“About Time Already”: Your Thursday Evening NBA Finals Open Thread

Hooray, it’s finally here, the inevitable third installment of the trilogy that we didn’t necessarily need! You know, like Godfather Part III, Shrek the Third, Matrix: Revolutions, and Spider-Man 3. (As opposed to Return of the King or surprisingly Toy Story 3. Don’t get me started on Toy Story 3, man! My emotions. MY EMOTIONS!)

The NBA playoffs have been about as interesting to watch as paint drying (or most Thursday Night Football games) and the Finals matchup of the Cavs and Warriors has been a near-certainty since, well, if not since Tim Duncan retired, then definitely when Kevin Durant signed with Golden State, leading fans of Oklahoma City to listen to the works of Lil B. (This is a real song. No, if I were you I would not play it at your workplace.)

(Gotta love how he rhymes “Dirk Nowitski” with “Dirk Nowitski.”)

But anyway, this matchup needs to be the greatest NBA Finals of all time in order to live up to the shitshow that the first three rounds were. Even the “good” matchups were tainted! Houston-OKC was Russell Westbrook vs. the entire Houston Rockets, whether he or Harden was winning MVP didn’t matter. Clippers-Jazz was good but didn’t Griffin get hurt? I don’t even remember at this point. The conference finals were a dud, considering the Warriors were always one or three steps ahead of the Spurs, especially after injuries mounted for San Antonio. And I’m still not sure how the Celtics took a game in Cleveland considering the other four games were “Okay, let’s keep it close, keep it under forty.” Forty. That’s as many as four tens. And that’s terrible.

Okay, that was only Games 1 and 5, but still! You’d expect more from the best record in the conference!

So yeah, you’ve got LeBron with Pepsi commercial extraordinaire Kyrie Irving (hey, I like Uncle Drew) and occasional afterthought Kevin Love against the Voltron that is the Warriors (Klay and Durant are the arms; Draymond Green and Zaza Pachulia are the legs kicking away, yes literally; Curry’s the head). Who wins? I don’t know, the real question is do we care? (I guess if you had to put a—hey where’d you get that gun to put against my head? Fine, fine, uh… Warriors in 7? Steph’s healthy, Durant is better than Harrison Barnes, Draymond Green’s probably not going to do as much stupid shit and get himself suspended, and revenge factorq.) Either way barring Game 7 going into at least quadruple overtime and/or the winning team pulling off Mortal Kombat fatalities, nobody’s going to give a rat’s ass about this series until twenty years from now or so when everyone goes “yeah I guess it was cool seeing all those stars playing for the championship.” And it would be, if only it hadn’t been pre-destined since fucking July!

Okay, Senor, calm down, deep breaths, even if there was any drama in the NBA this year it wouldn’t change how much your Knicks suck. Moving on!


NFL News:
First off, 98 days until football. That’s 14 weeks. That’s not terrible. And I don’t see a dumb listicle. So that’s downright pretty good!

NFLPA and player reps turn over Ezekiel Elliott’s phone records to the NFL regarding their investigations on whether he assaulted his girlfriend at the time. Elliott wasn’t charged by the Columbus City Attorney’s Office but is of course subject to the NFL’s conduct policy.

Jets trade former first-round pick S Calvin Pryor to the Browns in exchange for Demario Davis. Davis signed with the Browns as a free agent last year after starting every game for the Jets the three years prior.

Colts sign Christine Michael.

Falcons first-round pick Takkarist McKinley is very happy about Atlanta’s first check clearing. Way to get that direct deposit, Takk!
-Can we make a note of the last line of this article? “Now Myrtle [Collins, McKinley’s grandmother who raised him and who he made his emotional speech about on draft night]’s boy is a millionaire professional athlete. I’m sure she’s dancing, too.” Um, he talked about her that night because she passed away before she could see him become a D-I college star and get drafted in the NFL, Dan Hanzus.

Other Sports News:
White Sox announcer Ken “Hawk” Harrelson will retire at the end of the 2018 season. Or as he’d put it, “He gone!”
-Thank goodness. As far as annoying homers go he was pretty high up there on the list, and I’m guessing even a decent number of White Sox fans didn’t want to deal with him considering “Heave the Hawk” was one of the first hits on the Googles. Sorry, the first hit (apart from the news articles of course).

Mr. Met got in trouble for giving fans the finger at Citi Field last night. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say that’s no way for a mascot to act and also BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA.


What’s on tonight?

NBA Finals:
Game 1, CLE vs. GSW, 9:00 E, ABC

MLB:
NYY at TOR, 7:00 E, MLBN, SNET-1 (Canada)
BOS at BAL, 7:00 E, MLBN

tWBS will be here tomorrow for TGISF. Hopefully the theme won’t be dolls but I can promise nothing.

