Your “All That’s Left Now Is The Waiting For Training Camps” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • The [Redacteds] have named first black Super Bowl QB Doug Williams VP of player personnel.
  • Deciding a soft Achilles is preferable to a gimpy hip, the Ravens welcomed Benjamin Watson back to camp.
  • Michael Irvin held a press conference, essentially asking prosecutors to ‘piss or get off the pot’ when it comes to the sexual assault allegations against him.
    • Declaring the charges “false” and “heinous”, he ended by saying, “Make a decision, let’s move on.”

Your long-read of the day comes from ESPN, and is about Derrick Coleman – the deaf Seahawk from the Duracell commercials – getting a second chance with the Atlanta Falcons.

  • He lost 2016 to hit & run charges, for which he was given community service and a restitution order.
    • The NFL penalized Coleman in October 2016 with a four-game suspension, but was given “time served” as a result of the community service.
      • Also, tattoos are worse than hit & run to Roger Goodell.
  • It helps that Dan Quinn remembered his work ethic.

Tonight’s sports:

Look, I like baseball – it’s how I make my summer drinking money. But I can’t settle for that on my TV every night until football season starts. And talking to the family? RIDICULOUS! Try to do better, TV.

  • ESPN: 30 For 30
    • Celtics/Lakers: Best of Enemies (Part 1) – 8:00PM
    • Celtics/Lakers: Best of Enemies (Part 2) – 10:00PM
  • MLB:
    • Rays at Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Yankees at Angels – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  •  WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • Futbol:
    • 2017 Canadian Men’s Soccer Friendly:
      • Canada vs. Curacao – 7:30PM | TSN

There is also the return of Spike’s “Tattoo Tuesday” (or “Tattooesday”, which I refuse to use) with Dave Navarro’s “Ink Master” franchises.

 

This season, it’s a “Best Shop” contest, where teams of two compete against seven other teams weekly, with new ones being added after one team loses, until some point when they start counting down to a final-three.

It’s a guilty pleasure show. I admire the artistry – I have no artistic talent – and admire the confidence it takes to work a profession where you basically brand someone & they pay you for the privilege. I also enjoy the “YOU FUCKING MORON!” aspect of watching someone agree to getting a three-eyed deer on their bicep. I guess it’s the combination of the permanency & reckless stupidity I enjoy watching others put themselves through.

SOMEHOW, NOT A BROWNS FAN!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I brought down the threads tone with those last couple comments more than I meant to, this one always cheers me up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81NpdkTcMAE

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I got drunk as fuck. All I am doing is listing in my head potential business rules I will have to ask tomorrow. I am easily at 90 straight up questions right now with some/most questions having sub sections, and then some sub sub sections. This is before even learning the intricacies of the businesses which will have more interlocking issues. I actually love this shit if the people know what they want/need/will need, but I have no faith that is what will happen.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That being said I am here for another hour and a half of getting worse drunk and maybe skipping out for some cigs.

Unsurprised

Good times.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

If I was doing this bullshit for a company I would have no worries, I just have met my dad who I am doing it for tomorrow. And by the 5th question about Zip codes that don’t apply to the standards of US codes I expect to get punched.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

That’s how it gets its crispy coating!

Unsurprised

My spirit seems to have possessed ZODIAC_MF.

Anyway, nice bra.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I just took a swig out of my terrible whiskey straight while out of a cig. I forgot how terrible it is. I would say gasoline but I think that would have a better aftertaste

SonOfSpam

Minnesota beat Seattle tonight 20-7.

Nice win, but as usual fucking Blair Walsh fucked up an extra point.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Nobody tell him…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No worries; he’ll find out when it short circuits.

blaxabbath

If you hacked trumps twitter and could only post one tweet before the account tossed you out and the Feds came stormin’ for you, what would your one activity be?

No attachments or images but you can retweet.

SonOfSpam

“Hey Ivanka – I ate pineapple last night…did my cum taste better?”

(Please note, I’m not proud of that, but I also am proud of that.)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I am proud of you for that.

SonOfSpam

That’s really all that matters.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

to me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

How has no one hacked Trump’s Twitter password yet? You know it’s some variation of password1

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

12345678?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ivanka. People just dont seem to care

SonOfSpam

piss69sad!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

guest

Senor Weaselo

It’s probably trump(*however many times to fit the minimum character limit)1

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

obamasfault

blaxabbath

As someone with no artist talent whatsoever, I’ll watch tattoo artists.

I will not, however, watch those reality professionals game shows.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, if you can’t; maybe wait until you are in a better mood.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shall we delve into NSFDFO tattoos?

h

ttp://i.imgur.com/SH4SaBf.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just found an asshole tattoo with “Fun center”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttp://cdn2.holytaco.com/wp-content/uploads/images/2009/3.jpeg

Classier.

