[can’t think of anything to say] Intros are for suckers… TO THE GAME!
Jacksonville/Pittsburgh:
Taking a look at this game I was reminded of an old Bart Simpson quote which goes something like, “Smashee, smashee”. Yeah, this one is gonna be a battle of physical and mental wills and no matter the outcome, both sides will suffer casualties-think in terms of Attica in early September of ’71. That’s how this one is going to go.
Injuries:
Antonio Brown is out/ready and raring to go, no question/a game-time decision-pick one. If he does throw the cleats on he’ll be staring down cb Jalen Ramsay. I love this matchup. Ramsay was thrown at only 5 times last week and was able to come up with an interception.
We Need To Talk About Blake:
Will the competent Blake or the inadequate Blake take the field today? Last week vs. the Bills he was 12/23 for 87 yards. Not so good, huh? Not so fast-he was able to offset that with 10 runs for 88 yards. Using the very latest-ish in phone calculator technology, I took a look back at his bipedal-centric shenanigans and discovered that in games where he runs 5 or more times he averages 7 yards per attempt. Interesting? Probably not but I’ll make the case that he recognizes/exploits running lanes far more than he is given credit for. I think another way to assess the fella is in terms of ‘comfort zone’. In the games where his QBR rating was over 100, (the lowest mark being 119!) his attempts/completions were 20-31, 18-26, 26-35, 18-27 and 21-29. Perhaps he’s not the game manager I thought he is but just a guy that needs to play within certain parameters in order to get the job done. Once outside those parameters though it becomes a bit of a crapshoot as to which guy shows up.
My Hot Takeaway:
I’ll be surprised if Bell and Fournette don’t combine for 50 carries between them. The thing is, [whips out suddenly trusty phone calculator again] this gives the Steelers a significant advantage. Perhaps Fournette is wearing down a bit but he’s only averaging 3 yards per rush over his last eight games. Mr. “Don’t Franchise Tag Me, Bro” Bell has averaged 4.2 in his last seven. As the carries pile up, it’ll be Pittsburgh that will more easily get up and down the field.
What are you waiting for? Get it on, bang your gong!
Brown pushed off for sure but it was very subtle
He was also held.
Let’s call it a wash.
He is just so damn good.
Agreed. He single handedly beat me in…whatever week that fucking was.
LOL.
As Patriots fan, I won’t lie: the Jaguars defence is Extremely Concerning to me.
they can beat youse. Won’t be favoured on an even week, but it’s possible. Yinzers have no shot.
Yep, you should be concerned I think.
Roethlisberger could have run for those yards if he weren’t slow, fat, and stupid.
there is a future in politics for him
Give him a break-he’s 75 in NFL years.
nice jump cut by Bell.
“A real pro keeps both feet on the ground.”
– Ray Lewis
Good afternoon, Imaginary Internet Friends! I was distracted from commenting earlier by Lady LemonJello’s experiment with homemade pretzel bites and beer cheese.
/confession time: I’m the lone (?) Jaguras fan here.
KEEP PUSHING THE BEN’S SHIT IN SAXONVILLE!
[Eyebrows raise]
– Aaron Rodgers
oh snap, we have an ACTUAL fan?? HUZZAH!!
Long story short: Jaguras started playing when I was a young Marine stationed at the Kings Bay Submarine Base just north of there. Been following them since.
“How young were you?” [wipes drool]
-Kevin Spacey
I knew Yinzburgh would have difficulty against Jax D.
Did not expect their defense to go all Swiss Cheesy tho. At least not this badly.
Swiss cheese is a very underrated cheese.
Agreed. Ham and mustard and…
Shit, now I’m hungry.
I’ll take it on a burger over ‘murrican cheese any day.
Hey Brocky, I FINALLY got an EX pass!
I teach until 5 and then have rehearsal in Brooklyn at 7. Thank to traffic it would take me an hour and a half to get home and it’s slated for 5:30-6:15. Fuck everything.
Hopefully the Yinzers in the stands will be boo-ing their team soon.
Maybe The Ben will retire!
[looks up dan marino’s last game ever]
Possible!
At halftime?
probably too late to beat traffic, when u think about it
If he retires now he’ll have 5 good years left before the dementia kicks in.
still plenty of time to get some raping in
Killer Boos.
