Because I’m away next week – the doctors are going tumor hunting in a delicate area Monday morning – I’m going to impart my Stanley Cup preview now:
The Penguins barely survived a hot goalie in Craig Anderson, and now they’re running into a Finnish buzzsaw in Pekka Rinne. Plus, Rinne’s got a pretty strong defence in front of him. I think every Subban shift in the playoffs causes the floodwaters in Montreal to increase slightly. It is going to be hard to get pucks through to the net.
And yet…
The Penguins have most of their firepower working at high efficiency. Crosby is his usual whiny, proficient self. Evgeni Malkin is playing as big as he is. Phil Kessel is skating like there’s a doughnut on a stick in front of him, but try as he might he juuuuuuust can’t catch it. The last three games of the semi showed Pittsburgh has no trouble getting pucks on net; it’s the follow-up they have to work on. It they can beat Nashville’s clearing attempts, I can’t see Rinne keeping everything out of the net.
Nashville doesn’t have anywhere near the same firepower as Pittsburgh. With Fisher & Johansen out with injury, it’s going to fall on their core of young’uns to put pucks in the net. A much harder job that has become, now that Matt Murray’s back to…85%? That’s still better than a 100% yipped Marc-Andre Fleury, who will be good in a pinch, but got the Pens as far as his self-confidence could take them. (I still don’t know how he beat the Caps.)
The home crowd will get Nashville one win. That is a fun arena; it’s got the cheap beers & cramped feel of a Swift Current community centre, but the 21st Century construction that makes you feel safe sitting up in the rafters. Plus, you can literally
go honky tonkin’ right outside the arena after the game.
But, at the end of the day, experience usually triumphs over enthusiasm. Just ask any of your first girlfriends.
Prediction: Penguins in 6.
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB:
- Cubs at Dodgers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet / FOX (?)
- Fútbol:
- International:
- Friendly: Mexico vs. Croatia – 5:00PM | FS1 / Univision
- U-20: Honduras vs. Vietnam – 1:50AM | TSN
- MLS:
- San Jose vs. Los Angeles – 7:00PM | Univision
- Whitecaps FC vs. DC United – 7:00PM | TSN
- International:
- AFL:
- West Coast Eagles vs. GWS Giants – 2:30AM | TSN2
I won’t be posting a Sunday thread, as the all-day motorsports aficionados have you covered.
I thank you in advance for your good wishes & bad jokes. I’ll hopefully see you in a week. RECTUM? I HARDLY KNEW ‘IM!
American Gods is up already.
Doink! https://gfycat.com/LongScarceCondor
Ma’am https://gfycat.com/SoftFaroffClingfish
Uno más https://gfycat.com/SneakyPertinentEasteuropeanshepherd
Breaking news: Artist’s depiction of a certain upcoming baptizing:
http://blog.georgetownvoice.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Simpsons-baptism.png?f7e32b
So, just sent this to Drew’s Funbag:
I’m currently spending the weekend at my wife’s grandpa’s house, due to our daughter’s Baptism, first birthday, and the gender-reveal of our second kid. Yes, it’s a bit to unlock.
Here’s the thing: Obviously wifey can’t drink, but, I do enjoy my bourbon. Wifey’s grandpap doesn’t drink, and it’s his house. There’s only one toilet, and it’s next to the bedrooms. Is it better to flush the toilet each time I need to pee and risk waking everyone up, or, potentially allow a yellow bowl of urine to flourish until someone else finds it when they wake up?
Thing is, I think I answered my own question about three seconds after I sent it: Piss in the yard. Right?
You got it
Is it just me (probably is), or does everyone categorically fuck up around their in-laws? Despite my best intentions, I always seem to screw something up.
Unless you’re Jared Kushner. That guy could single-handily unleash Captain Trips, and Drumpf would say, “Best plague, the greatest plague, ever. Believe me.”
He’d actually be right.
Probably. People don’t think normally when they feel pressured and under threat of criticism and obligation. It’s kind of like how I, at least, turn into a fucking idiot every time I’ve had someone visit me from out of town.
If it’s brown drink it down, if it’s black send it back.
She’s hot, but Jupiter Ascending sucked all the ass.