Unsurprised

/VOMITS FOREVER

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also; “Spit First” and one that Mr. Balls would find interesting.

ballsofsteelandfury

You’ve got me curious now…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttp://66.media.tumblr.com/8738fe5808dca689c2a3e707eb06eb7c/tumblr_o9pegog3v01uayjbwo1_1280.jpg

art

ballsofsteelandfury

Whoa. You are correct. That does appeal to my interests…

Duchess

So does that mean her ass has created a tornado?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

2/10…no reason needed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which one?

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s awesome.

Shogun Marcus

SONOFABITCH WARN A GUY WOULD YA?! I was just exposed to unauthorized Joe Buck. Forgot he’s in the area for the golfing. I feel an anger post brewing.
/could be gas

//nope still angry

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

So you mean you have a free shot at him?

Shogun Marcus

Doubtful. No way he ventures up this way offseason. He’s not leaving Milwaukee except for the toonament. He ain’t worth tracking down. Actual quote: “I’m going to dive into a vat of cheese and enjoy a spotted cow or whatever it is you drink up here.”
Replace cheese with “empty kiddie pool” and spotted cow with “sulfuric acid.” Then I’ll be interested.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He says after joining, then ditching for 10 min immediately after not playing a hand 🙂

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh, so neither of you are playing because I show up. I see how it is.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re the one who didn’t say shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“SHIT!”

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So my dad’s almost finally taking off potential financial company that is going to need 30 workers and a year if they are lucky to create all the behinds the scenes databases and other crap. Instead he wants me to get it put in place tomorrow as a sketch of the network. I barely understand what various branches actually do,, much less what is already his done by other people. I don’t know what every other company in this scheme does to get money. I don’t know what information they are collecting. I don’t know what data is needed. I don’t know what platform the other people are using. I don’t know the amount of data flow that will be needed. I don’t know what they have for servers, even a language. I obviously don’t know the business rules. I don’t know how much interconnectedness is needed. I have zero contacts with anyone of the other companies. He thinks I should have it done by tomorrow afternoon just by talking with him.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have 6 hours to just get shitfaced. I am going for just shot when anything happens, or a mug of shots every once in awhile.

blaxabbath

That’s crazy. With as little as you know, you’re gonna need at least a week to fully read, absorb, and understand The Art of the Deal.

And then you’ll be in a position to do anything business related.

Brick Meathook

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I think this dog may just be luring the cat in. Let that evil cat think it has the advantage and then just eat them when it moves in.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fortunately for miniscule kitty, this doggie is all play. At least in this moment.

Posture tells the story.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I know but cats make me more allergic than dogs so I root against them

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

MY TATTOO!!!!!
FINALLY I’VE FOUND IT!!!!!

Shogun Marcus

Really? I see you more as a “Your Mom Here” right below the navel kinda guy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO.
I want to be mad at you but that was too fucking funny.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Your mom rides alone….. and here” above your upper lip.

Senor Weaselo

I thought that was Grumblelord’s.

litre_cola
theeWeeBabySeamus

If I ever do cave and get ink, it will likely be some variation on the Ouroboros.
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Gratliff

?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. But no.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, I’ve seen something similar; but that made me laugh. Well fucking done!

Brick Meathook

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I was gonna make a different joke but I assigned genders to both in my mind before it was fully thought though and it reminded me of this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8CchZsiQPc

/I’m sexist

theeWeeBabySeamus

That is some aggressive…..errrrr…..kitty.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You need the audio for that one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddsZTFSfXaw

Duchess

(door flies open) HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

That’s somehow less bad than the uncensored version

ballsofsteelandfury

He’s ALIVE!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

::goes in for the welcome hug::
::trips and falls into the door behind you as it closes::

I might have started drinking already. How are you doing?

litre_cola

Hi. I am highish, had some edibles. How the fuck you doin?

theeWeeBabySeamus

/laughs at “highish”
//is probably “highish”

Duchess

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blaxabbath

Few hits off a Jilly Bean joint while watching the dogs play here.

Gratliff

So now I’m down the rabbit hole of looking at tattoos that I want and will never get

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve considered getting ink a time or two.
Then I thought to myself…..why?

Gratliff

Mostly because I’m a huge nerd. Always wanted the Bright Shield and Black Sword rune from Suikoden 2 as a matching set on opposite shoulders, forearms, whatever. Suikoden runes make for some simple and unique designs. I’ve also had many other ideas relating to nerdy shit and my fucked up childhood and so on and so forth, but I’m equal parts a huge pussy and cheap.

Bright shield and black sword:

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Other important runes:

http://i64.tinypic.com/2vlpoaw.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cool story bro alert. My best experience with tattooing was when I was on a second date thinking I was nowhere with her. We were at her place having a beer and talking about them as the bartendress at the place we ate had some interesting ones. She asked me if I wanted to see hers and it was a teddy bear, small, very cute, good graphics, the bonus was it was right next to her pussy.

tl;dr; ah, memories.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are correct; it was on her arm, but she showed it next to her cat.

theeWeeBabySeamus

If well done, I don’t have a problem with ink on others. And if very well well done, yes it can be….well…yeah.

