Recovery Mode
It has been a busy week. The July 4th holiday falling on a Tuesday might have given us a nice long drunken weekend last weekend, granted. But then we had to find a way to fit a full week’s worth of adult responsibilities into just three days.
While hung over!!!!!
That doesn’t seem right. So, IMHO, we’ve earned the right to get crazy this weekend. We Deserve It!!!!!
Now just hold on a minute, Clint. We’re not talking about blowing Gene Hackman’s face off or anything. Just a little innocent fun…
Fine. Whatever. You don’t have to like it, you just have to get your mind right with the inevitability of it.
OH WE GON’ DRANK!!!!!
Yeah, I’d be careful pointing that finger around, Pal. Didn’t end too well for ya the last time.
–
Bennie and His Jet Ski.
Sorry. That’s actually a really bad joke from a long, long while ago in my past. It wasn’t particularly funny then. It’s less funny now. Especially if you know its origins.
Even back then, I tended to hang out with a lot of dark humoured fuckers.
(Present company excluded, of course)
OK, fine. There was even a limerick….
I once had a friend named Bennie…
Whose outtie became an innie…
When he got on a Jet Ski…
And fractured his Pee Pee…
And now we’ll just call him “Bendie”.
OK fine, the last line doesn’t rhyme well. But it’s funny*.
*Bennie’s opinion of the humour differs significantly, admittedly.
MOVING ON!!!!!!
But yes, summer activities.
I tried to tell ya’s two weeks ago. Did you listen? No…you were drunk.
If you haven’t deduced it from the title (or at least the banner image?), then you’re probably still drunk. And maybe stupid.
Our theme this week is Jet Ski Girls!!!!!!!
I spent a little time on a Jet Ski over the Independence Day weekend for the first time in a while. It was fun. And watching some of the other folks…yes females…enjoying themselves on the Jet Skis…well it got me to “thinking”.
I know. I can hear your skepticism.
But trust me. Or don’t…but at least look before you judge…
See how happy they look? And those things vibrate too.
Not saying, just saying.
–
A Random Thought
My father used to say (I’m paraphrasing) that our perception of time is such that by the time the Fourth of July passes, Summer is basically over. The first time he said this to me I was just a dumb little kid. And my thought at the time was something like “Hey crazy old man, you’re fucked in the head for thinking that”.
I was a kid. I was on summer vacation from school. I wanted summer to last forever.
But as I’ve gotten older, more and more I’ve noticed the phenomena to which he was referring. And I don’t hate it, quite frankly. Because where summer used to represent a little well-earned kid freedom, now it represents annoyances, more often than not. Plus the heat (and humidity in my locale) is just not fun anymore. Not that it ever was.
Plus it’s in the way of football.
tl;dr : Fuck you summer. Autumn can’t get here fast enough.
–
Uninformed Sports Report
Mostly because this week I haven’t paid particularly close attention to anything pertaining to sports.
NFL
Training Camps start in two and a half weeks. That’s good, right?
MLB
They’re still playing mostly bad baseball. Also, my little four team playoff scenario I outlined last week (first four teams to 50 wins, blah, blah, blah) got screwed up this week as Colorado and Washington both got their 50th wins on the same day. So now we have five teams. Jerks. I guess now we gotta schedule a one game play-in b/w the Rockies and the Nats right after the All-Star Break.
Yes, I’m rambling about non-existent and meaningless stuff again.
Anyway, the MLB All-Star Game is next week (Tuesday, 7/11) along with all of the associated bullshit…..errrrr pageantry. Monday night is the HR Derby, btw.
Why do they call it a “derby”? Will there be horses later?
Anywhooo….
Tonight:
- Milwaukee at NYY – 7:00pmEDT – MLBN (regional split)
- Detroit at Cleveland – 7:00pmEDT – MLBN (regional split)
Wimbledon
Yep, it’s in full swing and will still be going strong for the next week. Get used to it. Also, I’m told by reliable sources that some of the women’s players are somewhat attractive.
In a related matter, I’ve also learned that at least a handful of you have questionable taste….
I suppose if I’m being honest, I already knew that. But….Yeeeesh. Anyone have two bags I can borrow?
