Nope, no football tonight. More or less.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJcwqyhUtH0
OK, calm down, don’t cry. There actually is if you want it badly enough.
The FCS quarterfinals do continue tonight with the #16 Kennesaw State Owls facing the #5 Sam Houston State BearKats. But that’s on ESPN3 though (8:30pmEST), so I say screw that game. Also, the BearKats are favored -5, but the moneyline is retarded. So screw that game even more.
And what the hell is a BearKat anyway? Just the name sounds scary.
Oh, OK. Not scary at all. Kinda looks like an otter fucked a weasel. Well that thought is kinda scary, I guess.
But unless it goes rabid and attacks the person in the mascot suit, I might be losing interest.
Also, the mascot’s name is “Sammy” btw…how creative, right? That would be like Stephen F. Austin’s mascot being named “Stevie”, which would be stupid too.
Little known fact…Stephen F. Austin’s mascot is actually the “Lumberjacks”. Not stupid exactly, but doesn’t sound interesting does it? Well, what if I told you the women’s teams are known as the “Ladyjacks”…..?
Still nothing, huh? Well I thought it was funny. Ladyjacks…hehehehe….
Aaaaaand I’ve gone off the rails here so let’s move on, shall we?
(Texas is weird)
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NFL Broadcast Maps – courtesy 506sports.com
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Things Which Are Not Football Foar Your Viewing Pleasures 2Nite
NHL
Lotsa games tonight, but only one national broadcast…
- Toronto @ Yinzburgh – 7:00pmEST – TV: NHLN
NBA
- Miami @ Brooklyn – 6:00pmEST – TV: NBATV
- Utah @ Milwaukee – 8:30pmEST – TV: NBATV
- OKC @ Memphis – 9:00pmEST – TV: NBATV*
* Not sure about the OKC/Memphis game. I’m seeing it listed on the interwebz as being on NBATV, but maybe a regional split? On my TeeVee box grid, it shows Utah/Milwaukee sooooo…you’ll get whatever you get.
NCAA Basketball
Top 25 Tonight:
- (5)Florida @ (17)Cincinnati – 6:00pmEST – TV: ESPN2
- Southern Utah @ (3)Michigan State – 6:00pmEST – TV: B1GN
- (14)Minnesota @ Arkansas – 6:45pmEST – TV: SECN
- (9)Notre Dame @ Delaware – 7:00pmEST – TV: CBSSN
- Hillsdale Free Will Baptist College now known as Randall University @ (23)Baylor – 7:00pmEST – TV: None because who gives a shit? J/K…FoxSportsSW 😉
- (18)West Virginia @ Pitt – 8:00pmEST – TV: ESPN2
Other Stupid Shit You Can Watch* Tonight:
- NCAA Women’s Volleyball Tourney – All night tonight more or less – TV: ESPNU
- American Ninja Warrior (whatever the fuck that is) – All night tonight more or less – TV: NBCSN
- UFC Fight Night – 8:00pmEST – TV: FS1
- A Shitload of Star Wars Movies – All night tonight more or less – TV: TNT
- The Grinch (and not that stupid Jim Carrey bullshit) – 7:00pmEST – TV: TBS
- It’s A Wonderful Life – 8:00pmEST – TV: USA (Fuck off, George Bailey you dumbshit…Clarence should have pushed you into the river and been done with it)
- A Bunch of Stupid Ass Christmas Movies – All month more or less – TV: Hallmark Channel
* Please don’t admit it if you actually watch any of this other than the women’s volleyball. Otherwise, just lie and say you read a book or something.
But whatever you watch and/or do, you better sure as hell tell everyone about it in the comments. Otherwise we will think you don’t like us and we will be sad.
You heard me…get to it!!!!!!! Typey typey!!!!! NOW!!!!!
Someone has to put the lipstick on this pig of a night and it might as well be you.
–
I haven’t seen anyone be SantaCon fall down drunk yet. I want my money back!
Y’all are good folks for kinda sorta pretending I’m not a sucker.
I always think that if I see a btl of wine that I want and it is a bit expensive, screw it I work hard and deserve it. So huzzah to you for taking care of yourself.
Wasn’t Goose Island bought by a Gigantor conglomerate?
AB/InBev, I believe.
Are we in a simulation inside a simulation?
Also a valid point. That’s a drinking-level price (and you don’t buy beer to vintage). And, as I get older — especially with seasonal shit — I appreciate more, “ah fuck it. let’s just knock out this experience. i don’t need a bargain here.”