But I’ve just never gotten to a point where for me, I thought….Yes, I need this on my saggy body forever.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is where I’m at. The closest to a tattoo I’ve got was we used to use these sharp ink pen for graphics and I stabbed myself more than once.

Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

Funny I was just reading about how Teresa May is the worst and I came across this. Seems fitting.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4600078/Tattoos-make-needle-wide-berth.html

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I think it was 2 dimensional inclusive with a “my fish was just this big” just tattooed a bit high because by the quality of the tattoo he was obviously fucking her in the ass while doing it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whut up, homos?

Oh, and if Moose asks, you haven’t seen me today. K Thx.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s planning for old age:
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Gratliff

Got stuck on this one

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So for once you DON’T need an alibi?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehe….that ship sailed around 7am this morning.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Great, now your DNA is on the fucking ship. We’ll have to say you were boating some time in the recent past.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think the one character means “overcompensation”…..

Gratliff

It actually means Demon Prince. See, in WWE, he’s Finn Balor, mild-mannered Lego Nerd who occasionally transforms into a demon through body paint for big important matches, but over in New Japan Pro, he was heel gaijin Prince Devitt who was actually

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

….and joke crashes to the ground, killing all aboard. At least they didn’t suffer very long.

Gratliff

There’s a difference between not getting a joke and plowing forward with no concern of the public’s wellbeing

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Right, you need to spread the facts, man. They are just accurate AA.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This reminds me of possibly the grossest moment ever in my Vet Med career.

Dogs like panties with….let’s call it “the odor of menses”. No, not kidding.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Reminds me of my ex.

litre_cola

Moose, you do not disappoint. Even Mrs. Cola figured you would post fucked up tattoos. I believe she was most confused by the “Meat” tramp stamp.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

That’s a fun name for what happens when you fuck him raw dog

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Yeah, I didn’t like how they fucked around with the setting either.

theeWeeBabySeamus

What???? That’s just good parentin’ to reserve dat ass fo’ daddy!!!!!

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

So what you’re saying is he’s definitely starting on GM’s orders, not Bowles’s.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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...

This is the only one of these that isn’t terrible.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. Does anyone care that the Republican party is now completely done with reality?

herodotus450

Welcome to 1980

...

The people who still vote Republican might.

And I disagree that they’re separated from reality–they understand it very well but they know everything they do is horrible for most people so they try keep as much of it secret as possible.

A less civilized society would put every Republican in Congress up against a wall.

Redshirt

Its not being gay if its just business. Like it isn’t considered cheating if a prostitute has sex for money. And yes, I just called every Republican who supports Trump a cheap prostitute.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

TL;DR Edition of Sessions’ Trial

Republican: “Why are you so awesome?”
Sessions: (10 minute detailed answer with cited facts and supporting evidence)
Democrats: “Why do you suck?”
Sessions: “I don’t recall.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rubio wasn’t too much in the tank for the Republicans. Cotton sure was, though. McCain sure seemed like he wanted to get tough on Sessions but he was only slightly more coherent than he was during Comey’s testimony.

It really pissed me off that Sessions kept invoking that “preemptive privilege” bullshit. It’s not DOJ policy, it never was. Trump should declare executive privilege and stop being such a pussy.

Also, I wish when Sessions had said he hadn’t requested any information or attended any briefings regarding Russian hacking (even though he insisted it was a big deal that all Americans should be concerned about), someone should have asked him why he wasn’t at all concerned that the Russians might hack the Trump campaign.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Is this preemptive privilege like when John Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzales just told Senate Democrats they wouldn’t answer questions because, not citing privilege or any excuse or reason.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It was boring as fuck, but he also had some:
Democrats: “Why do you suck based on this one thing that need another thing as a qualifier that is still bad?”
Sessions: “Well yes that one thing happened that was bad, I don’t recall on your main question”
and some:
Republican: “There have been many Mays in this Wednesday. How can you oblige living an T-Rex”
Sessions: ” I am sorry, what?”
Republican: ” When is the fifth Neptune of July?”
Sessions: ” I am sorry Mr. McCain, I can’t answer”

Again, it was horrible for anyone to watch.

Redshirt

So McCain was basically Grandpa Simpson:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Rzao52ndNA

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I went out for a cig before doing my follow up. Pretend you hadn’t posted sooner

McCain: “We both served on the Armed Services committee for years together. Why don’t my grand kids call?”
Sessions: “I don’t recall”

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I finally watched every episode of Ash vs Evil Dead because I ran across this video(s) where the costar played Craig Ferguson’s CBS sensor for like a month or two.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_-M_MdArdw&list=PLYOovY8-SKcH4q-k2JduswOE2vJz2KeXw

ballsofsteelandfury

Ten dollars will get you one that Moose starts posting pics of fucked up tattoos.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

I said the exact same thing to my wife before I even scrolled down.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I didn’t think of it until I read your comments; well manipulated.

My theme as Brocky’s Strawman tonight was going to be unnecessary censoring.

Hope you enjoy the ten spot.
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