Rejoice! Our First FULL Lesser Footy Day of 2017 Arrives

It’s a fine slate of action, too.  The footy gods want you warmed up for the real shit come Sunday afternoon.  SO CLOSE!!

Start things off with Man City hosting the Redshite, with the winner laying claim to being top challenger to United (in the largely meaningless early going).  There will be goals aplenty, so could be worth setting your alarm (7:30, NBCSN).

NBC decides to be merciful and go back to giving you two whole choices in the 10:00 window, with the drab Arsenal/Bournemouth clash on NBCSN, and Everton hosting Spurs on CNBC.  Wayne Rooney will apparently start in his first match following his uber-drunk driving/attempted adultery incident over the break, and we shall just have to see how that goes.  Everton were also unable to sign ANYONE at striker before the deadline, so it’s Sandro, Calvert-Lewin, or bust on that front.  Leicester and Chelsea are behind the 10:00 NBC paywall, which is annoying as fuck.

Absolutely nobody but Manure fans will watch their spotlight dance with the mutants of Stoke (12:30, NBC), but it’s the kind of match where they typically get tripped up and drop points.  Have United really turned a corner?

Sunday Funday is Burnley/Palace (8:30, NBCSN) and Swans/Barcodes (11:00, NBCSN).  Who gives the slightest of diddly-fucks?  Watch DVR JV NFL instead.  Speaking of…

Louisville at U*NC (Noon, ESPN)

Wow, the Petrinos start the season with two road contests against Power Five squadrons, this’un a league fixture.  Fortunately, this isn’t a basketball exhibition, so the Holes will send mostly aluminum fans.

Northwestern at Duke (Noon, ESPNU)

Sooooooo many nerds to punch, so little time ,, amirite?

West By God Virginia at East Carolina (Noon, FS2)

Uhhhhh, whatever the converse of the above-referenced game is.  Plus various levels of in-familia fucking.

Iowa at Iowa State (Noon, ESPN2)

Perhaps the bowl of porridge that Goldilocks chose?  Does that also count as a corn reference?  Fuck if I know what porridge is made of.  I don’t run an 18th century Russian prison.

Pittsburgh at Penn State (3:30, ABC)

So many mediocre rivalries on display today!

TCU at Arkansas (3:30, CBS)

Finally, a game that should actually be fun and involve lots of wild scoring plays and general September JV NFL entropy.

Nebraska at Oregon (4:30, Fox)

I enjoy how the JV NFL is on the big network, all the pennant race el beisbol gets shuffled off to FS1.  Similar to Frogs/Pigs in entropy potential.

Auburn at Clemson (7:00, ESPN)

Don’t be surprised if’n Aubie comes out and just whips Clemson’s ass.  I know Coach Jeebus Camp has paid ample funds for a deep pool of talent, but they leaned heavy on Deshaun Watson, and Auburn will be a stiff challenge.

Oklahoma at Ohio State (7:30, ABC)

Let’s hope tOSU didn’t just get they bad half of footy out of their system in Bloomington opening night.  If they show anything like that again, Boomer Sooner will run train on ’em.  And it will be nigh P*ts Schadenfreude Day delicious.  In any event, Okie will definitely score, and score lots.  Query is whether the Bucks match.

Stanford at Southern Cal (8:30, Fox)

No shit, the hits just keep on coming!  One will need ample chemical intervention to keep this party going.  Not sure whether the Trees will be legit or just annoying, but the Troi Boiz looked plenty vulnerable last week.  And this fixture is usually quite exciting.

Boise State at Washington State (10:30, ESPN)

Catch your breath yet?  Not one, but TWO late night tweaker games!!  The smurfs travel slightly west to take on the Mad Bomber of Eastern Washington, to see which will be the fringe Top 25 side media folks like to talk about “trending” as the calendar flips into October.  Because FUN.

San Diego State at Arizona State (11:00, PAC12)

And last but not least, COED BOWL 2017!! Every pervy cameraman’s Valhalla, and worth staying up late for.  Hee hee, double meanings.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Spur

QUACK ATTACK

WCS

That’s some mighty fine DERPENING, Pitt.

herodotus450

You just gotta get the ball to your playmakers in space and let them be athletes

Spur

Autzen is such a cool looking stadium.

herodotus450

fta: “To the sender… did it ever occur to you that a child might open it?”
Then send that child to jail, opening someone else’s mail is a federal offence!
/unlike A&M’s offence amirite?

Unsurprised

I hope he takes TAMU for everything it has.

Spur

Horned Frog voodoo

Spur

This TCU game is dragging. Give me the Ducks riding dirty on the Cornhuskers.

herodotus450

Fake FG! Failed fake FG!
Which brings up my favorite “Oh shit we forgot about that ” rule in college footaball: the whole “youre down when your knee hits the ground, no contact necessary” rule has an amendmant of “oh but, unless its a field goal try, aand I guess just use common sense if it turns out to be a fake,”

ALXMAC

My new favorite is “targeting” being overruled but still being a 15 yarder anyway. Already seen 1 today.

sunrisesunrise

I think it’s the ejection portion that gets overruled.

ALXMAC

To be fair I’m not sure what the original call was in the MICH game. Maybe the refs have gotten better at CYA by calling a personal foul everytime they call targeting these past few years.