So enjoy the beer and enjoy knowing you’re enjoying a limited edition while maybe a dozen other bros in town are like, “Man, I wish they just sold that at the store because I wanna try it but I’m not paying more that $10/bottle.”
Well, it ain’t like we’re doing any kind of contending.
As someone who will buy a hundred dollar bottle of wine or single malt scotch or gram of coke on occasion, far be it from me to criticize anyone for extravagant purchases. I mean, as long as the kids are getting fed.
Kids? Aw fuck; left them at the liquor store….brb.
My nickname in the navy was “Two-ply” so I should be judging the fuck out of you…but I have also spent a week in a nut house against my will so who the fuck am I to judge?
Pretty warm in the city today.
How much Taco Bell did they eat to cause that?
Is there a ranking of midwest cities? Like, based on whatever variables, Pittsburgh is better than Cincinnati? Or Chicago is better than St Louis? I feel like I can look at the west pretty well rank our cities. And then the east coast is just a big dense toss-up. I don’t know much about the south but I’m sure it’s all just terrible (maybe New Orleans stands out as sort of high on the fun scale but maybe not where anyone wants to really be from). Texas, as Texas is, refuses to be ranked with other states and just provides all it’s own candidates. But the midwest; I really couldn’t tell you why any city is particularly better than the others (except Cleveland, obviously).
Little known fact….this was my nickname in middle school.
That was balls’ nickname in middle school probably.
Not wrong
Yes, yes, Cleveland, obviously the worst. Ha ha. Lake front properties at Midwest prices. Such a bad foutballed team though. Definitely don’t go there.
I spent one week there for work. The weather was disgusting but I didn’t really get the impression it was violent or anything.
I visited Omaha for the first time a couple years back and was pleasantly surprised; they’ve rehabilitated the old industrial area with a lot of cool bars and restaurants. Of course it was September and the tundra-like weather conditions had yet to take hold.
Omaha is definitely better than expected but not all that great once you’ve seen the one area you mentioned. I managed to appreciate my two days there but wouldn’t go back.
plus, it’s very white there. I like San Antonio because it’s practically a border town, Spanish radio stations and billboards, just feels a little more, I dunno, international.
Well, it’ll depend on who you ask but as a lifelong (cringes) Midwesterner, I’d rank the larger cities as such:
1. Chicago
2a. Minneapolis
2b. St. Paul
3. Kansas City
4. Milwaukee
5. Detroit
6. Cincinnati
7. St. Louis
8. Getting bit by a car.
9. Indianapolis
I can’t rank Cleveland because I’ve never been there and I don’t consider Pittsburgh part of the Midwest. I also don’t want to delve into the next tier of cities because most are too small to be rightfully called such.
What makes KC so good? I never ever hear about that place, outside of Andy Reid food jokes.
Kind’ve absurb that (public perception wise) that KC and Milwaukee are in the same “region.” One’s in the godless north and t’other’s in the hellish south.
Welp, the wine is gone. Off to the liquor cabinet!
The Ice Cowboys keep giving up sucker-bet goals too the Vegas Ice Gamblors. Fuck…
Trash Panda HVAC Tech: “You really should change out these filters more frequently.”
We’re gonna need to call a new A/C guy. I don’t think this guy knows what he’s doing.
Is it the “first nigth in vegas home ice” advantage?
I, uh, just spent $170 on beer.
So, back to the store again tomorrow?
You jest, but..
I was just walking by the corner liquor store and noticed they had put several Goose Island Bourbon County beers on their shelf. For those of you who aren’t obnoxious beer nerds, Goose Island does this highly anticipated release of barrel-aged beers each year. Most places that have it available have 2-4 hour lines just to get it when it’s released on Black Friday and the special varieties go fast because they’re in small batched.
Well, when I saw one of these variants just sitting on a shelf in the open ready to be sold. So I go in and grab it. When I talk to the clerk about finding it, turns out they had an even *less* common variety under the front counter. So I grabbed that.
Embolded, I went to the other little liquor store nearby and ask if they have any. Sure enough, they have a variety that I had really wanted by missed out on. So I grab that.
Of course, they bent me over the proverbial bourbon barrel to pay for it, but they are generally regarded as incredibly good beers and I didn’t have to wait in line to get them.
So, if you’re in Chicago want to taste what getting ripped off is like, drop by my place.
A beer or some beer?
Four Bourbon County beers.
