Howdy, lizard people, it’s time for another House of Pain with your friendly neighborhood… hold on, I’m getting something in my fake earpiece.
…I’m doing what? Are you sure? Me? Okay, just remember who’s doing it when it becomes a shitshow!
Welp, I’ve got bad news, this isn’t House of Pain, and BattleBots Season 3 still hasn’t come out yet. (What the fuck TV companies, Robot Wars is doing fine on the BBC although it isn’t on BBC America yet, get on this shit ASAP.) Apparently this is Sexy Friday, to be done by yours truly. You know, me, that strapping casanova with all the charms of a modern-day Don Juan (minus the skeeviness of course)? What, stop laughing, I got through writing that sentence without doing it!
Not only that but this is the first TGISF of 2018! Which means this better be a doozy. So let’s see what I can come up with, but first, let’s do a quick rundown of what we did this week, with a segment I’d like to call This Week in DFO. (Also it’s an excuse for me to post “Jet Set” from This Week in Baseball.)
This Week in DFO
• Don T’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve didn’t have Mariah Carey asking for her tea.
• We sang the praises of the Browns Pauls for going 0-16.
• We took a ride on the coaching carousel took a look at the Coach Recycling Center and let the speculation begin!
• Pete Carroll and Litre_Cola debuted new series about conspiracies and quarterbacks, respectively.
• tWBS and Balls took a look at The Big Lebowski.
• Only one thing can possibly outdo HRTN: HRTN! IN! SPAAAAAAAAAAACE! (I think.)
And of course, the usual things, Quotables and Hippo Thoughts keep doing their things, and Balls’ LA Football Beat shows the final quarter of games from all the football teams in the area. And also the Shitty Clippers! And then we also debated the Wild Card games in case you feel tempted by the neon talons of GAMBLOR.
Now, for less important news.
NFL News
Potential drama in Foxboro? An ESPN piece came out last night about a power struggle between Brady, Belichick, and Robert Kraft.
The Bills sent 1440 wings and the assorted accoutrements from Duff’s to the Bengals.
• I’ll have to ask my Bills fan friend which wing place is the Real Famous Original Ray’s.
Ryan Shazier can feel his legs again. His dad hopes and believes he’ll be able to play again.
And lastly, THIS GUY RIGHT HERE, JON GRUDEN, I CALL HIM THE NEW COACH OF THE OAKLAS VEGAS RAIDERS, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HE GOT ANNOUNCED AS TODAY.
• He’ll be announced on Tuesday and will be signed to a 10 year deal worth at least $100M. And a possible ownership stake. Yeah, I know, that’s probably insane. Did I say probably? I meant definitely.
Other Sports News
Paul Pierce doesn’t want his jersey retirement night to coincide with the Celtics’ tributes to Isaiah Thomas (the one playing for the Cavs) on his return to Boston.
Okay. So that’s out of the way. Now, I should probably come up with a theme. Not to piggyback off of Balls (phrasing), but since this is the first TGISF of the year, let me go over my resolutions and see if I can come up with anything.
• Practice more. Teaching small children violin after school is a pain in the ass and somehow traffic has gotten worse. But I can’t be so worn out after that I just want to flop on the couch and watch TV. I’ve got a plan for that.
• Finish writing some things. I need to put the finishing touches on a piano trio I’ve been working on, but I need to edit the last movement so the piano part isn’t boring. I also need to edit my violin sonata so pianists don’t murder me when I ask them to play it. Plus I can’t have a sequel/reboot of the anti-Valentine’s concert until it’s ready!
• More shameless plugging! (On proper networks.) Namely, I have two performances from a year or more ago that have not been uploaded to the Youtubes. One of them is because out of the two I don’t know which one is less bad, the other because I think the video’s on the parentals’ computer? I’m not sure, honestly. Point is I need to locate it.
There are less nerdy ones though!
• Find ways to get out more. Similar to the “practice more” one, I have learned that post-graduation in the music world can be a very lonely one. I actually got that advice on a date a while back, the date was very nice but I knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere because the girl thought she was too old for me and pretty much told me that. Doing the math (which I can do, and just an estimation), it was probably bunk, but whatcha gonna do? Speaking of…
• Go on more dates than I did in 2017. Because I can’t possibly go on fewer dates than in 2017! (For that number is zero. I went and did things that would be considered date-like excursions with ladies I’d be interested in, but again, none of these were dates.)
