Your “Multiple Games = Multiple Disappointments” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL Notes:

  • The pre-season schedule begins in earnest tonight, with 7 games, “highlighted” by a game of musical QB chairs in Chicago between the Bears & Broncos.
    • Elway could come out of the box & be as effective. Hell – mid-stroke Kubiak would be better than most of what we’ll see tonight.
  • Ooh – look who’s friends again?!
    • The Dongslinger was speaking at a Green Bay charity dinner, and had a fair bit to say – positively – about #12 and his desire to keep playing until he’s 40 & for the Packers.
      • I’m sure no teeth were ground about how that’s what someone else wanted too, but the team totes let that unknown person down, so then he was all “Jets 4 Life!” before **record scratch** “LOLs – Vikings, bitches!”
  • Speaking of the Packers have decided to call one of their defensive packages “Nitro”, which will allow Clay Matthews more freedom to hunt his targets. I can’t wait to see the others, especially, “Gemini”, “Blaze” and “Lazer”.

  

      The resemblance is uncanny.

  • In an ultimate show of pointlessness, the Rams & Chargers held a joint practice where – SURPRISE! – fights broke out.
    • But, GRIT!

Finally, talk of “collusion” in the Kaepernick unemployment saga is getting louder. Forbes is the latest mainstream outlet to question why no one has hired someone with better 2016 numbers than 3/4 of the free agent signings at that position. CBS has an article on its sports website detailing the various theories behind who is doing what to keep Kaep benched.

  • The change.org petition threatening to boycott the NFL over this has reached 130,000 “signatures”.
    • Mind you, the petition to force Trump to release his tax returns has over 439,000 signatures, and I believe he totally did.
      • So I’m sure Roger Goodell is quaking in his Oxfords over this one.
  • Bleacher Report says that #2 on the Dolphins wish list was Christian Ponder. Kaepernick wasn’t even an option.
  • It’s gotten to the point that even lickspittles like Florio are noticing the changes in verbiage Roger Goodell is using when asked the inevitable questions at every presser.
    • Prior to August, his tone was about how each organization does what they can to “improve their team”.
    • This month, the tone now is about decisions are about “what’s in the best interest of their team”.

Any real noise will be made during the regular season, when – not if – someone high-profile goes down and Kaep doesn’t get a call.


So, a box was delivered to my door yesterday afternoon.

SQUEE! It actually means the season is actually almost here.

It contained the usual minimalist provisions for a >10 year season ticket holder:

Still, it’s nice to see what my $2350 CDN gets me:

  • two ticket books
  • a fan guide / new stadium rules guidebook
  • a team portrait in a delightful tube the puppy will enjoy chewing on.

One possible improvement spotted in the fan guide: the Seahawks have apparently brought the food & beverage operations in-house.

Hopefully, this means fewer cold hot-offerings, and an actual way to complain – versus the old response of “Charity volunteers.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  LOL!” I’m just hoping they keep the delicious beer selections they introduced last season, to offset the #UpForEverything taps at every station.


Game preview: Broncos at Bears

Oof. If you thought last night’s QB feeling out / discovery process was rough, tonight is going to be probably more painful. The Broncos starting three of

  • Trevor Siemian,
  • Paxton Lynch &
  • Chad “Not Jim” Kelly

look like Staubach & Grogan (or Elway & Kubiak) compared to the Bears tranquilizing threesome of

  • Mike Glennon
  • Mark Sanchez
  • Mitch Trubisky

The best receiver on both teams could end up being some kid in the fourth row of the end zone, who will no doubt be the beneficiary of some hilarious overthrows.

Although neither team’s fan site wanted to really pump the tires on this game, I’m still thanking the Mile High Report & the Windy City Gridiron for sharing their paucity of interest in this game.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Broncos at Bears – 8:00PM | NFL Network
  • CFL:
    • Eskimos vs. Redblacks – 7:30PM | TSN
  • Baseball:
    • MLB:
      • Yankees at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Little League Baseball:
      • Mid-Atlantic Regional semifinal – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • West Regional semifinal – 9:00PM | ESPN

I think – and this is just me – it might be preferable to view tonight not as Broncos versus Bears, but as Coors versus Goose Island. WHO YA DRINKIN’?!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
149 Comment threads
267 Thread replies
1 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
32 Comment authors
Moose -The End Is Well NighMr. AyoBrettFavresColonoscopyblaxabbathUnsurprised Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

blaxabbath

Matrix on Netflix,

BrettFavresColonoscopy

GET OUT OF MY BRAIN

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(we have about an hour left)

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This sucks. I need a life.

