Are we feeling a wee bit boozy/dizzy/pilly/queasy/silly yet? If you’re not you’ve got some work to do, my friend. There’s still a ton of the football left that you can use as an excuse to do what you will. Take advantage. Lock that kid in his room. Take off those damn pants. Open up that bag of (chocolate) chips. The living room is your oyster! TO THE GAMES!
Bal/Oak: What gives? Why does Derek Carr derive so much joy in derailing a promising Raiders season? Was he not molested enough as a child? Whatever went wrong, there’s something not right in that kid’s head (or back, whatever) Actually, he was limited in practice this week and was willing to give it a go but the Oakland braintrust rightfully put the kibosh on that notion. Enter E to the J Manuel. [sound of balloon losing air] How does an offense switch from a capable signal-caller to a proven turnover- and mistake-prone dude that hasn’t sniffed an NFL start since ’14? [pulls sofa closer to tv] Let’s watch. I’m saying the Ravens D rules the roost today.
Sea/LAR: When you go to Jared (Goff) you get over a thousand yards passing and a 7/1 TD/INT stat. Is he available in both my money leagues? Yes. [makes clickety-clicking noises at the ‘puter] No. He is not. If he plays well against the Seasquawkers he’ll be snapped up and you’ll have missed the Goff boat. Be like me and catch your fellow fantasy opponents napping. This is the latest installment in the series, “Scotchnaut advice that could potentially go very, very wrong for you”. I do it as a service.
GB/Dal: This here tilt is your feature. Let’s leer at it as though it was a nubile, semi-nude seventeen year old backstage at the Miss Universe pageant and we had orange hair. Yeah, we can do creepy too, Mr. President! I’d have loved to have Romo announce this game-much like the contestant above, he can be quite cheeky. As for the game, the Cowboys are the more balanced and talented team but their secondary seems vulnerable and that’s where a certain Mr. Rodgers likes to do him some damage.
Go get ’em, Kiddos!
Last gasp for RRRRRRAM IT!!
HOW THE FUCK IS THAT NOT A PENALTY?
Helmet to helmet on Seth Roberts, but officials are like, no, we want to go home.
Shit my stream–which I presume is totally legal–just cut out
Was Pence’s NFL stunt a move to win some of Trump’s base? Will Trump take it as a threat? Is Pencing moving on the Presidency like a bitch?!
He was under orders.
But doesn’t that seem stupid of Trump then? I mean, the spotlight is HIS. The NFL battle belongs to him so that should be his move.
Or do you think he’s unsure how popular it is so he’s testing the waters of a Cowboys game he’ll go to and sit front row and be threatening to walk out to individual players. Then post-game, when Jerruh makes them stand, Trump will tell everyone how those thugs wouldn’t dare challenge him and that is why Trump keeps us all safe from black men.
Trump tweeted (obvs) that he told him to do it. The whole thing was planned to the minute.
Just seems dumb of Trump to give that attention to Pence. That’s Donnie’s wheelhouse.
I was up all night doing a cram course in Python and TCL coding. I started out knowing almost nothing, yet by the third lesson I was able to design and build this jet engine using only common household materials:
Those gears made out of baking soda clay?
Centrifugal flow? How very ’50s of you.
I would doubt you, but it’s just crazy enough to be true.
Brick, are you Badger from “Better Off Dead”?
And proud of it!
The cowboys got a stop!
So Double J won’t spring for a set of mini-blinds?
“Pretty big load…”
Rodgers favorite pass was at that hot Iranian guy, He still can’t believe it worked.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph3QowmTZ3k&ab_channel=AreaEightyNine
Just let Rodgers score his TD quickly.
this weekend has reminded me that I know absolutely tits fuckall about the NFL
This season has been as though the NFL is auditioning for the 3rd season of ‘Stranger Things’, and so far I have to say they’ve got a real shot.
I don’t know if they’re even gonna get the fucking ball back; and this drive started with 7:00 on the clock.
“Gee, I wonder if they’ll run it.”
– Raiders defensive coordinator, apparently
Dear Sammy Watkins: thanks for being more useless than my penis during my junior year of high school
way to humblebrag as to the limited period of your penis’ uselessness ,, smgdh
Not when you consider he had to repeat that year three times.
“It would have been only twice if the shop teacher wasn’t such a liar!”
Finally…
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! letting me and their legion of rabid LA fans down.
Yes why isn’t Goff moar?
Whoa, whoa, legion is generous. Maybe cohort.
Super Bowl I rematch in Feb? I’m down with a 55-51 game.
Why would you cover a white WR anyway?
#MAGA #GLOREEBOYS
I fucking hate Aaron Rodgers and the Packers.
