Your “The Lesson Learned Is ‘Not To Care'” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Well, I believe I speak for the majority when I say, those were some real Week-1 preseason games.

Oh, and fuck Dean Spanos with a rusty shiv. μαλάκας!

NFL Notes:

  • The Lord giveth, and BLEERGH taketh away:
    • A week after signing a new five-year deal, Devonta Freeman is in concussion protocol.
      • He’ll sit out 1-2 weeks of preseason, just to be safe.
  • Andrew Luck may or may not be ready by Opening Day, based on when Jim Irsay is asked and whether the drugs have taken effect.
    • If all else fails, there’s Scott Tolzien.

  

What the Colts hope for, versus what they are probably getting.

  • You know the Jets are fucked when the headline coming from their preseason game is that Christian Hackenberg “inspires hope“.
    • Josh McCown concurs:
      • “I was so proud of Hack tonight because you have little hiccups here and there that happen, that weren’t necessarily his fault…he kept battling and played within the game.”
        • PLAN THE PARADE!
  • Tavon Austin will miss another week. I don’t think the Rams will recover.
  • Yay! Both the race card and his dad are about to enter the Ezekiel Elliott suspension drama.
  • The Bears picked up waived Bucs kicker Roberto Aguayo Sunday.
    • He’s competing with Connor Barth, whom the Bucs dropped last year when they drafted Aguayo in the second round of the 2016 draft, for the starting job.
    • A delightful coda to all this disappointment is that it will end up part of “Hard Knocks”, so it’ll live forever as a testament to Bucs’ GM Jason Licht’s ability to measure talent & get fleeced at the draft.
      • Aguayo’s kids will get to see their dad talked about in the most glowing terms by his former boss:
        • “We’ve ripped off the band-aid … and we’re moving forward.”

Finally, the 49ers have hired the second full-time female coach in NFL history. Katie Sowers has joined the team in a currently undeclared position.

  • Expect the message boards at PFT & Yahoo! to be full of supportive comments and congratulations.
  • She previously worked for the Falcons as an assistant receivers coach, and was also a scouting intern under Kyle Shanahan, her new boss.
    • “Sowers’ Kansas City-ties to Falcons assistant general manager Scott Pioli led her to [the Falcons] opportunity.”
  • Sowers played professional football, functioned as an adviser for USA Football, and was general manager of the Kansas City Titans of the Women’s Football Alliance. She had also been the senior recreation director and athletics director for the Kansas City Department of Parks and Recreation.

Tonight’s sports:

  • Beisbol:
    • Rays at Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Mets at Yankees – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Orioles at Mariners – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • Lucha:
    • WWE: Monday Night RAW – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the “go-home” show before SummerSlam this weekend.

Remember, Week-2 of preseason season kicks off Wednesday with the Bills at the Eagles. I can’t wait for the tailgating.

  

  

E-C-W! E-C-W!! E-C-W!!!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I swear to God. I just want the world to burn. There is nothing good worth saving.

Don T
Member

I would ask the following to be saved:

The Caribbean
Generosity
El idioma español
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
Mel Brooks
Salsa (music)
The Hives
Gustavo Cerati
Looking past ideology
Cien años de soledad
Catch-22
The NFL season
Attending a boxing card
Fútbol
Franz Ferdinand’s second album
Dissent
Pork
Smoking
César Vallejo
The White Stripes
Give ‘Em Enough Rope
Trascendental numbers
And this song:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=GquArhZVl3U

Be well man. Today is another day, and your company is enjoyed.

Wakezilla
Member

Oh goody, a white supremacy rally is happening in Vancouver this Satur

http://globalnews.ca/news/3669744/far-right-rally-set-for-vancouver-city-hall-to-be-met-by-counter-protesters/day

What a bunch of assholes

Wakezilla
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I remember when the NY Post the day after the Boston Bombings had on their front cover two completely innocent Arabic-descent people with “FIND THEM”. This reminds me of that.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/14/us/charlottesville-doxxing.html

Don’t fucking play internet sleuth when you can get someone killed.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

The Internet was a mistake.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

/tWBS kills the mood
//if I had a nickel

Sorry, beerguyroger, sincerely. This is your post. It wasn’t my right.
Wrong choices for the right reasons is my only excuse. Which isn’t one, really.

With any luck….