ALXMAC

I tried to find some specific videos/calls of what I’m talking about (OU vs. FSU in 2011 being one) but no luck so far. This article talks about it though:
“The rule states that players who target and hit defenseless opponents above the shoulders will be ejected and a 15-yard penalty will be assessed. The fouls are reviewable through video replay, meaning ejections can be overturned, but the penalties still stand.”
http://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/9754906/targeting-rule-continues-frustrate-coaches-players-college-football

Spur

Throwing into triple coverage? Not a good decision….Kenny Hill SENIOR LEADERSHIP

WCS

Looking like Penn State is going to take Pitt to the showers for a tickle session today.

ballsofsteelandfury

“The game today was men against boys!”

ALXMAC

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ballsofsteelandfury

My buddy’s wife went to Arkansas and is big into the football team. You don’t know how many conversations I’ve had to start with, “Sorry about the game…”

WCS

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BERT BERT BERT BERT

Shogun Marcus

Only guy who leaves Wisconsin and gets fatter.

WCS

I can’t see Arkansas play, and not think of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hb83lQwJzJw&ab_channel=MST3KEpisodes

herodotus450

I like the thought of you seeing AK on the teevee, then imagining the entire 1.5 hour episode in a sort of vacant-stare-open-mouth-gape state, then coming to and seeing AK in the teevee again and zoning out for another 1.5 hours.

sunrisesunrise

Fresno St avoiding the shutout. Take that Satan, I mean Saban.

herodotus450

Didn’t think it was possible, but the espn streaming experience is somehow even worse than last year.

ballsofsteelandfury

ESPN is just horrible. I’ve stopped going to their site even for just scores.

herodotus450

it craps out (but only sometimes) if the stream browser window does not have focus. Beats wathcign whatever shit sec game is on the normal tv though

ballsofsteelandfury

The Fox Sports Go app is pretty good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve asked you nicely to please stop calling me that.

ALXMAC
Wakezilla

How we doing today?

Anyone got any good Netflix comedy suggestions I should check out?

LemonJello

Got my yard work done, cleaned up the house for a pair of showings tomorrow (thankfully before the games start), plan on doing up some fajitas for dinner and enjoying some beers.

How’s it with you?

scotchnaut

Penitentiary State looking real good!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dear god, Pitt.
You’re not doing it right.

LemonJello

“I don’t know what he’s talking about.”

-corpse of J. Paterno

LemonJello

Meeeechiiigan fans:
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Spur

TCU about to put a hurting on Arkansas

WCS

Plus this!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Is it just me or are their heads way fucking big?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I really need to rewatch the Kids. Been too long.

ALXMAC

“Go with Monsanto, they said!! Better yeilds, they said!!”

scotchnaut

THE UNIVERSE DOES NOT PROVIDE YOU WITH CHIPS! (start at 6:25)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgxMWzVYXCQ

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t stop LMFAO’ing at the look on Cincy punter’s face as the ball went by.

WCS

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LemonJello

Safety Dance in the Big House.

laserguru

Well, off we go.
Busy schedule today.
Gym, grocery store then Grimaldi’s pizza.

Followed by mass beer consumption. And I took Monday off for Vikings v Saints. Woo!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good thing you got started by the crack o’ noon.
Well done, sir. I salute you.

laserguru

Three day weekend and all that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lotsa disappointed blue aluminum on that long gainer.

LemonJello

ECU needs to rename themselves “The Cabin Boys” because they’re getting buggered by the Cousinfuckers right now.

ALXMAC
LemonJello

Has a player ever been cut from a team during a game?

Michigan’s punter is pushing that envelope, methinks.

herodotus450

Hot rule change taek:
You can’t substitute players during a drive. Whovere you send out at the beginning is it. And reduce the playclock to 20 seconds.

ALXMAC

Well Saban would hate that so I’m all in.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Louisville defender, you gotta catch it first, son.

theeWeeBabySeamus

One of the worst days of my life was sitting in a stadium in Tampa on New Years Day ’94, in the rain, and watching Meechigan pound the fuck out of us.

Had that fucking song in my head for months and oh by the way it’s a rip off of ND’s fight song anyway (seriously, listen to both).

Fuck Ann Arbor. I hate that bitch.

herodotus450

YES! I have always wondered why I can’t tell the difference between the two songs. Maybe it’s just because at the time they were written there was only one songwriter in the country and they had to share.

ALXMAC

This is correct.

“Boomer Sooner” is the fight song for the University of Oklahoma (OU). The lyrics were written in 1905 by Arthur M. Alden, an OU student and son of a local jeweler in Norman. The tune is taken from “Boola Boola”, the fight song of Yale University (which was itself borrowed from an 1898 song called “La Hoola Boola” by Robert Allen (Bob) Cole and Billy Johnson)

herodotus450

Every school should’ve copied this one instead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J04FRsesBQ

LemonJello

Checked to see how my tuition money is doing…
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ALXMAC

Iowa St RB eats his Wheaties.

LemonJello

HAIL…to the fornicators
HAIL…to the masturbators
Hail, hail Michigan
The assholes of the world.

scotchnaut

Way back in the day there was a basketball player by the name of Fly Williams that ended up at Austin Peay University. He was a prolific scorer so the student section chanted-

“THE FLY IS OPEN. GO PEAY!”

herodotus450

Haven’t seen what it means, but I think we can guess easily enough:
Trust
Energy
Acheive
Mentality

herodotus450

Keys vs. Stephens
Can’t tell if its a tennis match or an EPL game table match

LemonJello

Man, all those sphincters tightening at once in “the Big House” almost created a rift in the space-time continuum.

herodotus450

Can’t wait for the “Fire Harbaugh, Hire Miles” taeks incoming after this mich game. Even if they win and win big–the fact that it was close in the second half is gonna fuel so many idiots.