Your “Stack The Box? Don’t Mind If We Do!” AFC Playoff Game Open Thread

[can’t think of anything to say] Intros are for suckers… TO THE GAME!

Jacksonville/Pittsburgh:

Taking a look at this game I was reminded of an old Bart Simpson quote which goes something like, “Smashee, smashee”. Yeah, this one is gonna be a battle of physical and mental wills and no matter the outcome, both sides will suffer casualties-think in terms of Attica in early September of ’71. That’s how this one is going to go.

Injuries:

Antonio Brown is out/ready and raring to go, no question/a game-time decision-pick one. If he does throw the cleats on he’ll be staring down cb Jalen Ramsay. I love this matchup. Ramsay was thrown at only 5 times last week and was able to come up with an interception.

We Need To Talk About Blake:

Will the competent Blake or the inadequate Blake take the field today? Last week vs. the Bills he was 12/23 for 87 yards. Not so good, huh? Not so fast-he was able to offset that with 10 runs for 88 yards. Using the very latest-ish in phone calculator technology, I took a look back at his bipedal-centric shenanigans and discovered that in games where he runs 5 or more times he averages 7 yards per attempt. Interesting? Probably not but I’ll make the case that he recognizes/exploits running lanes far more than he is given credit for. I think another way to assess the fella is in terms of ‘comfort zone’. In the games where his QBR rating was over 100, (the lowest mark being 119!) his attempts/completions were 20-31, 18-26, 26-35, 18-27 and 21-29. Perhaps he’s not the game manager I thought he is but just a guy that needs to play within certain parameters in order to get the job done. Once outside those parameters though it becomes a bit of a crapshoot as to which guy shows up.

My Hot Takeaway:

I’ll be surprised if Bell and Fournette don’t combine for 50 carries between them. The thing is, [whips out suddenly trusty phone calculator again] this gives the Steelers a significant advantage. Perhaps Fournette is wearing down a bit but he’s only averaging 3 yards per rush over his last eight games. Mr. “Don’t Franchise Tag Me, Bro” Bell has averaged 4.2 in his last seven. As the carries pile up, it’ll be Pittsburgh that will more easily get up and down the field.

What are you waiting for? Get it on, bang your gong!

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litre_cola

Brown pushed off for sure but it was very subtle

theeWeeBabySeamus

He was also held.
Let’s call it a wash.

litre_cola

He is just so damn good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed. He single handedly beat me in…whatever week that fucking was.
LOL.

The Maestro

As Patriots fan, I won’t lie: the Jaguars defence is Extremely Concerning to me.

King Hippo

they can beat youse. Won’t be favoured on an even week, but it’s possible. Yinzers have no shot.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep, you should be concerned I think.

Dick E. Phuck

Roethlisberger could have run for those yards if he weren’t slow, fat, and stupid.

Spur

there is a future in politics for him

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Spur

nice jump cut by Bell.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“A real pro keeps both feet on the ground.”

– Ray Lewis

LemonJello

Good afternoon, Imaginary Internet Friends! I was distracted from commenting earlier by Lady LemonJello’s experiment with homemade pretzel bites and beer cheese.

/confession time: I’m the lone (?) Jaguras fan here.

KEEP PUSHING THE BEN’S SHIT IN SAXONVILLE!

Dick E. Phuck

[Eyebrows raise]
– Aaron Rodgers

King Hippo

oh snap, we have an ACTUAL fan?? HUZZAH!!

LemonJello

Long story short: Jaguras started playing when I was a young Marine stationed at the Kings Bay Submarine Base just north of there. Been following them since.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I knew Yinzburgh would have difficulty against Jax D.
Did not expect their defense to go all Swiss Cheesy tho. At least not this badly.

litre_cola

Swiss cheese is a very underrated cheese.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed. Ham and mustard and…

Shit, now I’m hungry.

Romonobyl

I’ll take it on a burger over ‘murrican cheese any day.

Senor Weaselo

Hey Brocky, I FINALLY got an EX pass!

I teach until 5 and then have rehearsal in Brooklyn at 7. Thank to traffic it would take me an hour and a half to get home and it’s slated for 5:30-6:15. Fuck everything.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Hopefully the Yinzers in the stands will be boo-ing their team soon.

King Hippo

Maybe The Ben will retire!

fleshwound_NPG

[looks up dan marino’s last game ever]

Possible!

Viva La Tabula Raza

At halftime?

King Hippo

probably too late to beat traffic, when u think about it

King Hippo

still plenty of time to get some raping in

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Killer Boos.

