Your “What Fresh Hell Is This?” Hall of Fame Game Open Thread

[blatantly ignores the long days and nights since the Super Bowl] Wow! It seems like just yesterday that I was watching relevant football being played and here we are again. The good folks of Canton, Ohio might just see a game in their backyard for the first time in two frickin’ years unless it gets aborted once again. Ye olde NFL and assorted hangers-on wouldn’t do that again, would they? Nah, they’ve had a year to prepare…just like the year previous. To The Game!

Dallas @ Arizona: Don’t kid yourself, home field advantage is crucial in a game of this (lack of) caliber and the Cards hold all the cards. When Carson Palmer doesn’t throw to Fitz who is not being covered by Scandrick, you’ll see why it’s self-evident. On the other side of the ball you can expect that a not-dressed RB Elliott will not pound the rock between the tackles, not wearing down… some Cards defender not named, uh, Patrick Peterson? What I’m trying to get at is that no one of starting quality will be playing this doozy of a tilt. No. One.

So where do we go from here? Oh, we’re going straight to Gabbertville and then heading over to undrafted rook Knighttown with a stop in Kellen Moore Corner along the way. Perhaps we’ll get a glimpse of a Taco Charlton stand at some intersection. The latest tight end that once played basketball-Rico Gathers-is expected to get some reps. These are some slim pickings for sure. But they are all dressed in bonafide NFL uniforms so it matters. As long as we’re wearing our respective drinking/pilling gear it’s all good.

LET’S DO THIS!

 

 

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Unsurprised

From Week 3 Quotables

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JerBear50

Damn, twice in one week? I haven’t been gif’d this often since my dog died.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Ook?

Ook.

Redshirt

Pete Rose from a Cincinnatian perspective.

He was the Hit King. When he was allowed on the field for the first time in decades, I could hear the echoes from miles down river. Now he will be forever known as a pedophile.

Also, he’s ruined. He a baseball player who is banned from baseball. The only thing he has to market is himself. His commercial deals. His Fox Sports gig. Even his autographs. That’s how he makes his money. There is no way he can do that. Who would hire him. Who would want his autograph.

And as a Cincinnatian. He was one of us. Sure we’ve had Ken Griffey, Jr and Roger Staubach grow up in Cincy and be superstars, but this was a kid from the west side on River Road, playing for his hometown team. And he wasn’t as muscular or talented. He just simply played with pure effort and willpower.

The Hit King is dead. God save the King.

JerBear50

Yeah, he’ll never make another dime. Completely unemployable.
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Unsurprised

I hope someone rapes Polanski to death.

JerBear50

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, that dick can die slowly in a fire too.

Gratliff

You and I must not be reading the same comments sections. Love for Pete Rose is alive and well, I’m sad to say.

King Hippo

He’s still a Gritty White Icon.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Urgh. Dunge. IWDB muted it, just in time.

WCS

It literally took two words from Collinsworth to make my RAGE METER reach 28 Days Later.

Also, howdy.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Were those the two words?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

If you insist.

— Charles Haley

Unsurprised

This needs to be the banner more often. We also need more posts to be tagged #anti-pants

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Unsurprised

Young Peter King

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Wakezilla

Did ex-Liouns kicker Richie Leone get cut by the Cards already? I thought he was the undisputed kicker of the Cards?

Unsurprised

Arizona did something stupid? Color me … cardinal.

Gratliff

Philly.com here to explain to us simple folk that a white child molester is equivalent to a black guy who’s kind of a dick.

http://www.philly.com/philly/columnists/mike_sielski/allen-iverson-pete-rose-philadelphia-sixers-phillies-dishonorable-behavior-20170803.html

King Hippo

One would bet that, it being PA, the letters are at least 2-to-1 about it being an unfair comparison…to Pete

Gratliff

The comments are running about that ratio

Gratliff

Good thing they’ve got that new statue to keep the memories fresh

Redshirt

Yeah, and its a badass statue on the banks of the Ohio River. Now I’m wonder if it floats…

Unsurprised

Only one way to find out. You’ll need five stout men and a one-ton dually.

Redshirt

Sassy Ref: “Neutral Zone Infraction, Defense. Penalty Declined. One-point safety, Seahawks.”

Unsurprised

Something is missing from this liveblog. OH!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Redshirt

BLEERGH is in mid-season form!

Sharkbait

Wait what?

King Hippo

BLEERGH demands the shitty kicker try again?

Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I swear to Christ, if any of you ever defends Pete Rose again, there is gonna be a fight.
This is not a joke.

JerBear50

RESPECT THE GRIT!!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck that guy.
And in a fair world it would be an underaged girl with a strap on giving him about 100 yrs of angry pegging.

Sadly, he’s probably like that.

A Louisville Slugger to the head a time or twelve would get his attention tho I bet.

Beerguyrob

C’mon now, he’s got fewer hits but won more bets than Ichiro ever will…

Oh, right – the Polanski thing.

Gratliff

Next you’ll want me to stop writing letters to Vince McMahon urging him to put Chris Benoit in the HoF

Beerguyrob

Wrestlemania XX never happened, or at least ended early.

Gratliff

The best Wrestlemania performance Stevie Richards ever had.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That man could rock a half-shirt like no one else.

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Gratliff

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Redshirt

It was weird. Triple H and Shawn Michaels threw themselves around, Triple H lied on the canvas for a minute than tapped, and then Eddie Guerrero went out and hugged the air amid a bunch of confetti.

Gratliff

I remain convinced that Vince somehow blames Eddie for all of this for making Chris sad.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

In a fair universe, this would be the next banner.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

No defense, but my question is why didn’t Dowd say something in ’89? Who gives a crap about the betting on baseball; the Statute of Limitations might still be in effect.

