You can start calling DFO the State Department, because as of this morning we’ve denied over 1900 Russians.
NFL News:
- Both sides in the Ezekiel Elliott suspension have motions before federal court now.
- It’s all based on who gets to be the court of record:
- Elliott’s team (and team) are pushing the Texas court to throw out the suspension on the basis of lack of evidence plus improper procedure.
- The League’s team will push for New York jurisdiction, and plans motions similar to what was argued during the Tom Brady appeal two years ago.
- He will get to play Sunday, as the appeals are too close to gameday to afford prohibition.
- In anticipation of the suspension being upheld, the NFL Players Association filed a motion last Friday for a temporary restraining order (TRO). If granted, the TRO would freeze the suspension while Elliott and/or the NFLPA pursue a lawsuit to get the suspension overturned permanently.
- It’s all based on who gets to be the court of record:
- Ray Lewis: Still an asshole.
- Janay Rice apologises for the language used in the above comment.
- It’s official: Tampa – Miami has been rescheduled for Week-11.
- Get read for the “no bye-week”, “there were no bye-weeks in the 80s” sprots radio taeks.
Despite the reports from Dr. Bundchen, the League & union have cleared the Patriots in the “Did TAWMMY have an owwie?” discussion that took place.
- Whether or not he can catch his own passes? Still a valid query.
- Lookit that kiss. Aaron Rodgers could give a better performance.
- Von Miller says Trevor Siemian is reminding him of Peyton Manning.
- Well, he’s probably better than Cooper Manning.
- That’s damning with faint praise, considering I’m as good as Blake Bortles.
- Michael Bennett says he was racially profiled by the Vegas PD after the MayGregor fight. Deadspin has TMZ’s video:
A police officer ordered me to get on the ground. As I laid on the ground, complying with his commands not to move, he placed his gun near my head and warned me that if I moved he would ‘blow my f—ing head off.’ Terrified and confused by what was taking place, a second Officer came over and forcefully jammed his knee into my back making it difficult for me to breathe. They then cinched the handcuffs on my wrists so tight that my fingers went numb.
I kept asking the Officers, ‘What did I do?’ and reminding them that I had rights they were duty bound to respect. The Officers ignored my pleas and instead told me to shut up and then took me to the back of a nearby police car where I sat for what felt like an eternity until they apparently realized I was not a thug, common criminal or ordinary black man but Michael Bennett a famous professional football player. After confirming my identity, I was ultimately released without any legitimate justification for the Officers’ abusive conduct.
- He is considering a lawsuit.
- Bennett has retained John Burris, an Oakland-based civil rights attorney, to investigate the incident and determine his legal options.
Finally, as if people needed more reasons to hate either the Patriots and Budweiser, Bud Light is selling 28,300 “Touchdown Glasses” on it’s website, to coincide with the free 65,000 they are giving away at Gillette Stadium on Opening Night.
28,300. GET IT?! Ugh.
The gimmick is that they are aligned with Patriots games, so that it’ll light up whenever nfl.com records a touchdown for the Pats on their scoreboard and the consumer is near a wifi signal. The NHL has had these for years based on goal scoring; the Penguins ones burn out by Christmas, whereas the Canucks ones gather dust.
They will sell for $18 a pop, or you could save your money and punch yourself in the balls for falling for something so craven & #UpForWhatever that Darren Rovell couldn’t find anything to add to the announcement.
As DFO’s resident Patriots fan, Maestro is encouraged to buy one & submit a photo of himself burning a $20 bill.
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB:
- Royals at Tigers – 7:00PM | FS1
- Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Diamondbacks at Dodgers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Basketball:
- WNBA Playoff:
- Dallas at Washington (First Round) – 8:00PM | ESPN2
- Seattle at Phoenix (first round) – 10:00PM | ESPN2
- WNBA Playoff:
- U.S. Open Tennis:
- Quarterfinals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
Scotchy’s got you tomorrow night for the first live blog of the season. IT’S BACK, BABY!
