Hey there, welcome fellow shenanigan-creators, maker-uppers of hilarious quips typing bots kinda of people. (“nice word salad, scotch”) Here we are again to have all kinds of hijinks while watching a whole bunch of quality games! [looks at slate] Oof! Well, we’ll make the best of it, won’t we? It looks to me as though BLEERG gave derp! the old “Bill Cosby Special” and they had a baby together. Nothing good can come of carnal relations in a McDonald’s parking lot at 3am. You can trust the experiences of innumerable teenagers on this. Let’s go… TO THE GAMES!

SF/Ind: BANG! Right out of the gate-disappointment. Here are two intensely bad squads that are going nowhere and are disobeying the speed limit while doing so. Hell, I can’t even watch my favourite hard-ass 70’s police detective that fell into a time machine and ended up as a Colts tight end in 2017. (“Jesus Christ, Doyle-you pull one more stunt like that and I’ll bust you down to the parking ticket division! Are we clear?”)

Buf/Cin: How are the Bills 3-1? As near as I can figure, it involves some psychological chicanery. What they do is show up for the game in Buffalo Bills uniforms and that instantly puts the opposing team at ease. (“Those guys again? This’ll be a piece of cake.”) Then, during the course of the contest they do all kinds of unBill-like stuff. Ta-da. Victory.

Ari/Phi: Both these fellas are coming off squeaker-type wins. Expect Philly to give the Cards a healthy dose of the Blount because fellow rb Smallwood is down for the count. Palmer’s penchant for picks continues unabated-he’s got 5 so far.

LAC/NYG: Wooo! This one is really ripe! It’s the Lawnclippers versus the Giant Turds coming at ya. Two O’fer oafish sides with not a single V between them-the less said about this one the better. MOVING ON.

Jax/Pit: Like any youngster of a team trying to find its way, when the Jags are on point they don’t give up very many-max one score. When things are off they give up 37 to the Titans and 23 to the Jets.

NYJ/Cle: For a while there the Jets were in second place in the AFC East because they had the tie-breaker over the Pats. Those four glorious days will likely be the highlight of their season. The Browns problem-as always-is that they can’t find a way to win at the Factory or away from it.

Car/Det: These two 3-1 squadees look like they could be headed for the post-season. Detroit already has a win against Minny and the Bears don’t look to be anything at all. How they fare vs. the Packers will be the decider of their playoff viability. If Cam has turned the corner injury-wise it should be smooth sailing for them Panthers.

Ten/Mia: The Fins have scored all of two field goals the last two weeks WEAK! The Texans (the Texans!) put up 57 points against the Titans just last week. NEXT!

Oh. There is no next game. Well, there’s your half-assed, ill-informed game previews that you barely scanned. It was a pleasure.

You know what you must do now, right? Atta boy!