Your “Finally! A Valid Excuse For Day-Drinking” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

It’s here. A full slate of games (except for the ones not being played due to Mother Nature’s shenanigans) to wallow in. Do you have your Doritos, chicken wings, crackers, nachos, bacon-wrapped scallops, pickles, vegetable tray(!?), mozza sticks, pretzels, popcorn, chips, jerky, onion rings, chocolate chip cookies and ice cream in front of you? I do. This day is the bestest as far as I’m concerned and that’s without the Pats being 0-1. Let’s not dawdle-To The Games!

NYJ/Buf: The fight for the AFC East basement begins anew between a team (the Bills) that is obviously tanking versus another (the Jetskis) that seems to regard tanking as a core organizational philosophy.

Atl/Chi: It should be a long season in Chicago. Cutler scurried away as did Alshon Jeffery and then wr Meredith was lost for the year. That’s quite a bit of skilled players to lose year over year. The Atlanta front office has thrown a considerable amount of research funding at a group of scientists that are trying to replicate the memory-wipe thingy from the Men In Black movie.

Bal/Cin: Rb Mixon begins his inevitable unseating of Jeremy Hill from the starting slot but it should be the passing game that is the game decider. Dalton worked to create a rapport with Tyler Boyd after AJ Green went down last year. The latter is back and there is also Top 5 te Eifert in the mix. And don’t forget about little Giovanni coming out of the backfield.

Pit/Cle: Pour one out for DeShone Kizer. He’s going to have the longest year of any player in the league. The ‘d’ stands for demoralized.

Ari/Det: Final score 51-48. You should probably take the over.

Jax/Hou: The Jags have more than their share of young-ish talent. Is this the year when that finally translates into “W”s? I think they’re one more year away but they seem headed in the right direction.

Oak/Ten: Qb Carr has a new OC this year that is giving him greater freedom to change plays at the line of scrimmage. I foresee wr Cooper destroying his previous career highs across the board.

Phi/Was: The Dacteds have won five straight against their divisional kin and get them at home to start the year. Qb Cousins has two new wr’s in Pryor and Doctson but the key to his success comes down to the (according to Football Outsiders) second-ranked pass protecting O-line unit in front of him.

NOW GO GET ‘EM MATEYS!

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Romonobyl

Remember that time the Texans had a great quarterback?
Me neither…

technodanvan

Rosencopter?

Bortleback

JJ Watt injured, and Houston’s gameplan to “just be like the saints after Katrina” seems to be going badly

Romonobyl

Just saw Bill Clinton in a hurricane relief PSA. His voice sounded very hoarse, I have no desire to find out why.

Dick E. Phuck

Eating pussy is my best guess.

...

Someone told him the hurricane wanted to run against Hillary so he spent all day outside angrily screaming at it.

Smithchez

Nice field goal for Pastitsio Tallapia.

King Hippo

#ThePauls mean DEFENSE

blaxabbath

PAUL-FENSE [CLAP] x4

Senor Weaselo

“Josh McCown is keeping the Jets in this game.”

In case the hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, and fires weren’t telling enough…

Spur

Jacksonville is up 13-0 on Houston. Savage even worse than expected.

Romonobyl

A bad football player with a great football player name.

herodotus450

*12

WCS

Antonio Brown is pretty good at this footed ball sports game.

Mother Puncher

Remember that season Dalton went like 5 games without an interception?

King Hippo

Regression to the mean and then some!

King Hippo

Shall we see a McCarron today?

blaxabbath

McCarron the murderer?

Mother Puncher
Mother Puncher

I don’t know your fancy YouTube tricks

herodotus450

Generally if you replace the “you” with “red” it will work juuuuust fine.

King Hippo

oh, I don’t think Fournie is in.

Spur

Why can’t Houston just use the Oilers name? They couldn’t buy it from Titans ownership?

Dick E. Phuck

I much prefer the name: The Houston ClimatechangeisahoaxcreatedbyGeorgeSorosandtheglobalistagendatodestroyAmerica.

...

Definitely digging the new logo.

comment image

Dick E. Phuck

This plays after every TD is scored: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAAlDoAtV7Y

Dick E. Phuck

ELITEDOWN

Mother Puncher

Bengals, like the rest of us, forgot Maclin played for the Ravens now

blaxabbath

Larry Fitzgerald is going to retire midseason.

Bortleback

He deserves far, far better

blaxabbath

He has taken a lot of money a lot of times. He should have left and didn’t.

Proof that CTE strikes early.

Beerguyrob

Really shows the value of a University of Phoenix diploma.