Tear-soaked Terrible Towels
piss soaked
This isn’t Stadium Azteca in Mexico City
This is the best game of the season.
Needz moar Benterceptions.
the day is young, our new Imaginary P*ts Friend
[tries to recall one of the Giants wins, fails]
Yeah, I guess you’re right.
POUR IT ON!!!!!!!
“Alexa, show me a broken will”
NOTFOURNETTEDOWN
https://frinkiac.com/gif/S05E11/459124/463929/CiBZRUEhIFNPTUVPTkUgRUxTRSEKIFNPTUVPTkUgRUxTRSEgU09NRU9ORQogRUxTRSE=
I give up.
I didn’t know you were from France.
It was going to be funny, too.
C’est la vie.
In fantasy season commentists would be losing their minds.
The rout is on!
Fournette needs a nickname
Fournettecation
That’s where I was going.
“Horny Fourny” – Silky G., Jacksonville, FL
I’ve done Little Red Fournette.
/I didn’t say it was good
Wrecker of fantasy playoffs cuz he missed week 15.
*note to self, finish fantasy gods*
You can use a screen cap from this game for what heaven totally looks like
And I have seldom been MOAR wrong about an NFL prospect than Leonard Fournette.
I knew he was going to be good, (for 3-4 years, before he turns to powder), but I was apparently wrong about McCafferey, who seems to have been more than useful for Carolina, whereas I was convinced he’d be another Great White Hope RB out of Stanford, and by extension a useless sack of shit.
He was really more of a volume guy, as a runner he didn’t do much and his YPC receiving was way less impressive than a guy like Bitchin’ Kamara.
But yeah, not a total waste.
Now might be the time to limit the BORT throwing. He treats the ball like a loaf of bread,
Ummm. Blake read my intro?
If PMT taught me anything he only reads wikipedia and blog posts, so, probably.
Bortles is setting up a late hit call with these runs.
Sneaky Bort
Guess you are wrong, Dan.
Defensive Holding?! HA!
Fournette may end up with 250 unless they rest him
bwhahahahahaha
Yes, moar Bortscrambles
you crazy Bortles!
It’s been a while since I’ve seen a team trip over its dick so many times.
Super Bowl LI
It’s very easy to picture Todd Haley as Dennis Hopper’s character in Blue Velvet.
“3rd and inches. Power run up the middle? Nah, FUCK THAT SHIT. ZONE READ TOSS RIGHT!”
im loving this. i had hoped the Tits game would be like this.
So did Don T.
So did 90% of North America.
With any luck, this’ll be the end of the Perennial Contender Harf Harf era.
What is HARF?
jags killed marino, so why not the ben
57-0, they go for two on the last one.
That would be an orgasmigami wouldn’t it?
Stop. Do you want me to start shooting all over my TV?
“Who said I wasn’t charitable?”
– God
Steelers D line is starting to infight.
Yup, this has the makings of a beatdown.
Glad Yinzburgh is only my second favorite team.
Fuck you Flacco.
Put Myles Jack on offense.
put half the defense on offense
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
too scared to sneak The Ben?
hahaha gottta figure
Ben no want head owie.
What if me no think so good for Call of Duty?
In Foxboro they would have spotted that for a one yard gain.
Ha ha.
stuffed!
oh shit
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Bahahahaha. This is better than porn!
That was a terrible play call.
I love it.
yes and yes
Big time. The sneak works there 95% of the time.
They outthunk themselves there.
“Bell has the full buttocks of a champion!”
-Peter King
thrusting and releasing!
Go for it, no kicking.
“No can do.”
-Grayson Allen
Fantastic work scotchy
“Good concentration for Ben as he sees the hole”
hehehehehe
HARF!!
Ben really forced it into that one.
Nice job by A.J. Bouye with the “pattycake” technique on the tackle.
Speaking as a Bengals fan: “I’m very excited right now (in more ways than one).”
Speaking as a Bengals fan: “I’ve seen this horror story before and I know it ends.”
The traditional guillotine choke tackle method
you could just hear the 80s video game “FINISH HIM!!” yeah?
Bell not ringing and we no can haz JuJu.
*sigh*
What can Brown do for you?
Holy shit, did I just become psychic?