CHECK IT!

Image of the West 4th Street Courts courtesy of Wikipedia. I thought I had a pic in my phone but I was apparently mistaken.

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Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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Gratliff

Enjoying season 2 so far

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scotchnaut

“Shooter” Update-

The guy that is super really good at shooting is pretty smart but he’s even better at shooting.

/yer welcome

litre_cola

Mother in law is on the balcony.
PRO: decilitre stopped crying
CON, really want to get stoned out there before it rains.

JerBear50

Maybe you’ll get lucky and find a cake that someone left out.

The Maestro

Jazz nerd time: the Maynard Ferguson Orchestra version of this tune is so damn good, and I’ve made it required viewing for all the high school trumpet sections I’ve worked with.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nazgqHaFAio&w=560&h=315%5D

scotchnaut

Rhona. Mitra.

/Jesus!

Unsurprised

I seem to recall seeing a photo or video of her where she was hotter now than before she had her implants removed.

Not that she wasn’t amazing before.

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(gifs that end too soon)

Redshirt

Yeah, but your talking about a 9.4 vs. a 9.2

scotchnaut

She’s had implants taken out? It’s like she doesn’t even care about the very vigorous pathetic, lecherous spectrum of her fan base!

WE HAVE A VOICE AND WE WILL BE HEARD!

Unsurprised

So I’ve read. I can’t seem to figure out where I read it though.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Does anyone work with someone in a different time zone who constantly schedules meetings during your lunch hour? If so, what’s the best way to get them to stop, that doesn’t involve fire?

herodotus450

Lots of chewing noises while on the phone?

Unsurprised

Tell them to stop being an asshole.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

She’s based near Boston, so that’s not possible.

Redshirt

Order in, hit the mute button on your phone.

Don T

Never tell her. Just start taking nutritional shakes. Use a straw, then wait for the sexual harassment complaint.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Oh you’re my god damn favorite.

Redshirt

Who should I root for? Cleveland or Golden State?

Unsurprised

Nope. All or nothing.

The Maestro

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Unsurprised

Yeah …

Fuck South Park. Making both sides straw men isn’t clever. It’s lazy and shitty to real people.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

When reached for comment, Trey Parker and Matt Stone responded with

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Unsurprised

I know.

litre_cola

How is the commentist party this evening? I see that climate change is not a concern anymore.

The Maestro

Thinking about the hellscape I’m going to have to live in and how my children are fucked but otherwise hanging in there.

Redshirt

Eh. Just give it three years. After the Democrats win the House and Senate in ’18, Trump will go full Trump and take the GOP down with him. Then the Liberals will be in complete control.

Then its Roaring ’20s 2: Even Roaringer.

blaxabbath
Redshirt

Just let Trump be Trump. At the rate he’s going, I would be shocked if we still have all 50 states when he leaves office.

blaxabbath

Once USSR II invades Alaska, he’ll just split up California into NorCal and West Dakota.

There. 50.

ballsofsteelandfury

That would be fine by me. Those Bay Area fuckers are annoying as fuck.

blaxabbath

God – how many of you so cal people are there on here?

JerBear50

At least we’ll have someone to let us know when they’re coming. Like a moderately retarded Paul Revere.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQZaredAyh4gc5gM09t1oNaWIJWfAKmEbEkg1jPmouiXgraXRvo0Q

Unsurprised

Moderately? That’s quite generous.

Unsurprised

They’re not going to win shit.

blaxabbath

Ahhhh, they’re going to rerun the 2016 strategy.

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Unsurprised

The Democrats are the Whig Party, but don’t realize or care because anyone already in power has both power and money and so they don’t really give a fuck about anything else.

I can’t remember who I was telling, but I know Dems who worked for Obama or these campaigns. They’re doing just fine. They talk a good game, but they’re set for life. They don’t have really have anything to gain, but reshaping the Democratic Party exposes them to lose what they do have. So they won’t, and it will die.

blaxabbath

Seems reasonable.

Redshirt

So the Dems are going to spoil the chance to let the GOP go the way of the Federalist Party and shape the nation into the 21st century and beyond? Great, just great.

King Hippo

As shitty as usual, no more, no less. Something else will likely wipe us out before teh climate anyhoo.

blaxabbath

Ok. We’re gonna get Ethipoian food when the Mrs gets off.

I mean, assuming I get off before she gets off at like 8p.

King Hippo

It’s up to you to make sure she gets off at all ,, amirite??

blaxabbath

Who am I, the Pope?