• At least try to flirt a little. This will probably not go well. I was acceptable at the now-seemingly-defunct DFO Poker Club because I didn’t have to worry about a poker face, of being calm or anything like that. (And also late enough in the night tWBS would just go all in every hand and I would just pick which hand would be my battleground.) In reality, I do… not have that ability. But it would be one I’d like to be a little better at. As it is now I would say it’s a matter of comfort with the person. On a related note, someone did try to flirt with me this week at a pizzeria, her friends put her up to it. I immediately shot this down, because she was 15 or so, and I’m not a losing Senate candidate from Alabama. Fuck outta here.
So I guess it comes back to re-igniting myself. Or igniting myself in the first place. To be better. Bolder.
No, not that. For me, the way to describe it would be… 2018 needs to be another year where I’m wearing red throughout.
Now we’re getting somewhere!
To give a recap of why red, well… it kinda became my color in my undergrad years. My first recital was a joint undertaking with another friend of mine, and since she would be wearing a blue dress, I decided on a red shirt. And that concert became a breakout of an evening for both of us, but definitely for me. And even though I’ve worn other colors, blue for my junior recital, my dark purple shirt for my senior and for one of my solo performances with orchestra, I’m seemingly at my most fearless and showy in my reds, whether playing or when I realize there’s something I have to do. So without further ado… we have movie sign! I mean theme!
Can they be… wearing a little less red? And fewer celebs and more just plain sexiness? Okay, sure.
As for the gents… well all the red suits look like dumbasses and/or douchebags. But let’s see what we find…
And one last image, cropped for people’s security.
Namely, mine. WHAT, I CAN TRY TO BE SEXY, IT WAS A PART OF THE RESOLUTION AND EVERYTHING!
This is the Mk. II, named such because, well, it’s the second of the red shirts. I still have the Mk. I, the original. Now I only save it for the most special of occasions. It’s a legend, and legends never die.
Now for some music.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5Y11hwjMNs
So what’s on tonight? (All times DFO Standard)
NBA: Even if nobody cares because it’s just the same good teams, and my Knicks can’t win on the road.
WAS vs. MEM, 8:30, ESPN
NHL: Even if nobody cares yet because the season goes on forever, but hey, Rangers won the Classic!
PIT vs. NYI, should be in the 2nd by now, TSN
NCAA: Even if St. John’s still sucks.
Wisconsin vs. Rutgers, should be around halftime and Wisconsin should be leading by many, ESPN2
St. Peter’s vs. Iona, also second half-ish, ESPNU
Northwestern vs. Penn State, 7:00, FS1
Wright State vs. Detroit Mercy, 8:00, ESPNU (Detroit Mercy? I thought that was not going to Detroit)
N. Kentucky vs. Oakland, 8:00, ESPN2
Oregon vs. Oregon State, 9:00, FS1 (Woo rivalry hoopsball!)
And then your other regional action that I don’t wanna look up.
So that about wraps it up. I believe tWBS will return next week, and thank goodness, because there’s no fucking way I could do this every week.
Anyway, have at it, and leave your inevitable pitchforks to the side and keep the torches next to me because it’s goddamn cold. Go do the thing!
There will be a new House of Pain eventually, but in the meantime, you should all know that the 6th Annual NYC Hot Sauce Expo will be April 21st and 22nd at the Brooklyn Expo Center. As of now I’m planning to go the 22nd, which is that Sunday. If you are also interested, let me know. Maybe we’ll even make a thing of it! Those Vegas parties have had it all to themselves for too long…
One part of Florida (Tampa) seems to be really good at hockey, but another part (uh,,, florida) seems to be really bad. WEIRD.
Hey Dok…
There’s still a coupla folks on fb I really would like to annoy. Gimme some backdoor codes (phrasing) so as I can screw up their pages, huh?
