Your “It Looks Good… A Little Too Good” Monday Night Football Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Word broke over the weekend that Jerry Jones is leading a group of 17 owners “reviewing” Roger Goodell’s possible contract extension.
    • Which, of course, has nothing to do whatsoever, no sir, not one bit, with the upcoming Ezekiel Elliott suspension appeal appeal.
  • JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST!
    • Zach Miller almost lost his leg as a result of his dislocated knee in the endzone, implying he tore or otherwise damaged the femoral artery during the injury.
      • They had to get a graft from his other leg to stabilize it.
    • To quote cbssports.com, “to make matters worse: Miller’s touchdown didn’t count. After an official review, the touchdown was overturned, which seems absurd considering there definitely didn’t appear to be irrefutable evidence.”
    • There is no goddamned way I am linking a gif or video of that here. It was gruesome.
  • The World Series outdrew Sunday Night Football in the TV ratings.
    • Well, duh – they had as much scoring, and more exciting plays.
      • Sunday Night Football had Al Michaels making Jerome Bettis references, and Cris Collinsworth shilling his interest in Pro Football Focus without admitting his connection on the broadcast.

Game Preview: Broncos at Chiefs

This game seems part of a plot by Andy Reid to ensure no one wins the AFC West. The quality of opponent the Chiefs have faced during their losing streak is an escalating pile of shit. The Steelers that beat the Chiefs two weeks ago are a much better team today, although only beating the Lions by 5 points could be a troubling sign. The Raiders appeared cromulent in beating the Chiefs during the two-hour final seconds last Thursday, but then turned in a turd against the Bills. Tonight’s opponent has had only two good quarterbacks in the last 10 years, Peyton Manning V.2 & Tim Tebow J.3:16. Future saviour Paxton Lynch is inactive tonight, in favour of Brock Osweiler. The Broncos only average 18 points per game, the 18th best scoring offence in the NFL.

By design, this game should be an easy walk for the Chiefs.

AND YET!

Tonight marks the return of Jamaal Charles to KC, albeit in a Broncos uniform, so his season-ending injury may not occur until after halftime. But before that happens, look for the Broncos to try & get him going and take advantage of his desire to exact some measure of revenge. Denver defence seems designed exactly to mess with Alex Smith’s mind, and Von Miller has sacked Smith 8 times since 2014.  So if the deep routes fail early look for him to revert to his previous title of the Checkdown King. Finally, Andy Reid is their head coach, so expect some quality timeout or time management fuckups issues at least once during the game.

It could either be a Chiefs 30-point blowout or a Broncos 2-point win. At least the NFL doesn’t have to worry about competing against baseball tonight.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Denver Broncos at Kansas City Chiefs – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en espanol en ESPN2
  • MLS: Playoffs
    • New York Red Bulls vs. Toronto FC (Leg 1) – 7:00PM | FS1 / TSN3
    • Houston Dynamo vs. Portland Timbers (Leg 1) – 9:30PM | FS1 / TSN3
  • NHL:
    • Bruins at Blue Jackets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Spurs at Celtics – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • Let’s see who’s returned from the mumps!

I don’t know who bought MLB’s soul, but the based ball people have managed to put together two consecutive seasons of quality World Series’, and five not-bad ones total since 2012. (The Giants thumping the Tigers in 2012 was just awful; Verlander hasn’t forgotten.) Tonight’s NFL contest may make you long for another Astros-Dodgers game. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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King Hippo

fyi, I skipped the Brian Kelly halftime and pulled out a hangnail with my really good Amazon tweezer set.

I regret nothing

/regrets everything

Doktor Zymm

That reminds me, I need to order drywall anchors

King Hippo

Christ, what kind hangnails ya gets? You really should see that campus quack.

/obligatory smgdh

Unsurprised

May I suggest consulting drugs?

King Hippo

the pill bottle has indeed been consulted. Q1 and Q3

Sharkbait

Did you split the alcohol between your liver and disinfecting the tweezers?

Unsurprised

Fire’s good enough for Rambo, it’s good enough for tweezers. No point wasting alcohol.

The Maestro

Had to reboot my PC and router so I missed it all as well. This seems like a good decision.

King Hippo

holy shit Latimer made a catch AND a run

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Schrodinger’s Suspension continues!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Nice.

Doktor Zymm

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Broncos running backs seem not to be getting the memo that their offense sucks

King Hippo

Foxball would not be a bad idea with this crew. Menelik can run block

Unsurprised

So which shitty senator’s failson is Jerrah going to make commissioner?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“Wait, wait!I’ve got beer and chips!”

-Moose

Unsurprised

Speaking of which, I think I’ll go get one of those.

Spur

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WCS

I’LL HAVE MAH BOYS KILL DEM JUDGES! MAH BOY ZEKE IS A GODDANGGED STAR! I AM FUCKIN’ CRAAAAZZZYYYY!!!!!

Unsurprised

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Story of my life.

King Hippo

with me there would be mace involved

Unsurprised

Same. The chemical coating the medieval weapon.

JustStopDude

I’m out boys. I got to head to bed. I doubt this game will get any less derpy.

