Your “Nice To See You Again!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Well, here she is-the meat of the week 10 sked. Will it be an overcooked skirt steak cut along the grain (“for extra chewiness!”) served with a side of store-brand ketchup or will it be a slow-roasted bone-in prime rib seasoned (the previous evening, of course) with sea salt, cracked black pepper and a touch of garlic powder? Who is to say? It’s our job to wipe the saliva drool off our keyboards and watch the damn fixtures and decide for ourselves. TO THE GAMES!

Cin/Ten: The Bengals are rushing for a paltry 72 ypg. And that’s despite the fact that Jeremy “No Thrill” Hill has been tossed into the dumpster. They’ve got enough talent. It’s just a matter of putting those pieces together but Marvin was never very good with crossword puzzles or coaching, come to think of it.

LAC/Jax: The LawnClippers look exactly like the 7-9 team they will inevitably be. The question then becomes, “Which Jags squad will show up-the one that throttled the Steelers 30-9 or the one that lost to the Jets in OT?” All I know is that the Jax D that has only given up an average of 14 points a game so far has the edge.

Cle/Det: Kizer gets thrown right back in the fryer. The Lions are without c Lang and de Ansah. Hug your loved ones.

NYJ/TB: As I mentioned in a thread t’udder (btw, this word doesn’t set off any alarm bells at Spell Check Headquarters) you could do worse than take a flyer on fill-in qb Fitzpatrick. He’s got some weapons at his disposal. Yes, wr Evans is out but Tampa qb’s have a 116 rating when passing to te’s Howard and Brate and the only team that passes more than the Bucs are the Niners (because they’re behind so much). If the Jets take this they’ll be within a half game of the last AFC wild card spot.

GB/Chi: It’s Hundley vs. Truthbiscuit for all the marbles, like maybe a dozen of them! It’s one semi-veteran struggler up against a Johnny-Come-Lately struggler! If turnovers and 3-and-outs get you hard, this is the game for you!

NO/Buf: A first-rate offense is finally paired with a competent defense and looky here-a 6-2 record! I can only imagine that someone bothered to tell hc Payton that white wine and not toilet water is the better option when choosing fish on the menu. I’d be leaning towards the Bills here (they’re undefeated at home) thinking that they’ll bounce back from their ugly loss to the Jets last week.

Pit/Ind: Some are saying that this is a trap game for the Steelers but I’m not buying. How can the Colts create one when they don’t even have a rope, snare wire or the ability to dig a hole in the ground? Pitt romps.

Min/Was: Minny is only favoured by 1.5? They’ve scored more points and given up far less than the Dacteds. They do have a few starters on the Purple People Eaters Redux D listed as questionable but that’s not enough to keep them from absconding with the W, is it?

Toss some funnies out there, will ya?

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King Hippo

So glad I started #ThePauls D/ST!

– Nobody

Horatio Cornblower

Until this week he’d been pretty good for me in FF. This week, however, I am playing Internet Dad and he started Ingram.

Things aren’t going well.

JustStopDude

I realize that most people don’t watch the Browns (god knows I wonder why), but this years has been especially frustrating because they have more talent then they have had in years.

For example, they are #1 against the run. Sure they give up a lot of points, I think they lead the league, but at the same time, their offense is on the field for almost no time…

And as I type this out, the Browns just got an interception.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raiders fans keep insisting that the only reason the Browns suck is that they have no talent on their roster and that actually Hue Jackson is actually a great head coach and the Raiders would win a Super Bowl if they could just get him back.

JustStopDude

I don’t blame him for the problems with the team. Its far beyond one person (besides the owner).

That said, Hue has made some batshit insane decisions.

Wakezilla

THIS CFL EAST SEMI-FINALS DIVISION GAME, I CALL IT THE HOUSTON 500 BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SCORING.

8-7 Ottawa Rough Riders

King Hippo

Murray? PRESENT!!

King Hippo

Los Titanicos look bueno

Gratliff

Apparently, Carrie Underwood fell down some stairs and got fucked up. Are they gonna CGI the damage in for the Sunday Night opening?

Gratliff

Goddamn it. I can’t even make snarky jokes like this these days because she apparently pissed off the pepes and they’re calling it an act of god.

Redshirt

When do pitchers and catchers report?

Wakezilla

Touchdown Riders on the opening drive. They went through Ottawa’s defense as if they were a hot knife entering butter.

Dunstan

And the fucking Red Zone channel doesn’t even mention it!

Dunstan

Ottawa returns the favor, makes the 2-point attempt, and now leads by a rouge

Gratliff

Spoiling off to a good start in Washington.

litre_cola

That is bullshit, his ass hit the boundary

King Hippo

his elbow might have been down first, hardly conclusive tho

King Hippo

what a catch by that PS guy, out of bounds or not

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh my god. Something wonderful is happening. The audio for some of the commercials (CBS game) is all fucked up so it’s basically muted.

