I speak of course, about the ole In-n-Out. If you are reading the header, you are probably thinking, “There goes Balls, going into something sexual again! I wonder if he’s going to talk about ass play again…” Well, dear reader, you are partially correct. As you well know, I can turn ANY subject into a sexual subject.
It’s a gift.
Really, though, let’s talk about those juicy delicious babies. My mouth is watering just looking at the picture and it’s only 7 AM as I’m writing this. You may have…. questions.
1- Does anyone in their right mind look at the calories when getting In-n-Out?
2- Do people get annoyed about the “secret menu” or do they think it’s a cool thing?
3- Is it weird that other companies like Starbucks are now incorporating a “secret menu” into their offerings?
4- Does that mean the “secret menu” has sold out to the man, man?
5- I’m assuming Asian massage parlors have the ultimate secret menu, amirite?
6- Is there where I stick the anal reference in this post?
7- Isn’t “giving her the ole in-n-out” kind of a weird phrase?
8- I mean, it’s really the “ole in and a little deeper in”, right?
9- Or for some of us, the “ole in and a LOT deeper in”, amirite fellas? Up top!
10- Why did you mess up the high five, man?
11- Have you ever had an In-n-Out shake?
12- Those are some thick fuckers aren’t they?
13- True story, did you know porn stars in the valley warm up for BJ scenes by going to In-n-Out and getting a strawberry shake?
14- If it’s a BBC scene, they’re probably getting chocolate, right?
15- Did you know that, in certain parts of Southern California (cough cough Oxnard cough cough), people actually stick fries in their Wendy’s Frosty and eat them that way?
16- Is this a thing anywhere else in the country?
17- Says a lot about Oxnard, doesn’t it?
18- So, is sticking a hot fry into a cold frosty akin to sticking a penis into a cold butthole?
19- Are you surprised it took me until question 18 to make the anal reference?
20- Is that what “Animal Style” on the In-n-Out secret menu refers to?
21- Are the other animals pissed that we call it Doggie style instead of Animal style?
22- Like, why can’t it be Cat style?
23- Would that ruin the song?
24- Lion style sounds more regal and classy, doesn’t it?
25- No way any girl turns down Lion style with a roar as you come, right?