Uh, just in case you’ve doxed me, I sincerely apologize for whatever I’ve done to rightfully upset you and I will make a profound effort to not repeat said action.
Uh, what he said.
Oh relax. I like you guys.
Mostly because you are not alleged fb friends who insist on posting inane crap for me to witness.
Oi! No getting me fired until I’m fully vested!
Boooooooo.
Kitteh!!
Purple has red in it:
/looks down
Yup.
How about another Alison Brie in red gif?
Okay, unless anyone has anything super interesting to say, I’m gonna go catch up on more Grand Tour and I’ll catch y’all tomorrow during the feetsball
I… uh… well…. hang on…
I could tell you about my day and…
(Doktor Zymm signed out)
Story time was last night, dok
Don’t flip your supercar!
I made it through another week.
and you got to keep Marvin Lewis as well!
That was just mean.
Don’t make me root for your team, Spur! Apparently my support is the harbinger of death for a team..
i expect plenty of available seats on the Cowboys bandwagon next year.
Ah, okay. You’re team is already dead to rights. You’re good.
Apparently I indeed misfiled something on the Alison Brie folder I most certainly do not have. So this one counts too!
A true, true friend and/or one Magnificent Bastard.
I’ve sat on that lounger…
Not my top choice for where to sit in that picture.
Technically she is lounging, so could be considered a grammatically accurate statement.
Juuuust in case anyone missed it:
https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/feces-smearing-passenger-prompts-flight-diversion-authorities/
That was NOT me.
I hate that I feel the need to say that.
Don’t worry tWBS, we all know about how you support good bathroom hygiene habits, especially from cowboys 😛
Oh you. You.
I really wish I had a good retort here. Shit.
Come back to me. I’m wiping warm piss off my ass allegedly.
Yup! Here’s the FlyerTalk thread : https://www.flyertalk.com/forum/united-airlines-mileageplus/1886444-passenger-smearing-feces-everywhere-diverts-united-flight.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHMrgwAuJ_U
I LOVE Teddy!
The best thing about this Pats story is all the past players the Pats let go when they got too old and too expensive. The whole no one is bigger than the team. Brady didn’t think it would happen to him and it might not but it’ going to cost him his coach. Member when Brady got hurt in the 1st game on year, was out for the year and the team still had a winning record. That’s not going to happen with Belichick gone.
true that.
also, gotta figure Brady is a bit jealous that Jimmy G is likely gonna play for his childhood team. rite?
also when is trump gonna tweet about this?
Oh, hey, Balls and other AFL DFOers: my GWS membership package arrived. I got another hat.
I might have to go back to trying to follow AFL. The time difference from Chicago made it tough for me (also my aversion to watching non-live games) but now that I live in CALIFORNEE it might be good
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukW4VVCV9LQ
Hehehehehe…..sorry.
I find that hilarious.
Where’s that vodka?
In my freezer.
You go look for it while I talk to….whomever is around.
Shit, that was lazy and that won’t work.
I actually enjoy waking up Saturday or Sunday and watching it at my own pace, often before Lady BFC wakes up. I don’t have to wait for quarter breaks and halftime, and as long as I don’t seek out the score, I usually don’t have to worry about spoilers.
I do the same thing in the mornings. I also try not to wake up lady Bfc
Sweet!! I got mine too! I got a scarf, a keychain, a calendar magnet, and a sticker! Woooo!!
I got a scarf, some stickers and a lanyard. GO THE SAINTS
Awwwwww, I want a scarf.
So WA Gov. Jay Inslee was on Chuck Todd today, and was asked about a 2020 presidential run.
I saw that.
If the gravy drops juuuuust right on the ballot he’ll win Indiana for sure.
https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/949353171482226688
They both Flowbee, right?
Bowlbee?
2 guys who cut their own hair!
News travels fast in the public broadcasting celebrity chef world
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/17/business/media/christopher-kimball-founder-of-americas-test-kitchen-to-leave-the-company.html
WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THIS EARLIER!
The shows are so much better without that guy. Everybody, from the hosts, to the segment guys, to even the fucking drones in the background seem a lot happier. And they aren’t afraid to spice up the food a little now that they don’t have to appease his tender palate.