Moar liek Kronos Descending amirit
I’ll see your shit acting and raise you an American Psycho 2
Has any director(s) burned through their initial fantasticness more than the Wachowskis?
Checking in late. Good luck with the borescope. I’ve had three already, started early due to a family history rich in such matters.
So has ice-soccer finally outgrown…
Young Fronkenshteen just woke up & is now in my lap watching the Hull v Tottenham replay from last week. Say hello, Finn!
http://i1291.photobucket.com/albums/b554/Xezat_TT/MicroLP%20-%20Peasants%20Quest/PeasantsQuest_107.png
HOT TAEK: The revolution has to come from within American churches. If they’re gonna preach politics, right-minded people are going to have to be there to point out GOP hypocrisy. We’re not gonna turn too many men, but there must be millions of conflicted women, and the vote is still private. That’s right boys & girls; the survival of democracy depends on our ability to make it to mass. How do you like them apples?
Awww do we have to?
This would be great if it were plausible. You’ll get your spattering here and there, but the larger groups, especially of the evangelical variety, are more than happy to sell out to get those anti-abortion and anti-anti-discrimination policies pushed. These are the same kinds of people that thought Trump was going to usher in some kind of Kingdom of God despite the fact that he’s NEVER shown any sort of religious inclination prior to running, or that him and Bannon have like 6 wives between the two.
I can confirm, Milas Kunis schills Jim Beam in australia.
Am I the only person who’s seen the commercials here?
Nope. Starting to wonder that myself.
Well Balls is in LA, I get Pacific Northwest channels and I have never seen the comercials. Very strange.
We’ve had them down here for quite awhile. I just assumed it was a national campaign.
She’s been doing so in the States for at least, “four, long years.”
The Trumper who murdered two men in Portland last night for daring to intervene in his assault on a Muslim woman was 1) coddled and bused home by the Portland police during a riot that a bunch of white supremacists started last month, and 2) a dyed-in-the-wool true allegiant on r/The_Donald.
So it’s safe to say that no one in the City, PPB, or reddit will do a fucking thing to change their behavior. So I’m just going to sit back and let the whole fucking world burn to the ground while I try and find a way to make money so I can have at least a little bit of fun before Death comes and takes me in a couple decades if I’m lucky.
I mean, it’s not like he broke a window or tipped over a trash can.
It me
_
I feel like I’m a broken record expressing the convergence of my depression and political malaise and all the other bullshit. And for that, I apologize. I am trying to have fun here. I think.
I want to make a pithy remark, but, isn’t that exactly what we all do around here?
http://www.cliffordvickrey.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/malaise_forever.jpg
On one hand, it doesn’t take long to burn out getting fired up about it every time it happens. On the other hand, it seems like it’s only getting worse instead of better, and everyone should be doing even more.
Good evening commentists. How are we all doing?
Sleep deprivation is a hell of a drug.
I had alcohol, pizza, and human contact today. So far it’s been pretty fucking great.
Same here to all 3, all my patrons at the bar were fucking cool too.
I wonder if I’ll ever stop feeling like a creep around strange women, though.
All men seem like creeps around strangers. you just have to show the woman you are not.
But what if you are?
Self-depreciation.
/jumps up to greet you
//bangs head on lamp
///sits on own testicles
At least you didn’t get a leg cramp from jumping out of the seat.
Remember: family sucks
They seem to be the best excuse anyone can make for drinking, though. So there’s that.
On the other hand, not having family means not having to make excuses to drink.
2 for 2 on disowned parents right here.
Imagine this soft-assed motherfucker who’s never even learned how to be a proper crook in prison.
I cannot stop laughing at the thought.
The amazing thing about this, is how, all of the Alt-Right racists LOATHED the fact a Jew could be in the President’s inner circle. A large number quit on Drumpf right then and there. The center cannot hold; things fall apart.
These losers will do anything to keep power, though.
The politicians will, sure. The dumbfucks who keep electing them will continue to take it in the ass, ask for more, and say, “DIS IS REEEL MURICKA.”
But that’s the thing, they do have power in being able to send those political cocksuckers back to Washington. That’s the only power they have, but it’s enough to fuck over everyone else, which they’ll gladly do. And they’ll dig in more and more as they lose more and more of everything else in their lives.
