It Ends Tonight! Titans @ Patriots Divisional Open Thread

Don T

Don T

Poor choices, mixed results.
¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre!
Titans4Eva
Don T

2015 was Mariota’s rookie season and the Titans finished 3-13, being shredded by Johnny Manziel in the process. How times change; now Tennessee stands to be destroyed by Tom Brady on his ascension to Unparalleled Excellence. That’s forward progress even Jeff Tripplette can’t deny.

Last Saturday the Titans won its first playoff game since the 2003 season. New England has had a first round playoff bye for eight straight years, and been AFC Championship perennials ever since. The line for this game has been 13.5 and more. All predictions were sanctioned by The Sure Thing Coalition, in Chalk City. Patriot haters might wanna skip this game for more uplifting fare, like the first 100 minutes of “Midnight Express”.

Yeah yeah, I don’t buy it. Crazy shit happens in the playoffs. The Rex Jets and the Ravens defeated the Pats at home, memorably. The Titans defense has been consistently OK all year and has brought more pressure on QBs in the last five games. Everyone knows how Brady gets skittish when hit–an  obvious bone I gladly throw to the vast majority of NFL fans in the US:

Via @WTP sports

Being a Titans fan, I’ve had to watch their games. Tennessee was a boring team: seldom scoring in the 1st QRT;  dependable special teams (spectacular punting); a D that doesn’t allow many TDs after a turnover; and, the odd long run or pass mixed between plays for little or no gain—mostly out of bunched formations. TEN beat the Browns 12-9, in overtime, and did not record a convincing win in a schedule that featured crap team after crap team. Titan coaches started to get heavy flak for playcalling after the slog that was the 12-7 Week 14 loss at Arizona. And then it happened: Mariota got healthy and started getting the chance to dictate, calling plays and improvising. This defeated the Jags and clinched the playoffs for TEN in Week 17:

Via tenor.com

That play even prompted a pro like Delanie Walker to chime in: “Sometimes you gotta overcome coaching. That’s what makes some players great when they know how to do that” (via @CameronWolfe). On the other hand, I can’t see Patriot players overcoming their coaching, because they’d stand to be cut. Or flayed.

The only angles against the Pats are: (1) the TEN offensive line has been playing at the 2016 level the last three games; and (2) the tension between Kraft, Belichick, and Brady. Seth Wickersham’s recent KBB piece was a notable entry in the “Are the Patriots / Brady DUN?” canon. (It’s never “Belichick is done”.) So the Jimmy G trade seems like a vanity move for Brady’s sake that balances the Alex Guerrero skullduggery—big deal. All of that alleged crap is inconsequential for the Pats. Unless Brian Hoyer becomes involved, or Tom Terrific fails to get a “Patriot of the Week” T-shirt after posting a 100+ QB rating in this game.

The Titans had actual drama. Stories came out that Tennessee was going to fire Mike Mularkey if they lost to the Chefs right before the game. To the dismay of many Tits fans, their own team won in Kansas City. Goddammit: why even cheer? Pining for an uncertain but “better” future instead of enjoying present playoff success is greek tragedy shit. Like, I dunno… Being more concerned with potential…

/points dramatically to a dumpster

…HEAD COACHING GIGS?

That’s right: the New England brain trust of McDaniels & Patricia will showcase tonight their genius chops against a TEN team that, so far, is -21 in points differential after 17 games. (-66 between two blowouts: Deshaun Watson Texans in Week 4, Steelers in Week 11.) Both NE coordinators might outsmart themselves, since the stakes for them go beyond eking out a win in an expected walkover:

Via InsufferableMassholes (redundant)

Yes, the Pats have playoff experience, but Tennessee has been mentally tough all season. The players saved their coach through an 18-point comeback on the road. Dick LeBeau’s record against Brady isn’t good, but this current batch of TEN DBs are decent, including former Patriot Logan Ryan. (If it’s against The Man, it’s not snitching #JustSayin) And for all that is made about Brady being the experienced one, he’s the one who has tantrums during games, not the even-keeled Mariota (40 and 24, respectively). OK, Marcus won’t be a fantasy top dog, but is competitive and aware enough to catch his own TD pass and make an actual block—instead of, umm…

Via giphy.com

For New England, Schefter reported that questionable RBs Mike Gillislee and Rex Burkhead “are not expected to play”. Pencil them down for the majority of the carries over Lewis and White. (Kidding; maybe?) DeMarco Murray is out, the only way TEN coaches would deign to give Derrick Henry more than 10 touches a game. Accountability Note: after the Week 17 win over the Jags. Henry said he “ran soft”. He did, and then ran possessed the next week in Kansas City. Henry should do well against NE, provided he doesn’t miss the blitzer that gets Mariota KILLT. But even being optimistic, the Brady-Gronkowski battery is unstoppable. For tonight, I’d trade only two Gronk receptions for 60 yards in defensive PI, gladly.

Gotta admit: the “Ooh a win over Andy Reid; how cute!” and Patriots Patriots PATRIOTS talk got the best of me early in the week. So I called it Titans 30, Patriots 27, likely after reading “we should really rest [Chris] Hogan for next week”. I’m sticking to it, and to my rationalizations above—which may turn out to be kinda inaccurate after the fact. A cordial “‘Sup” for all decent Pats supporters, the ones here and the other 7 of you. But that’s it: No. 1 FACKIN GREATRIETS fan is Marky Mark, who deserves no good will. So enough of New England. It* ends tonight!

* The Patriots reign. Alternatively, the 2017 Titans season.

Now it’s your turn. DO YOUR WORST!