NBA Summer League
I’m hesitant to even include this here, but some of you might care, so here….
Tonight:
- Toronto vs New Orleans – 6:00pmEDT – NBATV
- Milwaukee vs Cleveland – 6:30pmEDT – ESPN2
- Brooklyn vs Atlanta – 8:00pmEDT – NBATV
- LAL vs LAC – 8:30pmEDT – ESPN (wow, I sure hope LA wins)
- Houston vs Denver – 10:00pmEDT – NBATV
- Phoenix vs Sacramento – 10:30pmEDT – ESPN2
–
Jet Ski Sexy
OK, time to put on our life vests and our coolest shades and go see what we can see.
Enjoy….
See? Not bad, huh?
Anyway, I hope everyone has a great weekend.
Love ya’s.
–
Before you ignore me. Dave Foley for MTWV. I swear that shit would work
He got the picture right
Great aussie rules game right now for whoever is interested.
It’s 1:35am.
I’m way past that point.
What is, “Getting older?” I’ll take World War II for $1200, Alex.
What is Wednesday, Alex?
“Honey, why are my clothes wet?”
“You were black-out drunk and parked in the back. When you opened the door you fell in the pool. The gardener pulled you out.”
“I see.”
I don’t want to be the guy talking about the girl not being around. I miss Zymm already. I find her fun and she isn’t around enough.
I will cast stern glances at IWDB, but it probably won’t guilt her into posting more.
It wasn’t my intent
“Stern Glances from IWDB” is what tWBS has titled the next episode of TDFOEFF or whatever it’s called
Oh no. No no. Noooooo.
I like my genitals right where they are.
I love Beastie and IWDB both way too much to drag them into that circus.
Feel like I’m missing the obvious here… IWDB?
Mrs. Beastmode Ate My Baby, software genius and occasional DFO poster.
Oh, gotcha. Guess I haven’t see the name enough to recognize the initials.
Least shocking part of this story is that it prominently features a “Florida man”:
http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/crime/florida-man-charged-with-interfering-with-crew-on-seattle-to-beijing-flight/
Fuck, walking home from work. Pick up 2 btls of wine and I am almost at my building, the btls clink and the bottom of one falls off. Red wine everywhere. Fuck.
Had a vodka bottle go right through the bottom of a bag and explode on the driveway one time.
I…I…I still have a hard time talking about it.
We’re here for you. Just let it out.
No, not your penis. sheesh.
It must have sucked getting all that asphalt taste in your mouth.
Of course it was the one i wanted the most.
I know there’s mass excitement for the new Spider-Man movie, but is anyone else burned-out on the superhero movie thing, or is that just me?
I am looking forward to that specific one but I know what you are saying. This is the guy from Back to School though! How could you not be excited.
Rodney Dangerfield…?
Do you not remember Robert Downey with purple hair?
Awwww….you know a Downey who would have looked great with purple hair?
Yes I do
The sad part about that pic is that those glasses are actually clear.
That’s right! I liked him in that. Actually, I like RDJ in most things…just not the Sherlock Holmes movie.
https://twitter.com/MamoudouNDiaye/status/883045485929521153
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
I couldn’t care less about Spiderman.
Hope the fucker faceplants into the side of a building and dies.
Apparently some girl (that Hermana Weaselo vaguely knows of since they sent him to where she went to HS) was flirting with him and he let slip that he was Spidey and she called bullshit. Joke was on her though!
Yes.
MAYBE THE MAINSTREAM ONES, BUT THE PORNS ARE STILL GREAT.
I lost interest right about the time Superman fell off his fucking horse.
Do you mean….
THE EQUINE WEB-SHOUTER INCIDENT??
Well, I just added a bunch of songs to request line when all you fuckers were presumably here or sleeping
TURN TO THE SIDE PLEASE.
Boobsoforangeandpumpkin!
Thank you for this array tWBS. I now have a new sex bucket list item to cross off. It should be pretty attainable what with living on the FL coast. I really don’t know why I haven’t considered this before.
Hahahaha. Always a joy to spread the happiness.
Might have to stop going to the nice, quiet state park beach I usually go to and hit up the causeways instead.
ALL MILK STOUT DRINKERS ARE JUST FOOLING THEMSELVES!