Well, never mind.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

My apologies for this soapbox moment. But Fuck it. Fire me if you don’t like it….
(good fucking luck)

Sometimes, it takes a little bit of courage to fucking have the fucking balls not to just lie about shit. Lying is easy. That’s why people lie. It’s easy.

I totally get why people lie. But if you take that easy path….no fucking respect.

But also….lying is easy. (Said it twice for a reason…. See where I’m going here?)

If your inclination is to lie regardless of circumstance. If your inclination is to just let any lie shoot out of your face, just to make things easier on yourself, regardless of what havoc it may or may not create in other people’s lives……when you never even thought it through that far to begin with?

Hey, fuck you. Check your shit at the door.

Disclaimer…this is just a general statement and is not aimed at or intended for any individual.

LOL

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

And it’s funny I need to say this, but….

This is not about the friction between myself and Just Stop Dude from a coupla nights ago. I respect what JSD has lived thru, I get why he’s angry. I would be too. But it’s not conducive. Yet I’d still take a bullet for him and eventually I hope he’s no longer angry at me. I hope.

This is not the same issue, not the same individual.

And now I’ll stfu.

Wakezilla
Member

What on earth did I miss?

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Doesn’t matter.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Oh fuck. Yes, still awake. Kinda drunk now, at least enough to produce some bullshit Buccaneers preview. Maybe.

But you know what? Fuck it.
(yes, some folks might be wincing right now thinking I’m about to fuck some shit up)
((I’m not about to fuck some shit up))
(((but I have come to enjoy that folks think I might….yes I’ve come to find that funny all things considered)))
((((dammit, I still have to write something….FUCK))))

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Hi

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

How many white supremacists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ten, one to screw it in and nine to tell you Edison was a white guy and did you KNOW George Washington Carver didn’t REALLY inve….

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Hahahahahaha

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

You had one job.

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Brocky
Member

screw it, going to sleep. nighty night

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Anyone home?

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Romonobyl
Member

Looks like the turkey’s done!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Richard Spencer once told me, “I’d rather suck off a white guy than ever date a minority chick!”

Well, it was $500 and a copy of Mein Kampf signed by Quentin Crisp, but I made a truth-teller out of him, honey!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Night folks, this time for realz.

Wakezilla
Member

Night

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

OK, really gotta go be productive.
We’re not fucking animals, we live in a society.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

We do?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Meh.

Wakezilla
Member

TWBS: You got Aguyo, MRSA, Crabs, alarm clock jerseys and Pirates taking booty (Jameis). Throw in some Tampa women and you got yourself a preview.

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yep, plenty of material. Just need to get drunk enough to get my head outta my own ass.
We’re getting there.
/hits freezer vodka again
//youtube thinks I’m gay

Wakezilla
Member

Yes. . . just youtube. . . .

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’d go beat on the drums for a while, but then my left arm/hand would ache too much to type later.

Getting old sucks.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Member
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Yes, beat… on… the… drums.

Wakezilla
Member

Poor beer guy rob. C’s game is 3 hours long and they’re only in the 7th. Due to laws, he would have been cut by now, but still.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

WCS, if you call me old there’s gonna be trouble.
MOAR PAT BENATAR!!!!!!!!

Wakezilla
Member

Wife just told me that a 3 year old girl stepped on Baby Wakezilla’s foot and wouldn’t get off. Baby Wakezilla, who just turned 1, pinched the little shit and made her scream.

THAT’S MY GIRL!

WOOOOOO!

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!!!!
KICK THAT TODDLER’S BITCH ASS!!!!

Or something else which might not get me arrested.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Hey look, another dead guy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Hey, Balls, I forgot to ask, is my new AFL nickname pronounced “CALL-oh” or “KOH-lo”?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I say KOH-LO.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Hold up, someone decided to forgo their senior year of HS to go to Duke a year early?

Brocky
Member

That’s good hustle, those girls aren’t going to rape themselves!

I mean, that’s pretty much what the cops are going to say if any actual accusations happen, but you know what i mean

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

During the Duke lacrosse thing (and yes, fuck Mike Nifong), one of my colleagues who went to Duke said to me “if you told me to pick one group of people in the world most likely to have raped a stripper and then denied it, Duke lacrosse players would have been my first instinct”

Senor Weaselo
Member

Well, I’m apparently out of ibuprofen, which means I have to delve into… the other medications I was given. Fuck, could I get medicinal marijuana out of this? Shit, Senor, you gotta ask these questions!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Yes, I forgot to link this in the Panthers preview.
Dammit.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

And yes, I want those Desert Eagles.
And yes, I know I have no need for them.
And yes, that’s kinda the thing I’ve been arguing with redneck family members about.