My plan is to buy enough of that fan stock to take over Green Bay’s ownership and then trade Rodgers to the Bengals.
So far my plan isn’t working very well. All I’ve got is this stack or worthless paper and a completely unwarranted attitude of superiority.
Eh, compared to Wisconsin residents I wouldn’t say it’s completely unwarranted.
WHOAH THE FACK NEEDS PAPAH FAH THAT?
-Tawmee
Like it’s carved in stone.
Dare they go for the PAT kick?
lady, why are you wearing gloves in hot weather
Probably about to do the dishes and ran out of Palmolive so she has to use that harsh generic soap.
Simian-level arm hair.
Because I told her to.
So she could slowly pull them off with her teeth…duh!
All right Raiders get within 3 and I’ll take a shot of Stoli Gala Apple, which I also hate. Chocolat Kokonut deal for a tie still stands.
No krokodil?
he didn’t say what fer taking the lead…
I mean it’s pretty close.
SO MANY FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD IN DALLAS
Real subtle hold there by Lewis; not sure how the refs saw it.
This Packers-Dallas game is more contested than the last bratwurst at a Racine dive bar
A smart bar would auction off their “last” bratwurst and then realize ten minutes later that they have another dozen or so left.
FALSE. NO SUCH THING AS “LAST” BRAT.
I had to wait for confirmation, but I was right.
Lady Shogun is in fact responsible for the Aaron Rodgers birthday hat picture posted earlier.
onions to go for it on 4th deserves a hot blonde
How is Big Bang Theory still on television????
A-mer-i-ca
And they cancelled Last Man Standing, which got good ratings but didn’t fit in politically.
They should relaunch Last Man Standing as a reality show about the Minnesota Vikings.
with Bradford and Bridgewater sewn together?
American Horror Story: Freak Show? Or Cult?
Because Conservative = Evil
The last few years have pretty much proven that
Network tv is the bottom of our barrel.
Jesus, I can’t feel anything but pity for that kid who has over $100k in student loans.
But is a Liberal Arts degree required to be a barista?
Will be at my prison coffee house.
I mean it looks like he’s angling to be a politician so he’ll make it back in graft soon enough.
Mike McCarthy?
He’s just that bad with his money.
Those were very un-ivy league words.
Smart curling into a ball, just like Lucille taught him.
There’s the makeup call. Just move on.
Welp, we’re even now.
Wow – big turnaround for DAL.
Bit of fire-retardant pants cleaning required after this run.
The refs in this Raiders game are in no hurry to call that forward progress has stopped.
I feel like Coke never has big money endorsements whereas Pepsi burns a lot on those agreements (ie – Britney Spears).
Sort of the same thing like McDonald’s (post-Jordan) — though I can’t think of who the Pepsi is in fast food America.
Burger King.
Wendys?
KFC? KFC is a YUM! Brand — a spinoff from Pepsico.
With all the incarnations of the Colonel lately, this may be the best answer.
It would be Burger King, but they don’t really have big celeb endorsements either.
Wow – really? I feel like they used to be bigger but we like in decline. I was gonna guess like a Jack n Box or Carl’s Jr, yeah.
the muthafuckin’ SKLAR BROS ain’t big to you??
Carl’s Jr
Coke doesn’t need to.
Yeah – like, it’s crazy what a piece of culture they are. Like, their ads aren’t even ads, just a reminder that they’re still around and that you love them.
I’m reading this while drinking a Mexican Coke, and none of what you are saying is wrong.
Defense stunned to discover there is in fact, a 4th down.
“Really?” -Cameron Wake his rookie year
Dallas is taking the second half off again.
Oh man, if the ball hits the uprights on a kickoff it should be live.
Just like Arena Football!
I’d go with this rule!
do this, and make the uprights extra wide girders, so it happens at least once a game
My mistake, it was actually Stoli. All right, Raiders. New deal: tie the game up and I’ll take another shot of hangover-in-a-bottle.
No kids!!! DONT HURT ODELL ANYMORE!
Stop! He’s already dead.gif
right between the uprights
Delicious.
That was reidian.
Autism is a trait I’d look for in drafting an NFL quarterback. Not a ton, of course, but just to give him a bit of an edge.
So…The Good Quarterback, this fall on abc?
Cleveland Browns: 4 to 5
Cincinnati Bengals: 5 to 1
New York Jets: 7 to 1
Starring THE BEN.
Isn’t that the premise of Young Sheldon?
Packers are on Rhythm Method.
That is how we got Decilitre!
Neither of the teams really want to play defense in Jerral’s World, do they?
In Jerral’s world you’re taught to not fight it.
Well, just a little resistance, you know, for ambiance.
Hear comes the meltdown.