SPOILER ALERT!
Adelaide up big on GWS at the half in AFL action.
That was surprising. I thought it would be closer.
Six or eight weeks ago I thought GWS was gonna stomp everybody. Also I’m at the urologist’s office. If he wants to go penistubin’ we may fight.
Why? Because you you you otter know.
Thank you, I’ll show myself out.
How many folks who bitched about Kaepernick ‘disrespecting soldiers’ for taking a knee, are gonna march in the streets for DACA soldiers at risk of deportation?
This makes Kaep employable again after you cross these conundrums out, right?
If I were to guess… 3.
WYTS Falcons was done way better in 2 minutes by Bomani Jones
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjgH-6-mMGg
That video had me cracking up like an idiot. Drew? Eh. At least he linked to it. Everyone in the letters and comments can get fucked.
No point in reading tomorrow because all I want from football for the rest of my life is just to watch Tom Brady die on the field. Nothing else.
This video should have been promoted in the run up to the superb owl. We could have been prepared!
Holy shit, Joe Buck is on Colbert. And he seems to actually not be a pod person being interviewed.
Shit, they’ve been getting better.
The Pod People didn’t get better. Humans just got worse.
He’s rehabbed his image as a person a bit in the last couple years, at least for me. I still think he’s a godawful announcer, though.
His interview on Stern just before the Super Bowl actually made me not completely hate the dude.
Joe Buck is by all indications a funny guy in my book. I also have enjoyed his announcing over the past 5 years.
Really living up to the username.
I’m just saying, compared to the other asshats with a headset and microphone, Joe is above average.
I assume you’re right, as I cannot even remember the last time I listened to an announcer (I’ve always watched games on mute because they provide nothing of value). I still want to make fun of something.
There’s always the almost died because of hair plugs angle. That will never not be funny. What a vain asshole.
That’s hilarious. How is that even possible?
I’ve never liked the guy and don’t particularly like him calling games (especially as a Cubs fan and despiser of the shitbirds), but I’ve heard him in a couple interviews that really downgraded my hatred. His willingness to mock himself in Brockmire also helped quite a bit.
The thing about martinis is that when they are good, I want another one. And when they are bad I want a good one to wash the taste of the bad one out of my mouth.
Which end of the spectrum did we land on tonight?
Just the one. Saving some of myself for tomorrow.
One martini is just right
Two martinis is too many
Three martinis is not enough
Peter Daou has lost his fucking mind. I don’t hate liberals, but I’m disappointed in the lot of them. I made the mistake of walking into the snake pit that is Hillary bots blaming Bernie for literally everything that has ever happened to a Clinton a few days ago, and I’m pretty sure that fight would STILL be flooding my mentions if I hadn’t muted the thread 30 hours after it started.
Also, for the benefit of those who don’t follow him on Twitter, here’s the perfect Verrit tweet
https://twitter.com/crushingbort/status/905282210122563584
The hell’s a “Verrit”?
Peter Daou’s new “THIS IS NOT FAKE NEWS”/Hillary Agitprop site, which tripped over its own dick rushing to get these gems out:
https://verrit.com/bernie-sanders-and-the-mainstream-media-helped-put-trump-in-the-white-house/
https://verrit.com/hillary-democrats-are-the-heart-and-conscience-of-america/
Special mention goes to the comments section which supposedly reviews every comment before publishing just to make sure the pro-HRC crowd Stays On Message
Think social media Kim Jung Un would make, but for Hillary Clinton.
Happy Reading:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/post-partisan/wp/2017/09/06/verrit-the-pro-clinton-media-platform-thats-looking-worse-and-worse/?tid=ss_tw&utm_term=.9fbd90f8a85b
“I think pet verrits are illegal in Texas.”
– Emmit Smith
There’s only about four collections of letters in the referenced twittersation that actually count as legitimate words and/or names.