If you go out in public with a gun in your pocket, and you’re thinking, “Well I’ve got a gun, just in case of…..”.

Well, you’ve already lost the battle. Seriously, every time this dude tries to show me his gun, it takes him five minutes to remember what pocket it’s in.

Holy shit.

Dumb fucking rednecks.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Who says he’s trying to show you his Desert Eagle and not his… other gun?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Dude is so fucking obese, he’s probably not seen that one in years.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Also, I hate to tell you this, but you’re not Deadpool.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Wow. Do I really appear THAT unhinged that I might believe I’m a fictional superhero?

This is worse than I thought.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
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I presume they’re playing heavy metal.

/Shows self out

Brocky
Member

great minds think 12 minutes apart

Don T
Member

🎶Let them know it’s Christmas time🎶

Brocky
Member

Let me guess….

….they play Heavy metal?

uh? uh?

i’m gonna post a picture of a minion just because its going to piss someone off

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

/loves the Minions
//is now kinda gay(er) for you

Brocky
Member

minions wear….. glvoes…

fuck i have a new fetish……

god damn it, gotta compensate somehow,

http://68.media.tumblr.com/a276d362733a8293b93a7e2b93483acf/tumblr_olzhxdlDaV1sd97o2o5_250.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

NOT COOL MAN!!!!!!!
YOU LEAVE HER OUTTA THIS!!!!!
/gets punched the head

Yeah fine, you can have her.

Brocky
Member

dude, its been destined, she’s always had a gloved hand over my heart:

http://66.media.tumblr.com/f2839f3fc7fd5c877ac0b521500c6564/tumblr_nz62blskeA1uxtjooo2_500.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Hey, Tom! Your Uber driver “Joan” is here.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

OK, I really do have to go at least produce a very low quality product before it’s due on the shelves tomorrow.

— Anheuser-Busch

(have a good night, Gents)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky
Member

also, little sad/funny factoid: Leslie Nielson’s epitaph is a fart joke:

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WCS
Member

“Don’t call me Shirley,” or “Nice beaver,” would have been better. Still gotta respect the man’s game.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Here’s an interesting and philosophical read about Leslie Nielsen – a bit somber, but neat:

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/leslie-nielsen-and-the-meaning-of-life

Brocky
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Please tip your servers generously.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Goddammit, now Brick is once again making me go do technical research.
I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

The dog dick is a nice touch.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

That’s a massive dildo. Congrats to urmom.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Holy fuck, that’s funny as hell.

Brocky
Member

people say slapstick stopped being good after naked gun, but i think hot shots 2 can stand up to anything leslie neilsen did

Wakezilla
Member

Agreed

WCS
Member

When I was kid, I did not understand this joke. Fucking brilliant.

Brocky
Member

I’m in a weird mood tonight. someone bring me some mink oil

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Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Gilly’s boots just got soaked.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Goddammit, how did it get past midnight so fast?
Seriously dudes, do not expect much from tomorrow’s Bucco’s preview.
/takes a shot
//yes seriously
//fuck it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, it IS the Bucs.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

It’s not. Also, fuck the Orioles. And the Mariners. Stupid losers.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Worry not, B’more pitching still has plenty of time to blow this one.
GODDAMMIT ADAM JONES THAT WAS IN THE DIRT ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE YOU OFFERED.
FFS.

Senor Weaselo
Member

All I can expect is that it will involve the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And I’m surprised that you didn’t hold off on the sushi shout-out for one more day. Except I’m thinking more seafood bar.

Brocky
Member

as long as it takes liberties with kicking.

like a lot.

LIKE A MUTHA-FUCKIN FR8 train

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttps://68.media.tumblr.com/3e1478b802be4aa666718c77389b8703/tumblr_oq2grrsH8s1vlsp4eo1_500.gif

NSFDFO; I have an odd “sense” of humor: I am still laughing at this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T
Member

INTERNET LENTO
👌🏽

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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