WCS

BLEERGH is feasting on the Stillers.

blaxabbath

Smart Browns management.

WCS

Eleventy gillion frags.

King Hippo

The Pauls!!

Dick E. Phuck

15 carries for Fournette and we’re not even at the 2 minute warning. You guys think the Jags don’t trust Bort with the ball in his hands?

blaxabbath

Jags will ride Fournette all the way to the glue factory.

blaxabbath

Does Dean Blandino have Michael J Fox disease?

blaxabbath

Palmer now on pace for 96 INTs this season.

herodotus450

He was probably up late last night jerkin it to OSU losing

Dick E. Phuck

Football is back, baby.

Doktor Zymm

JoHoDown

...

WILDCAT GIRAFFE BLOCK TOUCHDOWN

King Hippo

I’d like to see that Truth Biscuit do THAT!!

Spur

Fournette is good. As shifty as Fred Taylor, but can run people over like MJD.

herodotus450

Chris Ivory bout to poach some touchdowns, not surprising.

King Hippo

Leonard Cohen got black and turns out is quite the scatback now.

...

Definitely the most interesting Bears development thus far this season,

blaxabbath

I was going to support hurricane relief efforts until Visa told me the Patriots were supporting it.

Now I’m rooting for Sharknado.

Beerguyrob

THEN WHY DONT YOU DONATE TO MEXICAN EARTHQUAKE RELIEF, KAEPERNICK!!?1?!

Spur

When does Savage get benched?

Bortleback

Wasn’t him being terrible one of the reasons they pissed all that money away on Brock Lobster?

Beerguyrob

When Miss Elizabeth comes to the ring.

King Hippo

Savage Garden. WOMP WOMP

hippofant

Duane Brown who?

blaxabbath

Lions holder drops the snap. Runs out of bounds.

Senor Weaselo
blaxabbath

ARI with just no respect for Stafford’s throwing inside the 10.

hippofant

Ahahaha Lions.

Gratliff

Welp.

Doktor Zymm

Imma call Jordan Howard JoHo from now on, just cause

WCS

comment image?b64lines=IFRIRSBLSURTIENBTiBDQUxMIFlPVSBIT0pVLiA=

blaxabbath

I’ll say it — Matt Stafford is what made Calvin Johnson Megatron.

hippofant

By constantly throwing the ball just barely within reach?

Dick E. Phuck

So Matt Stafford is like Starscream, then.

Senor Weaselo

SHA’NKHOR REAPPEARS IN HER RIGHTFUL HOME!

King Hippo

Nancy KerriganDOWN!!

Smithchez

WHHHYYYYYYYYYYY not

Dick E. Phuck

Look at Fatford scoot his stubby legs down the field.

herodotus450

Wait the bungles still have Bernard and Hill, AND they drafted Mixon? I thought at tleast one of them was a FA and therefore not resigned.

Dick E. Phuck

I thought they would’ve cut both of them for not being punchy enough.

herodotus450

Pretty sure both of them got arrested for something, though maybe before being drafted.

Dick E. Phuck

I’m pretty sure Hill did, don’t know about Bernard, though.

blaxabbath

Hill murdered a cheerleader, ppl forget this.

Bortleback

CJK5H?

blaxabbath

Fat Stafford runs for a first up the middle on 3rd and 12.

So Arizona sucks.

Brocky

I keep wanting to rant about fantasy, but I have to say it for tuesday

Doktor Zymm

I take it back. This isn’t the Bears D being good, this is just Atlanta being nice and spotting them a few yards on first down so they can make really impressive 2nd and long plays.

Smithchez

Mike Glennon looks like an action figure got melted in a microwave.

Mother Puncher

The “Sheldon Cooper’ s Childhood” sitcom should just start with him in Dr’s office waiting to get vaccinated.

blaxabbath

Banner.

Because it speaks to a truth!

King Hippo

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Horatio Cornblower

First appearance of the injury cart in 2017! Drink!

blaxabbath

Lions punter took a ride after his first appearance in the the first quarter.

King Hippo

who ded?

King Hippo

that Terrance Trent D’Arby thingy?

blaxabbath

Palmer – Pick #2.

He’s on pace for 64 INTs this season!

Doktor Zymm

Julio Jones : good at football

Horatio Cornblower

Apparently we’re going to watch Orville whether we want to or not, just one minute at a time.

Beerguyrob

I do appreciate their use of “Space Truckin'”.

Doktor Zymm

The Bears D did a good? They must be getting all their good plays out of the way in the first week.