King Hippo

He should be banned FOAR betting on something as goddamned boring as baseball.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s not just that anymore.
Go read the Updates on the right side of the homepage.
Betting on baseball (obviously) and lying, then agreeing to the lifetime ban then bitching about it, then trying to lie about that.

Child’s play. Now he’s admitted to what he really is.

Fucker can die in a fire slowly for all I fucking care.

King Hippo

this is a FOOTBAW night ,, smgdh

/but even American Fuhrer would be impressed sounds like

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck Football.
He admitted to being a pedophile, more or less. But hey, statute has run out now so he’ll get away with that shit too.

Fuck me, I am so full of hate right now.

King Hippo

oh shit, that’s bad

/but remember, the worst punishment for that narcissist is people stop paying attention to him

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Why the fuck is there a SoL on that shit?

Redshirt

In Cincinnati, its Pete being Pete. Newspaper Columnist puts it best:

“He beat Ty Cobb by outlasting him. He wasn’t a power hit, he just hit singles. After he got 4192, he thought he could outlast anyone and win.”

litre_cola

I am more of a Mark Chmura fan.

...

I had to Google him to figure out what you’re talking about about and HOOBOY he’s an even bigger piece of shit than I ever imagined.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can’t believe I didn’t see this as a possibility before.
Fits him perfectly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

The rules don’t apply to me, I can do whatever the fuck I want.

Not an attitude I generally mesh well with. But I suppose that’s already obvious.

...

In retrospect, it seems obvious.

Just like when those Tom Brady revelations eventually come out.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“I’m gonna be a Hall of Fame dad now…that my career is over and I actually have to pay attention to the little shits.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

“I was born a winner”

–Played for the Jets, Dolphins, and [*Redacted] s.

King Hippo

oh, that’s a banner to me

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Its Storytime with Jason Taylor! My life is complete.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Alright. You’ve gone to Hell, but the Devil impressed by your sins, lets you chose the football you’ll be watching for the rest of eternity.

What do you choose? Pro Bowl or 2nd Half Preseason Football?

Beerguyrob

Depends upon the network.

Croooow

At least with the Preseason option, you might get to hear some fun fact about that D3 school the 9th string QB went to.

King Hippo

2nd half pre-season can be great if you’re fucked up enough. Satan party?

SonOfSpam

Preseason football. After watching games in Canton and Cleveland, Hell will seem like Club Med.

Kungjitsu

2nd half preseason. Those guys are desperate and will do anything. CTE is a myth.

Sharkbait

EMMETT SMIFF SIGHTING!

SonOfSpam

He always likes to attend the Holler Flame Game in Catbin.

Beerguyrob

“Who let the cats in?” – Trent Green

King Hippo

watching David Johnson play is a beautiful thing indeed. He’s magnificent.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

He’s a star… A bright, shining star…!

litre_cola

Donald Sterling agrees.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I was in Trader Joe’s a while ago (why yes I am white thanks for asking hashtagblessed), and the store was playing The Temples of Syrinx. I told my (very uninterested) daughter like three times “OMIGOD THEY’RE PLAYING 2112 IN TRADER JOE’S OMIGOD!” The next song was Judas Priest. Some magnificent bastard is gonna get fired over this, but for at least a few minutes, he made a random fat guy happy.

King Hippo

if I were Blax, I’d worry about this ability to hold a lead

JerBear50

C’mon, it’s been 150 years. Give Burnside a break.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice/

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“I once shot a man, up on Irwin Hill. Took the bastard two days to die.”

Croooow

Cris needs a cigarette.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

and to…….

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Sharkbait

We’ve hit threat level Moving Pictures.

http://www.qotile.net/blog/images/rush_moving.jpg

Beerguyrob

It sure is nice of Al & Cris to tag-team Jerral’s dick while the other asks him a leading question.

Back in the studio, Peter King is using an Allagash as lube to pleasure himself.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Good lord, Beerguyrob…stop playing with your name. It’s turned purple.

Beerguyrob

Like PK’s dick.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

You shouldn’t be playing with that, either.

SonOfSpam

But when he finishes, it smells of nutmeg and privilege.

Unsurprised

He had surgery to make it look like Favre’s

Redshirt

Uh…why is Tony Romo in a tree house?

litre_cola

I would have thought it would have been ELi.

Unsurprised

He’s grounded for not finishing his summer reading list yet.

Sharkbait

Cooper Rush is a ginger too? Poor bastard.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Copper Cooper.

Redshirt

Oh, of course the Cowboys are supporting their running back who hit a girl. What kind of team would…

(remembers Bengals 2nd Draft pick)

Comment Withdrawn.

Gratliff

Oh goddammit. Forgot the football was starting. I missed all 30 seconds combined starter play.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Oh, Christ, there’s a 3-way going on in the announcer’s booth, isn’t there?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Gawdammit! I missed a full half of shitty football?

Good. Good for me.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Cooper Rush cannot be a real name.

SonOfSpam

His brother Culler designed the Thursday night uniforms.

Sharkbait

Me: What’s a Cooper Rush?

Mrs.: I don’t know, but hes a Cowboy, so fuck him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

This was done better in American Gods when Freddie Rumson from Mad Men got sucked into a goddess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s easy when you steal ideas.

Croooow

David Johnson. Still awesome.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Awwwww fuck.
Football again already?????? Goddammit.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Time is moving too quickly. We’re all going to die.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

yes, I got iced cream at teh half

Spur

“Gene gave it up last night “

litre_cola

Is Jerry wearing a piece?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cod.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Historical fashion jokes are……. out of fashion.

litre_cola

Good thing it is weak 1 of the preseason…

Spur

This is not a star trek movie. Quit shaking the camera.

Sharkbait

I do NOT want to hear ANY MORE about JJ’s honeymoon!