After the “games” we sat through today, we finally get a decent matchup tonight. It’s too bad that we have to endure the incoherent ramblings of Cris Collinsworth, but we all have crosses to bear.
In non-football news, UCLA has fired Head Coach Jim Mora Jr. Thus begins another cycle of UCLA sucking balls while USC is good but not quite as good as they should be given the lack of competition. Seriously, if anyone should go it’s the AD, Dan Guerrero. The university has never committed to building a football program and has instead rested on the laurels of John Wooden by pretending to be a top basketball school. How has that worked out?
Seriously, Trump should have let them rot in a Chinese jail. Who the fuck thinks it’s a good idea to go to a foreign country and steal shit? They should have been kicked out of the university for embarrasing themselves and everyone associated with UCLA. But good old Dan Guerrero was the first one to thank Trump and has let the coach allow the players to “work” their way back onto the team. To borrow a meme from tWBS:
Let’s move on to something surprisingly good: THIS GAME!
The red-hot Philadelphia Eagles can give themselves a 4 loss lead with 6 games to play with a win over the Cowboys. This is Game Two of Ezekiel Elliot’s suspension and no one has effectively come forward to make up for his absence. If the Cowboys could lose to RAMMIT at home, they can get destroyed by Philly.
Hopefully, the Eagles can get out of this game with no injuries. As you can see with the Cowboys, teams are way worse when key players are out and that diminishes the appeal of the game, the team, and the league.
BTW, if Jerry Jones can somehow can Goodell’s ass, I will be perfectly happy with the Boys winning the next 6 Super Bowls. Call me Faust, I don’t care.
Get to it, you heathens!
Eat a dick, Dez!
EAT DASANI BLOOD ORANGE, DEZ
Fuck your runs!
Fletcher Cox is a dick
WOO!!! Win mah bet, Pokes!!
Washington did not lose a heartbreaker. Yes it was close, No the consequences of losing were not dire. The season was over after the second loss to the Iggles.
Jake Elliot: Another Find Brought to You by the Cincinnati Bengals Scouting Department.
SEASON OVER
I have a hard time accepting anyone in the Dallas organization named Switzer.
Still want to punch Ryan Switzer.
Check.
That was a good.
This was a great start.
You want to cure alcoholism in the US? Just pre-mix everything with Dasani Blood Orange Sparkling Water.
I had this once, and dear God I would kill for it again.
oh, an’ Buddy fancy!
I wish. Someone brought it a local beer meet-up thingy and it was divine.
I like me some Sherry so you’ve got my attention.
It’s a Creme Sherry mixed with maple syrup and blended with a grape mead. Holy shit.
Sean Lee is injured mid-season. Guess I’m paying taxes and dying after all.
In other news: water is still wet.
Patent Pending Hot Taek: Trump organized the UCLA shoplifting so he could swoop in, solve the problem with “diplomacy” and get an easy win. None of the players involved have outspoken, self-aggrandizing asshole attention whore fathers, do they?
We should start awarding “Loose Change Of the Week!”
How much loose change does it take to get a loose screw around here?
I’ll give the 9/11 Truthers credit for this much at least: apparently they drove Osama bin Laden nuts.
OH HOLY SHIT IT’S WORSE THAN I EVER IMAGINED I’M SORRY GIN FOR MIXING YOU WITH THIS TRAVESTY I WILL THROW THE REST OUT AND DRINK THIS HORRIBLE DRINK AS FAST AS POSSIBLE BEFORE MAKING IT BETTER WITH THE PELLEGRIO. OH THE HUMANITY MY TONGUE, MY TASTE OH OH
Sooooo…..nawt medium gin after all?
The gin is fine, the Bloody orange Dasani BS is the culprit. Seriously awful.
THANKS FACEBOOK!!!!!!!
Bypass the tongue. Deep throat the bottle!
Hrmm…this Dasani blood orange flavored soda water is a) clear and b) smells like Runts orange candy. I’m not going to enjoy this, I should add more gin and steal better beverages from work in future.
you’re new work-stealing there, you shall improve
Find a corner store and buy a liter bottle of orange Fanta. You won’t regret it…for long.