JerBear50

So a thimble full of half-rotted rice? Sounds like a good choice.

blaxabbath

I thought it was good.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Redshirt

The only three good things to come out of Pittsburgh is Michael Keaton, U.S. 22 and, of course, Mr. Rogers. I have several colorful suggestions about what the rest of Pittsburgh can do with themselves, but it wouldn’t be neighborly of me to say it.

Unsurprised

I’ve always wanted to try Islay’s chipped ham just to say I did it. And kill an extra large fries at The Original.

JustStopDude

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scotchnaut

Brain: “Oh look, “Shooter” is on the tv yet again-let’s watch it.”

Me: “I’VE WATCHED IT AT LEAST 15 TIMES-PLEASE, GIVE ME A BREAK! IT’S NOT A GOOD MOVIE.”

Brain: [seductive voice] “Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to watch it? Huhhh…?”

Me: “THE REDEMPTION SCENE AT THE END IS CONTRIVED AS HELL! IT’S NOT A GOOD MOVIE!”

Brain: “I totally agree. Let’s watch it one more time so that you can tell me that yet again.”

Me: [slumps over in chair] “OK. FINE. I’LL WATCH IT ONE LAST TIME!”

Brain: Sure. Let’s watch it this one last time. [waits eagerly for the next time “Shooter” comes on]

Unsurprised
scotchnaut

Nipples uber alles?

Redshirt

I would like to buy a beer for the costumer who selected that thin shirt with no bra.

Unsurprised

She showed more wearing lingerie and getting eaten out in House of Cards, which is yet another in the multitude of reasons why that series is complete garbage.

Redshirt

My brain and I have the same conversation over “Shawshank Redemption”. My brain loves how he was really in control of everything, even though there is no way he could’ve built a freaking hole in the wall without being caught.

Redshirt

Has there ever been a sports finals that has had the same teams play three times in a row with each team winning once before?

JustStopDude

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Unsurprised

Ha! Good. Fuck tow truck drivers.

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JustStopDude

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Unsurprised

SOP

Brick Meathook

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I was just mistaken for a Trader Joe’s employee by another customer. I apparently really need to shave and get a haircut.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I was mistaken for Raymond Burr in 1993 and it still stings, honey! Whatever, once that little Russian doll Borschevsky knocked out the Red Wings, I drank enough Stoli to make Bukowski blush!

herodotus450

It’s a pretty catchy song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opFFNSOPhuU

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
JustStopDude

I once ate thanksgiving dinner at a homeless shelter in Detroit.

I had just gotten out of the steel mill and had no idea where to find an open place to eat.

No one batted an eye.

Redshirt

I was once mistaken as a nice guy, and I will never stop until I find the son of a bitch who started that rumor.

Unsurprised

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JustStopDude

So packing for the training trip to Hamilton, Ontario.

Its a bit nerve wracking. Its the longest I have been deployed since I had my nervous breakdown. I basically have to talk to a bunch of electricians and electrical engineers for 8 hours at a time, five days in a row, three weeks in a row.

I’m an engineer…I don’t have people skills!

Unsurprised

Moose’s [Bounces in Spanish] gif reminded me that there was a French equivalent of Destinos that aired on my PBS station and the girl on it was super cute and always wore a sweater with no bra because it was chilly. I never got her name, though.

Oh. Well, that was easy. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092356/

Don T

I got $5 on Mireille.

Unsurprised

Valérie Allain. And, yes, she got naked in other movies.

Redshirt

Katey Segal? Judd Hirsch? What year is it?!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well, that was quick.

The scary thing is, as a result of her plea deal in ’93, she doesn’t have to register as a sex offender. I feel for her children, but I hope her dead-eyed, unremorseful ass gets ostracized until the day she croaks.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

I wonder if the parents who were told their kids weren’t being invited back because the parents complained about her will get to send their kids back now. Although I can’t imagine why they would want to send their children to a school that was cool with and sided with a serial killer until it became inconvenient.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Would you want to go back?

They interviewed her husband (her lawyer’s brother, no joke) a year ago and he just said, “Well if anything happens, we just move.” She keeps trying to hide it (because she legally can), but it will inevitably come out regardless of where they go.

There’s somewhat of a theme I notice among most Canadians, “We don’t like the death penalty and it is illegal here, but we would gladly make an exception for those two.”

Unsurprised

I went to my parish’s Catholic school (both co-founded by one of my grandmothers) for nine years, and during that time and through/past was in high school we had three successive pedophile priests leading my parish, preying on classmates and friends of my brother’s (since I didn’t have any). So it’s disingenuous for me to sit here and say that I wouldn’t.