Whoa those plates on the right keep slowing down
So if I do a HRTN graphic novel with Moosemas Gorilla, Mike Tunison’s gonna come after me, isn’t he?
I THINK YOU CAN WIN IN COURT.
I’ll have the best, and smallest, lawyer in town!
Better stick to Hannukah Homo Habilis
Or Kwanza Cromagnon
I want casting input when you sell it for the TV show. I am a giant fat asshole, but I think Dave Foley for me and it would work
I’ve idly done a few small MTWV sketches, and they generally come out looking like Zonker Harris from Doonesbury.
I LOOK LIKE THAT GUY ON THAT SHOW
I KNOW THE ONE YOU MEAN
I am actually 6′ 2″ and 230 when I am running 15 miles a day. Usually kinda chubby with the worlds worst beard.
It is terrible but I keep growing it out.
I could grow a goatee, but never a full beard. Too patchy.
Then the goatee turned grey and pissed me off, so now it’s gone.
Not successfully, no.
I will refer all legal inquiries to Horatio Cornblower, Attorney-at-Law. Expect an inbox full of court summons, Amazon receipts and political fundraising requests, as I’m bad at sorting through my e-mail.
If you hire his moving company to deliver the novels, you might be alright.
Good call! Make him complicit…
hey, it’s about 12:30 here and the last night of my vacation. Who needs another beer?
Ook!
Posted today:
http://zombotronic.deviantart.com/art/Cute-Redhead-691151830
Edit: Bah. My piclinks never work anymore. Just go to the site. Pout.
NICE!
Moose approval!
Added to my own dA favs, in fact.
Who is the model? Can’t figure it out.
Trina, I think is her name. It’s based on an old, beat-up pic from an old men’s mag that I now can’t find.
Gotcha!!! 😉
I won’t tell your wife a thing.
You can trust me.
/msgs IWDB
But you may need fifty bucks sometime.
Yeah, that’s funny. But I’m not going near that.
IWDB already wants me dead.
Yes, I keep 50 year-old men’s mags hidden away from my wife…
(actually, she’s my first-line critic)
And yet she still likes you for some reason, and I can’t get her to return my calls.
I gotta re-strategize or sumthin’.
😉
Not sure I’ve seen anything you worked on that I didn’t like. Maybe I’m not a good critic.
I honestly prefer unadulterated approval. 😉
Hmm. I think it’s vodka o’clock.
Ignoring whatever you are saying. I promise I will catch up on HRTN. I am just lazy.
Never a rush. It’ll always be out there, unless Internet Dad gets tired of my shenanigans.
No worries. Safe to say I’m at the front of that line.
You’re my canary in the mine.
I always knew I’d find my special purpose.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxifgnPnC4E
That was 12 hours ago. Catch up.
Life with Vodka is like…just so much better than life without Vodka.
Best part is is you can cheat with Gin and Vodka will still be there waiting and ready.
Back to ep 12 of Angel. This rewatch was 100% brought on by tWBS bringing up Charisma Carpenter off hand last night.
Yeah, I was gonna take credit earlier.
But you were pissed at Netflix at the time, so I didn’t want to inflame the issue.
LOL
It keeps getting rid of shows. Like half of “My List” is gone
Buncha nerds speedrunning Super Metroid on twitch right now. What a bunch of nerds.
/Carefuly pets deck of Magic cards
Soon my precious, soon.
I’ve gotten so many dirty looks from the woman due to SGDQ streaming constantly in my house since Sunday.
RUH-ROH!
Buncha nerds can’t even beat the nerdy game that’s the whole purpose of them nreding it up smhn
As much as I enjoy the show, I feel an equal amount of schadenfreude when people who are good at literally one thing fail tremendously while 125k+ people watch.
Total Hollywood twist! Life of crime goes wrong!
Well, we know it’s not a Wall Street story then.
Roach bleeding out in the plane huh?
Sure, chuck him out the door. He’ll be fiiiiiinnnne.
5×5
Moose knows my one weakness.
not just yours…
h
ttps://68.media.tumblr.com/b5f6521855d04719784d34e6ca753c07/tumblr_oshq8iXmLN1scpq9co1_1280.jpg
Hey look! I’m responsible! I’m not having another homemade strawberry mojito. I have turned off the ice machine, I’m leaving the rest of the rum strawberries in the fridge, I’m not putting on the robe to go outside and pick more mint, and the remainder of my limes are remaining whole. Responsible!
