There are people who love summer.  They are called tan extroverts.  They can go fuck themselves with a rusty screwdriver.  Summer is a humid, bug-infested sports wasteland.  Forget Christmas, this is when people ought to be killing themselves in droves.

All that’s left is fucking baseball.  And even that cold comfort takes four fucking days off next week.  I already read too much as it is, thank you very much.  What the hell am I supposed to do?  And no, nobody gives a tin shit about the Gold Cup, a Lesser Footy tourney so bad that Los Estados Unidos can occasionally win it, if Mexico shows up too drunk to one of its knockout round matches.

My semi-beloved Premier League is in transfer season, which had been going http://www.espnfc.us/english-premier-league/23/blog/post/3154569/everton-new-era-features-big-spending-as-the-premier-league-top-six-are-targeted quite swimmingly until Moshiri, Walsh. and Koeman decided to go all circus sideshow act on me and sign Wayne Fucking Rooney.  Yes, the corpse that is Merseyside’s prodigal son will be back in a royal blue shirt this season, no doubt taking minutes away from more deserving players and sucking up all the attention from an intriguing young squad that was really starting to look interesting.

I will hope against my better judgment (hope in one hand, shit in the other, see which gets full first) that Koeman made no playing time assurances, and has the common sense to use Rooney in a “super sub” role, where his lack of pace will be less of a problem (against tired defenders).  On a more level playing field (speed-wise), what’s left of his game and his veteran guile could be useful.  But if he starts…it will be a total shitshow, and he will nonetheless have smitten defenders to the bitter end.  It will tear the club apart.  None of this is worth the risk at all, and I am bitterly disappointed.

My players to watch are Iceland’s/Swans’ Gylfi Sigurdsson and Arsenal’s Frenchman Olivier Giroud.  Should Everton sign both, my fears will be assuaged.  Rooney will clearly not be an automatic starter in that event.

Of course, all these dominoes mean that Romelu Lukaku is indeed gone.  90m pounds (after easily achievable add-ons) to United.  Just fuck everything already.  Mourinho will fuck it up, and it will be sad to watch.  Hopefully, the big man moves to Spain next, or France/Italy with angry Conte.

Sportsball on the teevee box?  I think Small Bears/Pirates are on Fox for some reason.  Two of the many NL Central mediocre-to-shitty sides.  Wimbledon on ESPN.  Dunno who’s hot anymore, even.

Just read, do drugs, or get blackout drunk.  It’s for the best.