This is what he got red, mad, and nude about:
What are, “Valentines Senor has never received?” I’ll take “B” Sharps for $800.
The Dirt cardinals are just trolling everybody the last decade with their uniforms right?
Surprised the league lets them get away with all the jersey changes. Probably forgot they exist
And the dark gray was a nice try, but it didn’t work. At all.
Ah, the [redacted] consecutive year of my life where I haven’t had to really worry at all about hurricanes. Or forest fires. Or earthquakes. Or droughts. Or… rising property values. Or ex-wives. Or current wives. Or children. Or ensuring some memory of me will live on in my own children as opposed to fading as quickly as my rotting corpse in the ground. Or leafers. Damn leafers.
There’s a theory that purgatory lasts as long as it takes for the memory of you to fade from the earth. I intend to be sitting pretty after being dead for less than a week.
I can’t decide which frame to blank to make into a template.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Fucking Christ the murderous rages continue.
Its been about 2 or three days since my last nicotine fix.
I just want a smoke so fucking bad.
https://youtu.be/ofx5JoY5dXw
http://www.msn.com/en-us/money/careersandeducation/what-america-would-look-like-if-it-guaranteed-everyone-a-job/ar-AAro7GD?li=BBnbfcN
Evil Full Republican Redshirt: “Ready?’
Slightly Less Evil Moderate Republican Redshirt: “Ready!”
(Fusion Dance) Redshirts: “Fuuu… sion!! Ha!!”
Redshirt (Imperfect Form): “Wow, its weird when these two are in complete agreement. Set aside the fact that the Government guaranteeing everyone a job will be one hell of a step towards Socialism (at least) where the government has too much power, I see a flaw in this.
What will be done for the people that just don’t deserve a job? They have no motivation. No ethics. They don’t do anything and expect to be paid. Do they still get a job?
I can also make an argument about who decides what jobs are created and who fills them. All jobs are created by a need. A service that needs filled. What happens when all needed jobs are filled and people still need jobs…”
(Fusion ends)
Completely Good Liberal Redshirt: “You’ll never achieve your Perfect Form without me!”
Evil Full Republican Redshirt: “Never!’
Slightly Less Evil Moderate Republican Redshirt: “Yeah. Tell Hillary to quit blaming Bernie for losing. She lost because she assumed she would win and she didn’t bother to court the Flyover States.”
Evil Full Republican Redshirt: “Yeah! All Hail, President Trump!”
Slightly Less Evil Moderate Republican Redshirt: (sighs, reaches for bottles of Sertraline and Fluoxetine)
We need LCSS to Photoshop different jobs onto this picture.
I want one that says Porn Star
“Professional Rebound Lay” Come on, “Professional Rebound Lay”!
“Monica Bellucci’s poolboy! Monica Bellucci’s poolboy!”
“Independently wealthy! Independently wealthy!”
“Batman! Batman!”
Sugar Baby! Sugar Baby!
BOO!
Something tells me that balls is about to cave and take that one.
Anal bleaching technician? I don’t have to cave, I’d do it in a second!
“Rent boy, rent boy.”
-A-ron or Buddy
I wonder if you have to take a class to do anal bleaching.
Probably not.
I’m sure there’s some bullshit regulation in the CA licensing and health codes.
I mean, ideally our use of robots expands to the point where nobody NEEDS jobs and everyone’s basic needs can be covered by robot taxes. And then people who want to live in nicer houses and have more stuff have the option of working. Me? In that situation I’d be so slothful it would make Jeff Lebowski look like John Henry.
The arts will make me well off!
/Ron Howard narration: “It didn’t”
They’re up to Minotaur vs. Blacksmith, and we all know how that one went.
Holy shit there is nothing on TV, Ginger Hammer makes it so on football eve.
Tell me more about these Canadian Snow Mexicans…
True story: while on vacation in a Mexican seaside resort, I once rode out a tropical storm in my villa with a group of people that included two Canadian girls on vacation. The girls took a liking to our local Mexican boys and I was only too happy to translate to maintain international relations. I may have a picture somewhere of a table full of empty 750 ml bottles of booze.