I care WAY too much about this shit.
How are our east coasters (including our author) dealing with the bombcycle snowstorm shit?
Because of ice and snow on the roads, I had to wake up early today and put pants on to….
/excessive shame felt
…take my mom to her old lady hair appointment.
Shut up Beastie.
I also did her grocery shopping for your information.
Imma good son.
/loads the Beretta
//aims at self
Did I say anything…?
Seamus sat in the hair salon, wondering just how his life had brought him to this moment, and where he had gone wrong.
You Sir, are not wrong.
I really miss seeing my Dingle.
you prepared to eat your dog if it comes down to it?
Nah, the dog isn’t marbled enough I think.
The cat is the one who should worry.
sidewalks and drive way are all done. was hard but worth it!
Phrasing!
Okay so the plan is to get drunk enough that I don’t wake up until the first game starts tomorrow afternoon.
I’M ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so goddamn behind this year. It’s wild card weekend and STILL totally forgot about Saturday games.
Oh, fuck. There are games tomorrow? That’s not great for domestic politics.
Speaking of weird regional traffic, if you’re ever in/around Houston and you’re at a stop light, when it changes to green keep waiting for three cars to go through before you go. And it’s always three.
And if you’re ever going through SLC on the freeway at rush hour, just accept Christ into your life and resign yourself to a horrible, fiery death.
It is sheer madness. The lds sure like their aggressive driving.
No, it’s the opposite, NOBODY on the road seems particularly interested in getting anywhere. I see more people going 5mph under the limit in the left lane here than anywhere else I’ve been.
What? DFO Texas please respond.
Dallas ain’t Houston. Houston is fucked up driving wise. DUI is often assumed. Fucked up.
Yup. Even in Dallas, they knew about the Houston “3 car” rule. They also were very sad for you, if you lived near Houston.
Assumed by the police, or by nearby drivers? When I first moved to the Bay Area I assumed most of the people who were driving like shit were stoned as shite. I’ve since downgraded that estimate to 40% stoned, 60% self-important assholes
Sounds about right.
This is why I’m a data scientist 😀
some guy just proposed to his girlfriend at the Spurs/Sun game at the end of the kiss cam. Tacky or romantic?
Depends on the couple, it’s all down to what she thinks in this case 🙂
Did he scope the stadium out for a better option first?
Did she?
Question for hockey people. I was waiting the LV hockey team mania to die down before i go watch. Should i go now before they get even more popular/good or are they done peaking and will now start to suck?
They’re built well and they play hard. All four lines. Their success is sustainable. They won’t drop down until next season assuming they don’t re-sign the players on the roster.
I know nothing about hockey/their talent but I will say when I was in Vegas, the fans were legit. I think that fan base is in it no matter what, so I don’t expect attendance to flag.
I saw two Vegas fans trying to pick fights at Staples Center after a WIN. Yes, the fanbase was starving for a team to call their own. They were smart to debut before the Raiders.
Yes.
/not a hockey person
//no idea what I’m agreeing with
We all expect them to falter but they haven’t. They weathered going down to their 4th string goalie. They will make the playoffs I believe. They say the city loves them not just a tourist thing. Definitely go, my buddies went down and said it was the nicest facility they have ever been to.
I think they’re for real at this point.
I’ve watched them, admittedly in a detached frame of mind.
They’re good. Go see them.
Wave to the Monte Carlo for me while you’re parking please.
In addition, according to the “Lightning Never Strikes Twice” Logical
fallacytruism, it’s the least likely place to have a mass shooting for the near future.LOL.
It would be difficult to get sightlines at that arena.
I have a couple friends who live in Vegas and they’re pretty happy about having the team, just cause LV is such a tourist town they really enjoy having something that’s ‘their team’. So even if they do start sucking, I would expect a pretty strong delay in popularity drop.
well then am thinking of the Montreal Canadiens at Vegas Golden Knights in earlier February. i can get good seats for $80 each, I’ll take my bubby. We’ll pop our hockey cherry together.
You have a Jewish grandma?
Folks.
Well done Weaselo, I could feel your exhaustion by the end. I don’t know how Twbs does it.
