Hooray, it’s finally here, the inevitable third installment of the trilogy that we didn’t necessarily need! You know, like Godfather Part III, Shrek the Third, Matrix: Revolutions, and Spider-Man 3. (As opposed to Return of the King or surprisingly Toy Story 3. Don’t get me started on Toy Story 3, man! My emotions. MY EMOTIONS!)
The NBA playoffs have been about as interesting to watch as paint drying (or most Thursday Night Football games) and the Finals matchup of the Cavs and Warriors has been a near-certainty since, well, if not since Tim Duncan retired, then definitely when Kevin Durant signed with Golden State, leading fans of Oklahoma City to listen to the works of Lil B. (This is a real song. No, if I were you I would not play it at your workplace.)
(Gotta love how he rhymes “Dirk Nowitski” with “Dirk Nowitski.”)
But anyway, this matchup needs to be the greatest NBA Finals of all time in order to live up to the shitshow that the first three rounds were. Even the “good” matchups were tainted! Houston-OKC was Russell Westbrook vs. the entire Houston Rockets, whether he or Harden was winning MVP didn’t matter. Clippers-Jazz was good but didn’t Griffin get hurt? I don’t even remember at this point. The conference finals were a dud, considering the Warriors were always one or three steps ahead of the Spurs, especially after injuries mounted for San Antonio. And I’m still not sure how the Celtics took a game in Cleveland considering the other four games were “Okay, let’s keep it close, keep it under forty.” Forty. That’s as many as four tens. And that’s terrible.
Okay, that was only Games 1 and 5, but still! You’d expect more from the best record in the conference!
So yeah, you’ve got LeBron with Pepsi commercial extraordinaire Kyrie Irving (hey, I like Uncle Drew) and occasional afterthought Kevin Love against the Voltron that is the Warriors (Klay and Durant are the arms; Draymond Green and Zaza Pachulia are the legs kicking away, yes literally; Curry’s the head). Who wins? I don’t know, the real question is do we care? (I guess if you had to put a—hey where’d you get that gun to put against my head? Fine, fine, uh… Warriors in 7? Steph’s healthy, Durant is better than Harrison Barnes, Draymond Green’s probably not going to do as much stupid shit and get himself suspended, and revenge factorq.) Either way barring Game 7 going into at least quadruple overtime and/or the winning team pulling off Mortal Kombat fatalities, nobody’s going to give a rat’s ass about this series until twenty years from now or so when everyone goes “yeah I guess it was cool seeing all those stars playing for the championship.” And it would be, if only it hadn’t been pre-destined since fucking July!
Okay, Senor, calm down, deep breaths, even if there was any drama in the NBA this year it wouldn’t change how much your Knicks suck. Moving on!
NFL News:
First off, 98 days until football. That’s 14 weeks. That’s not terrible. And I don’t see a dumb listicle. So that’s downright pretty good!
NFLPA and player reps turn over Ezekiel Elliott’s phone records to the NFL regarding their investigations on whether he assaulted his girlfriend at the time. Elliott wasn’t charged by the Columbus City Attorney’s Office but is of course subject to the NFL’s conduct policy.
Jets trade former first-round pick S Calvin Pryor to the Browns in exchange for Demario Davis. Davis signed with the Browns as a free agent last year after starting every game for the Jets the three years prior.
Colts sign Christine Michael.
Falcons first-round pick Takkarist McKinley is very happy about Atlanta’s first check clearing. Way to get that direct deposit, Takk!
-Can we make a note of the last line of this article? “Now Myrtle [Collins, McKinley’s grandmother who raised him and who he made his emotional speech about on draft night]’s boy is a millionaire professional athlete. I’m sure she’s dancing, too.” Um, he talked about her that night because she passed away before she could see him become a D-I college star and get drafted in the NFL, Dan Hanzus.
Other Sports News:
White Sox announcer Ken “Hawk” Harrelson will retire at the end of the 2018 season. Or as he’d put it, “He gone!”
-Thank goodness. As far as annoying homers go he was pretty high up there on the list, and I’m guessing even a decent number of White Sox fans didn’t want to deal with him considering “Heave the Hawk” was one of the first hits on the Googles. Sorry, the first hit (apart from the news articles of course).