And there may be some brown Canadians somewhere in the Great White North.
Trump once called the retirees in Florida, Texas, Arizona, California Snow Mexicans. He said he would also curb the length of time that they could stay down there. This is preposterous as the amount of money that they spend every year is astounding.
Tell them all to go to Mexico. The Canadian dollar will go WAAAAY farther there than in the US and there are many enclaves with Canadian expats. Baja California is one particularly good place for them to go. Most Mexicans in Baja can do passable if not really good English.
My Uncle has a timeshare somewhere, due to insurance laws they can’t be in the US for 6 months straight, so they fly Phoenix – Vancouver (passport entry) then Mexico. Genius.
To every Bengals, Browns, Jets, Jaguars, Bears, Rams, etc. fan who last season watching their team ended with them throwing the remote, tearing off their jersey and swearing they will never root for this peace of crap team again, this is for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1MdOXtTlE3Y
Wow. That reboot of Winnie the Pooh is taking risks.
Now I’m picturing a Bears mascot named Losie the Pooh.
Currently drinking a raspberry lambic. Had to use my waiters tool (Phrasing!) to open it because it was corked. OH AN HE FANCY!!!
Shit. Linking to DFO on reddit was a bad idea. I’m sorry.
How so? The only time I had an issue was when I tried to bring a little laughter into the sad pathetic lives of Jaguars fans.
It attracted the bots?
No, that was CHOMP CHAT.
I have Internet history of DFO, My Little Pony, a Wiki-Walk for WW2, Nazi Germany, Fascist Italy, and various websites of an adult persuasion.
So anyway, the FBI already has this site bugged because of me, so I think we’re okay.
Fuck-all on the teevee tonight. Guess I’ll watch one of the Great American Films:
Nicolas Cage is….GHOST RIDER!
1 was good. Not great, but good.
I didn’t see two, but from what I read Cage was having a chemical imbalance and/or a mental breakdown or something.
There was a two? You lie.
Please…tell me you lie.
There is no “Ghost Rider 2”. Its just a rumor starting by the people that say that there’s a “Independence Day 2”, a “Superman IV: The Quest for Peace”, “Rocky V”, “Arthur 2: On the Rocks” and the Falcons blowing a 28-3 lead to the Patriots.
But there was a “Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo,” and that’s all that matters.
Best thing about 1:
See also:
Currently playing on TCM-Little Annnie Rooney…
“Tomorrow, tomorrow…Can you believe how many ingredients there are in a bottle of shampoo? I wash my hair with a bar of soap every day and it doesn’t cost me anything!”
I was in line at my co-favourite coffee shop today. Place was packed, all 4 workers busting their asses. I was like 8th in line. When I get to the front and pay for my coffee and daughter’s smoothie (she was running XC in downpour, I correctly surmised practice would get called a little early), I noticed the tip jar was fucking empty.
Not even a few handfuls of loose fucking change.
I left like $1.50, the beleaguered barista thanked me for doing my bare minimum part under the social contract and I somehow resisted the urge to go on a killing spree (mainly because I don’t own a gun).
Humanity deserves whatever virus or nuclear winter that’s coming its way. Fuck us all.
Wait…the barista said that or that’s your thoughts?
The bold is my angry thoughts, she just said “thanks.”
Tis a small, local independent shop, and they have signs everywhere encouraging people to pay cash instead of plastic.
Sorry me no rite so good.
Coming this fall to FOX.
Tipping in cash? I went ahead and submitted a tip to the IRS for suspencted TAX EVASION! How will we fundg the death panels if coffee shops pay out tips under the table?
Hey, BattleBots reruns on the Science Channel. That I can actually watch since as mentioned, Yanks/O’s are rained out!
Aww, the first fight’s Brutus-Mobius, that one kinda sucked.