[Raises both glasses]
Here’s to the United States Intelligence institutions. Look how fast they became our best fucking friends.
I’ve been offline all day. What did Drumpf do this time?
I swear, the only way he can get an erection anymore is by actually shitting on a copy of the Constitution.
“Best turd ever, by anyone. Believe me, folks. This thing was the winning of poops. Believe me.”
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/news/the-fix/wp/2017/05/26/jared-kushner-trying-to-secretly-talk-to-the-russians-is-the-biggest-billow-of-smoke-yet/
I, for one, appreciate that the Republicans have finally reached the acme of their venality and evilness in putting party and power over treason.
And, yet, all of the REEL PATROITS will continue to vote for them.
Yeah. The Montana Strangleslammer got elected, so these folks are starting to define theyselfs VERY CLEARLY.
Losers stick together.
So, update: I’m currently trying to spend the night at my grandfather-in-law’s house (I think that’s right), where the thermostat is set at a solid 75. I’m sweating, because it’s also 75 outside. I’m too terrified to venture upstairs, where wifey and Lil’ WCS are presumably sleeping, for fear of waking one or all of them. This is Lil’ WCS’s first night in this house, and no one wants a screaming baby.
Tomorrow is Lil’ WCS’s baptism, first birthday party, and the gender reveal of Lil’er WCS(?). Should I just sleep on the living room couch? I think I should just sleep there.
seek out the low ground: sleep in the basement
Normally, I would, but, it’s a stone basement floor, and I have no air mattress.
Plan B: pack yourself in salt to draw out the moisture, and hope it evaporates
There’s always the bathtub
Leather couch?
I will never own leather furniture again. Worst fucking mistake. “You mean I have to perform regular maintenance on it AND every piece of bare skin has to be spatula’d off if it goes over 68 degrees? Well, sign me the fuck up.”
And don’t even try to have some personal fun time on a leather couch or recliner.
When we’d do anything at my wife’s grandmother’s house, the thermostat would be at damn near 80. We would take turns going out for smoke breaks as an excuse to get breathable air again, even though most of us didn’t smoke. My father-in-law wouldn’t come back, opting instead to sit in the van and listen to college hockey games. Ironically, the wife is fucking insane and keeps the thermostat at 65 if I’m not paying attention, and will set it back to 65 the very second I’m not in line of sight.
Give me the meat locker, every damn time. I grew up without A/C, didn’t have it in the Air Force, and didn’t have it for three years in college. The ability to set the temp at 67 is a wonder of modern science, one I’ve gotten far too adjusted to, apparently.
I want to be able to set it to 68 and then smash it with a fucking hammer. I am absolutely the old fuck yelling at everyone about electric/gas bills when it shifts. How is this my life now?
Jameson, distilled water, and ice cubes made with distilled water is the best fuggin’ drink ever. It’s like Jameson flavored Gatorade.
Bad ice is the easiest way to ruin a drink. That’s good hustle by making your own out of distilled water!
[smacks own ass. HARD]
Bad company is the easiest way to ruin a drink. Annoying acquaintances or shitty arena rock, either way.
Wife, cat & doggo snoozing in the room with me & Dead from the Europe ’72 collection in the headphones. Throw in youze guys on the thought link device & we got a party!
Oh, good set. Got that one in the car. The “Ladies and Gentlemen…” from the Fillmore is really fucking good too. That one might be my favorite.
I’m on 5/13/72 Fairgrounds Lille, France. It’s criminal these tapes were kept out of…existence, really.
Oh, I thought you meant the staple Europe 72. I’ll have to look that one up.
My wife signed us up for Apple Music. They’re all on there! Every Europe ’72 date like its its own album. No one had these tapes! I had ONE from Amsterdam. I hear everyone is blaming Weir.
They have a lot of them on archive.org. That’s where I’m listening to the one you’re talking about now. Gotta say a half hour on Other One is a bit much for me. Eyes and Weather Report are probably my favorite long jams and I get antsy even when those start creeping north of 15 minutes. It’s cool hearing some shows with Pigpen and Keith though, even if it’s got Donna’s Yoko-ish squalling.
