Your Sunday Morning/Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Yeah, I might as well acknowledge you folks out west for once. But only just this once! These football-specific threads are always good for several hundred comments but I must tell you, the Saturday JV football/Footy thread is coming along quite nicely. Yesterday was hilarious on many fronts. All Hail King Hippo! and his gracious hosting-ness. Seriously, if you find yourself doing not much more than scratching your balls, you should have a look-see. As for today we must, as always, go… TO THE GAMES!

SF/Was: The Neeners are looking for the upset on the road that isn’t going to happen. Perchance they can take advantage of Dacteds cb Norman not being available. Just kidding-that would require competent play from one Bobby Hoying. That guy on the end of my fantasy bench gets his first call. Rook rb Perine will get the majority of the carries with Kelley out.

Chi/Bal: The Truth Biscuit era begins its second week. Those that dare to watch can tell their bored-to-death grandkids that they were there. I’ve a notion that the Ravens D will be dialing up more than a few looks that will confuse the youngster. Bally ftw.

Cle/Hou: (“They don’t pay me enough to do some of these game intros!”) Guh. Where are we? Right. This could have been a battle of  the “How To Spell Your Qb’s First Name” but Kevin Hogan had to stick his nose in and ruin everything. HC Jackson, in his finite wisdom has decided that benching rook Kizer gives his team the best opportunity to ‘win’.

Mia/Atl: The Falcons have a shot at putting a bit of distance between themselves and Carolina in the NFC South today after booting their game vs. the Bills last week. That high-powered offense you keep reading about has only scored 15 more points than the D has given up. Miami? The most they’ve scored in a game this year is a measly 20.

Det/NO: The Saints have settled quite nicely into their inevitable 8-8 season by going 2-2 so far. You know the old saw-“You win some, you lose some, on alternating weeks for the duration of the season”. Puffy McStuffingface has actually thrown for one more TD (11) than the sentient robot arm that belongs to Drew Brees.

GB/Min: What is Aaron Rodgers going to do this week? I’ve no idea but I think the Packers are my new favourite one-man team.

NE/NYJ: The Jets are battling for first place six weeks into the season?! (“Try to use your words, scotchy”) I…this…NO!… (“Goddamnit!”) A certain Pats wr by the name of Chris Hogan has already surpassed his previous season-high for TD’s. He’s got 5 after just five games.

That’s all he wrote. Get crackin’, boys!

 

 

 

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Dick E. Phuck

I think Jay Cutler is a perfect avatar for the Miami Dolphins because I can’t think of another team that generates more apathy.

hippofant

Was that Dolphin fan in Atlanta dead asleep?

hippofant

FAN! I WROTE FAN! I DIDN’T WRITE ANYTHING ELSE BY ACCIDENT!

The Maestro

Great, now you’re gonna get this entire website banned in South Korea for writing about fan death.

King Hippo

Honestly, I didn’t think that Treadwell block was a penalty as long as you got completely in front and didn’t make helmet contact.

Petronel

That Nissan ad had more people in the LA Coliseum that we’ve seen all season combined

Sharkbait

USC homecoming?

Petronel

Dog with a frisbee, which…actually makes sense.

King Hippo

I’d rather see the blood feud than ATL/MIA, Red Zone

King Hippo

down to 2nd and 35!

Redshirt

2nd and a third of the field

Spur

“Blocking a Packer, penalty!”

Bogdanski

1st and 40 for vikings. Trying to out raider the raiders.

Sharkbait

Mrs Sharkbait did.

blaxabbath

If I got the Golden Football League websites up and put out a press release that all PLAYERS in the league agree that they WANT to stand for the national anthem before games, do you think I could get Trump to tweet about how great the league is?

Senor Weaselo

Shit, I think now you need to go for it.

blaxabbath

I’ll talk to DTZM about hosting it at our out of the country PO Box.

King Hippo

1st and 40??

Horatio Cornblower

The Viking-Packers game is going to end with a shooting.

Shogun Marcus

I shoulda slapped the shit outta capers when I saw him at dinner friday.

Spur

That’s how you get holes in the cheese.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

This game is a microcosm of all the reason I hate the Vikings more than any other team. Dirty plays, penalties always going in their favor, the whole shebang.

This is why the Vikings are not the Packers rivals, because that requires respect, and I want nothing less than for the organization to go the next 500 years without any significant success.