Cuntler

Well, I got banned from twitter for all the fucks about the giraffe for 12 hours. Tittiesss!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Banned forever or makeitsnow banned?

Cuntler

👩‍🌾

Brocky

…… i’m just happy about mitch.

This wasn’t “looked kinda good” in context

this was “looked far better than the bears deserve” in context

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m getting paid to bulge out a chicken’s eyeballs so you will know where your tuna comes from.
You read that right.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Great. I like tuna.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Kinky

Brocky
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m not creating an account for that.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Pfft. I choked a chicken today too.

Cuntler

Just got banned from twitter for telling the giraffe to fuck off. Bear badge: Achieved!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I spent my day doing an Outlook and Quickbooks reinstall even though I have told people I never used the software. My night was dealing with people looking to buy my mom’s house even though it is literally the last thing I would want to do. Also got to take care of her dog then too. I am smoking a cig and going to bed. Or just drinking a lot more. I might do the second thing.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I want to do the drinking. Will someone get me some ice?

Shogun Marcus

LISTEN ASSTAINS, I AM DONE WITH YOU FUCK HOLES. I NEVER SIGNED ON FOR THIS.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’ll be back for more
–NFL and also dominatrixes

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

I can’t wait until the first openly gay active NFL player comes out.

In other news, I heard all Aaron Rodgers got last year for Christmas was closets and Kevin Spacey movies.

King Hippo

He’ll probably be the 2nd, and everyone will be like “yeah, NO SHIT Aaron.”

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

“Wait why is Anderson Cooper telling us he’s gay…. oh, right”

Shogun Marcus

You got a new joke yet?
Just wondering.

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

I love how the Christian Hackenburg updates are akin to the IEP goals of a non-verbal autistic child.

King Hippo

“only hit one reporter with a pass at practice today…given choice of lollipop”

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

“Christian displays lots of ability but sometimes can lose focus on simple tasks. We are working on a behavior plan the treats the antecedent of the loss of focus.”

King Hippo

Translation: “He’d be really good if he didn’t suck so much.”

Shogun Marcus

I’ve seen smoother writing with epileptics.

theeWeeBabySeamus

G’nite gents.

Enjoy the mental masturbation. (no offence)

I gotta write some shit now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Stinky prose.

Shogun Marcus

VINCE IS RISING. I’M NOT PLEASED. YOU FUCKS HAVE MUCH TO EXPLAIN FOR.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

King Hippo

that guy too Vince’s left is rising if u noe wut I mean ,, smh

Don T

Now now, VY had his moments on the field. Out of a million tries.

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

“Fuck y’all everybody in the Friday’s is gettin’ a blue fruity pussy drink on Vince!”

Shogun Marcus

You joke, but he lives in here! I write to not die.

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

I have gone to…. 3 preseason Jets games and about 10-12 regular season games in my life. I am praying for Kotite-level awful this year.

I vaguely remember the 1997 season as my first being semi-aware of this team (I was 7) and the Jets broke a nearly two-year winless streak at home against the Raiders, aided by Cole Ford missing an extra point and three field goals, and having another one blocked and returned by Ray Mickens for the game winning touchdown. I have since watched Prime Time of this week on YouTube and Boomer and Tom Jackson make multiple “Well, it was nice seeing Cole Ford’s last day as a Raider” jokes.

I love this goofy sport.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Name three coaches worse than Rich Kotite. You can’t!

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

My father is a Giants fan but loves all things sports kitsch, so on the fridge in our garage there is a 1996 Jets magnetic schedule on the side that I don’t think has been touched in 21 years.

King Hippo

This should be our Fall Event. Buddy takes us to a J-E-S-T match. We all have to take Greyhound and/or Amtrak to get there, and share our harrowing experiences.

Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!
Buddy Cole's Christmas Story!