But that was then, and we didn’t really know or have a choice. Now? No. Fuck no. I’d burn the motherfucker to the ground.

scotchnaut

“Somebody finally thought about the children? It’s about fucking time…”

-Helen Lovejoy

scotchnaut

Moosey’s first cycle of steroids have produced some interesting results…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BB Balls.

scotchnaut

Really interested in what you’ll come up with when the xanax kicks in. Oh, you didn’t know there was xanax in your afternoon coffee?

/Oh, that’s so Moosey…
//so trusting!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, now I going to have to smoke weed, sip some scotch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“I thought it was a speed ‘suggestion’, not a speed ‘bump’.”

-Motorcycle rider, upon waking from the coma

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
JustStopDude

I remember reading an article that basically he has three PhD people that have worked with him 24/7, to keep up with his research. Even with him having to use his eye ball to communicate, most people can’t keep up with Hawking.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

A google search of “Butterbum McSwagger” was not helpful.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, I searched too and it answered “GIF”, but gave me this image which is appropriate:

http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/bloguploads/nom-thor.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Jesus …

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The second cumming.

Unsurprised

Second? He was truly the Son of God.

scotchnaut

If you haven’t seen the doc “Mommy Dead and Dearest” maybe you should check it out. A daughter rigidly controlled by a mother suffering from “Monkeyhousing By Proxy” (may not have spelled that correctly) that was pulled out of school after the second grade hooks up with a fella with Assburger’s Syndrome. Oh yeah, hijinks did follow.

SUPER DUPER BONUS!: The song that closes out the credits was chosen by a fourth-grader that knew he/she nailed that fucker.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sorry for the repost, but dat gif.

scotchnaut

Where is the “If you rub it a bit it tends to get bigger” joke that the men and ladies can both enjoy?

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Much like all Simpsons characters (with the exception of Cletus, of course), Mr. Met has 3 fingers and a thumb. If he were smart, he could very easily just make the argument he was telling the fans to “put a ring on it.” But then again, his job is dancing around like an idiot inside of a giant baseball head at Mets games, so probably not the best indication of having a decent IQ.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Some could interpret “put a ring on it” to be a suggestion to sit on his finger, which gets us right back to where we started in terms of the gesture’s level of obscenity.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That reasoning is as airtight as a passed out Baylor co-ed after homecoming, so I concede.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Lacey Banghard has the best name.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d feel bad for the kid, but he’s a Yankees fan, so he’s probably one of Horatio’s brood and thus ineligible for sympathy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Too young to know; but it seems his training is going well.

theeWeeBabySeamus

“tWBS will be here tomorrow for TGISF. Hopefully the theme won’t be dolls but I can promise nothing.”

See, I fucking knew this was gonna happen.
balls, I told you!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Talking to your balls eh? Don’t worry, it happens to every guy at least once.

theeWeeBabySeamus

YOU TOLD ME YOU DELETED THAT!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

But they keep getting farther away….the echo lead time adjustments are becoming annoying.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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COULD NOT LEAVE THE FRIDGE DOOR OPEN!!!

Redshirt

I’ve gone out to the garage and found an old Digital Antenna, so I can watch the finals. Which is the first time this century my TV has used an antenna. So in honor of that…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI2fRPmEZ6A

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, I like that better; SHE’S AN UBER CUBER!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
UBER CUBER
etc.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

/some kind of REDRUM joke.

Redshirt

I never thought I would ever be in a position to defend Pittsburgh, but here we are.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/pittsburgh-mayor-fires-back-trump-invokes-steel-city-paris-accord-withdrawal-215449146.html

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

+1 (outdated mode of +1ing, but still)

Fronkenshteen

Lil B?!? I KNEW it! Señor Weaselo is Billy Haisley!!

King Hippo

This is, like, something I am supposed to care about? I am a middle aged white curmudgeon ,, smgdh.

On a happier/nerdier note, I heard a brand spanking new track from The War on Drugs this am, which made me shriek with glee. It’s too late to buy stock in Portugal. The Man, so this is the next band I predicts will make it indie-big:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBWiMAu3uII

litre_cola

Hippo I have the Sat morn lesser footy post for the Champs league final unless you have something else brewing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Depends on what he eats for dinner Friday.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I have nothing, all yours good man! Ah forgot it was still left to play.

/also thought FA cup final was Sunday, oops

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

Game I of CLV-GS III and I have no cable because Spectrum sucks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Speculums don’t suck, they spread.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ooops, sorry, SPECTRUM….

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like Speculum Cable, amirite?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

erp……

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