Orange Fanta and gin is good. I’ve had it for breakfast when camping at festivals before. You need to start drinking early if you’re going to sleep in a tent without a sleeping bag in the north of England.
I’m not sure about this new format. I haven’t done this much refreshing since I manned the open bar at my father’s second wedding.
i like that my place doesn’t get lost though.
When planning retirement, you might have to budget more per year for hard drugs, but it allows you to budget for fewer years!
drugs, always the answer!
That’s where its good to have a family history of old age Dementia. Even if/when I’m 80 and broke and homeless, I won’t know!
plus we already got you used to pantslessness
When I went to buy my wine at the little corner liquor store, I casually asked the clerk about this year’s Bourbon County release and she gave me quite a rant about how they don’t care about small stores and just show up unannounced with cases of it sometimes several days after the main release. This is actually good for me because I can avoid the lines and just walk up to buy one of each like I did last year.
What’s a bourbon county release?
https://www.hopculture.com/tasting-2017-bourbon-county-bcbs-with-jared-jankoski/
Whassup, assorted DFO ruffians?
Getting my drink on prior to the game
So Chip Kelly to Gainesville is true?
Almost time foar Carrie Givesmewood!
Awww, hell yea. Fetch yourself some of this stuff.
I would drink that.
If you find it barrel-aged spend whatever it takes to get it.
And this is what makes Thanksgiving tolerable.
https://www.ratebeer.com/beer/troegs-the-mad-elf-holiday-ale/19994/
“Strong Ale” is my favorite style of beer because it’s not bullshitting you that its purpose is to deliver as much alcohol to you as possible.
Dear internal organs, I like gin and football better than you. In related news, should I go medium gin with blood orange soda mixer, or good gin with a splash of soda?
D: All the above.
It’s still ‘commentatiting’ so yeah, I’m just mixing everything together in a fucking chug jug
Which gin do you have more of on hand?
Medium, cause it goes in the decanter. Speaking of which, I should decant my gin.
Riot Juice
Die Eagles Die
Wait, so is it football time now? Still getting used to this West Coast shit, also was playing Fallout.
Might wanna stick to the video game.
Good news! The Excedrin has kicked in. So I guess I don’t have a golf ball above my eye after all!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zV78IgXzB0&ab_channel=SENTIENTMIND
Excedrin? A little hard for this blog, doncha think? What’s next…children’s NyQuil?
You mean Decilitres magic juice?
/I jest
In order to get liquor, I would’ve had to go downstairs where my family was.
Was?
Ha ha, Freudian slip.
(note to self, Romonobyl knows too much)
The wine I got is pretty mediocre.
What is it?
Some blend of red wines that cost less than $10. It’s not bad per se but it just isn’t what I like.
Dregs O’the Cask?
Well, you did buy it in a box.
If I had gone the box wine path I’d have just silently sipped my crap in shame.
The bags make a good pillow when backpacking up the coast of Australia if that is something you are keen for.
Ooooh. I like the idea of traveling wine box in tow wherever my two feet my take me!
Aim high lil’ camper!
The fun thing about drinking in Australia is that your head spins in the opposite direction
Was it $5 at 7-11? If yes, that’s why. If no, you should probably make a bigger effort to figure out what you like.
Let’s Go Cowboys – Give it your all. Zeke and Tyrion WILL FIND YOU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pCv7k_Hzvg
Collinsworth is gonna get pissed if Gollum keeps tongue-fucking Brady.
NBC, why does some jamoke with an Amazon Fire TV box and a Reddit account make better streams than the one available on your site?
Jerry Jones wants to make sure the cameras see him tonight. When Goodell’s car bomb on goes off at 9:58pm tonight, he’ll have his alibi.
That old bastard has more connections than AT&T.
I don’t know what the opposite of July Nullification is, but if I was on that jury, no one would leave that Jury Room alive until I have the votes to convict.
So I see you’ve found the file of all women that have seen me nekkid.
Just one and she’s been screaming ever since.
I tell the neighbors it’s the TeeVee.
Hey!!!!! Banner image girl who probably really is named Amber!!!!!
Where the hell is DAVE?????????????????
Banner Image Girl is more maintenance than the space shuttle.
LOL, I’m quite certain you are correct.