Mr. Met got in trouble for giving fans the finger at Citi Field last night. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that’s no way for a mascot to act and also BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA.
What’s on tonight?
NBA Finals:
Game 1, CLE vs. GSW, 9:00 E, ABC
MLB:
NYY at TOR, 7:00 E, MLBN, SNET-1 (Canada)
BOS at BAL, 7:00 E, MLBN
tWBS will be here tomorrow for TGISF. Hopefully the theme won’t be dolls but I can promise nothing.
CHECK IT!
Image of the West 4th Street Courts courtesy of Wikipedia. I thought I had a pic in my phone but I was apparently mistaken.
Enjoying season 2 so far
“Shooter” Update-
The guy that is super really good at shooting is pretty smart but he’s even better at shooting.
/yer welcome
Mother in law is on the balcony.
PRO: decilitre stopped crying
CON, really want to get stoned out there before it rains.
Maybe you’ll get lucky and find a cake that someone left out.
Jazz nerd time: the Maynard Ferguson Orchestra version of this tune is so damn good, and I’ve made it required viewing for all the high school trumpet sections I’ve worked with.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nazgqHaFAio&w=560&h=315%5D
Rhona. Mitra.
/Jesus!
I seem to recall seeing a photo or video of her where she was hotter now than before she had her implants removed.
Not that she wasn’t amazing before.
(gifs that end too soon)
Yeah, but your talking about a 9.4 vs. a 9.2
She’s had implants taken out? It’s like she doesn’t even care about the very vigorous pathetic, lecherous spectrum of her fan base!
WE HAVE A VOICE AND WE WILL BE HEARD!
So I’ve read. I can’t seem to figure out where I read it though.
Does anyone work with someone in a different time zone who constantly schedules meetings during your lunch hour? If so, what’s the best way to get them to stop, that doesn’t involve fire?
Lots of chewing noises while on the phone?
http://www.ox.ac.uk/sites/files/oxford/styles/ow_content_medium/public/media_wysiwyg/Managing%20the%20risk%20of%20surface%20water%20flooding.jpg
Tell them to stop being an asshole.
She’s based near Boston, so that’s not possible.
Order in, hit the mute button on your phone.
Never tell her. Just start taking nutritional shakes. Use a straw, then wait for the sexual harassment complaint.
Oh you’re my god damn favorite.
Who should I root for? Cleveland or Golden State?
http://www.rawstory.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/shutterstock_194612351-800×430.jpg
Can I propose a compromise?
http://orig10.deviantart.net/d0ae/f/2012/225/3/9/rainbow_dash_vs_earth_by_rabbit678-d5axvte.jpg
Nope. All or nothing.
Yeah …
Fuck South Park. Making both sides straw men isn’t clever. It’s lazy and shitty to real people.
When reached for comment, Trey Parker and Matt Stone responded with
I know.
How is the commentist party this evening? I see that climate change is not a concern anymore.
Thinking about the hellscape I’m going to have to live in and how my children are fucked but otherwise hanging in there.
No, that’s because we’re musicians.
Eh. Just give it three years. After the Democrats win the House and Senate in ’18, Trump will go full Trump and take the GOP down with him. Then the Liberals will be in complete control.
Then its Roaring ’20s 2: Even Roaringer.
Senate seems…..doubtful.
http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/29/politics/senate-2018-chuck-schumer/index.html
Just let Trump be Trump. At the rate he’s going, I would be shocked if we still have all 50 states when he leaves office.
Once USSR II invades Alaska, he’ll just split up California into NorCal and West Dakota.
There. 50.
That would be fine by me. Those Bay Area fuckers are annoying as fuck.
God – how many of you so cal people are there on here?
At least we’ll have someone to let us know when they’re coming. Like a moderately retarded Paul Revere.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQZaredAyh4gc5gM09t1oNaWIJWfAKmEbEkg1jPmouiXgraXRvo0Q
Moderately? That’s quite generous.
They’re not going to win shit.
Ahhhh, they’re going to rerun the 2016 strategy.
The Democrats are the Whig Party, but don’t realize or care because anyone already in power has both power and money and so they don’t really give a fuck about anything else.