A regular stout, a special reserve stout, a blueberry version of the stout, and a coffee version of the stout.
It’s fancy shit I badly overpaid for but HELL YEAH I GOT SOME.
Sounds like a very “stout” order.
My algebra fails me at this level of imbibement. How much beer did you get for $170?
You paid $60/beer?
Probably more like 10, then a 130 dollar tip that the waitress did NOT reciprocate.
Nah, averaged out to about $40. Taxes in the city are a bitch.
I KEEP WAITING FOR THE .GIF TO START.
My mouth just watered.
Is this your lead in to how that’s actually a steal for this awesome craft brew from this brewery up the street that does limited Christmas batches but my buddy is a regular over there in the taproom (they actually carry a pretty good rotating selection of drafts from across the state) so we got me the hook up to get a sixer tonight. Probably beat out a 45 minute line. ?
Look, buddy. If I’m gonna be ripped off, I’m going to delude myself into thinking it was worth it and no voice of reason, italicized or bolded or wingdinged, will tell me otherwise.
The wingdings cost extra, pal.
Holy shit, that’s awesome.
Gotta use the tools you have around the house.
The leg is right there, just get some super glue baby. If that thing is genuine silicone you know it’s expensive.
There is the shot of the evening Moose.
Needs more stiffness for leveling……
What is the (a) count, and (b) volume of beer bottles you got for $170?
Grandma can still knot.
I was actually really happy to read your experience when my page refreshed after I wrote that.
While I do like the manual refresh buttons, it’s annoying for the very reason that if you forget to click them, you can end up missing out on a faster-moving conversation.
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/300/454/f1c.gif
DON’T! GET! ELIMINATED!
Painful elimination of the day!
“Indeed Kenny Blankinship! GREAT CALL!”
Coincidentally the shelter is no longer overcrowded.
PRAISE BE TO OUR LORD SODOMY CLOWN
So, do my clown?
DO MY CLOWN, MASTER
This here is the thing that made me laugh out loud today.
So it’s been like — shit — a year since I was lifting. Figured I’d ease back in since got a bun in the oven but my knees are not having it. I had no knee issues forever then they kinda got messed up in soccer a couple years back. I never thought of knees as elastic; are these bitches just going?
You’re pregnant? Congrats!
Can’t wait to see him give birth.
Yeah. It’s trippy. I think I’m going to be throwing up tomorrow as I feel my old hateful aggressive violent dick joke self battle the new progressive empathetic patient forward looking dick joke self. It’s some Matrix 3 type of struggle.
We’re telling everyone at Christmas. I just the top most popular names — 80% are absolutely terrible.
Make sure to post the gender reveal video here so we can all mock it relentlessly.
/Mazeltov!
OK, settle down Roy.
I clearly said “gender reveal” and NOT “genitals reveal.”
BIG. DIFFERENCE.
True, but once again, that derails my joke.
Not at all, it was a great joke.
Awwwww, thanks.
Oh shit. That’s the best Roy Moore joke I’ve heard. Like, he goes back so far that he beats everyone by attending gender reveal parties.
Great. Now the Bubbas up the road are shooting off fireworks. I’ll have to live with my dog’s fear-panting for the rest of the evening.
Well fuck.
Must be leftovers from July 4th; the fireworks stands around here don’t open till 20 December. Maybe they’re celebrating the moving of the US Embassy to Jerusalem and the upcoming Armageddon.
Popovich is sitting all starters except Aldridge tonight. Well, it is Phoenix, so I guess he likes his chances.
I hate how both generic and terrible sports are in my town.
The dynamic is very odd.
Schrödinger?
It’s very out of place. I mean, it’s a 4-sport non-LA/NY/BOS town, not everyone is gonna be a champion. But Sarver has absolutely RUINED the Suns. The Bidwills seem to think that the key to FINALLY finding post-season success is to just own the team long enough. The Coyotes were actually abandoned and ended property of the NHL-State! The Dbacks are our best franchise and they’re young, they’re usually pretty likeable, but they complete in a sport where — regardless of how committed ownership was (which will never happen with these corporate drones) — the lack of salary cap will always make them prey of markets that can go, “Oops! Looks like we might be in trouble. Better burn that $400 million we’ve got over here!”).
Not my favorite senior photo, but still the one they used in the yearbook.
Assume me that ASU won’t beat Kansas at home tomorrow.
Fear the fork Blax, if that is your real name….
CHRISTIAN name.
You snowflake.