I was waiting for the “and now I’m drinking straight *blank*” bit for comedic purposes.
Even better if she’s drinking straight *blank*, then decides to lose the robe and go pick mint. Now THAT’S a twist.
*Thinks about mint in the garden.
Another beer would not be a good idea because I have to drive home and the Jackie Robinson isn’t exactly a large highway. Also I like not getting arrested!
DO YOU HAVE BEER AT HOME? THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Senor when he realizes there’s no beer in the house. And he’s lost his keys. And has turned into a giant cat…I guess.
DON’T GUESS! THIS IS IMPORTANT!
I have two Brooklyn Lagers left apparently. I never drank them.
It will be time…….. SOON.
“I guess I will have the chicken eventhough i know I wont like it” Then she sends it back after 1 bite.
I hate fuckwits.
the next item she ordered had spit and/or ball hair in it, yeah?
My best friend the gm brought the food and totally patronized her and made her look like a bitch to the rest of the table.
I’m guessing they already knew.
Is this the bar/restaraunt that DFO LLC Conglomerates Incorporated was going to buy?
One of my favorite seldom-referenced Simpsons moments is when Bart is prank calling people internationally (and gets booted in Australia) and accidentally calls Hitler’s car phone in Argentina.
One Take. True Story.
I like how they tried and failed to hide that the PRO beside her threw it
No man, just giving her room.
DON’T RUIN THIS FOR ME!!!!
Pro plate throwing is good money.
I re-watched Speed a few days ago and I still chuckle when after decapitating Dennis Hopper in the subway he says, “Yeah, well I’m taller.”
I know I told this story before but I love it so I will tell it again. My dads best friend (400 lbs) got really drunk at some summer party. Dove into a pool with no water in it and literally broke his neck. Stole a little girls bicycle to ride the 5 miles home. Didn’t go to the hospital til the next day.
How naked was he?
Winking brown eye, ballsack naked. Not easy for someone that size.
LMFAO.
That is pretty fucking naked.
Not “I slipped and fell on your daughter’s vibrator and it ‘stuck'” naked tho.
I have no reference with which to disagree.
Human resilience!
But yeah, that shit is crazy. I’ve had a friend break a neck being thrown from a horse, and it’s true you don’t always know right away,
She didn’t steal a kid’s bike though, damn.
Some fine hopefully post Nazi engineering!
1952
Nazi engineered from Brazil and Argentina.
Those early 911s are ugly
How Dare You?
Oh, you said 911s. Never mind.
The fact that there hasn’t yet been a gang of people that wear Trump masks to urinate in public is a missed opportunity
Can’t find volunteers to get peed on
So, do you get on a watch list just for buying rubber masks of ex-presidents?
you’ve obviously never been to Tijuana…
My dad was talking shit about my drinking. I have story where he ends up laying naked on a couch. I have a story about his best friend who is 400 lbs ending up naked on the couch. I have a story about his favorite son ending up naked on the couch.
I think I see why you’re not the favorite
Because I make it to bed?
No, because you tell stories about naked men on couches.
Duh.
I think what you’re saying is that we need to help you pick an Instragram name appropriate to documenting all of this
I vote NOT in favor.
was either of them sucking off the 400-lb man? Then you’d have a story cookin!
There is a lot of good hustle in this thread, except for the 400 lb naked guy. No hustle there.
God damn it, Try like 4. @Zymm like an hour ago
I think the comfy outfit you put on after a horrible day of work is always the sexiest. I am told that is wrong and I should assume you wear with wires holding up your boobs from the roof.
Kim from “Better Call Saul” was sexiest in her sweatclothes after her blackout/car crash combo.
I wear running clothes all the time, but because I’m a weirdo recluse, not because it looks good. I went in the grocery store in my slippers once last Spring. Felt quite taboo.
LOL, I’d have paid money to see that.
Agreed on Kim tho. Was good to see her say fuck it and head to…Blockbuster?
Oh yeah, prequel. Forgot.
