It Ends Tonight! Titans @ Patriots Divisional Open Thread

Don T

Don T

Poor choices, mixed results.
¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre!
Titans4Eva
Don T

2015 was Mariota’s rookie season and the Titans finished 3-13, being shredded by Johnny Manziel in the process. How times change; now Tennessee stands to be destroyed by Tom Brady on his ascension to Unparalleled Excellence. That’s forward progress even Jeff Tripplette can’t deny.

Last Saturday the Titans won its first playoff game since the 2003 season. New England has had a first round playoff bye for eight straight years, and been AFC Championship perennials ever since. The line for this game has been 13.5 and more. All predictions were sanctioned by The Sure Thing Coalition, in Chalk City. Patriot haters might wanna skip this game for more uplifting fare, like the first 100 minutes of “Midnight Express”.

Yeah yeah, I don’t buy it. Crazy shit happens in the playoffs. The Rex Jets and the Ravens defeated the Pats at home, memorably. The Titans defense has been consistently OK all year and has brought more pressure on QBs in the last five games. Everyone knows how Brady gets skittish when hit–an  obvious bone I gladly throw to the vast majority of NFL fans in the US:

Via @WTP sports

Being a Titans fan, I’ve had to watch their games. Tennessee was a boring team: seldom scoring in the 1st QRT;  dependable special teams (spectacular punting); a D that doesn’t allow many TDs after a turnover; and, the odd long run or pass mixed between plays for little or no gain—mostly out of bunched formations. TEN beat the Browns 12-9, in overtime, and did not record a convincing win in a schedule that featured crap team after crap team. Titan coaches started to get heavy flak for playcalling after the slog that was the 12-7 Week 14 loss at Arizona. And then it happened: Mariota got healthy and started getting the chance to dictate, calling plays and improvising. This defeated the Jags and clinched the playoffs for TEN in Week 17:

Via tenor.com

That play even prompted a pro like Delanie Walker to chime in: “Sometimes you gotta overcome coaching. That’s what makes some players great when they know how to do that” (via @CameronWolfe). On the other hand, I can’t see Patriot players overcoming their coaching, because they’d stand to be cut. Or flayed.

The only angles against the Pats are: (1) the TEN offensive line has been playing at the 2016 level the last three games; and (2) the tension between Kraft, Belichick, and Brady. Seth Wickersham’s recent KBB piece was a notable entry in the “Are the Patriots / Brady DUN?” canon. (It’s never “Belichick is done”.) So the Jimmy G trade seems like a vanity move for Brady’s sake that balances the Alex Guerrero skullduggery—big deal. All of that alleged crap is inconsequential for the Pats. Unless Brian Hoyer becomes involved, or Tom Terrific fails to get a “Patriot of the Week” T-shirt after posting a 100+ QB rating in this game.

The Titans had actual drama. Stories came out that Tennessee was going to fire Mike Mularkey if they lost to the Chefs right before the game. To the dismay of many Tits fans, their own team won in Kansas City. Goddammit: why even cheer? Pining for an uncertain but “better” future instead of enjoying present playoff success is greek tragedy shit. Like, I dunno… Being more concerned with potential…

/points dramatically to a dumpster

…HEAD COACHING GIGS?

That’s right: the New England brain trust of McDaniels & Patricia will showcase tonight their genius chops against a TEN team that, so far, is -21 in points differential after 17 games. (-66 between two blowouts: Deshaun Watson Texans in Week 4, Steelers in Week 11.) Both NE coordinators might outsmart themselves, since the stakes for them go beyond eking out a win in an expected walkover:

Via InsufferableMassholes (redundant)

Yes, the Pats have playoff experience, but Tennessee has been mentally tough all season. The players saved their coach through an 18-point comeback on the road. Dick LeBeau’s record against Brady isn’t good, but this current batch of TEN DBs are decent, including former Patriot Logan Ryan. (If it’s against The Man, it’s not snitching #JustSayin) And for all that is made about Brady being the experienced one, he’s the one who has tantrums during games, not the even-keeled Mariota (40 and 24, respectively). OK, Marcus won’t be a fantasy top dog, but is competitive and aware enough to catch his own TD pass and make an actual block—instead of, umm…

