Yeah, I might as well acknowledge you folks out west for once. But only just this once! These football-specific threads are always good for several hundred comments but I must tell you, the Saturday JV football/Footy thread is coming along quite nicely. Yesterday was hilarious on many fronts. All Hail King Hippo! and his gracious hosting-ness. Seriously, if you find yourself doing not much more than scratching your balls, you should have a look-see. As for today we must, as always, go… TO THE GAMES!
SF/Was: The Neeners are looking for the upset on the road that isn’t going to happen. Perchance they can take advantage of Dacteds cb Norman not being available. Just kidding-that would require competent play from one Bobby Hoying. That guy on the end of my fantasy bench gets his first call. Rook rb Perine will get the majority of the carries with Kelley out.
Chi/Bal: The Truth Biscuit era begins its second week. Those that dare to watch can tell their bored-to-death grandkids that they were there. I’ve a notion that the Ravens D will be dialing up more than a few looks that will confuse the youngster. Bally ftw.
Cle/Hou: (“They don’t pay me enough to do some of these game intros!”) Guh. Where are we? Right. This could have been a battle of the “How To Spell Your Qb’s First Name” but Kevin Hogan had to stick his nose in and ruin everything. HC Jackson, in his finite wisdom has decided that benching rook Kizer gives his team the best opportunity to ‘win’.
Mia/Atl: The Falcons have a shot at putting a bit of distance between themselves and Carolina in the NFC South today after booting their game vs. the Bills last week. That high-powered offense you keep reading about has only scored 15 more points than the D has given up. Miami? The most they’ve scored in a game this year is a measly 20.
Det/NO: The Saints have settled quite nicely into their inevitable 8-8 season by going 2-2 so far. You know the old saw-“You win some, you lose some, on alternating weeks for the duration of the season”. Puffy McStuffingface has actually thrown for one more TD (11) than the sentient robot arm that belongs to Drew Brees.
GB/Min: What is Aaron Rodgers going to do this week? I’ve no idea but I think the Packers are my new favourite one-man team.
NE/NYJ: The Jets are battling for first place six weeks into the season?! (“Try to use your words, scotchy”) I…this…NO!… (“Goddamnit!”) A certain Pats wr by the name of Chris Hogan has already surpassed his previous season-high for TD’s. He’s got 5 after just five games.
That’s all he wrote. Get crackin’, boys!
I’mma pretend that the Tomsulas’ new QB is really former Bartlett administration press secretary CJ Craig
Unfortunately, QBs only ever talk while standing still at the line of scrimmage.
https://twitter.com/PrimeCobb/status/919641980497309697
fucking Ohio. I get 3 CBS stations, and none of them will mercy kill the Browns game.
Even when the Browns weren’t a fucking team anymore we still got the Browns (aka Ravens aka nuBrowns). Better than Steelrers games though.
Shouldn’t they be the Crapbirds?
Eh, as a recovering Bengals fan, it was a liitle soothing to see a team leave Cleveland (and their fans) behind and then win a superbowl soon after. Fucking Jamal Lewis though smh
Okay. I can accept that.
To be honest, I think everything would be better for everyone if Cincinnati let Mike Brown move the team to Baltimore.
Nice to see “17 unanswered points” without “allowed” before it for once.
Eagles might clinch by the bye.
Grat I am feeling really good. Zeke suspension, Rodgers hurt. Nick Foles leading us to the promised land.
I haven’t seen such a change in [*Redacted] s’ fortunes since 1492.
I’ve no choice but to rec this.
Too easy, take another one.
HAHA Fuck DC
Well, that sucked.
Bow Wow Wow really nailed this tune! I WANT PIZZA! (It’s the tinnitus, I swear!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YGh7u6MTZQ
What the fuck just happened
We’ll take it…
Boy howdy, Dok’s not gonna be happy when she gets off her plane…
Cleveland Defense: “Fuck you, Offense! We’ll score the touchdown by ourselves!”
Pedro Cerrano’s the defensive coordinator?
SHAN’KHLOR makes an appearance at FedEx Field
Who… who the hell is Beathard? Am I hallucinating a 49ers backup QB with an obvious masturbation euphemism for a name?
Come on! Force it to the Tight End!
Ray Rice’s wife, AP kids’ nuts
Nice.
The NFC North is gonna otherwise be ceded to a team losing 10-45 to the Saints.
How can GB not sign Kaep?
Let’s see. GB is owned by Wisconsin fans. How racist is Wisconsin?
Easy, the magic get out of being racist cards: “He doesn’t really fit this offense” / “He’ll bring unnecessary distraction to the locker room”… and then procede to dig out some long-forgotten backup and/or Tebow who’s more qualified for the job (read: is white)
Come on Tawmmmy, throw the ball you pussy. I need the points.
if and only if to Gronk. I’m fading Dreamboat in money league, but Gronk is outscoring him 28.3-23.67
I can live with that.
Its things like what the Packers did that officials should have the option to not call Delay of Game.