I can’t remember who I was telling, but I know Dems who worked for Obama or these campaigns. They’re doing just fine. They talk a good game, but they’re set for life. They don’t have really have anything to gain, but reshaping the Democratic Party exposes them to lose what they do have. So they won’t, and it will die.
Seems reasonable.
So the Dems are going to spoil the chance to let the GOP go the way of the Federalist Party and shape the nation into the 21st century and beyond? Great, just great.
As shitty as usual, no more, no less. Something else will likely wipe us out before teh climate anyhoo.
Ok. We’re gonna get Ethipoian food when the Mrs gets off.
I mean, assuming I get off before she gets off at like 8p.
It’s up to you to make sure she gets off at all ,, amirite??
Who am I, the Pope?
So a thimble full of half-rotted rice? Sounds like a good choice.
I thought it was good.
Something about Steel City? https://gfycat.com/NeighboringInfiniteInexpectatumpleco
The only three good things to come out of Pittsburgh is Michael Keaton, U.S. 22 and, of course, Mr. Rogers. I have several colorful suggestions about what the rest of Pittsburgh can do with themselves, but it wouldn’t be neighborly of me to say it.
I’ve always wanted to try Islay’s chipped ham just to say I did it. And kill an extra large fries at The Original.
Brain: “Oh look, “Shooter” is on the tv yet again-let’s watch it.”
Me: “I’VE WATCHED IT AT LEAST 15 TIMES-PLEASE, GIVE ME A BREAK! IT’S NOT A GOOD MOVIE.”
Brain: [seductive voice] “Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to watch it? Huhhh…?”
Me: “THE REDEMPTION SCENE AT THE END IS CONTRIVED AS HELL! IT’S NOT A GOOD MOVIE!”
Brain: “I totally agree. Let’s watch it one more time so that you can tell me that yet again.”
Me: [slumps over in chair] “OK. FINE. I’LL WATCH IT ONE LAST TIME!”
Brain: Sure. Let’s watch it this one last time. [waits eagerly for the next time “Shooter” comes on]
Eh. I’ll allow it.
https://gfycat.com/PointedDangerousFlycatcher
Nipples uber alles?
I would like to buy a beer for the costumer who selected that thin shirt with no bra.
She showed more wearing lingerie and getting eaten out in House of Cards, which is yet another in the multitude of reasons why that series is complete garbage.
My brain and I have the same conversation over “Shawshank Redemption”. My brain loves how he was really in control of everything, even though there is no way he could’ve built a freaking hole in the wall without being caught.
Has there ever been a sports finals that has had the same teams play three times in a row with each team winning once before?
Ha! Good. Fuck tow truck drivers.
SOP
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dHr5A8DTBR4/UcO3_klwO5I/AAAAAAAAYJc/O4eI9OZeOY8/s1600/furries2.gif
I was just mistaken for a Trader Joe’s employee by another customer. I apparently really need to shave and get a haircut.
“Happens to me all the time.” – Andy Reid
http://cdn0.sbnation.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/12419013/screen_shot_2013-04-29_at_1.38.09_pm.0_standard_709.0.png
I was mistaken for Raymond Burr in 1993 and it still stings, honey! Whatever, once that little Russian doll Borschevsky knocked out the Red Wings, I drank enough Stoli to make Bukowski blush!
Now I have the Perry Mason theme in my head because Padre Weaselo suddenly became old and watches it religiously.
It’s a pretty catchy song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opFFNSOPhuU
Watch all three parts.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k33ywVzYZOU
I once ate thanksgiving dinner at a homeless shelter in Detroit.
I had just gotten out of the steel mill and had no idea where to find an open place to eat.
No one batted an eye.
http://static.nfl.com/static/content/public/video/2013/01/25/0ap2000000130856_video_cp.jpg
I was once mistaken as a nice guy, and I will never stop until I find the son of a bitch who started that rumor.
So packing for the training trip to Hamilton, Ontario.
Its a bit nerve wracking. Its the longest I have been deployed since I had my nervous breakdown. I basically have to talk to a bunch of electricians and electrical engineers for 8 hours at a time, five days in a row, three weeks in a row.
I’m an engineer…I don’t have people skills!
