’m not good at apologies and I honestly felt I didn’t have much to contribute lately, so I figured it best to hold off on writing something until I had something worth writing. That said, I was struck by inspiration recently (read: I drank WAY too fucking much Saturday afternoon and before I took what turned out to be an epic 6 hours “afternoon nap”) which led me to the following Genius Idea ™ (patent pending, all rights reserved, etc):

entropy Reads The Classics, or, An Off Season Odyssey Of The Mind.

Naturally, this being DFO, and me being, well, me, there’s a twist:

I won’t be reviewing the entire work, just selected pages stitched together, based off the output of a random number generator that grabs 10 pages from the book, in any order. So, for example, my upcoming sample “review” will be Thomas Love Peacock’s (GREAT choice for Book One, I felt) work of satire, “Nightmare Abbey.” Because this is a novella and only 141 pages, I selected 8 pages at random, giving me a short story which consists of pages 117, 7, 23, 84, 103, 48, 71, and 47… think of it like a Choose Your Own Adventure Novel, only completely without the author’s consent, planning, or knowledge. Considering I got this idea after being awake for about 40 hours and spending a bunch of them drinking, naturally it seemed ideal for this crowd.

So, you may be asking yourself, what the fuck do you want, entropy? I’m SOOOOOOOOO glad you asked! I’m looking for book ideas, people, and, if you’re feeling particularly froggy, you can go ahead and select the pages I’ll stitch together for my review as well! I have only a few simple rules:

• All books must be public domain (I want the review to be funny, not the damage to my bank account)
• All books must be considered a “classic” (no “50 Shades of Fan Fiction” bullshit)
• The random page number generator must be random… I don’t want the finished product to end up conventionally coherent
• Don’t suggest your favorite book, because I’ll probably find a way to ruin it
• All those 100-page “sports biographies” we all used in Elementary School for book reports are highly encouraged, if you can find me a digital copy to stitch together
• While I am sure we’d all appreciate it, don’t suggest the Playboy Girls of [insert location] pictorial collections…. the resulting review could get, well…. messy. Also, litigious.

Since it’s the off-season and we are usually kinda starved for content, I’ll try to get one of these done a week, depending on my schedule and how god-awful whatever I turn a classic work of Art into after the random page generator does its thing, so the sooner you guys get into this, the faster I’ll poison my mind with this batshit idea. Of course, Internet Dad has ultimate veto power should this have the potential to get us sued or whatever, but I’m thinking we’ll be clear if the book is public domain and I chop it up into something new and weird.

So there you have it, entropy’s contribution to ending the off-season doldrums for at least 45 to 50 minutes a week. Drop by the comments and let me know what book you want to see turned into a lobotomized version of itself on crack, and I’ll do my damnedest to get it done for you. Then, once we have a few complete, I’ll make sure to shop the links around to those online college paper repositories and see how many kids will be dumb enough to buy one of these things for a term paper. Either way, we’ll have fun with it.

I hope to see you guys joining in the fun soon.