Lots of lube
Perpetual nagging injury issues. Can you believe PIT traded up for Shazier?
Like marriage.
/just got here
Btw, are we SURE that’s Alison Brie? I’ve done a lot of, um, research looking at Alison Brie pictures and don’t think that’s her.
Regardless,
Shit, did I misfile a photo in my Alison Brie folder? I mean, not that I have one or anything.
Heehee, remember that article someone posted here a while ago about some douchebag moving from California to Chicago and bitching about the bar culture? I expect, nay demand, the inverse companion piece from recent DFO migratee(s).
Dok moved to NorCal, which is decidedly a different culture than SoCal.
Fun fact: In NorCal, if there’s an ambulance approaching, no one bothers to pull over. They just sit there and let the ambulance maneuver through traffic.
I told y’all they were assholes! ??
No doubt. I much preferred SoCal.
I have more problems with the assholes on motorcycles in NorCal.
HEY ASSHOLE THERE ARE TRAFFIC LANES AND YOU ARE ON A MOTOR VEHICLE SO STOP BEING A PRICK.
Yes, while in San Francisco, I more than once saw these assheads approaching in my rearview and opened my door just enough to make them swerve and jam on their brakes.
Fucking “the world owes me” assholes.
Fuck ’em.
Sooner that city sinks into the Pacific, the better.
Or maybe something a little less hostile.
smgdh
Go Gigantes…
My main problem with this, it means I’ll suddenly be oceanfront and my rent will skyrocket
Only if it takes the South Bay as well. Because fuck SJ.
Totally legal to split lanes in CA. Less totally legal to attempt to kill them for doing so 😉
You get what you pay for Dok.
Try to split lanes at a red light…you’ve bought it and paid for it.
Enjoy it.
The best system for emergency vehicles is hands down NYC. They have one lane, clearly marked, for emergency vehicles. If you are in the lane you GTFO of the way when you see/hear one. No confusion, no fuss.
People here are very good at just moving over, no matter which side of the road they’re on. So living in NorCal for a few years and having them just sit in their entitled little spots and make the ambulance move around them was jarring.
Every place has their own bad driving quirks, and from what I’ve noticed here, it’s distracted driving, so they probably didn’t even notice the ambulance because they straight up had their laptop out and were sending a bunch of emails about how bad the traffic was. I’m pretty sure the flashing of my turn signal occasionally startles some people out of the corner of their eye.
This was in the pre-laptop, pre-cellphone days. It was just pure “I don’t feel like moving, thank you very much.”
This shit, and not yielding/almost running over pedestrians are two things I really wish were strongly enforced. Oh, and fucking bicycle laws. If you’re gonna make a load of money on traffic regs, why not enforce shit that people do all the damn time and that is a legit safety issue?
Nice work, Mr. Weasel! I love this week in DFO, that’s a great idea.
Personally….
I think the future of TGISF should be me and Moose arguing….sort of.
He posts gifs or stills and I tell him why they are or are not sexy.
What say you????????
:looks down:
1 vote for sexy
Internet Dad might not be happy about this one.
Just saying.
No arguing. You try to outdo him. And fail.
Story of my life.
Shoes.
Pink socks.
Would bang.
I figured I didn’t need to have a pic of that redhead because someone would!
Also, dating is fucking awful. It’s super low EV, and people just do it for the same reason they buy Powerball tickets. What are the odds of you having a shitty evening vs. the odds of you finding the love of your life and living happily ever after?
That being said, now that I’m living in a new place and not horribly depressed, I am actually contemplating attempting some dating with one of those ‘we set up events that are also dates’ type of services. I will also follow my previous approach of going out to bars, drinking a lot and talking to random people, but with much less frequency due to work and where I live. This is ignoring the fact that the dudes I’ve previously met this way were various degrees of totally fucked up.
(Reads “not horribly depressed (anymore)”)
Uh oh, looks like Dok won’t be around here much longer.
California has a different bar culture than Chicago or the East Coast. You will not get the expected results. It will be worse than what you’re used to.
My suggestion would be to involve yourself in activities that you like and meet people that way that share your interests.