MetLife Stadium is so sterile and such a nightmare to get to, I’d rather you came to Casa Buddy. It comes with my father making derogatory comments towards Elisha, usually, “He has that look on his face like a fucking deer that enjoys getting run over by the car!”

Cuntler

Marc Trestman, Dick Justin, and Wannested

King Hippo

This team simply has to be seen to be believed. It’s a marvel of the salary cap/floor era. No QB. Bottom 5 OL. Like 2 good defensive players. Robby Anderson is the #1 WR. Robby. Anderson.

I still want to understand exactly how Hackenburg screws up breaking the huddle. Christ, even I could fucking do that much.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I guess I’ll go make tuna.

I just found out I’m going to the Vancouver brew fest tomorrow.

Shogun Marcus

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I AM ABOUT TO BE UNHAPPY.

scotchnaut

“Unhappy? Ask your doctor if Superdooperhappeez is right for you.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How is Joe Webb still in the league?

WCS

cuz he REPSECTS the FLAG insted of neeling!111! #MAGA

Shogun Marcus

You fuckstains.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just wash the sheets.

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Shane Black, in black & white

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

And a good day to you, sir!

Wakezilla

Polite Slurs get the win and are still undefeated

comment image

scotchnaut

“That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”

-Nicki Minaj

Wakezilla

Polite Slurs miss a field goal that’d put the game away. REDBLACKS can now win this one

comment image

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I overheated my computer and now I am gonna miss my the rest of the game because I constantly told my computer to fuck off when it said a major update needs to be installed

Wakezilla

Don’t just walk away from the game. Fight back!

comment image

Shogun Marcus

Oh my me. You’ve gone and done it. WHY! BASTARDS! YOU’VE KILLED US!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

WCS

Mind the ledge…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ook….oook.

Brocky

Dude… Don’t Scare me like that!

Game is on in the other room, wasnt paying attention, I read your comment, then I came back to see a bunch of trainers out there, had me worried the prophecy of mitch getting killed in the first game came true.

WCS

….and that’s why your beer tastes like liquid ass juice, Bud Light.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ass herpes?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

So is Asheville, NC as insane as people have described it?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I wouldn’t describe it as insane, just weird.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Not sure what you mean. it is a great place for beer and food and getting better about the music. I am from near there and it is where I would like to retire. Are you considering a move? And it is a little weird but a good weird.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s supposed to be full of crystal-worshipping hippies.

Anyway, I was just curious.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re not wrong, but not right either.
It’s an odd convergence of hippie v redneck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Weird

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Maybe

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Its not any where that bad. I think it is mainly when you compare it to the surrounding area who think the Tea Party assholes are too liberal is what makes it seem to weird. I have been to Sedona AZ and they are some crazy crystal worshipping freaks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I must disagree.
Sedona knows Asheville. Asheville is no Sedona.

Not even close.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Never spent a great deal of time in Asheville, but I’ve never had a bad time there. Plus these guys are from there….

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Housing is getting expensive as fuck there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

WCS

AGNIZAB!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You spelled Benghazi wrong

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Redshirt

So is Trixbiscuit good or is this more 2nd/3rd string defense?

Wakezilla

I mean, he’s nickel and diming the Donks’ non-starters.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The 3 offensive rookies have looked good today. Not like we have a chance this year good, just better than the garbage somehow higher on the depth chart

Redshirt

(2017 Wild Card Game)
(ring)
Andy Dalton: “Hello?”
Redshirt: “Okay. This is what you need to change for the 2nd half.”
Dalton: “Who is this?”
Redshirt: “Does it matter? What is your coach doing now.”
Marvin Lewis (in background): “If it works in the 1st half, it will work in the 2nd half. Trust me.”
Andy Dalton: “Okay, caller. What do you got?”

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Only fucking Mike Brown, when Pacman Jones put his hands on the Ref, letting the Steelers get that win, would allow a head coach that clearly had lost control of his team, continue running the show. My fucking god.

https://youtu.be/-5_GzVRpDyI

Redshirt

Yup.

Wakezilla

Touchdown Polite Slurs!

