Potato chips are the goddamned workhorse of the salty snack category. No matter if you’re some frat dude hosting a poker game or a soccer mom looking to impress while hosting her very first Super Bowl Party (“Canapes, anyone?”) there’ll be a bowl of chips on some flat surface in the general vicinity of the tube. According to a stat that I just made up, the salty snack category in the U.S./Canada is approximately 7.8 bajillion dollars. That’s nothing to sniff at. So you can imagine my evolving surprise/delight/outrage as I wandered about my grocery store and found Salt and Vinegar Ruffles. I love salt/vinegar and I love Ruffles. Yeah, in The Canada this no-brainer of a chip flavour is not available on an on-going basis. A half-assed search revealed that this varietal is the 4th most consumed in this here paradise. Every, every brand of chip recognizes this and has a S and V flavour available. But no, Ruffles in it’s extraordinary wisdom has made it available ‘for a limited time’.
So the bastards at Ruffles have me backed into a corner. I bought four bags of these chips and the cashier said to me, “You must really like those chips, huh?”. Okay, fine whatever. Ha ha. I went back the next day to grab some more bags and there was only one cash open. Same lady. Fuck. Her smirk and my red cheeks were about the extent of our interaction. tl:dr? FUCK YOU RUFFLES! YOU EMBARRASSED ME BECAUSE YOUR PROFIT ANALYSIS TEAM SUCKS BALLS! TO THE GAME!
Texans/Bengals: My hopes of seeing rb Mixon take over the Cincy running game were dashed on the rocks of Mount Giovani. (It’s a noun Aaron, not a verb) Lb Cushing is sayonara for ten games for “trying to make body strong like bull” so the Texans D may suffer a wee bit. On the other side of the ball all three te’s are in concussion protocol. How does a team run an offense without a tight end? Stay tuned. Hopefully we’ll get a (literal) ton of fat guy action from Bill O’Brien’s “I Should Have Thought Of That Last Week” Offense that will likely start Deshaun Watson at qb and give the team’s most explosive playmaker-D’Onta Foreman-more than one touch. If you’re thinking of starting AJ Green here you may want to give it a second thought like I haven’t. He’s never caught a TD or gone for 100 yards against these fellows.
Seriously, just make those chips available all the time. If you grab just one percent of the existing market that’ll mean millions in sales. I see this all the time with new gum and chocolate bar sales. (There’s a valid reasoning behind the existence of a mocha-flavoured KitKat) [catches breath] DO WHAT THOU WILST IN THE COMMENTS!
Go for it. Trust you offens…
PUNT IT! PUNT, YOU BASTARDS!
yeah, offside on first down, and they couldn’t get particularly close. These teams need 6 or 7 downs.
Corey Moore has Avery Johnson’s scratchy-ass voice.
Serious question, what’s the point of a hard count on a running play?
…because it’s funny?
Free play and it keeps the DL off balance.
Is the stadium half-empty or half-full?
– Dean Spanos, this Sunday
Are they going to also only talk about Joe Mixon “as a player”?
Wow. It’s like they heard me.
Sup.
These games are only scheduled to sell “color rush” merch right? Because the teams and play are more often then not dog shit terrible
I think every team is guaranteed a prime time game during the season, so they burn off the shitty teams on Thursday as much as they can.
I’m ok with the Thursday night games in theory but you can’t deny the quality of play is severely finished because they guys have had little to no time to recooperate from their Sunday game. They need to add another bye week to every teams schedule and have the teams play coming off the bye or something
Thursday Night Football on FRIDAY
I’m watching a stream of this game from England and it’s got cool British ads instead of dumb American ones.
I mean, I’m not *in* England. But I will be in Singapore next week.
LOVE Singapore! For how long?
One week.
Bummer! The Grand Prix is Sunday. Looks to be a pretty entertaining race.
Still get DraftKings ads, though.
the Brits prolly like the royal angle
CHUH CHUH ADAM JOHNEZ W VEE YOU
New Mexico at Boise State is fun.