Spur

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deviantBastard

Fake, right? Talking about hair color?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, I’m sure she waxes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Chris Harris and Aqib Talib are the best tackling CBs in footbaw

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Double J will have his revenge.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Well on the bright side, McManus seems to have fixed hisself

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Bob Barker approves!

Gratliff

C’mon Zeke Roullete. I need him out for week 11.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Foul and Fowler

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Siemian misses one touched down, Bennie misses the other. Just fucking great, guys.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Siemian thrown all over the place.

deviantBastard

On the face is extra.

Unsurprised

Wait, isn’t that standard in this biz?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

That’s pretty damn adorable

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Those two broncos took the chiefs to cover

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Bet this guy hates trying to pick out a vanity license plate
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Sharkbait

Fuck the kings

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, yes.

-Henry VIII

Spur

Fuck the Kings – Tim Donaghy

herodotus450

LA and St. Louis back on top in the nhl standing; what is this, a “ghetto-ize your city and foment race wars by lax punishment of police brutality” league now?

Doktor Zymm

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JustStopDude

I’m sorry…are you talking to me?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

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Sharkbait

Zeke? Suspended.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

The Nazis brigaded his Twitter account, too? Damn, those fuckers got everyone.

Spur

Trump’s distraction fake news knows no bounds.

Doktor Zymm

From a power line by his earlobes (conservatively)?

King Hippo

YES!!! My stashing of Alfred Morris finally comes good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

As an idiot who chased the Chris Ivory/Jalen Richard threads….good luck to you sir.

Doktor Zymm

Also, CONVENIENTLY right after the division Redacted game! Yeah, okay, out of the system \end unwarranted conspiracy theory

Unsurprised

But he’ll miss the Thanksgiving game!

Doktor Zymm

I did say unwarranted 😀
Though there’s something to be said for taking the easier game at home and earlier in the season when both teams are 3-3.

Doktor Zymm

The Rooney Rule got a mention at Orientation today, as a good example of expanding the consideration set when trying to hire the best person for a job!

Unsurprised

Silicon Valley: Making the goddamn NFL look more progressive than an urban tribe of anarchists.

Doktor Zymm

It’s all positions at the company, so I don’t know how it ultimately shakes out, but it was less white male dominated than I was expecting. I’ll see how engineering bootcamp is tomorrow

LemonJello

If this guy is at your boot camp, you may have a bad time
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Doktor Zymm

It’s all good. I know which bit is for fighting and which is for fun.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just be sure to avoid jelly doughnuts.
Jeez that guy HATES jelly doughnuts.

King Hippo

REMEMBER! Black ppl are ppl to!

Unsurprised

I honestly doubt most people in the Valley know that.

LemonJello

So, what form of turnover haven’t we seen in this game?

deviantBastard

Blocked kick.

Unsurprised

Apple?

Doktor Zymm

I always preferred cherry

LemonJello

In the distance, Andy Reid’s stomach rumbles.

BBQ Pitmasters look to the horizon, alert to the coming storm…

Unsurprised

Oh, that’s what that sound was. I hoped it was the world coming to an end.

King Hippo

There’s always tomorrow. I’ll be hoping right alongside ya!

King Hippo

buttfumble REDUX

Garo Yepremian remake

Doktor Zymm

The Buttfumble is a beautiful unicorn of fumbles, perhaps one day to be equaled in majesty, but never topped

JustStopDude

Spontaneous human combustion?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Can Kelce come back pls

Oh there he is

King Hippo

This just in – Denver isn’t very good, guys.

King Hippo

/with HEAVY apologies to the non-LB defenders

King Hippo

(and medium apologies to the LBs, even)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

NO THANKS, MOAR impotent than usual rn

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Foar our Donk centric friends…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNTZ5tqas1k

Doktor Zymm

Huh, so it seems that your offense is responsible for scoring points, which in turn help to win the game! I’m so glad the commentators mentioned that

Spur

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hippofant

Hello Kitty stands for the anthem! And she ain’t even American!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, well, well…..Helllooooooo Kitty.

herodotus450

It’s especially brave from them considering they’re so used to being on their knees.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Petronel

The Harry Potter cheerleader has her wand stashed in her boot. No way that’s comfortable. Now that’s dedication.

deviantBastard

That’s not where I expected her to stash it.

Doktor Zymm

That reminds me of a rather unsavory story about the time I saw the Murder Junkies live….they have an….interesting….drummer

Horatio Cornblower

I am legitimately excited for the Ric Flair 30 for 30.

Spur

To be the Man, you gotta beat the Man.

LemonJello

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“WOOOOoooooooo”

JustStopDude

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Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Petronel

Well, didn’t see her tonight, so I guess she’s still on her way back to Kansas.

Doktor Zymm

So, a box of wine is 5 Litres, aka 34 5 oz glasses. Do you think they picked the size so it was roughly round numbers in both Metric and English?

Doktor Zymm

And why is 750 mL a fifth of a gallon anyway? What’s up with fluid measures?

herodotus450

And still conveniently five of these
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Brick Meathook

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JustStopDude

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Bawbbby!!!!!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Cartoons have changed somewhat since my youth.