Couldn’t agree more re: Donna. I’m still on the first set. The China>Rider is crackling.
You got me digging through set lists on here now. There were some killer shows over there, and the NYE 72 at Winterland is a phenomenal setlist. Gonna have to bookmark that one for later.
Mila Kunis advertises Jim Beam in Australia. Yes, I’m watching AFL.
Death Prophet!? Err, I mean, home run! Double play! Ny mets!
The keto diet will hurt a marriage.
/dying
So was Kato until the door opened.
I hope Neil DeGrasse-Tyson has no skeletons in his closet. Because he’s a cool mother fucker.
Two words: Sex Tape
Shit. He’s from the Brawnx, son. That would earn him cred on the street AND among the lab rats.
I bet you one exists. He seems freaky like that.
Anyone do Individual Defense Players in their fantasy football league? Mine starts doing that this year. Whaddya do? Lineman from a good D, linebacker from a shitty D, DB from a winning team?
always a 3-down LB. From a defense that’s on the field a lot
Who’re your top five 3-down linebackers? Asking for a friend.
/don’t say Ninkovich, or I’ll puke
//prob gon puke anyhoozle
shit, I don’t remember. Poslusny (sp??) from JAX used to be one, but it changes every year. David from TB
Is there a book along the lines of “Football For Gentlemen Who’ve Never Played”?
Because I only have (dopey) eyes for the skill positions.
I usually just change leagues. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Yeh. Not sure why it’s come to this. Buncha ex-players, probbo
You want a guy making lots of tackles with ther possibility of interceptions and forced fumbles and sacks.
That only leaves the LBs. Your best bet is someone that is disproportionately involved in the team’s play. I have used Sean Lee of the Cowboys and Kuechly of the Panthers to good effect until they inevitably get hurt.
What round do D guys start to go?
Depends on how stupid the guys in your league are. Realistically, they should not be drafted until the last two or three rounds, but some idiots think they absolutely HAVE to have their guy in the 5th.
This is the time of year I feel least confident. Like somehow I WASN’T a waiver-wire hound ALL LAST YEAR. And suddenly it’s like, “Shit! What if I need to take a Titan this year?!”
I was about to take a crack at the Titans and then I remembered I had Mariotta on my teams last year.
I think it’s too early to think about FF. Half the guys you want to draft still have to get hurt during training camp!
Already feeling the hockey withdrawl tremens. Maybe there’s some AHL games on? How do I wathch them? Do i gotta suck somebody’s dick? I’ll do it.
Memorial Cup is on tomorrow. Yes, I’ll be watching. I NEED MY HOCKEY METHADONE
Cards are happening tonight if anyone’s interested
BFIB Cards? Or give me free chips Cards?
still 3-nil to teh former
The free chips kind. Not the BFIB, because I’d never subject anyone to that kind of torture.
/Hippo is either a masochist or has Stockholm Syndrome
I will be there in like a half hour-ish if people are still there, watching Doctor Who right now.
My son’s former HS baseball team just had the 4,5,6 hitters suspended for boozing it up at the prom. The state play-offs start Tuesday.
I’ve never seen him so happy or eager to get to a game.
Have I mentioned that he loathed his coach?
Man, if I’d have discovered pot in high school, I’d have never touched a drop of liquor until I could actually afford anything decent (so, like that time W gave us all rebates).
smh they shuldve ben suspended for lack of EFFORT if their boozing on booze and not cream and clear
You got ass cancer?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WP3X0dSV9kI
Hopefully not. But they do have to repair some muscles, because the back door doesn’t close properly.
Is Kushner going to jail?
Some people will do anything to get their father’s approval.
Cuz I read the WaPost article today & it seems like he actually might go. Dare I hope?
methinks u rite
Please. Say what you will about the establishment’s distaste for Trump, they will never pull the trigger on prosecuting anyone in the government (outside of the obvious token corruption cases for house reps who don’t even try to hide their bribery deals).
If the Dems can pull their collective heads out if their asses for the midterms (a big if considering the leadership), they may be able to simply paralyze Trump until ’20. During this time, however, they’re not going to risk any sort of real prosecution (for it may fail, proving them “wrong” if the bar for conviction is not met) but will instead just continue to point at all the smoke and only elude to the fires.