Probably why she fictitiously stole my truck last week.
(I was just trynna make ballsy laugh….feel free to ignore me)
No way in hell was Trump involved with the state department getting those clowns out.
At best, he turned to the nearest Asian person in his view and started ordering them around, and assumed that person was the head of China Land.
“And they better bring me back some eggrolls!”
“I called George Takei and said, ‘Look you’re in trouble for diddling guys, okay? Call your homeland China, get these three boys free, and your image will be helped. Unless you try to jerk off LaVar Ball’s kid then all bets are off.'”
Regardless, LaVar Ball is still a dick.
Both are dicks…one has access to the nuclear football…
i don’t get how these gay republicans are all trying to pass anti gay legislation when they get caught in these scandals. Like, the true conservative position is just, “hey, bedroom ain’t the government’s biz”. But these guys go out of their way to attack gays — while fucking dudes!
Just makes no sense.
If it had to make sense, poor people wouldn’t vote for the party of the rich
https://politics.theonion.com/nations-poor-win-election-for-nations-rich-1819567598
I’ve lost track of the total number of pro life fuckers that have forced their young adultery partners to get an abortion on the down low…
It got this ass-clown out of office!
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/04/politics/tim-murphy-abortion-reelection/index.html
It’s your reminder that for most pro-life people, prohibiting abortion isn’t about saving lives, but shackling women.
http://www.prochoiceactionnetwork-canada.org/articles/anti-tales.shtml
Jeez
“Honestly, I just like feeling dirty when I do it.”
Self-loathing is powerful.
Seriously. Look how many Bears and Jets fans we have here.
This is your regular Carrie Underwood protection service, coming in early this time!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xgc9j-TSyy8
Where is Mamula?
It sounds like the neighbors are having loud old eastern European people sex. But I think they’re just going out for dinner.
Should I get beer? I tried a whiskey barrel-aged Baltic Porter on Thursday that was good (it tasted like whiskey) and kicked my ass. I should use these growlers I got to fill them with it.
YES
What did you get him?
Double Barrel Baltic Porter – https://untappd.com/b/mcmenamins-double-barrel-baltic-porter/1165376
Sounds gott-dammed delicious! Adding to my untappd wishlist.
But is it up for anything?
Uncle Ed used to say, “Buddy, there’s two things in life that are guarantees: Bo Jackson is the most athletic running back I have ever seen, and Kevin Spacey has fantasized being ass-fucked by him.”
Spacey would rape him if he could.
It was inevitable that we got the Ball vs. Trump showdown.
BTW, given the revelation of DOD storing intelligence, including records of U.S. sites that mention Trump, in unsecured AWS accounts, I think Otto had the right idea not emigrating over to DFO.
What’s that mean
If there are intelligence analysts reading and saving poker web pages just because Trump is mentioned, they definitely have backups of DFO.
https://www.upguard.com/breaches/cloud-leak-centcom
We should accuse trump of sending Russian bots to dfo bc we rip on him fairly regularly. INSTANT TRAFFIC
Wasn’t the pet theory that he was running for office and that’s why he scrubbed everything?
That’s what I read when I asked.
UCLA = Trump’s University
Uncle Ed once said, “The only thing scarier than a Sunday night game in Philadelphia is Duce Staley with a lubed-up dildo after doing meth.”
O/U on DAK Sacks at 14.
Way over.
Direct snaps all game.
Imaginary Internet Friends! I bid you all a pleasant evening.
The move of House LemonJello from OBX to NoVA has been completed. I got internet and cable service Friday, but then spent most of the weekend sorting through boxes and trying not to toss 90% of it into a dumpster or bonfire.
Now, I’m sitting my ass down in front of the tv, drinking some beers and commenting with you masters and mistresses of sarcasm and wit.
Did you throw away your broom before you moved? If you kept it, that’s bad juju.
Shit. That would explain some of the issues. That, and the indian burial ground the house was built on.
yeah, dont skull fuck the skulls, that’s bad.
NOW you tell me!
Well, you are in Northern Virginia…
I wish UCLA went to Pyongyang.
They have to go to Phoenix.
Don’t ever leave me Witten. Fuck Off Peter King.
First ones here!
Good Hustle