It was a Food Lion. They ain’t judge me in there. 60% of the customers are in wifebeaters buying dog food and cigarettes,
I just needed kale and ice cream, like usual.
Though I’m back off the ice cream, thank fuck.
Whole Foods woulda called the law on ya’s.
Hehehe
oh yeah. They smoothies is teh tits, tho. Mango and kale, apple juice base is my jam. I don’t need no fancy ass drugs to make my junkie bowels move, chuh chuh!
They’re owned by Amazon now, not sure that fits in with their pretty awesome leadership principles. (Yes, I am drinking the koolaid, it’s tasty!)
oh, that’s better than being owned by that right-wing asshat that used to own them, so I feel less guilty for buying smoothies there now (usually only when my bitchy vegan kid makes me go there).
Boobs are like compass needles, they point due north
well, the fucking Cardinals lost yet again, and Everton officially quit being a football club in favour of life as a circus sideshow act, so fuck everything time to sleep.
/looks forward to how tomorrow manages to suck worse
Are eliminated?
Came out of the closet finally?
Cannibalized one another when their plane crashed in South America?
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US??????
I have to write the open thread tomorry night, will rant fully then.
Fucking tease.
The NL Central this year is just a hot mess this season.
Indeed. HAIL BREWERS.
/in truth, probably the one side nobody else in the Central has any beef with
The only fans who have heckled me as a Cubs fan are Brewers fans.
They were also super whiny about a postponed game at Wrigley earlier this year. They’re surprisingly shitty fans and I can’t root for their team because of it.
Fuck the Brewers.
I’d still murder Gorman Thomas if I could get away with it.
HEY! I like beer.
Oh, you mean……
DFO – the place where you can find the only 2 (albeit imaginary) people I have run into who have an actively hostile opinion re MIL’s baseball squadron.
Everyone hated A-Rod and rightly so, but Ryan Braun lied and got a judge fired before he got found out, ppl forget that.
The Yankees bullpen is driving me to drink, but I’m at a bar post-performance anyway, so I can drink anyway!
Cheerios and beer, ew
They’re called Beerios, Dok. What are you watching anyway?
Point Break. It’s a much better movie once they just let Keanu be a surf idiot and shoot some assholes.
Okay, I don’t get the super short, low cut dress with long sleeves concept. Is it supposed to be warm or not?
Sounds like someone got jealous of all the attention vests were getting
I wonder if I can segment 90’s movies by the number of times they call something bullshit?
Could anyone legit accuse me of impersonating an officer in this?
http://classicroad.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/IMG_0843.jpg
Just don’t drive thru Mayberry 50 years ago.
Also, good advice for anyone who is not a white male.
GOD DAMN IT!
😛
I was expecting something more along these lines:
#Implied
In 1956 yes, or in present day Mayberry [a lesson in reading the other responses first, people.].
Nah. It’s way better this way.
lol I want to play this.
https://creators.vice.com/en_us/article/d74b5z/reject-pickup-artists-the-game-dating-simulator
I would kill somebody.
Also, yes.
It does not appear murdering the PUA is an option but it ought to be.
I have no interest in any woman, real or imaginary, who would even entertain an interest in this crew.
?crop=0.9777777777777779xw:1xh;center,center&resize=1920:*
But one of them is named MYSTERY!!! How can that not dampen every pair of panties?
Sadly, it probably does.
Some yes, some no. I think these guys target young women partially because they aren’t as likely to have the experience to suss out this manipulative bullshit for what it is.
Quite true, I’m sure.
I can appreciate and understand why ladyfolk do not wish to fuck ME, but I get pretty pissed off when I see some of the vermin they DO.
At one point in my life this bothered me too, but no longer.
Going recluse helps SO MUCH.
THANK YOU!!!!
So, I’m pretty sure my company’s new building has a design reference to 70’s swinger ‘key parties’ as part of the conference room decor. Not gonna bring it up until I leave, and the exit interview will be all about how I was “totally offended”
OK, well if no one else is gonna ask….
What about the decor of the conference room leads you to this interesting conclusion?
My money’s on the sybian. And now I don’t want it back.
This movie would be way better if they let the Samoan keep choking the shit out of “Johhny Utah”