#TrumpMoore2020
Also, to no one’s surprise, Baker Mayfield wins the Heisman. Sky continues to be blue, water remains wet.
DFO’ers go golfing.
Might want to clean that out a little more regularly…
They call that a morning blow job.
I call driver. Can you believe they let me drive them around campus for work? And I was the mascot one open house too!
I did not get to drive as the mascot but that would have been pretty badass.
Is there an echo in here?
What? You always copy me.
Me, Sill.
What? You always copy me.
Did you really say that same thing?
I can’t believe you really said that same thing.
You guys are confusing me.
I need to drink moar.
He’s the equivalent of Kyle’s ulta-Jewish cousin Kyle on South Park — But for johnny Manziel
45-27 WVU at the half?
Also the ages of your typical uncle-daughter west virginia wedding?
must be nice to have a hoopsball program ,, smgdh
Kiss my ass, Mr. Two National Championships. We’ve got two NIT titles!
/runs off sobbing
34 and 43 years old.
Don’t caaare.
I’m 35.
I meant our two Nat’l Championships.
I watched that pbs documentary about Voyager on Netflix today. Just really enjoyed it.
Agreed.
Yep, Voyager has great hustle.
/slaps Voyager’s ass/transmitter
One of the great benefits of living in the PNW is the availability of Hockey Night In Canada.
Oh, and all my cool friends that I’m totally going to party with later tonight.
And all the hot Asian ass.
(did I say that out loud?)
Also, freezer vodka may be obsolete if these are available in 30 packs.
And to no ones’ surprise, Baker Mayfield wins the Heisman.
Me thinks he cheated.
Well, I am now discarding my theory that a drunk prospector thought there was gold in that there car.
SPEED HOLES
Lol at jackson sneaking on stage to join the other winners
Watching Lesser Christmas Movie Sequels with the boy now. Started with Gremlins 2. Now on to Home Alone 2. I forgot how fucking awful Gremlins 2 was, and now I’m stuck booing a Christmas movie as Trump appears on my screen for some reason.
I give gremlins 2 credit for having the self awareness to know it couldn’t match the charm of the first one and just went all in at the absurdisty
It’s been 20 some odd years since I’ve last seen it. I forgot about the 4th wall shattering and watching Hulk Hogan watching the movie with the championship belt for some reason.
Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp was a filthy cash-in.
Drinking a boulevardier tonight. It has campari in it which means I can try to make a shitty version with mälort instead.
I should mix a drink. What can good ginger ale be used in?
The toilet?
/nawt a ginger ale fan, obvs
I bought some ginger ale and a bottle of Jameson’s for a lady-friend who came to visit last spring. She ended up drinking Shiner Ruby Redbird the whole time, and I bravely tried the Jameson’s/ginger ale mix after she departed. I’m not a ginger ale person at all, but was pleasantly surprised.
I will look this up. I do have both Jameson and a good whisky.
Hey, she asked for it by name, I wasn’t going to go out and spend seventy five or a hundred bucks…
But did you shine her ruby redbird before she left?
A gentleman does not induce multiple orgasms and tell.
No, but we do. Spill it, buster.
Dear Penthouse Forum:
I never would have believed that this would happen to me, but…
But enough about you, did you take care of your lady friend?
Jack Daniels?
Rye and ginger is the only answer -Canada
I dont know what most of those words are/mean, except for “drinking… tonight.” Me too!
Which episode of Stargate: SG1 is this from?
They WISH they had that kind of budget and production values.
Love that Oregon still gets TITS/Mariota broadcasts. Pac12 Network will probably broadcast UCLA into this market next year too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0Wa10-s-nI
Goddamned after market parts. I hate my insurance company.
A little Bondo, some sanding, and no one will know the difference.
And with the first half of the last Nutcracker I don’t have to play the fucking Dance of the Snowflakes ever again! Until next year. Or unless I get a call for another Nutcracker in the next two weeks.
Such is the life of a freelance luchador musician.
The Nutcracker Prince was originally supposed to hit the Rat King with a chair right into a suplex, ppl forget that.
After that day, Bill became known as “Left Foot Bill”
Also, why is traffic going the wrong way over there?
The camera holder is driving on a frontage road.
Probably so. But that derails my joke.
Glad to help.
I liek ur left foot joek butter.
IT’S NOT A FUCKING COMPETITION!!!!!!!!
😀
When you are ahead….
You are competing against yourself.
Hey I haven’t done that all day!!!!