Stop mocking me blue field.
CANCEL TEH SILVER ALERT – Bob Davie has been found!
In his dungeon with a couple of players, so I hear.
(Not even a sex dungeon. He’s just an asshole.)
I’m a Boise fan. They’re CFB Gritty.
Folks
DAMN IT!
Any Texans fans in the Thread? I just want to know I’m not suffering alone with my crappy team.
WHO??
/we imaginary but not that fookin’ imaginary
May as well ask if there are any hobbit fans in the thread, because neither are things that fucking exist.
GET ME A SAFETY, FUCKERS
This game is the Futurama Suicide Booth come to life.
As soon as I get a clip, this is a quotable.
Will a GIF do?
I want it to be a clip from the game, but knock yourself out.
Morbotron.com
It would be quite filling to Jonestown to this fine fixture, would it not?
Banner this.
These. Jerseys. Suck.
Blame the NFL. They won’t let the Bengals change to different helmets to white with black stripes.
The Texans just wear dark red on dark blue because they hate you, Buddy.
This is their idea of “fun”
A lot has been made of that game where the Bears punted every series. What if both of these teams do that tonight?
0-0 tie?
Only tie thats alowed in my house smh
What happened to “local TNF games are simulcast on network tv”?
Cincinnati is airing on Ch. 5
Took me a minute to realize I don’t get a Channel 5. I guess I’m not as local as I thought. Oh well, another night without thoughts of spending money on the nfl in my head…
Um, Andy? Green isn’t 8′ tall. Please make a note of that in your future throws.
He’s a bust! Cut him!
Is it Tom Savage time yet?
So I can see the Bengals on the TV, but where’s the opponent? How are they supposed to have this game if there’s only one team on the field?
Its the Bengals. They are always their own worst enemy every game.
https://gfycat.com/GaseousComfortableHyrax
Oh, why would you do this to our eyes, Texans? Why?!
Of course the hand speed just appeared to be fast as the strokes were so short.
Did I just hear “pet parents”? Kill me now.
O/U Bengals Attendance Tonight (80% Capacity or 52,412)
Awwww Hell yea
http://www.fritolay.com/images/default-source/blue-bag-image/fritos-flavor-twists-honey-bbq.png
Jeebus. This hotel has DirecTV, but no NFLN. I didn’t even know that was possible anymore.
RIP Honey Mustard Lays.
Also, I think Ruffles has decided that Canadians just eat All-Dressed instead of salt and vinegar. I don’t know why. Chip companies are stupid.
Bengals, just wear your Color Rush Jerseys as your Away Jerseys. No questions will be asked.
FFS. TNF has shitty music too?
Words are failing me trying to roast this asshole. https://twitter.com/NFL/status/908467563809595392
Well, how would you behave if you knew all of America had to give you a pass on ANY behavior for an entire season?
Yeah, probably not like that.
Announcer: “As we start Week 2 of the 2017 NFL Season, we go to Paul Brown Stadium with a view of the ever faithful Cincinnati Bengals fans!”
(record scratch / freeze frame)
Cincinnati Bengals fans: “Yes, that us. You’re probably wondering how we all ended up in this situation.”
Nope. They made nothing but terrible decisions their entire lives.
Ochocinco is wearing a shirt that says “Economic$.” https://twitter.com/Bengals/status/908472439788752898
Looks like the c is also a cents symbol
For the first time in forever I’ve turned off my phone and not looked at any of my emails while on vacation. After getting an extra three hours of sleep for five days straight I’m starting to feel like I did a long time ago. I think this grind is killing me so slowly I didn’t notice until now.
That’s why I’ve mentally conditioned myself to forget about work when I leave work. I’m able to decompress and leave all the stress at my desk waiting for me the next day.
Even when work calls me, for the first couple of seconds, I’m always confused because I have to remember what I’ve forgotten about work.
Its what allows me to work long without vacation without reaching burnout.
Pardon the melodrama. I do feel different and better though.
