2017 Quotables — Week 8 Results

Ball already across the line? Touchdown Seahawks!

SCENE: Deep in the #Content mines of DFO, a group of trained monkeys–I mean DFO writers–are shackled to their typewriters. Someone gave tWBS a laptop once, and after that, no one was issued a wifi-enabled device ever again. Quietly, nearly imperceptibly, YEAHRIGHT and SHOGUN MARCUS begin whispering to each other, both sets of their eyes drifting towards BLAXABBATH…

yeahright: [hushed tones, remember?] I’m telling you, something’s off.

Shogun Marcus: Maybe, but he’s been weird before, remember?

[SHOGUN turns and cranes his neck as if to watch something]

yeahright: What are you doing?

Shogun: Watching a clip of that time blaxabbath was acting all weird.  Can’t you see it?  Are we in a simulation? Did I eat too many gingersnaps?

/CONTENT MINE SHAFT DOOR OPENS

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem: Lo, my children/fellow dickjokers, I hath returned to restore piety, humor, Detroit Lions wisdom, and funk to the DFO clubhouse. And also to inform you two that you are failing at whispering. What’s going on?

yeahright: Sup, Rev? Shogun and I were talking about how blax has been a little off lately.

RREM: [stares blankly]

Shogun: Off-er than usual.

RREM: Ah. Yeah, I kind of thought Quotables was different this week. Lead with a banner photo of Hannity but don’t actually go after him?  Or don’t troll libs with him or whatever he usually does.

yeahright: Yeah, right?

RREM: Plus he participated like a…plebian.

yeahright: Yeah, right?

Shogun: Maybe it isn’t even really blax…

[yeahright and RREM stare at Shogun with that same look of “too high, man” until all three of them stare again at Blax, quietly typing away, stopping only to consult another set of source materials and begin to footnote them, when suddenly…]

/BATHROOM DOOR FLIES OPEN

tWBS: You dumbasses!  I was in there mastur–uh, taking a shit and heard you guys talking. Isn’t it obvious?  The restraint? The footnotes? The attempted brevity that still came off as long-winded? [They stare blankly at tWBS] Da fuq!!?! Go over there and rip his fucking mask off!

[YEAHRIGHT and SHOGUN and sneak up behind BLAXABBATH and RREM grabs his face and pulls and…]

Shogun: AHA! I knew it was Old Man Withers all along! Call Officer Meow Meow Fuzzyface and arrest this man!

yeahright: Dude, that’s BFC. Brett, what the fuck are you doing?

BrettFavresColonoscopy: Ah, shit, you caught me. Come on guys, you know how it is down in the content mines.  Sometimes a DFOer can go crazy down here and you need to step away for a fix or a quickie–I mean to fix a snack or grab a quick nap. Anyway, blax pulled together the gifs this week, but then he went AWOL. I figured I would just pretend to be him, throw up some copy…

tWBS: Just like Karen Carpenter, NAILED IT!

BFC: …and then he just decided he was mailing it in this week. Didn’t think anyone would actually notice.   Would’ve gotten away with it, too, if tWBS had lasted longer in the bathroom.

tWBS:Awww.

BFC: Anyway, that’s the great thing about working down here. Unless Internet Dad finds out about it, we can step into the breach and help each other out, whether it’s filling in on quotables, venting about idiocy at work, or reminding someone to buy a vowel in DFO Wheel of Fortune NFL Before and After.

[O/S] Dok Zymm: ZAT VAS MY GAME UND YOU STOLE IT!  AND NOT EVEN VERY WELL!

RREM: Shit, she sounds pissed. Let’s get out of here before she figures out how far she can throw that typewriter.  Oh, shit, if blax is still gone, who’s doing quotables results this week?

BFC: Just call me the anti-Chris Berman because I’m picking winners, baby!  But I’m still fat, though. Shit, I need to work on this one. Anyway, quotables submissions from this week here, and to the victor(s) go the spoils!

/fin

PS Any formatting problems are because I don’t know what I’m doing.
PPS Fuck Sean Hannity, Roger Ailes, and all those mind-destroying fuckheads that have convinced a swath of the country that immorality and stupidity are ok if it’s for their cause.
PPPS blaxabbath should be back next week, so you don’t have to worry about me slighting beerguyron or anything.
PPPPS Why the fuck are you still reading these postscripts? The funny is below!

 


Hilary’s Dirty Dossier sounds like the worst butt stuff porn title ever.                                  -MitchKissingTitsbisky

I haven’t seen a Garçon so badly mistreated by an Eagle since the time I spotted Glenn Frey having lunch at the Chateau Marmont. -Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“‘Man, I’m glad I never played football.’ -Trent Green” –monty this seems strange to me

Hill: “This play will put Brocky over the top this week in FF.”
God (to Shiva and Quetzalcoatl): “Watch this.”                                                             -LemonJello

As the only receiver in the area who could catch a pass that low, the cat tried to come back to the ball, but then remembered that he could not be the first to touch the ball after coming back inbounds. -Armed and Hammered

After reviewing the play, the receiver technically only got one foot on the ground so it is an Incomplete Pass. – Redshirt

 

“’Well sure, it seems like a good play call NOW. -Darrell Bevell” -monty this seems strange to me

“My name is Luka.
“I live on the second floor.” -yeahright

“‘How does anyone else not see this?!’ -Bob McNair” -blaxabbath
BrettFavresColonoscopy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Latest posts by BrettFavresColonoscopy (see all)

BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

BFC is a Chicago native transplanted to our nation’s capital and transplanted again to the mountain West. He enjoys football, whisky, and the oxford comma.

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[…] Also, thanks for BFC for filling in last week. […]

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Someone gave tWBS a laptop once, and after that, no one was issued a wifi-enabled device ever again.

You can’t prove that was me.

(Can you?)

King Hippo
Member
ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Mitch’s is awesome. I totally missed it the first time.

King Hippo
Member

no wonder she’s frowning at that weirdo liek that ,, smgdh

King Hippo
Member

So…I lose Watson yesterday AND have Hopkins’ value turned to dust AND TODAY fucking Zeke is unsuspended again, so Morris (who I shrewdly picked up) is worthless again, on McKinnon’s bye week when I fucking need him.

Now, I have to play Kenyon fucking Drake AND pray that Emmanuel Sanders ankle holds up. Got fuckall else.

Game Time Decision
Member
Game Time Decision

My current plan is to start any RB with a pulse not on a bye week.

King Hippo
Member

I would have even recommended sneakily playing Rod Smith. I had rostered him even before Jerral said he’d be 2nd string ahead of McFadden, FFS.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

Seriously, Old Man Withers can eat a bag of rancid dicks….

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

The real Old Man Withers. Not BFC wearing an OMW mask under his Blax mask. That’s just good double-bluff hustle.

King Hippo
Member

The Luka line is delightful. I will claim partial credit for the Trent Green one in spirit, having said same thing in Live Blog. We are spirit animals this week, monty!

monty this seems strange to me
Member

I take way too much advantage of the easy Trent Green jokes.

yeah right
Member

I made quotables!

Things are going to start happening to me NOW!

monty this seems strange to me
Member

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