It’s been okay so far, but my sample size is like..3. To be clear, I’m not actively trying to hook up with people or even flirt on these excursions. More just being social.
And I of course do activities I like, cause I like em 🙂
Everyone is totally fucked up Dok.
The key is finding someone who is totally fucked up in a complementary fashion to your own totally fucked upped ness.
Sadly, it’s more complicated than it seems.
smgdh.
I guess I sort of have my own definition of totally fucked up which basically means not complementary…I never considered trying to use an objective definition of fucked up, that sounds like it would be super depressing
I’m that special sort of fucked up that is just plain FUBAR.
Lucky for me IWDB didn’t figure it out until it was too late.
That’s why I go for people I already know and like! (That last sentence is also why it’s never worked probably.)
Update from my bitching yesterday. I did go to the DMV today and successfully got meself a CA license and a CA registration. And it only took about 1.5 hours with an appointment! The CA DMVs are some stone age shit though. The place was clearly constructed decades ago when the population in the area was much, much smaller. There was very little parking, and the building was as tiny as the parking lot, so people were constantly circling the three short rows of cars and the line for people without an appointment (HAHA SUCKERS) wrapped around the building outside. Nothing inside was high tech (except for maybe the touchscreens for taking the written test) and nothing was labelled, other than with different colored tape on the floor (I think this is how they do it in prison?) It was a huge pain in the butt, and the fact that so many people fail the quite easy written test totally explains the shitty driving I see every day.
Anyway, tl;dr I got new plates I gotta put on my car this weekend, and a piece of paper that is a temporary license until they send me one in 6-8 weeks. Cause CA lives in the goddamn 50s, and can’t print out a license on site like MD has done since fucking forever.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/national/real-ids/?utm_term=.130518112a1c
Yeah, they had loads of signs up about that. I’m just gonna use my damn passport. But for sure another reason they should update the DMVs past the damn bronze age. I WILL SLAUGHTER THEM WITH THE IRON WEAPONS I GOT 20 YEARS AGO AT THE MD DMV!
(technically MD MVA) yeah, no idea why different name
Prob bc people refer to the region as the DMV, which is also dumb.
MVA predates the DMV terminology, but probably enabled it
And some states have BMVs. But having a national ID card would impose on STATE’S RIGHTS, so we can’t have that.
/You know what also imposed on state’s rights…
Jeff Sessions?
Well that too. I was thinking that one amendment, the 13th I think.
Always nice to see people who don’t skip leg day
No pants; football ready.
Can we get Moose to do Sexy Friday next?
Damn Gina!
Moose would not have to write. He could curate a selection of gifs/pics and tWBS does the writing. All Moose would do would be to send tWBS links…
Might be fun to do one time.
As I’ve said, I’d be open to that.
I could write something. I’d try not to be insulting or political.
Woooo!! Let’s do this!
Whoa, whoa…no. If he’s not going to be insulting then I have no interest.
😛
Bends knees too much during deadlifts, 2/10 would not fuck
Speak fo’ youself woman.
Yay yoga pants.
I would be open to that.
But I think Moose considers himself more effective as the reactionary type.
This is not meant to be a denigration, Moose. You know I want you to write.
Ok, at what point do we implement Operation Get Señor Laid?
Shhhhh…he’s got things under control for the moment.
He be biding his time and will pounce when it’s prudent.
Trust me.
NOBODY has that kind of money.
Nicely done Senor.
Thanks sincerely for covering for me. I appreciate it more than I can ever express.
You da man.
Also, appreciate the effort to put up some sexy mens, cheers to equality in all sortsa stuff!
Well, the first two pics.
It’s like she’s angry at the dress for covering up her boobs.
I’m OK with that.
Seems logical compared to some of the shit people are angry at.
I need to watch that again soon.
She kinda looks like….
Never mind.
Best TGISF of the year, I say.
What? The Raiders got the good Gruden? Dammit! I’m really kinda hoping the Redacteds tank next season so we can ditch the shitty one
Who will they trade him to after his best player goes missing in Tijuana the day before the super bowl this time?
A Future Expansion Team To Be Named.
Though I guess that was the year Gruden wasn’t in Oakland, since he was coaching Tampa as they won the game.