Via giphy.com

For New England, Schefter reported that questionable RBs Mike Gillislee and Rex Burkhead “are not expected to play”. Pencil them down for the majority of the carries over Lewis and White. (Kidding; maybe?) DeMarco Murray is out, the only way TEN coaches would deign to give Derrick Henry more than 10 touches a game. Accountability Note: after the Week 17 win over the Jags. Henry said he “ran soft”. He did, and then ran possessed the next week in Kansas City. Henry should do well against NE, provided he doesn’t miss the blitzer that gets Mariota KILLT. But even being optimistic, the Brady-Gronkowski battery is unstoppable. For tonight, I’d trade only two Gronk receptions for 60 yards in defensive PI, gladly.

Gotta admit: the “Ooh a win over Andy Reid; how cute!” and Patriots Patriots PATRIOTS talk got the best of me early in the week. So I called it Titans 30, Patriots 27, likely after reading “we should really rest [Chris] Hogan for next week”. I’m sticking to it, and to my rationalizations above—which may turn out to be kinda inaccurate after the fact. A cordial “‘Sup” for all decent Pats supporters, the ones here and the other 7 of you. But that’s it: No. 1 FACKIN GREATRIETS fan is Marky Mark, who deserves no good will. So enough of New England. It* ends tonight!

* The Patriots reign. Alternatively, the 2017 Titans season.

Now it’s your turn. DO YOUR WORST!

Banner pics via blewiskewl.blogspot.com and @MattNicroneRPO

Don T
Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva

Leave a Reply

Notify of
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Brady’s on the ground? How is there not a flag?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

– T. Brady

clint greasewood
Member
clint greasewood

I’d drink that spiced honey mead wine before I ever drank Bud Light.

King Hippo
Member

/also, own urine

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

I’d also drink Anti-Freeze.

litre_cola
Member

Yeee fuccking haaww how the fuck you doin boys???

King Hippo
Member

I was happy re Iggles, now GRRRRRRRRR

Old School Zero
Member

Same as it ever was.
Same as it ever was.
See y’all tomorrow.

King Hippo
Member

at least I can live with 3.5 of tomorrow’s winners.

WCS
Member

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Hope is a terrible thing.

King Hippo
Member

the WORST thing

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

And good things always die.

King Hippo
Member

just move it to the end zone, already, you know you want to

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Somebody on the Tits breathe on Tom Terrific?

WCS
Member

Dick Lebeau against Belichick

comment image

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Did Belichick ever play Lebeau when Lebeau was working for Green Bay?

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Pats moving the ball. geez.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

“Pats* moving the ball. geez.”

You spelled “refs” wrong.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

“I think it’s gonna be on Tennessee”

That seems a pretty safe bet there, Tony.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Water: wet. Sky: blue. Etc.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I don’t think I’m going to bother watching the second half. The NFL was never going to jeopardize its Patriots-Steelers AFC Championship game. Watch for Jacksonville to get screwed just as hard tomorrow.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Actually, no. Fuck this.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Jeebus, Tits.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Gotta admit tho…Romo might be the best color guy in ever.

No I didn’t say “colored”.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

So he’s not one of the good ones?

King Hippo
Member

“Or TWO!” – Aqib T., Denver, CO

King Hippo
Member

oh but THAT ain’t pushing off, huh??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Well, no, did you see what uniform the culprit was wearing?

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

comment image

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Hi there!

King Hippo
Member

5 years ago, mah wee-wee!

/now, she needs be kissing a brunette

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Nice chair.

King Hippo
Member

When humanity is turned into a pile of ash, at least we won;t have to watch the P*ts get gift-wrapped titles no more.

Mother Puncher
Member
Mother Puncher

Have I ever seen defensive false start on 4th down?

WCS
Member

Welcome to Foxborough!

SonOfSpam
Member

The refs felt the Patriots could really use a first down there.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

BLERRGH shall set us free!

clint greasewood
Member
clint greasewood

Refs almost messed up there and called a penalty on the Pats

Gratliff
Member

I see we’re getting the full Brady Special tonight. Fuck all this.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Tennessee should just start aiming at knees from here on out.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

NEVER STOP TRYING TO MURDER THEM ALL.

You’re going to lose anyway. Make it hurt.