Dick E. Phuck

Tear-soaked Terrible Towels

Spur

piss soaked

litre_cola

This isn’t Stadium Azteca in Mexico City

Dick E. Phuck

This is the best game of the season.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Needz moar Benterceptions.

King Hippo

the day is young, our new Imaginary P*ts Friend

Spur

POUR IT ON!!!!!!!
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King Hippo

“Alexa, show me a broken will”

fleshwound_NPG

NOTFOURNETTEDOWN

Claymaker

Claymaker

Claymaker

I give up.

Claymaker

It was going to be funny, too.

comment image

C’est la vie.

litre_cola

In fantasy season commentists would be losing their minds.

Mr. Ayo

The rout is on!

Spur

Fournette needs a nickname

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fournettecation

Horatio Cornblower

That’s where I was going.

King Hippo

“Horny Fourny” – Silky G., Jacksonville, FL

Brocky

Wrecker of fantasy playoffs cuz he missed week 15.

*note to self, finish fantasy gods*

Mr. Ayo

You can use a screen cap from this game for what heaven totally looks like

King Hippo

And I have seldom been MOAR wrong about an NFL prospect than Leonard Fournette.

Horatio Cornblower

I knew he was going to be good, (for 3-4 years, before he turns to powder), but I was apparently wrong about McCafferey, who seems to have been more than useful for Carolina, whereas I was convinced he’d be another Great White Hope RB out of Stanford, and by extension a useless sack of shit.

King Hippo

He was really more of a volume guy, as a runner he didn’t do much and his YPC receiving was way less impressive than a guy like Bitchin’ Kamara.

But yeah, not a total waste.

King Hippo

Now might be the time to limit the BORT throwing. He treats the ball like a loaf of bread,

litre_cola

If PMT taught me anything he only reads wikipedia and blog posts, so, probably.

Spur

Bortles is setting up a late hit call with these runs.

litre_cola

Sneaky Bort

Viva La Tabula Raza

Guess you are wrong, Dan.

Redshirt

Defensive Holding?! HA!

King Hippo

Fournette may end up with 250 unless they rest him

fleshwound_NPG

bwhahahahahaha

fleshwound_NPG

Yes, moar Bortscrambles

Spur

you crazy Bortles!

tomsellecksmoustache

It’s been a while since I’ve seen a team trip over its dick so many times.

Dick E. Phuck

Super Bowl LI

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s very easy to picture Todd Haley as Dennis Hopper’s character in Blue Velvet.

“3rd and inches. Power run up the middle? Nah, FUCK THAT SHIT. ZONE READ TOSS RIGHT!”

Spur

im loving this. i had hoped the Tits game would be like this.

litre_cola

So did Don T.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So did 90% of North America.

Gratliff

With any luck, this’ll be the end of the Perennial Contender Harf Harf era.

rockingdog

What is HARF?

fleshwound_NPG

jags killed marino, so why not the ben

King Hippo

57-0, they go for two on the last one.

Dick E. Phuck

Stop. Do you want me to start shooting all over my TV?

Dick E. Phuck

“Who said I wasn’t charitable?”
– God

litre_cola

Steelers D line is starting to infight.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup, this has the makings of a beatdown.
Glad Yinzburgh is only my second favorite team.

Fuck you Flacco.

King Hippo

Put Myles Jack on offense.

fleshwound_NPG

put half the defense on offense

ThePirateSloth

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

King Hippo

too scared to sneak The Ben?

rockingdog

hahaha gottta figure

Spur

Ben no want head owie.

King Hippo

What if me no think so good for Call of Duty?

Gratliff

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In Foxboro they would have spotted that for a one yard gain.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ha ha.

Spur

stuffed!

fleshwound_NPG

oh shit

King Hippo

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

litre_cola

Bahahahaha. This is better than porn!

Dick E. Phuck

That was a terrible play call.

Dick E. Phuck

I love it.

King Hippo

yes and yes

theeWeeBabySeamus

Big time. The sneak works there 95% of the time.
They outthunk themselves there.

King Hippo

thrusting and releasing!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go for it, no kicking.

litre_cola

Fantastic work scotchy

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Good concentration for Ben as he sees the hole”

hehehehehe

King Hippo

HARF!!

Dick E. Phuck

Ben really forced it into that one.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nice job by A.J. Bouye with the “pattycake” technique on the tackle.

Redshirt

Speaking as a Bengals fan: “I’m very excited right now (in more ways than one).”
Speaking as a Bengals fan: “I’ve seen this horror story before and I know it ends.”

Gratliff

The traditional guillotine choke tackle method

King Hippo

you could just hear the 80s video game “FINISH HIM!!” yeah?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bell not ringing and we no can haz JuJu.
*sigh*

What can Brown do for you?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, did I just become psychic?