Oh wait…you meant…
Never mind.
tWBS is drunk gif’ing again.
Again? Moer liek “still” imho, gobbless.
THANK YOU!!!!!
(yes i was about to make this comment myself)
Maximum Overdrive?
“Honey, come on over here, sugarbuns. This machine just called me an asshole.”
Wow. The sequel to Sandlot is really dark.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w93aOGa301U
I’m having far too much fun writing about the DFOers in Hell.
Fun fact: One of the first names I came up with for HRTN was Hard Ride to Hell.
Juice; tasty and refreshing.
Well, hello.
With a deep sigh, WCS went back to his life of changing diapers and heating formula.
Now I am searching for a stream for teh womyns volleyball.
Beach volleyball or no go bro
Klytus, I’m bored.
“Here in the Pacific, 200 metres down, we enter an alien world… This is barreleye a fish with a transparent head filled with jelly so that it can look up through its skull.” – Sir David Attenborough
“As Philippe and I descend into ze inky depths, we… zout allors, what ze fuck is zat?!?”
/stabs Sir David Attenborough
//continues to look at the cool as fuck fish
Hey man, Dave is cool.
If he can talk 200 metres under water, he needs killing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=663yvutiYlQ
“Hey Mr. Barreleye Fish; what’s on your mind?”
……
“OH! Eye see!”
This one probably should be cencsored though
Puts da lotion on it or it gets da meme again.
oh, that GOOD
Hey, Pitt:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1vSlNz0PaA&lc=z23zthpjyrrsufo1qacdp431dujtadzufijjjtvxthlw03c010c&ab_channel=AnnaSpringer
What about the Leafs?
heh heh
Thank you, sodomyclown
A few commas makes that very different. So, do, my clown. Punctuation is impotent.
/volunteers
Do you really want to wait in line behind Sodomy Clown?
No, but if I have to to get to Margot Robbie, I’m willing.
Well yes; might be worth the risk….. if you don’t fall asleep waiting……….
“Why does my anus hurt and have smeared makeup on it?”
Also, based on the name, it’s better than having him waiting in line behind me.
😀
Mechanical Keyboards? Thoughts, comments, whatnot?
I am getting one for Christmas.
Aren’t all keyboards mechanical? Is this some sex toy I’m not aware of?
Older typewriters are mechanical, keyboard would be electro-mechanical since you are sending an electrical signal produced by a mechanical action. That or I am not stoned enough yet. Maybe both. For a traditional keyboard anyway.
Are any of us ever stoned enough?
Only downside is it’s hard to go back to a filthy casul membrane keyboard afterwards
Well, this plucky little Chilean cabernet I brought home from the wine bar has a fruity nose and a nice finish. I think it will go well with the lighter meats, such as spam, bologna, or hot dogs.
Oh, you fancy!
Ronald McDonald became Roy Moore so gradually…
She’s Asian so it’s cool…….
and by that I mean she’s 28…WHAT DID YOU THINK I MEANT!?!?
Aw shit, Pitt West Virginyee tonight.
“Reading a book” it is
Also I am bummed I have not been on here as much. My job is keeping me busy but I need an outlet for my bubbling venom. You fuckers will see more of me goddamit
Bubbling venom, huh?
Yeah, I’m not going there.
Is that code for seed?
Dunno. But when he finds the outlet, I don’t wanna find out the hard way.
LOL…hard way.
I farted.
Well, that one worked. Not sure what that bullshit before was.
And happy for you and your flatulence. 😀
Drinking Knob Creek Single Barrel. My weekend has been a bloodier version of Antietam.
Something odd just happened.
Buddy, did you delete your comment?
I didn’t see anything.
It said it was awaiting moderation and now it’s gone.
Yes Buddy, I saw that, went to approve it, but it wasn’t there.
Your most recent reply is also showing the same way.
This is weird.
Buddy, try posting something else please.
I saw your butt!!
A BearKat is a large black man who who has anal sex with Katt Williams.
Now that I have your attention, please support your local bear community. Last year we tried a Bear Outing at the Bronx Zoo, but in the ultimate tragedy, three of my brothers were eaten by a brown bear.
We’re starting a GoFundMe for their penis surgeries.
FoxSW is showing Spurs Suns, guess I’ll watch that. Maybe Kawhi will play, but I doubt it. Or maybe I’ll watch a movie. Gotta leave the bar first though.
BACKYARD BRAWL RETURNS SHITDICKS
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
SEND IT IN JEROME