babies. In the last two days, our good friends Litre_cola and Sunrisesunrise have been blessed with Deci-litre and lil sunrisesunrisesunrise. I wish them both and their wives the very best and I will raise a glass to their babies’ health this weekend. In the meantime, such momentous events in our friends’ lives bring about certain….questions.
1- Where do babies come from?
2- If a stork is supposed to bring them, is there some kind of Universal Stork Union?
3- Did Trump or the governor of Wisconsin kill that union?
4- I mean, they work all hours, are available at a moment’s notice, and have no restrictions on the weight they carry. Does that mean they’re management?
5- When you are childless, like I am, and you are asked if you have kids, do you also answer “Not that I know of”?
6- Is it a problem that I do this at work?
7- It’s too bad there isn’t an equivalent answer for females, right?
8- Ladies, how do you handle it when annoying people ask you when you are going to get married, have a child, etc.?
9- Would it work if you answered like I do, “Never and I don’t have to worry about children because I only go in the butt?”
10- That shuts them right up, don’t it?
11- Are you shocked that I haven’t done a 25 questions on anal sex?
12- Did you know there is such a thing as Anal April?
13- And that May is National Masturbation Month?
14- Speaking of, do you remember this song?
15- Man, the 80s really was the best decade for music, wasn’t it?
16- Is it weird that I now listen to a station that plays “Classic Hits” and they’re all from the 80s?
17- Does that mean I’m an old or just that I have good taste in music?
18- Who here remembers going to smoky bars with bathrooms covered in stickers, listening to kickass music, and waking up the next day with your ears ringing and reeking of smoke even though you didn’t smoke at all?
19- Those were the days, huh?
20- Do places like that still exist?
21- Besides in Bratislava, of course?
22- What about making out on the dancefloor with random strangers whose names you don’t even know just based on a look?
23- Have I said too much?
24- Is that where babies come from?
25- Or is the real answer smoky bar bathrooms?
Titties out at the Cola residence and i get no attention. Why dont you just tell me they are full of single malt whisky too.
Had a newborn babbie in the seat next to me on a flight today.
That little shit couldn’t have been cooler. No crying at all for 3+ hours, and loves tWBS peek a boo like it’s the best thing ever. Which if you’re 4 mos old, I guess maybe it is.
Shut up, I can play peek a boo with the best of them.
Have a fun trip twbs, dont end up in too many brothels or dispensaries!
How many is too many?
Well brothels I would keep it at 1 a day you don’t want to live there ya gotta get out and get drunk with other DFOers, dispensaries that is dependent upon their wares!
11 – Yes (didn’t even hurt)
23 – No
Wait, why are we congratulating them for having kids? I choose to laugh at them. SO LONG, SUCKERS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (etc.)
Are you shocked that I haven’t done a 25 questions on anal sex?
I see what you did there.
I doubt the kid has the slightest idea what that means, but apparently the chick does.
Hook ’em horns.
He is old enough to Google.
Any excuse to repost this.
I really dig this “Gratuitous Eurotrip references” post
#12 – Is that a month or a woman?
#16 – I also listen to KRTH with a certain horror.
#18 – Damn you for making me feel older than usual. Them’s were the days.
#22 – The Red Onion, baby. “You guys going to the R.O.?”
My God the Red Onion!
“You idiots, KRTH isn’t an entire radio station. It’s just one guy. It says so right on the album cover.”
– Mike Mayock
It’s actually KOLA out of the IE. Some days I feel like cooking some meth after listening.
After?
Happy Hippo reading moment (from my Soviet prison camp memoir I am currently working through – “Journey Into the Whirlwind”):
“One morning a party arrived at the camp consisting of men who had been worked to complete exhaustion in the mines, human slag that was now of no further use there. On the march back, numbers of them had died like – I was going to say ‘like flies,’ but at Kolyma it was truer to say that flies died like people.”
Enjoy your morning, everyone!!
Oh, I guess I would have thought the working title was
http://www.fuse.tv/2012/04/help-find-the-man-who-impregnated-woman-in-megadeth/motorhead-concert-bathroom
The best bar in Raleigh had an 80s night before 80s night was ubiquitous (1994-98). It also had a great fucking name – “The Five-O Cafe” and a black hipster bartender who was the only barkeep in town for whom I was a favoured regular.
Of course, like all good things (save for the Players Retreat, which one of my drunken asshole buddies from undergrad saved diligently from years of waiting tables and then restaurant/bar management and now fucking co-owns) it is gone.
If you say there is a better 80s dance song than “In A Big Country” you are wrong and I will fight yew.
What about “Blue October” where you could robot and do air drums?
Also, dancing with a determined overbite still looks cool.
“This ‘Players Retreat’ sounds like it would be my kind of place.”
– Cam Newton
What I Like About You by The Romantics. That song never failed to get me on the dance floor to display my devastating whiteness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bp_Ad7aO7MU
The pill is “more than 99% effective”. That leeway was the baby source in my home. And my astounding virility, I guess.
Your sperm stayed Catholic even if you didn’t, , smh (repeat from poker room).
My genitals favor Liberation Theology.
I wish I could vote for this multiple times.
That’s some banner shit right there folks, that’s what that is.
My first came from coming home confident from what was indeed the very rare (for my introvert, terrible person self) successful job interview, then getting drunk in the afterglow.
One skipped condom – and it WAS just once…boom, baby. And we foolishly figured we could manage. LMAO
That was the first time you came?
Well, no wonder.
How in the hell did the stork myth even start? Who thought that this was a believable thing to tell kids?
“Well, they bought the fat guy doing a little B&E and the rabbit helping with the crucifixion, what else we got?”
Wives? I thought their types had to use a surrogate.