JustStopDude

HOLY SHIT! Not only did the Browns start in the Detroit end of the field, the very first play was a successful pass. The Browns are in the RED ZONE!!!

Shit…I forget…what happens now? Its been a while…

JustStopDude

And on third and goal, Kizer throws the ball about five rows deep into the stand.

JustStopDude

But hey! 3-0 Browns! That is SERIOUS PROGRESS!!!

Redshirt

Bengals only have two HBs active. If anything happens to Mixon or Bernard, this may get interesting.

Redshirt

H-Backs (TEs)

Wakezilla

McCarron to take handoffs!

King Hippo

outdoor cold Saints gon Ain’t

JustStopDude

This Detroit game, you can hear it when someone flushes a fucking toilet in the stadium.

Senor Weaselo

But enough about the on-field action, how is it in the stands?

Romonobyl

At least that means the water was turned back on. Think positive!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The water makes more noise because of all the lead in it.

JustStopDude

Different city in Wayne County.

That is how fucked up Michigan is…Detroit is NOT the most dysfunctional city in its county.

King Hippo

nice start, #ThePauls

...

It’s a cloudy rainy mess so I guess I’m stuck watching the Packers and Bears bumble across the field for a few hours.

Fronkenshteen

Zeke was the Nigel Tufnel of my squad, now my team is about to go full-on Jazz Odyssey in front of a full festival crowd.

King Hippo

I did NOT.

McKinnon is RB2, and had Gronk and Engram starting at TE/Flex.

Have an inkling Rod Smith may get more touches than imagined, though Morris would be my first alternative at flex or RB. He’s a good start, still.

Redshirt

Justice League looks better. I mean that as it looks better than other DCEU shows. Its nice they actually paid money for better lights.

Redshirt

Owners: “Don’tkneelonVeteransDayWeekend.Don’tkneelonVeteransDayWeekend.Don’tkneelonVeteransDayWeekend.Don’tkneelonVeteransDayWeekend.Don’tkneelonVeteransDayWeekend.Don’tkneelonVeteransDayWeekend.Don’tkneelonVeteransDayWeekend.Don’tkneelonVeteransDayWeekend.”

King Hippo

Hippo soapbox:

Even as a liberal Demmycrat who generally agrees with the kneeling, and 100% agrees with their RIGHT to do so…I certainly hope everyone gives it a pass this weekend.

Gratliff

As a cynical asshole, all I think about is the fact they’re literally charging the military to honor the military

King Hippo

that is indeed quite cynical that the Shield does that

JustStopDude

I think its hilarious that people need to have their patriotism validated by random strangers.

Its right up there with the rage over minimum wage employees not saying “Merry Christmas” to ever fucking asshole that bum rushes them during their 12 hour shift. Or the idiots that think two men getting married will somehow do more damage to the “institution” as oppose to fucking Charlie Sheen.

Romonobyl

100% good call.

Romonobyl

In all honesty, I think making an exception to the kneeling thing on Vetern’s Day weekend would be appropriate. Might even mend a fence or two.

Gratliff

No it won’t. Kaep kneeling was at the request of an actual veteran and people want to nail him to a cross for it.

Romonobyl

Probably right, just wishful thinking.

Romonobyl

Interesting approach to anthem coverage, although a helicopter flyby doesn’t quite have as much punch.

litre_cola
Redshirt

New twist: Anthem singer is thrown from play with a parachute. Parachute won’t open until Anthem is finished.

Gratliff

And if even one person is kneeling, they cut the cord before pushing them out

Gratliff

Find myself rooting for Washington and Atlanta. I forgot how much work went into rooting for teams that are actually going to be in the playoffs.

King Hippo

Just realized it was Veterans’ Day yesterday, and I won a bet against my dead father’s branch of the service (Air Force), though he wasn’t an academy guy.

Sorry, Dad!!

Redshirt

Feel sorry for the troops in the background. You know they are there under orders.

Redshirt

In Nashville, AJ McCarron just saw the Browns in the CBS Pregame Show and started breaking out in small, relieved laughter.

Redshirt

Good. Hill is on IR. They cannot start him each half anymore.

SPOILERS:

Redshirt: “QUIT STARTING EMPTY BACKFIELD EVERY HALF, BENGALS!”

King Hippo

This sounds like a front office intervention on Marvin Lewis, no?

King Hippo

Funniest thing I’ve seen all week – Donks coach Vance Joseph is really Fargo Season 2’s Mike Milligan!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yl9B2bMzMDA

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate living in a red state. I need to buy beer and cannot until 1pm.

herodotus450

If you can’t buy beer before 1 on sundays, you don’t need to go to the doctor. We smrt.

herodotus450

Also, why aren’t blue laws condemned as BAD FOR THE SMALL BUSINESS MAN and repealed?

theeWeeBabySeamus

That gives me an idea actually. A friend runs a little store not far from me. I could probably get him to let me grab a case and take it out the back and pay him later. If not, it’ll be 1pm by the time I make into town anyway.

Onward and upward, ppl!!!!!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

In California, we can buy beer as early as the local market opens. In my case, 9 AM.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Showoff.

laserguru

6 AM right next door at the 7-11.

King Hippo

The law is noon, dude. Or is your county all extra?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You sure?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve been rebuffed b/w noon and 1pm before tho, yes. Maybe it is just fucked up Orange County.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh shit, just looked it up. Changed in June, eh?

Bye!!!!!!!!

King Hippo

I knowed I seen the placards at Super Target with “noon” on them. Huzzah!

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s noon for beer and wine in TX, but that’s 1pm in the eastern time zone. No hard liquor sales on Sunday.

litre_cola

10 am here. When double digits are on the clock play ball.

Romonobyl

I was at a club in Vegas and asked the bartender when last call was. She had no damned idea what I was talking about.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just realized I was on mountain time still. Could not figure out why the games hadn’t started yet.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait until you get to Pacific time!

Spur

Roy Moore is going to win the election and every couple years he’ll make some crazy statement/position and we’ll all remember him.

Those Southern states should have been depopulated and given back to the natives.

...

I’ve seen a few survey results the last day or two that suggest Evangelicals are *more* tolerant of this behavior than the average American and that some are actually *more* likely to vote for him because of this.

I heard someone one say these people don’t actually worship God, but rather than messy blend of piety, nationalism, and autocracy and it’s really hard to deny that now.

King Hippo

there are a subset of fundies that really are just strongly authoritarian and chauvanistic. They indeed won’t be bothered one bit.

But I also have a “born again” friend from college (who was an athiest then) who is now a non-racist Ron Paul fan (I know, I know), who would absolutely vote for Doug Jones if he lived there. He refused to vote for Trump, just couldn’t vote for Hillary, either. Considered both “evil.”

He has daughters, but doesn’t view them as chattel.

This is a true test, though. No doubt about it, For there is no excusing the choice one makes here.

...

I’m just stuck on the incongruity of voting for a Democrat when your primary political idol is Ron Paul.

King Hippo

He’s a fairly consistent Libertarian, but his primary concern is (again, seems strange) world peace. He reads the intellectual “never Trump” right-ist stuff, not the Breitbart trash.

...

Ah. I’ve encountered some of these folks. Heart is kinda in the right place but they’re naive as hell.

King Hippo

agreed. Just hope they keep reading, and keep their eyes open while their fellow travelers defend the likes of Roy Moore. Change can happen.

Gratliff

“Never Trump” just means all the shit Trump wants to do with a visage of basic human decency.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yuuuup. During the 16 election, I read a couple Evangelical posts (distant) friends and family were throwing on the facecuck.com and many basically said Trump was a vessel for God to work his will and the whole sexual assault thing was a test to make sure they still supported God’s unusual vessel to do his work.

Fuck those people.

King Hippo

I think there is a less-than 50/50, but significant (maybe 20-25%) chance that there are enough sane people there that will say this is a bridge too far. I mean, even the GOP Governor is refusing to endorse him, same with the other Senator.

He barely won his last statewide election, when it was NOT known he was a paedo. People don’t like to be laughingstocks, even in Alabama. And unlike MS, Alabama actually DOES have a few reasonable-sized cities (that are fairly GOP-leaning). Those people can be peeled off from the usual coalition.

Viva La Tabula Raza

One of the most liberal guys I know grew up in Muscle Shoals AL.

Viva La Tabula Raza

If they had given Mississippi and Al Abama to the Jews instead of Palestine after WWII, a lot of problems would have been avoided. Or maybe not.

laserguru

I think it’s the Fargo accent but I found this video to be absolutely magical.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3btEDmNFy6k

Fronkenshteen

Two players on my bench I’m afraid are going to blow up: Ty Montgomery and Martavis Bryant.

Shogun Marcus

Both should be blown up.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think fear of spontaneous combustion is overblown

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The one receiver I’d most be worried about blowing up is Kelvin Benjamin but now that he’s away from all that Carolina barbecue he’ll probably be able to stay slim.

litre_cola

Scotchy it is football playoff in your country as well today.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Quick advice: Fuller and rely on Savage Garden or go with Sammy Watkins and his inconsistency?

King Hippo

GUH. Watkins.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Savage Garden. If you’re looking for a Sammy who plays like he’s only using one of his eyes I’d stick with this guy:

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King Hippo

That reminds me of my racist grandpa’s go-to racist allusion. GOOD TIMES.

/thankfully he has been ded long time now

Fronkenshteen

Watkins. Better QB, and the Houston has given up a zillion fantasy points to WRs vs every team not named “Cleveland”.

blaxabbath

Fuller. Watkins is simply not a target for Goff.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh, I’m so hungry, and that lede ain’t helping.

Help me, airport breakfast, you’re my only hope.

King Hippo

TRAVEL TIP: The Golden Corral breakfast at the RDU airport is surprisingly excellent.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That thought turned my stomach

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Mmm…Corral…”

– a semi-articulate zombie

King Hippo

one item that has always concerned me – is the Truth in the Biscuit, or is the Biscuit in the Truth?

Shogun Marcus

We are all the biscuit, and our truths live inside of each of us. Ob la di, koo koo gajoob.

Spur

Morning Folks.

King Hippo

correct this time, hippie

Fronkenshteen

Three fantasy players I need to come down with a case of the Hong Kong flu before kickoff: Christian McCaffery, A.J. Green, Evan Engram.
That is all.

litre_cola

No to all of that nonesense.

Brick Meathook

I’m off to the NHRA Top Fuel Finals at Pomona!

BTW, if you Google “drag race gif” here’s what you get. I’m assuming these are the drivers:

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Brick Meathook

BONUS:
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ballsofsteelandfury

I hope you have earplugs. That is the loudest event I’ve ever been to. You can feel the noise in your guts.

It’s fucking awesome!

blaxabbath

JV: They aren’t going to win anything but Arizona is seriously a fun team to watch. D gives up a ton of points, offense is electric. It’s fun football to watch.

King Hippo

they have truly become one with the RichRod

laserguru

I’m going against form and betting on my team today. I’ve got a two team parlay with Vikes and Bears.

I’m sure I’ll have no regrets whatsoever.

King Hippo

Rules for betting on own team’s fixtures:

1) NEVAR bet on your own team to do a GOOD.

2) NEVAR bet so much AGAINST your team that your loyalties are conflicted.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Any time I start to feel pity for the Cleveland Browns – even just a little – I remind myself that this is a franchise that brought in Art Briles as a consultant.

blaxabbath

Also, I need to buy some new pots for my hydroponics. Things are damn expensive via Amazon and all the online suppliers I can find are killing me with shipping. Long shot here but anyone got any recommendations for where to buy?

They’re just the ~4″ square pots for my flood tray.

litre_cola

kijiji?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Is that a code word? I’m not familiar with that word. It sounds like something a player would name his child, and then not pay child support for. You know, one of THOSE kinds of players. Irresponsible ones. You wouldn’t find a player like that in the Patriots organization, that is something you can count on. I’ve said it a hundred times, if you want to win in the NFL – in any professional sport for that matter – you have to have discipline within your organization. That’s what you get with Bill Belichick.”

– Colin Cowherd

litre_cola

Shit, is it a Canadian marketplace for selling stuff? We buy and sell all the stuff for decilitre on there.

blaxabbath

It does appear to be Canadian. And since I am in the GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH IN HISTORY, I’ll thank you to do me one better.

blaxabbath

Wow — is MIN good? Like, SB contender good? They’ve really come on (according to their bye week post).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If other people were asleep when they started making their move it’s known as “Weinsteining”.

litre_cola

Cosbying is also acceptable.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Cosbying” is actually better, in fact.

NOBODY UPSTAGES LITTLE RIKKI! HISS!

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laserguru

Would also accept “Pulling a Sharper.”

blaxabbath

“Securing the Peter King vote.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sharper? Yeah, I suppose it could use some work on the whetstone.”

– Ray Lewis

herodotus450

This might be peak nfl apathy for me.
/But is it “peak” if it will go up next weeK?

blaxabbath

#INTERESTINGTAKE

litre_cola

The only thing holding my interest is Gamblor lord of gambling!!!!

King Hippo

I (stupidly) put money on the Humps, because I think they are better than a doormat, Stillers are worse than an elite team, and as such 10 is just way too much to be laying on the road like that. Only ‘splanation is public team.

litre_cola

I need me some London action this early in the morning!!!

King Hippo

sorry Sparky fucked up your parlay. I went to sleep b/c my watching was fucking with WY, which did the trick for them at least.

litre_cola

Yeah, if I had only not gone there for a semester when I was 18 I would not have the soft spot for em! When they were up 14 nothing I knew I was in trouble. Today is a new day I am with scotchy and think TB will roll the Jets

King Hippo

I took Fronk’s tip (PHRASING!!) and bet the over on that one. Neither defense so much as tries anymore.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, I remember the time I got some London action early in the morning…

Horatio Cornblower

-Said the IRA

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