Doktor Zymm

Just substitute a rabbit or a tweety bird and a hunter or a cat

JustStopDude

I am surprised that Brian Kelly has not mentioned the lack of deaths associated with ND football this year.

Horatio Cornblower

SVP: “Coach Kelly I just want to say thanks for our time and congratulations on not being responsible for any negligent homicides among your student assistants this season.”

Kelly: “Season ain’t over, Scott”

Spur

Things are easier when you have a scapegoat
https://twitter.com/Bencjacobs/status/925166850534670336

hippofant

Why didn’t Hillary sign off continuing the CSRs for the ACA? Obama-Clintoncare has been a complete disaster!

Spur

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Amber Hahn’s sister?

Not that I know who that is.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Been looking for her everywhere.
Who knew she was hiding in Minnesota?

Nobody….bcuz Minnesota.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No; the found Kim Wall…. in several places…

WCS

Damn….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shogun Marcus

Oh yah! Dats yer uncle Jim’s nieces roommate! She works over by the tavern near da boat ramp!

Doktor Zymm

Sling TV has pretty impressive streaming quality. I think I’ll keep the package that includes ESPN, not having to find and tolerate a shitty illegal stream of MNF and getting Adult Swim and a couple other things in the bargain seems worth $20/month

blaxabbath

The fuck? I’m the only Halloween piece schedule tomorrow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shellraiser is scheduled. I’m working on something but it is just not good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

I’m flaking because I spent the weekend getting drunk in my new apartment and I forgot how time consuming this “job” thing is.

King Hippo

I am not a creative fiction writer, to my great disappoint

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Way ahead of you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

That means you win by default! The two sweetest words in the English language!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m working thru some shitty ideas to decide the least shitty and if its shittiless enough to expose publicly. Or bother writing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

I’m getting the hang of these announcer tropes
“Give (team that is currently losing) some credit, they could easily be losing by much more!”

King Hippo

or how rapidly Gruden does a 180 on his Siemian HAWT TAEKS

Doktor Zymm

Sportscasting has a shorter memory than presidential primaries

LemonJello

Probably all the CTE.

herodotus450

Fun/confusing Danzig facts I just learned:
He’s listed at 5’3″
62 Years old (Though he was older actually)
Danzig is actually the name of the guy, most likely as a giant fuck you to Hootie and the Blowfish, Pink Floyd, and Steely Dan.

Shogun Marcus

What, you thought he was Steve Misfits?

herodotus450

I’ve been confused ever since I met my friend ? The The Anthrax in high school.

JustStopDude

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Viva La Tabula Raza

My great-grandmother came to the US from Danzig. But I think it was called Gdansk back then.

Doktor Zymm

It’s called Gdansk now, I think they changed it cause of something something Hanseatic League? Or because Germany gave Poland back?

herodotus450

Why’s it no longer Danzig but Gdansk?
That’s nobody’s business but the Pole…ansk…ies.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, you’re right. I got it switched around, it was still Danzig under Prussia when she came over in the 1890s. She wasn’t any relation to any Hansa princes, though. In fact, most of her descendants, except a couple of the more racist ones, suspect she might have been Jewish.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Thanks for remembering US.
– Lynyrd Skynyrd

herodotus450

I gave you three steps, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!

Brick Meathook

Van Halen sheds a tear.

Spur

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King Hippo

Bennie Fowler is yelling at the QB. Bennie. Fowler.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

You could totally rewrite “Hungry like a Wolf” as “Holding like a Wolfe”

King Hippo

WOOOOOOO

preserve the -14

Petronel

Tiny Hands: The Return

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

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Sharkbait

So Jimmy G is gone? Come on Kraft. Make it Kaepernick. I want to see the North Shore burn.

Brick Meathook

Kraft brings on Kaepernick but there’s a catch:

Kaep has to LEAD the team in singing the anthem every single game.

herodotus450

It’s still un-American and disrespectful because he’s black non-white not singing all seven verses.

Doktor Zymm

So, what’s the over/under on how many days it takes before I stop eating a healthy lunch and just go to the nacho restaurant every day?

Unsurprised

2 hours

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s nacho best option

LemonJello

I want to hear more about this nacho restaurant.

Doktor Zymm

I heard a rumor they do burritos too, but it’s a different line

LemonJello

Keep talking…
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Doktor Zymm

I THINK, and I only have indirect evidence because I haven’t caved to the delicious nacho God yet, that it’s a make your own nacho bar type setup

deviantBastard

Sounds promising, but could also be awful. Meat options are key.

deviantBastard

Like my compadres, I would also care to know.

The Maestro

Evening, folks. What have I missed tonight?

LemonJello

Siemian thinks he’s in a monkey shit fight at the zoo and not playing QB for an NFL team.

The Maestro

So, his usual Monday evening, then.

Sharkbait

Made it to New Jersey for Mrs Sharkbaits grandmother’s funeral.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

False Idol!
Behold the Truth!
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Horatio Cornblower

If God had His hand jammed up her ass more people would have bought that album.