This is treason, though.
We’ve never had an honest-to-God treasonous President (and inner circle) before. Truly uncharted waters…
Won’t happen. Too slippery of a slope.
‘Eddie the Eagle’ is on HBO. I met him once at a jump competition for kids in northwest CT. I cannot stress enough how terrible he was at jumping. 13-14 year old kids were doubling his distance. I cannot, however, emphasize enough that no one, NO ONE, was having more fun then Eddie. He truly loved doing it, and from what I understand from later, drinking beer with anyone who wanted to afterwards.
Also I’ve walked up that ramp, which is about 1/3 the size of the things you see at the Olympics and you have to be out of your fucking mind to participate in that sport.
http://www.sgcs.com.au/sites/default/files/news/jump%20rope%20nationals%20June%202016.jpg
That would be my best case landing if I went off the ramp.
I’d need a ramp built afterwards…
Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals 3-nil to the good tonight. TAKE THAT, Moose!!!1111
Retro bikinis should be outlawed. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
There’s something in the woods next to our house that’s making a hell of a racket and both of the cats, who are murder-machines, are hiding under our cars and staring and I can’t see it even with the high-powered flashlight.
If I never post again I want you all to know that the internet has made my life much, much worse.
Our pleasure.
El Chupacabra! Hide your goats! Give them Brady!
http://www.science-rumors.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Chupacabra.jpg
We will say really nice things at the funeral. After all, we are great liars…
Just for you my tombstone is going to read “Arsenal, 2017 FA Champs”
Watching all the teenage girls around the stadium before the Thorns game made me feel so goddamn old and gross.
This lady was at least in her early twenties.
Wear your oldness and grossness proudly, goddamnit. It’s who we are, and we refuse to apologize FOAR it!!
I endorse her pants-free policy and her Permanent Vacation tagline.
Into his colon.
Hey, relevant!
Good luck Rob. I hope the tests reveal that your colon is sausage-casing quality. Best wishes man.
Binge watching “Lady Dynamite”, drinking Jameson & Old Dominion Lager, & ducking into the laundry room sporadically for Blue Dream.
My neighbors across the street either have 40 kids, or their one kid gets a quinceañera every other week. I swear this is like their 20th one this year so far.
Video unrelated, but awesome and/or what the fuck-worthy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9NIQMUzkog
Maybe they run an unlicensed Chuck-E-Cheese.
With the way their house is decorated, that’s a distinct possibility.
Good luck having your asshole probed.
/Things my wife said to me went I went out by myself in Key West
//The butterfly conservatory was lovely and it was her loss.
Good luck Monday. You’re needed here (and maybe elsewhere but here is what’s important).
Especially after the last week or so.
Apologies to WCS, but my rooting interests revolve heavily around devastated Pittsburgh fans.
Hate is much MOAR powerful than love ,, ppl forget that
Best of luck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1JgMxRm–0
RACING! RACING! RACING! RACING!
What a glorious weekend!
I am a bad Southerner. Not only have I NEVAR fired a gun, but I also really truly had no idea there were a race of any varietal going on this weekend.
Mad that none of the Dirt Donks/Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals games are on real teevee, though. MLB.tv is a bag of shit.
Wow, you should at least be generally aware of the Coca-Cola 600 at Charlotte.
You would think, given that CLT is where I grew up…
Some people say that the CLT is a myth.
Wait what? How have you never fired a gun? I live in a country with ridiculous gun laws and even I have gone to town on a fence line of tin cans with a .22.
“If it isn’t rocket-propelled it doesn’t count as a real gun.” -Hippo
At first, I thought you were joining the John Kruk club. Instead, I guess you shall just sleep on your belly for awhile and your wife can give you shit about all the anal sex pleadings you may have made over the years.
Enjoy the pain meds, and you got this shit handled, muthaflippa!! Slaps….back, HARD.
To your ass:
To your bunghole, Sir!!!!!
http://i.memecaptain.com/gend_images/5sjnEA.gif
(edit…balls this isn’t to you…it’s a reply fail….stop stalking me)
I can’t even ask if we’re still doing phrasing, I’m laughing too hard.