Nothing to apologize for. Vacations are awesome. The two days I drove down to see the Eclipse was mostly great because I had two days where I was alone. I didn’t have to include anyone’s thoughts or feelings. When I wanted to do something, I did it.
It was awesome and I had no internet and the cable was iffy.
Its like I always say: either you vent with your mouth, or you’ll end up venting with your fists or trigger fingers.
Why, yes, I do find myself remoting into work computers while making dinner. Why do you ask?
This is why when I am off hours, I smoke angel dust. Even if I wanted to take the call…I can’t!
Howdy.
If the Texans win, we won’t know if they’re a good team that had a bad day on Sunday because they just beat a team with no offensive line and a colorblind QB.
If the Bengals win, we won’t know if they’re a good team that had a bad day on Sunday because they beat a team with no TE and a handful of players hurt.
On the bright side, whichever team loses this game will definitely be a bad team.
Whenever I eat too many ruffles, my instrument gets clogged in you know what I mean.
I think I might know…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQE-t2rmtek
“snatch” is the censored word, if you know what I mean.
the Shield cares about drownded ppl!!
So these guys are from like 15 minutes south of here and this is like 70% of what local stations are playing. Are they saturating the market everywhere else as well?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJg4OJxp-co
just from the picture, I want them dead
The lead singer was 17 when this was shot. They had to stop performing during the spring because they were about to fail their senior year of high school. That Zeppelin voice is going to get him a shit fuck ton of pussy, and I hate him for it.
Do they come from the land of the ice and snow?
Nope. They’re trolls.
A supposed “related video” according to youtube is this one
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQ91nArSjOg
I’ve been trying to make sense of the title for like 5 minutes now: like no idea who the band is, what the name of the song is, where the song was performed, and who might be guest singing in it. I’m not sure how to even begin parsing it.
My favorite Eric Trump defense mechanism.
http://www.bulksnacksonline.com/data/product_img/342-wise-onion-garlic-potato-chips-675-oz-bags-pack-of-6.jpg
Everyone remember to WAVE TO REDSHIRT!!
I went to Sunday’s game. If there is a view of the stands for Dalton’s 2nd pick, you might be able to see me; it was right in front of me.
Not quite. The camera stopped at the 10th row. My face was mostly confusion because I had no clue who Dalton was aiming for.
The rest of us were just confused about what Mike Brown was/has been aiming for for the last 50 years.
Waiting to see if I get the Bungles D at the 8p waiver processing in money league.
Website loophole means I can start them and re-cut Friday (last waivers of the week) for Matt Dayes and keep my deep bench properly wolven.
These! These were so damn good but they don’t make them anymore.
Therapist told me about those…
http://www.oddee.com/wp-content/uploads/_media/imgs/articles2/a96682_megapussi.jpg
The store brand knock-offs are called “Woozy” Brand at my local grocery/pharmacy.
My Grandpa always told me that one wasn’t enough. My ass was always sore afterwards, no it wasn’t the Olestra.
[looks the other way]
-Grandma
This actually really good song is just getting beaten into me in the car. Apparently, it has a video. Acoustic guitar and whistling is extremely my shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwxfmYR7ItM
Ruffles does the same thing down here with your All Dressed chips.
MAKE THEM A PERMANENT FLAVOR DAMMIT!!
You made me want chips. So I walked to the corner and got chips. You bastard.
/Granted, they were plain, but point stands
Getting plain chips is like settling for a handjob from your girlfriend you’ve had anal with.
What’s the fucking point?
Counterpoint – artificial flavouring is SHIT. Potato + salt + fried grease is all you need. The rest is just chemical additives begging for a migraine (which the fried grease is dangerous enough as is).
Bryan Ferry, do you agree with the above statement? Would you say “This!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOnde5c7OG8
Satisfying an urge one way or another?
Do you drink Bud light because you want a beer – like substance?
They didn’t have the jalapeno kettle chips, but other than that I can be pretty plain sometimes.
/Phrasing?
Anal? Duh.
This is why….BODEGA!
Hi.
Hey you.