Let me guess, the fight was one-sided but somehow never ends?
This is beautiful.
If it wasn’t too complicated, I would put that up as the banner quote. Tremendous stuff!
Had to come out of hiding to say this is a masterpiece.
Charismatic gay Latino running mate booted off ticket for supporting BDS…
*snaps fingers*
The Democrats!
It’s all a tempest in a teapot, this was the running mate for a guy who will MAYBE get 10% in the Gov. primary.
Oldest Son: “I heard you and Mom talking about canning vegetables. What’s the big deal with san marzano potatoes?”
Me: [files for divorce, confident that the first-born isn’t mine]
Apparently spending one day with someone this weekend was all it took for me to completely destroy their taste for Bud Light.
So I ask: Where’s my statue?
I’ve got your statue.
Well, statuette.
Who am I, Horatio Cornblower?
So you prefer it “full size” then?
Os/Yanks rained out. More time for more constructive endeavours.
/gets high
//begins surfing porn early
///forgets about porn, goes to make cookies
Sounds constructive to me.
Penis cookies? Penis cookies.
Making cookies? You mean, putting them in the oven? Tsk tsk.
Homemade dough. But no, I didn’t make the raisins or chocolate chips.
Raisins? You sir, are a devil.
Ummmmm…..and?
Surfing porn or surfing porn?
Oooooh, good idea. No wonder you’re the brains ’round here.
Saw Interpol a couple years ago, the background was him surfing in black and white. Pretty cool IMO.
Litmus is my favorite surfing porn.
“Loose Change is mine” – Pete Carroll
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS6r3NRbA94
Pot jokes at debates, we all wholeheartedly approve.
If she didn’t Robomaid her way from one tv exec to the next, would chelsea handler be a thing?
They don’t call her “the handler” for nothing.
That’s a good question, since usually it’s Ray doing the crucifying. Provided the nails have a handle.
I mean, at least a few months ago, he supported him in that he told Koep to shutup and do activist stuff on the DL.
This just sounds like Biscotti paid Stabby to say this to justify Baltimore signing arena league QBs
Columbus Circle statue showdown! Shit’s gon’ go down!
So, over/under on number of stabbings with those gimmick glasses outside Gillette Terror-drome?
“The NHL has had these for years based on goal scoring; the Penguins ones burn out by Christmas, whereas the Canucks ones gather dust.”
Montréal’s used to go off whenever PK Subban touched the puck. The seperatist media that ran PK out of Montréal agree, there was something ‘off’ about him.
PS: Good zinger!
There’s the ASL translator on the bottom-left. No idea on when Bloomberg comes in to translate everything into Spanish.
(Balls, Don, et al… I’m sorry.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9KMgRamba0
God damnit, Oregon, control your fires! Second straight day Vancouver looks like a world war III dystopia where the air is so shitty, you get sick smelling the air.
On a related note, this is the second straight day I’ve had a migraine and I know it’s because of the smome infested air.
I’ve had two straight days of “hurricane’s a comin'” migraines.
Yours seem cooler than mines.
I have been holed up in my bedroom all day and I’m afraid to leave the apartment. This fire broke me.
It seems I have the NYC mayoral debate. Wait, it’s the pre-primary debate? Wait, it’s the Democratic pre-primary debate? As in there’s someone running against the incumbent in his own party? Yeah, that sounds about right, all things considered.
It’s $18 American, so it would be Maestro burning a $50 bill. Because it’s Canadian.
I’m still kicking myself for not buying $1000 US back when the Canadian dollar was stronger/on par with the US dollar. I’d be like a millionaire cashing that in now
Wake, my parents who are retired traded up their park model to a home on a golf course when real estate crashed in Phoenix. remortgaged condo up here, now they have made that mortgage back and are “Snow Mexicans”. Meanwhile I lost 75K in the market crash on my place.
Oof. When I move to Calgary in September, Imma buy you a drink for that one.