Moose’s [Bounces in Spanish] gif reminded me that there was a French equivalent of Destinos that aired on my PBS station and the girl on it was super cute and always wore a sweater with no bra because it was chilly. I never got her name, though.
Oh. Well, that was easy. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092356/
I got $5 on Mireille.
Valérie Allain. And, yes, she got naked in other movies.
Katey Segal? Judd Hirsch? What year is it?!
Well, that was quick.
The scary thing is, as a result of her plea deal in ’93, she doesn’t have to register as a sex offender. I feel for her children, but I hope her dead-eyed, unremorseful ass gets ostracized until the day she croaks.
I wonder if the parents who were told their kids weren’t being invited back because the parents complained about her will get to send their kids back now. Although I can’t imagine why they would want to send their children to a school that was cool with and sided with a serial killer until it became inconvenient.
Would you want to go back?
They interviewed her husband (her lawyer’s brother, no joke) a year ago and he just said, “Well if anything happens, we just move.” She keeps trying to hide it (because she legally can), but it will inevitably come out regardless of where they go.
There’s somewhat of a theme I notice among most Canadians, “We don’t like the death penalty and it is illegal here, but we would gladly make an exception for those two.”
I went to my parish’s Catholic school (both co-founded by one of my grandmothers) for nine years, and during that time and through/past was in high school we had three successive pedophile priests leading my parish, preying on classmates and friends of my brother’s (since I didn’t have any). So it’s disingenuous for me to sit here and say that I wouldn’t.
But that was then, and we didn’t really know or have a choice. Now? No. Fuck no. I’d burn the motherfucker to the ground.
“Somebody finally thought about the children? It’s about fucking time…”
-Helen Lovejoy
Moosey’s first cycle of steroids have produced some interesting results…
BB Balls.
Really interested in what you’ll come up with when the xanax kicks in. Oh, you didn’t know there was xanax in your afternoon coffee?
/Oh, that’s so Moosey…
//so trusting!
OK, now I going to have to smoke weed, sip some scotch.
“I thought it was a speed ‘suggestion’, not a speed ‘bump’.”
-Motorcycle rider, upon waking from the coma
http://i5.asn.im/asian-town-_sw98.gif
I remember reading an article that basically he has three PhD people that have worked with him 24/7, to keep up with his research. Even with him having to use his eye ball to communicate, most people can’t keep up with Hawking.
She seems nice… who is she anyway?
A google search of “Butterbum McSwagger” was not helpful.
Yeah, I searched too and it answered “GIF”, but gave me this image which is appropriate:
http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/bloguploads/nom-thor.gif
Audrey Smith https://www.instagram.com/aaudreysmithh/
https://thechive.com/2017/03/02/getting-lucky-on-st-patricks-day-27-photos/
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oqERuvNm0ew/UcKk_NS–mI/AAAAAAAABsw/Y_8VKRfyx8A/s640/5-year-old-at-tanning-salon.gif
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I1V90k5wEcU/UVQfCS2maOI/AAAAAAAACTM/qTSJF_uEBfI/s1600/168bf248_vanderbeek-double-take.gif
Jesus …
The second cumming.
Second? He was truly the Son of God.
If you haven’t seen the doc “Mommy Dead and Dearest” maybe you should check it out. A daughter rigidly controlled by a mother suffering from “Monkeyhousing By Proxy” (may not have spelled that correctly) that was pulled out of school after the second grade hooks up with a fella with Assburger’s Syndrome. Oh yeah, hijinks did follow.
SUPER DUPER BONUS!: The song that closes out the credits was chosen by a fourth-grader that knew he/she nailed that fucker.
http://forevertwentysomethings.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/tumblr_lpbgbkoG5q1qfacmco1_250.gif
Sorry for the repost, but dat gif.
Where is the “If you rub it a bit it tends to get bigger” joke that the men and ladies can both enjoy?
http://i.perezhilton.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/donald-trump-frech-president-handshake.gif
Much like all Simpsons characters (with the exception of Cletus, of course), Mr. Met has 3 fingers and a thumb. If he were smart, he could very easily just make the argument he was telling the fans to “put a ring on it.” But then again, his job is dancing around like an idiot inside of a giant baseball head at Mets games, so probably not the best indication of having a decent IQ.