Chris Getzlaf is still playing? Good for him. 27-20 EDM

comment image

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Hmmmm…the more I read about ancient Mexico, methinks there would be a better mascot…

Huitzilopochtli

comment image

The Mesoamerican god of war, sun, human sacrifice, and the patron of the city of Tenochtitlan. He was considered to be the national god of the Aztecs, who was the patron god of war, in a pantheon of deities where every god and goddess had a hard on for war.

He was credited with both the wins and the defeats of the Aztecs when they went to war. He required constant sacrifices to protect the Aztecs from the dreaded infinite night. Effectively, if he did not get the best sacrifices, the world as the Aztecs knew it would end.

He wielded Xiuhcoatl as a weapon…which in itself was a mythical fire serpent.

litre_cola

Rex Grossman is also a mythical fire serpent.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The shots seemed to clear that up tho.

Wakezilla

One thing I love about Lucha Underground is when they mention cool little nuggets like this. Pic looks pretty metal

Brocky

OOne thing I love about Lucha Underground

I like that…. and other things…

http://zippy.gfycat.com/DownrightDependableFlyingfox.webm

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He’s my favorite.

Brocky

…. so anyone talk to packman Jon lately?

comment image

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

He’s become extremely online on the Twitter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brocky

Fuck off thats in

….me durine my wedding night

Wakezilla

But could you tell with her? Would it matter?

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Somewhere, ballsofsteelandfury’s head just went all ‘splodey n junk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Durine is a hellava drug.

herodotus450
herodotus450

If they ever make a live action Dilbert, I hereby cast Dan Harmon from this video in the role

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

Bears fans are pre-seasoning in their pants.

Wakezilla

comment image

litre_cola

See TWBS, this is what I am talking about!!!!!

/checks to see Fek didn’t come in here and post this.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am a fan of this ass.
You’ll get your payoff soon. Not this week, but soon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Wakezilla

The REDBLACKS/Eskimos game is pretty good

litre_cola

Yep, far better than Truth Biscuit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brocky

…..not going to lie, thats as perfect execution of a play action pass as you can get

WCS

Trubisky actually looks not-crappy, which means his Achilles will explode in roughly three more snaps.

Brocky

Nah, it’s gonna be something worse than that. Like his spine is going to be severed.

Brocky

Two things:

1. that “Chicago style football” commercial is inaccurate, doesn’t show one random fat asshole in a packers uniform

2. Jim miller gets wider and wider every preseason. In 8 years, he’s going take up two lanes.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I still maintain that the Jags need to move to Mexico City.

Keep the Jaguar theme…You just got to change up Jaxson…

comment image

Into Tepēyōllōtl, Aztec God of Earthquakes, echos, and Jaguars.

comment image

scotchnaut

Truth Biscuit had a 130 QB Rating in the first half!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I ordered a mandolin and it arrived today and I just sliced up an apple for the fuck of it. I feel fancy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This seems like two different thoughts which converged.

Though I might just be an idiot.

Brocky

I think it’s pretty clear he used the force of his playing to cut the air.

Gotta be careful with that thing though

litre_cola

Nope, due to weaselo I assumed that Rod bought a musical instrument.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

In your defense, it is *I* who is the idiot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Thank you for defending my stupidity.
About time someone did.

scotchnaut

I slice up an apple for the fuck of it all the time. What’s a mandolin?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Hark! Verily a mandolin!
comment image

herodotus450
herodotus450

Based on two data points I am now ready to declare “Eliza” the hottest name ever
http://
38.media.tumblr.com/cefe814bcc7588fa30e21ff8c0cf0555/tumblr_nxt9by4hIX1u08gzyo3_400.gif

Wakezilla

What’s that from?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Something called Casual. Fukin Casuls

WCS

They seem nice.

King Hippo

I definitely am interest in they newsletter

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

She was great on Happy Endings, too.

WCS

Donald Drumpf is the Golden Corral prime rib and seafood of Presidents.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I’ve never set foot in a Golden Corral, but I’m gonna assume that’s bad.

Gratliff

So how do you strengthen your immune system?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Vodka.

That’s actually pretty much my universal answer.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s why I love the Beast.

I love his wife more, granted….but gotta love the Beast.

Wakezilla

That’s how I’d describe the media covering the North Korea/US conflict atm.

herodotus450
herodotus450

comment image