Edit: For comparison, the Bears are a team I can respect, and I want them to be somewhat successful, because you want your rivals to be almost as good as you.

blaxabbath

Solid being -a-fan there.

Gratliff

“I can’t believe Minnesota has so many antifa members. No wonder the police are always shooting them.”

Dick E. Phuck

49ers getting some action. What is this? A swingers party?
/I’ll see myself out

The Maestro

*extremely PFTCommenter voice* moar liek 69ers,,, imo godbless

Spur

Yeah! Points for 49ers!

Redshirt

..and the Pats have tied the game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB54dZkzZOY

Dick E. Phuck

It seems Jet fuel also cannot melt Patriot Dreams.

Sharkbait

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m going to have to award that final two minutes of the half 10 out of 10 Jets.

Horatio Cornblower

I would have awarded it 9/11 Jets.

Horatio Cornblower

That seems like typical Boston things to do. Get all the way down field on the back of a black guy and then give it to the big white doofus for the final credit.

Smithchez

Kudos to the Patriots for at least not drawing this out.

litre_cola

Brandon Cooks holy fuck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Petronel

Helmet popped off, dude ded

Dick E. Phuck

Washington is Beating C.J. Hard.

Sharkbait

With Aaron ded my auction league team will be 2-4.

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Dick E. Phuck

Jets want to win this game, but not if McCown has anything to say about it.

Horatio Cornblower

McCown took the Pats and the over and he’ll be damned if he’s not hitting on at least one of ’em.

Smithchez

That seems more like it.

Brocky

The nice part about having a lot of players in the early games?
More time to think of material for my column

Redshirt

So doe Hue Jackson get fired or does he quit at halftime?

JustStopDude

Why?

As long as he doesn’t affect the revenue coming into the team, he is safe.

blaxabbath

Todd Bowles seems most likely to get the ax for fucking up the tank.

blaxabbath

Not bragging, I picked up HOU’s D against CLE on Friday.

Redshirt

That’s like saying, “I married a supermodel after winning the lottery and discovering the G-spot,”

Horatio Cornblower

You too!?

Shogun Marcus

The one week I don’t start them.

Horatio Cornblower

I have Denver’s D against the Giants. I have a good feeling about this.

Sharkbait

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Petronel

Work pants vs. brood of angry beavers. THanks, Duluth Trading Co., for writing the jokes so we don’t have to.

Senor Weaselo

Praise Shank’hor!

Beerguyrob

We know what you just said, Tommy.

The Maestro

I’m now starting to understand the outrage the supposed mouthbreather Bears fans had at Jay Cutler.

And yet, he’s still the best quarterback they’ve ever had.

My God.

Redshirt

I don’t know. McMahon was nice in a sandlot-type QB.

Senor Weaselo

It’shappening.gif?

Beerguyrob

“Hold my beer.” – The Jets

Petronel

Niners D, being entirely a fictional construct

Shogun Marcus

Like the female orgasm!

Petronel

And just as effective at stopping the Cousins.

Horatio Cornblower

Do you think Troy Aikman knows he’s not talking to Joe Buck right now?

Dick E. Phuck

“What’re you talkin about? My best friend Joey the Buck has been right here in my backyard the whole time!”
– Trent Green

Shogun Marcus

Aside from the complete improvement, no.

Petronel

…Beathard, Beathard? Beathard…sounds vaguely pejorative

The Maestro

CJ Beathard seems like a better option at QB than John Q. Whiskeydick… but probably not by a lot.

Horatio Cornblower

Sounds like what Elliott’s getting suspended 6 games for.

Beerguyrob

If Antonio Cromartie knew the difference, he’d have a half-dozen fewer kids.

Dick E. Phuck

Brady intercepted. No flags? No defensive fumbles? It’s like i’m living in dreamland.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

I’m just gonna lay down under the tap at the bar

The Maestro

MOAR HEROIN FOAR ME. FUCK THE JETS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

It’s my wife and it’s my life ,, ppl forget that

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

DREAMPICK

Senor Weaselo

DREAMBOATCEPTION!

Spur

Oh shit, hope Hogan is ok. Dude has been solid.

Doktor Zymm

Ok, I’m cozy in my air bed. I look forward to discovering the results of these games. Good night or morning or whatever y’all!