“No, you want Jordy Nelson to take a snap under center with no protection to his right? Go ahead.”
So, I’m clearly doing the Packers for “Hope Clicks” this week.
Their twitter is at war with itself on whether to bring in Kaepernick.
Oh god yessss….
The most self righteous fan base with a polarizing figure? Sign me up!
The city of Boston would like a word. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
I can’t wait. Now if only Brady could get hurt
Hush yo mouth.
At least they don’t have an owner to give some bullshit excuse to the media about why they won’t take him. Just a few thousand cheeseheads calling him the n word.
I hate this fucking chickenshit sport
Did someone donate blankets to the [REDACTEDS] locker room? They’ve been dropping like flies all game.
It wouldn’t be a typical NFC north season if the teams didn’t have more Men down than an Army platoon.
“You said something about men going down?!?”
-Rodgers
Rodgers perks up
Then grabs collar bone
Damn you, beat me to it
Player down.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/report-sam-bradfords-knee-injury-could-be-career-ending/ar-AAtuthp?li=BBmkt5R&ocid=ientp
At this point, playing the Browns is better for a team than a fucking bye week.
This Jets game was over when they were up 14-0 and dropped that interception.
This. So very much this.
“That ball wasn’t catchable; we’d better make it defensive holding.”
“Let’s meet to discuss what Tom would like us to do.”
Going on record, I think GB actually signs Kaep
Of course, and the Stanley Cup is played in Hell this year 😀
Hasn’t Pittsburgh won enough?
Pittsburgh already won twice. It’s currently there
I’m talking old Hell, not ground zero for the Yinzer epidemic about to bring humanity to its knees
If there was a team that would seriously consider it…yeah it’d be them.
https://youtu.be/yW4XHzsHHNE
I haven’t Ray Rice deliver a knock out like that since Janice talked back…
Rice attacked that 1st down marker like its name was Janay.
Flacco TE checkdown WOMP WOMP
That should be a new flavor of Ben and Jerry’s.
Vanilla Ice cream, with white chocolate chunks and a whole lotta shame.
This sounds like my kind of ice cream.
“I just got here! WTF?”
-Everything
You know what you did
I think Hogan’s 3 inch, blatantly obvious intentional grounding, has managed to displace Dan Orlovsky’s moronic run out of the end zone as the dumbest thing a QB has done in an actual game.
I will defend to the death Gus Frerotte’s throwing the ball left handed at a Brown while having two Browns sacking him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrcCbmeJuuU&t=25m30s
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Everything sounds more fancy in them European languages…
Didn’t Frerotte give himself a concussion headbutting the wall or something after a touchdown?
Yup
AR confirmed with broken collar bone. Oh, well, i have total faith in hundley.
Well….that certainly opens up the NFC…
That’s a lonely table you’re sitting at.
Tom Pelissero says Aaron Rodgers has a broken collarbone, and could miss the rest of the season. God damn.
Do we award the NFC North to Fat Stafford and the Lions?
Unless Chicken Legs Teddy somehow gets healthy after the Vikes’ bye week, then… I guess?
Every single call against the Patriots has been discussed after the fact and overturned. Even by New England standards, this is ludicrous.
No, that’s just the normal result of having a cadre of trained sharpsho… I mean passionate supporters looking over the refs 😉
Didn’t know that the End Zone Muskets made the trip…
Yes and no – yes, they made it to the stadium, no .. those ain’t no muskets XD
THAT is what fantasy ppl need, Buttchinski
Well, now that makes the math that much harder for the inevitable three-point loss
Jest score two safeties?
THROW TO HOPKINS DAMN IT
[Gronk high-stepping into the end zone.]
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything whiter since my mom asked for the manager at the shoe store.
Gronk dancing?
Afternoon, degenerates!
“Is it the blaftergoon so spaghetti?”
-Your fave CTE victim
John Fox with a week of grey stubble makes it look like he’s taken a course at the Jim Tomsula School Of Sideline Fashion For Coaches.
Btw, what the happened to Rodgers? I turned for a second to the Packers game and some other bloke is at QB?
ded (shoulder/collarbone)
Oshit, there goes the Packers’ Season/Suicide Rate
Diagnosed with an impacted colon.
So that defensive holding is out of reflex right?
Like the officials knew to pull for ne, they just got confused how to go about it
Wow Brady got into the middle of that Ref huddle and stayed there.
Well who do you think called it?
GROOOOOOOOOOOONK
I see we’re back to the inevitable 41-17 final.
Can a Pats wr not catch a pass and not call for a flag? I didn’t think so.
Whoa,now.. you’re blaming our WR’s for respecting the flags now?! How dare you,sir.. HOW DARE YOU?!
also, I’m back like that rash down there y’all thought was gone
Every Patriot receiver should have “looking for a flag” added on the back of their uniform.
Thanks for not covering Cooks, Jets. Single handedly losing my fantasy matchup
Safety and Dead Hogan!
That’s not a turnover. This is a turnover.