Some could interpret “put a ring on it” to be a suggestion to sit on his finger, which gets us right back to where we started in terms of the gesture’s level of obscenity.
That reasoning is as airtight as a passed out Baylor co-ed after homecoming, so I concede.
OOOOF; well done.
http://crazyrunninglegs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/PaperClips.gif
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsgqo7ne341qcfba3o1_500.gif
Lacey Banghard has the best name.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1JK7ksHkSLA/U6w9wXkUKrI/AAAAAAAB4K8/4P2ckK44pcQ/s1600/people_can_do_such_crappy_things_39.gif
I’d feel bad for the kid, but he’s a Yankees fan, so he’s probably one of Horatio’s brood and thus ineligible for sympathy.
Too young to know; but it seems his training is going well.
“tWBS will be here tomorrow for TGISF. Hopefully the theme won’t be dolls but I can promise nothing.”
See, I fucking knew this was gonna happen.
balls, I told you!!!!!!!
Talking to your balls eh? Don’t worry, it happens to every guy at least once.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hDz3nbKe-lY/VZS07NC1B0I/AAAAAAAAeBQ/8pKftUwgYNk/s1600/1411289439_1389352768_107yjbt_df04.gif
YOU TOLD ME YOU DELETED THAT!!!!!!
But they keep getting farther away….the echo lead time adjustments are becoming annoying.
What can I say, I am absolutely stoked that I got to make that Lex Luthor meme reference!
http://insatiablebooksluts.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Harold_and_Maude.gif
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4MEkDh5ib24/UmApDuNk80I/AAAAAAAADyQ/mmvzFQbqUdI/s1600/watching+tv+2.gif
http://img.ccrd.clearchannel.com/media/mlib/778/2015/07/default/bounce_0709_0_1436452443.gif
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XEsz_vNuqUQ/UIfrlUmj1pI/AAAAAAAAFqQ/XQZezKeF3hM/s1600/Nila+BBS+2.gif
[Bounces in Spanish]
http://i1.wp.com/enthralling.eu/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/things-that-bounce-thursday-17-gifs-6.gif
COULD NOT LEAVE THE FRIDGE DOOR OPEN!!!
I’ve gone out to the garage and found an old Digital Antenna, so I can watch the finals. Which is the first time this century my TV has used an antenna. So in honor of that…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI2fRPmEZ6A
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/16-year-old-girl-accused-of-hacking-uber-driver-to-death/ar-BBBKdQC?OCID=ansmsnnews11
Cubed Uber?
/too soon
That doesn’t roll off the tongue enough. Call it Cuber.
OK, I like that better; SHE’S AN UBER CUBER!!
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
etc.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_9aQaw92C8I/UiAZRqLUtpI/AAAAAAAAARI/-svIpbSdyXc/s1600/z-formation-snap-o.gif
/some kind of REDRUM joke.
I never thought I would ever be in a position to defend Pittsburgh, but here we are.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/pittsburgh-mayor-fires-back-trump-invokes-steel-city-paris-accord-withdrawal-215449146.html
+1 (outdated mode of +1ing, but still)
Lil B?!? I KNEW it! Señor Weaselo is Billy Haisley!!
http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/mlb/mr-met-gives-fan-the-finger-employee-out-as-team-mascot/ar-BBBKUj6?OCID=ansmsnnews11
This is, like, something I am supposed to care about? I am a middle aged white curmudgeon ,, smgdh.
On a happier/nerdier note, I heard a brand spanking new track from The War on Drugs this am, which made me shriek with glee. It’s too late to buy stock in Portugal. The Man, so this is the next band I predicts will make it indie-big:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBWiMAu3uII
Hippo I have the Sat morn lesser footy post for the Champs league final unless you have something else brewing.
Depends on what he eats for dinner Friday.
I have nothing, all yours good man! Ah forgot it was still left to play.
/also thought FA cup final was Sunday, oops
http://imoviequotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/3-Cool-Hand-Luke-quotes.gif
Game I of CLV-GS III and I have no cable because Spectrum sucks.
Speculums don’t suck, they spread.
Ooops, sorry, SPECTRUM….
https://www.reddit.com/r/nbastreams/
More like Speculum Cable, amirite?
erp……