King Hippo
Member

#HelpTehJaguras

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m really a big Patriots fan, but this is just fucking embarrassing.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

that was so weurd

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

NFL HQ not even trying to hide the bullshit any more.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I’d love to see Tennessee just walk off the field right now.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Tits D comes out in the 2nd half and absolutely goes after TB12, penalties and fines be damned.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I will donate to a Kickstarter to cover their fines.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

What the hell was that?

King Hippo
Member

OK, this is about where I turn the goddamned teevee box off

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Meet at the strip club?

King Hippo
Member

thinking about it.

WCS
Member

Okay, now they’re not even trying to mask it.

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

The Refs are so bent.

King Hippo
Member

A cat really is a very judgmental pet, fortunately I believe that I deserve said judgment.

#WASP

Old School Zero
Member

comment image

Horatio Cornblower
Member

3rd and 7 is the perfect time to call for a 5 yard in route!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

Who the cocksucker with the Dilly Dilly sign in the stands? Fuck that guy.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

I hereby send the flamethrower to burn that ppl to ash!

WCS
Member

Why stop there? Just burn the whole stadium down!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s 22 degrees there, so he’s already in a pit of misery.

King Hippo
Member

GO FOR IT

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

Here Here!

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

“Personal foul. Completion beyond ten yards, offense. Fifteen yard penalty and a loss of down.”

King Hippo
Member

Why won’t you let me forget that I have a cabbage for a head?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Member
Viva La Tabula Raza

The special teams coach should be allowed to kick the kick returner in the nuts every time the kick returner brings it out of the end zone and gets tackled short of the 25.

Old School Zero
Member

Someone needs to sell Brady on the benefits of raw water

WCS
Member

It prevents both sun AND moon burn!

clint greasewood
Member
clint greasewood

Belichick drinks infant blood.

SonOfSpam
Member

“After further review, we already reversed one Patriots touchdown, so this one counts.”

King Hippo
Member

Nobody Likes Us
Everybody Hates Us
Think We’ll Go Eat Worms

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

another first down!

Gratliff
Member

Well, this took a turn
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

OK, that shit needs to stop.

SonOfSpam
Member

So holding is ok on touchdown runs then?

Horatio Cornblower
Member

it’s not holding if you’re, you know, “gritty”.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Lemme get out my index card and check….
Yes, in Foxborough yes.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

I see they’re not going to replay that illegal crack back block that wasn’t called?

Claymaker
Member
Claymaker

I am streaming this game while my wife watches a Netflix documentary about the Chinese honey manufacturers skirting tariffs and flaunting purity laws for honey they export to the United States.

I am more confident that the documentary will end with the bad guys losing than I am that this game will.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

What a coincidence…later I plan to watch a documentary about Chinese honeys not in skirts.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

That’s not a documentary, dum-dum.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

You’ve got your story, I’ve got mine.

SonOfSpam
Member

THEN WHY IS MORGAN FREEMAN NARRATING???

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Bye bye, erection.
Thanks a lot SoS.

SonOfSpam
Member

“…how much filth Seamus watched that night, well, I don’t wanna know.”

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

” I have no idea to this day what those two Japanese ladies were moaning about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are better left unsaid.”

SonOfSpam
Member

“…when I think about Seamus ejaculating to those Chinese whores, it just makes me smile.”

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

LMFAO…that was excellent.

SonOfSpam
Member

Post idea: Morgan Freeman narrates Seamus and Balls watching porn.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Oh dear god, I hope to hell Balls doesn’t see this.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

“What happened next, though, still haunts me to this day”

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

So they moved on from pine nuts eh?

King Hippo
Member

my cat wants to sit with me, but doesn’t like that I’m being loud, crunk, or using the computer.

SonOfSpam
Member

Yeah, I’m not gettin any pussy either.

rockingdog
Member
rockingdog

[earlier today in Hawaii in the middle of stealing someone’s bigass yacht at gun point] what do you mean it was a fake alert?

Dick E. Phuck
Member
SonOfSpam
Member

Why hasn’t someone randomly punched that guy in the head yet?

WCS
Member

comment image

Horatio Cornblower
Member

I will never understand the people who tried to break that up.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

He’s not wrong about #4.

WCS
Member

Whenever the Tits punt, I keep thinking of this: