Yes, winter can bite my fat white ass.
In my neck o’ the woods, we had snow and ice this weekend, and most of it is still on the ground. That’s because it’s still cold as shit. I live in the south, dammit. This isn’t supposed to happen. Or at least not until January at the earliest!!!
Then today, I spent many hours outside in said cold, putting the outdoor Christmas lights up finally.
Sadly, I didn’t get finished yet. Plus I don’t get to bang Beverly D’Angelo later tonight (as far as she knows).
I can’t feel my hands anymore. That’s probably not good. Also, I think my penis has retreated into my abdomen. That’s probably ok, all things considered.
But winter arriving early does have its advantages.
ICYMI….
Best Game In EVAR!!!!!!!!!
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Newsworthy..Sort Of
- Giancarlo Stanton apparently had a list of teams he was unwilling to play for. The Marlins apparently were on that list. I get it. The rich get richer.
- Jimbo Fisher should feel right at home in College Station.
- Dook lost and Arizona State is…well…good. Maybe VERY good. Bobby Hurley oughta be getting some offers soon, but he’ll hang on long enough in Tempe and hope to move on to Durham, presuming he’s good enough for long enough to prove his worth to the bluebloods there. Krzyzewski can’t live forever…I hope. And if/when Hurley rolls back into town here, I can actually accelerate my Dook hatred. He’s a little fucking weasel, btw. Very punchable. Trust me, I’ve met the little shithead.
- Seattle wants Hockey.
- Baker Mayfield “shockingly” won the Heisman. Hopefully he’s already looking into real estate in the Cleveland area, poor bastard.
- The NCAAFB All-America Teams were announced…
(Shameless NC State plug to follow)
…With Bradley Chubb making first team at defensive end, and Jaylen Samuels making third team at…tight end, for some reason.
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Non-Football Stuff To Watch 2Nite
NHL
Nothing national, so check your local listings.
NBA
- New Orleans @ Houston – 8:00pmEST – TV: NBATV
- Toronto @ LA Clippers – 10:30pmEST – TV: NBATV
NCAA Basketball
Top 25
- Drake @ (14)Minnesota – 8:00pmEST – TV: B1GN
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New England @ Miami – 8:30pmEST – TV: ESPN (+11.0, o/u 48.0)
You see that line, right? New England an 11 pt road fav. That’s a big line for any road team in the NFL, I don’t care who they are or who/where they’re playing. One would have to be insane to bet that line. Right?
We’ll see.
The ‘Phins don’t have much to celebrate this year, but at least they aren’t Cleveland. Or even in Cleveland. Trust me, you’ll never see this in Cleveland on your off days…
Nonetheless, just like the rest of Week 14, this game is likely going to be laughable.
No, not like that.
Even after a five game losing streak (which they managed to break last week when the ’17 Donks showed up) Miami is actually still in the playoff hunt. Probably not after tonight though.
Since I wrote about their non-existent bye week nearly two months ago, the ‘Phins have gotten no better on offense, and worse on defense. That’s a bad combination when Bill and Tawmmy come to town.
Also, Jay Cutler has never beaten the P*ts anywhere he’s played, arguably with much better teams around him. I mean, not even close…
Cutler, while playing for the Denver Broncos (once) and Chicago Bears (twice), has lost by 34, 29 and 28 points in his three tries against the Patriots.
But some folks are believing…
“We’re coming together as a team,” Dolphins defensive tackle Jordan Phillips told the Miami Herald after Miami broke a five-game losing streak with a dominating performance. “We can only go up from here.”
You’re half right there, Jordan. But “going up” probably won’t happen this week, son.
Brady, still at the top of his game at age 40, has thrown for 26 touchdowns and 3,632 yards with just four interceptions. The Patriots are averaging 29 points per game, which ranks first in the AFC and fourth in the NFL.
Miami, on the other hand, is 26th in the league, averaging 17.4 points, which is an improvement from its last-place standing just a couple of weeks ago.
The Dolphins have not played well in prime-time games recently. For example, they are 1-7 in their past eight games on Monday Night Football.
The P*ts, love ’em or hate ’em, all they do is win, win, win. Even if grudgingly*, one has to respect that.
*By “grudgingly”, of course I mean they need to be cleansed from teh planet.
Currently on an eight game win streak, New England can (will) clinch their 9th straight AFC East Division title with the win tonight (15th in the past 17 years, btw). Additionally, after the Yinzers snatched victory from the jaws of defeat last night against Baltimore, the P*ts need to get this win tonight to keep pace for home field in the playoffs. They will. And it won’t be pretty for Miami, even at home.
Speaking of not pretty…
Anywhoooo….
It’s probably gon’ be an ugly affair tonight in South Beach unless you’re a P*ts fan (like they need this), but it is mandatory viewing for all and we still have to talk about it, of course.
‘Phins haven’t covered for 8 straight weeks, and they won’t start tonight, even at home. I even considered moneylining them for a coupla bills at +475, but nope. Not a chance.
Besides, where else can you make fun of me for betting $500 on a road team to beat an 11 pt spread? Yes, you heard me correctly.
I have to try to salvage something out of this shitteh Week 14. And I’m apparently not alone. Since I dropped my coin on this one last night, the line has moved to +11.5, and the moneyline for Miami has stretched to +550 (And I’m still not taking that bet).
But anywhoooo….
Get to it!!!!!! Talk!!!!!
(shut up, it’s a good song)
–
Is this where we celebrating that Satan’s cumguzzlers lost to Catler?
Brick, I’m in Huntington Beach for the night. I need to be up early, but if you’re close by and up for it, I’m down to grab some drinks and experience your reality first hand. What say you?
Hey! I didn’t see this until 24 hours later!
Welp, really do need to be responsible and call it a night.
I was informed earlier tonight that tomorrow is the annual redneck holiday death tour.
ie, I have to drive redneck family to various cemeteries tomorrow to put fake flowers on the ground.
Wish I had about an ounce of weed for that…truth.
Only psychopaths eat a sub from the side.
5/10 would bang
Better make it an 8 or 9
Dios mío, solo quiero un cigarrillo
Imma ’bout to go have one.
Wish she was on the other end of it.
Its been a week…I would murder you and your family right fucking now for a single puff.
A WEEK! WHY IS THIS NOT OUT OF MY SYSTEM YET?!?!?!?
Takes a while, dude. Hang in there.
I only smoke about a pack a week on avg., but even that’s a habit.
Rooting for ya.
This game may keep me happy until tomorrow’s early meeting.
That’s an impressive vaginal secretion.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rywVlfTtlMY?ecver=1&w=854&h=480%5D
Sammy Lovers…
Goddammit seamus. You need to give us at least a 24 hour warming on your bets.
M’Kay…let’s look at Thursday then….
DEN @ IND?
I don’t care what you bet or say. I’m not getting involved in any manner with that shitfest.
Agreed. Smart Ayo.
But take Chi**** on the money line on Saturday.
Stay away from LAC/KC either way.
I just put $300 down on the Bears +230
So bet accordingly because I suck.
Well, somebody has to put the betting house owner’s kids through expensive boarding school.
Truth Biscuit will set you free.
(from your money)
Hehehehehehe
Even you throwing perfectly good weed money away can’t ruin the post-coital afterglow of that game……
Meh, my weed guy is dead to me. Which is difficult since he’s my nephew in law. But fuck him.
Until I move to CO, NV or CA, I’m likely weed free for the duration.
well fuck.
No WA? I can mail you something.
Yes way.
Hehehehe
No worries. He played fast and loose with my cash once too often. And I’m not in the mood to seek out new avenues currently.
Can’t trust anybody.
I could do Seattle, yes.
My moving plans are up in the air. Mostly, I just need to get out of NC in the next 12 mos. Weed is only a side consideration.
smgdh. We need an intervention.
Oh sure, I bet a coupla games a week and I’m the dick.
Hippo bets a half dozen a week and nobody says shit.
HE FUCKED ME OVER TONIGHT TOO!!!!
No justice.
I’m literally betting 1 BitCoin on the Lions FYI
Oh yikes. I hope you can afford food next week.
I layed off everything all day yesterday. He had like five bets going. He might have won one of them IIRC….but does Hippo need an intervention?
I guess not.
Did he bet on the Bears?
Well, he should have, but that’s no excuse.
Mr. Hippo may beyond help; even our help. You may be saved, but it will require some bondage.