Banner pics via blewiskewl.blogspot.com and @MattNicroneRPO

Don T
Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva

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Old School Zero
Member

I think a fair assessment of the TB12 system would be to have Brady spar against Francis Ngannou for a few minutes.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I’m in.

clint greasewood
Member
clint greasewood

Death, taxes, and the Refs making bullshit calls to help the Patriots.

King Hippo
Member

stick your foghorn up your ass until you hit bone

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

Stole that from the Bruins, as I understand it. It’s almost as annoying as the Hell’s Bells open by AC/DC, which is much more fucking widespread and just as if not more annoying.

SonOfSpam
Member

“Hippo, what’s the last thing you said to your mother?”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

That was pretty crappy call.

King Hippo
Member

you’re ok, new guy

SonOfSpam
Member

Holy shit. Refs appear to be in the tank for the bad guys. I am SHOCKED.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Sorry, Don. Can tell the refs are fully in the tank for the Pats tonight.

WCS
Member

Of course.

Old School Zero
Member

That… was a dumb call.

King Hippo
Member

WEAK SAUCE

King Hippo
Member

LATE AS FUCK

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

BLEEEERGH!!!

King Hippo
Member

Their backup tackle appears to be a man-lion of sorts

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

“It smells like bologna in here.”

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

These TITS are tied

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Oh you’re into Kinbaku too?

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Old School Zero
Member

That’s not a nice thing to do to grandma.

WCS
Member

I just remembered Dick Lebeau is the Tits coordinator. Sorry, Don T, but, I’ve seen this many times before.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Tits coordinator sounds like a good job to have.

Old School Zero
Member

I noticed that, too. He still looks dead as hell.

King Hippo
Member

yeah, LOOKS

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Dick LeBeau entering the locker room at halftime.

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King Hippo
Member

Erotic Smashmouth Shootout Victory

Call it 31-30??

Gratliff
Member

Was the run defense this bad in the first quarter?

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

“The runner was down by contact. By rule, it is a touchdown for New England.”

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Nawt Fayuh!!!!!!!!!!

SonOfSpam
Member

“BOOO! THE REFS AHH CLEAHLY FACKIN US AGAIN!!!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

How far downfield was #60 on that play?

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

He was a legal amount downfield
-Jeff Triplette

WCS
Member

THAH FACKIN REFS HAHHTE US WHAHT THE FACKIN FACK

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

hahahaha this is great

SonOfSpam
Member

Oh sorry, didn’t see this before I completely copied you.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Dion Lewis!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

His ass spent more time on the ground than Stormy Daniels’s ass* spends up in the air.

*Topical!

Old School Zero
Member

less piss in this case, too

King Hippo
Member

ah mean, BOTH CHEEKS

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’ve never been so happy to watch a guy’s ass in my life.
He’s down.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

If Aaron Rodgers were in charge of replay we’d never get back to the game.

King Hippo
Member

#NoTreble

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

“I’ve never been so happy to watch a guy’s ass in my life.”
—Mark Sanchez

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

His ass hit the ground. Dangit.

King Hippo
Member

the TD is inevitable, and I have both Dreamboat and Lewis in my multiplier pool…

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Stupid refs

Old School Zero
Member

Aughh… that was a weird ass play… and that’s gonna be overturned.

Gratliff
Member

Came back just in time to see that run. Well fuck.

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

Don’t worry, he was down.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Da Fuq just happened?

King Hippo
Member

TD, SeaTruthers

SonOfSpam
Member

“Skrilly Skrilly!”

– Rick Perry at his first EDM show, and the DJ is Paris Hilton

King Hippo
Member

Now, all I can see is Gov. Dum-Dum waving two glow sticks

SonOfSpam
Member

Would look something like this…

comment image

King Hippo
Member

my God his tie is even off

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

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rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Tits that gets $$$$$ from Donald trump

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

How much of that settlement money was guaranteed?

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

“Dilly Dilly, I am the King.”
-Trent Green

SonOfSpam
Member

If all beers go down as quickly as my first one, I’ll be deceased by halftime.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I’m drinking out an Oktoberfest mug my brother brought back from Munich.

That way I can stick to a three glass limit and still be tits up by the end of this game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“Grilly Grilly!”

– Andy Reid, envisioning heaven

Horatio Cornblower
Member

He can finally catch up with his kids.

SonOfSpam
Member

“When you see him, tell my son I’m still disappointed in him. Oh wait…he’s not up there.”

– Tony Dungy

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

“Huh. Wonder why he didn’t use both hands to catch the ball.”

– Referees, willfully ignoring the obvious pass interference

WCS
Member

“Stilly, stilly” could also be applied to Jim Caldwell.

Clipboard Jesus
Member
Clipboard Jesus

Nice throw Jobu!
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rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Dude!
Its gonna be a long game!

SonOfSpam
Member

Also, helluva pass by that Hawaiian fella.

King Hippo
Member

Know what’s great about Romo? He understands AND LIKES football.

Beerguyrob
Member

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“Dolly Dolly!”

— 1970s Beerguyrob

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I think that was my first R-rated movie. Told my parents I was going to see Tron and then walked into the theater showing Best Little Whorehouse In Texas.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Let’s go to replay, just for the fuck of it, and because that’s why we’re all really here.

King Hippo
Member

SIIIICCCCCCKKKKKKK

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

WOOOOOOO. Get Fucked, New England.

Old School Zero
Member

OH SHIT THAT WAS BOSSSSSSSS

SonOfSpam
Member

FUCK YES COREY SPORTSBALL

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Never forget.
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Old School Zero
Member

“Pilly, pilly”

–King Hippo

King Hippo
Member

chuh chuh

Just 3 and mah luck Mariota wine tonite!