Others have tried and failed.
But I’m fine with the bondage efforts.
Lemme get a drink first tho.
Yes; you’ll need to be hydrated. Gamboling cure via Umba Gumba.
Ravens roll.
I like this.
This just means the GREATRIOTS will blow past the Stillers, 47-21.
I’m going to watch Yvonne Furneuax in the Champagne Murders, and then The Mummy.
I sure as shit hope tWBS has bet on the P*ts to win the Superb Owl.
Help us tWBS, you’re our only hope.
Nope, not yet.
But that’s not a bad idea.
Holy shit; that was the best thing I’ve seen in a while.
Way behind because of booze.
Jay Cutler and the Dolphins winning is nice. Actually is there a team you wouldn’t cheer for against the Pats?
I mean besides the Khmer Rouge Red Terror Football Club and of course Nazis from the 3rd Indiana Jones franchise.
IT DIDN’T HAPPEN!
Hey, Coach Carroll, nice to see you
https://gfycat.com/LeanRevolvingGadwall
Okay, so I’m driving home, listening to the game on the radio, kurt Warner and kevin harlan, and this exchange happens:
Harlan: jay cutler and the miami dolphins have broken the patriots winning streak, still in the afc race, Pittsburgh faces new England next week, kurt is trying to fend off a drunk woman from stealing his microphone hahaha
Aw man, they never show the good stuff on TV!
It was hilarious how high pitched kevins voice got
The Kevin Harlan idiot on the field call is still my favorite football memory of the last few years.
Kevin Harlan is the best!
Happy MNF y’all!
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I take back 10% of the nasty things I’ve said about Jay Cutler
Aha! We’ve found their weakness! Onside kicking!
Catler beating P*ts? brb gotta masturbate into a pack of Benson & Hedges High Tar
So you have to take one cigarette out?
Okay, if the onside doesn’t succeed I’ll feel like it’s okay to go to bed without waking up to any nasty surprises. Or football related nasty surprises anyway.
WTF was that?
tis over im out
New England fans (self included):
Rest of America:
Why no ten second runoff?
Patriots
Isn’t that only for an offensive penalty?
Thats what it was
dammit, sorry. I’m time delayed. I thought you meant on Amendola’s catch.
I did
Pretty sure I’ve seen it applied for official reviews whenever there was no stoppage.
Weaksauce
Gee. A cheap penalty. Who would have thought/.
Touching the passer. 15 yards!
Forgot to mention. Went in on my vacation day to talk to HR and management about our resident shithead drinking during work hours on the company dime.
This somehow turned into HR bitching at me for coming in during my vacation to set up a meeting with them (they have to pay me extra hours for this). On a positive, I don;t have to worry about saying anything to the shit head because I am not allowed to interact with him because its a “sensitive situation”.
Me: “what exactly are you worried about? If we fire him right now, he has no way getting back to the office to shoot up the place” and I laugh.
HR people apparently are not allowed to have a sense of humor.
IT’S STILL HAPPENING…
What’s all this about a new Star Wars movie?
Han solo stand alone film is coming out next year
HERE COMES MY COMEBACK!!!!
It always happens in garbage time…
I don’t know if many of you know this, but sports are actually dumb and bad.
You should call in to EEI with that hawt taek tomorrow.
That’s some Moose-level shit.
I may have posted it before…… or from the same clip.
HAUSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Brady’s washed up. Fire McDaniels. Fire Belichick.
—Boston area fans tomorrow.
I love sports call-in radio
Looks like no miracles tonight.
truth
Don’t get cocky. We’ve made that mistake before.
Night gents and esteemed lady Dok.
Imma call it a night.
Sleep tight, no bedbugs, etc!
Sorry, esteemed lady Petronel as well.
https://media.tenor.com/images/bee8bbfb6460c3f18765efd93b88555b/raw
How the fuck did the ball end up on the 22?
Illegal touching (which is legal in Alabama). The ball hit a Dolphins player.
If there’s an illegal touching in Alabama they set the ball at the 14, not the 22.
Well fucking done.
Illegal touch, ball hit Dolphin on head at 22.
Illegal dolphin ball touching
That was a couple of sillynesses!
Belichick probably looked exactly the same in 3rd grade, just shorter and a bit less gray.