Saturday Fútbol and Elephant In The Room Open Thread

It’s Saturday morning and there’s fútbol! Huh. Looks like a slate for the hardcore, in La Liga and the EPL. And, c’mon: it’s mid January. Even if Liverpool were playing Man City for the top of the table, with the losers getting full body waxes after the game… I’d still be obsessing about the Jax D being more good than cocky, and Nick Foles’s ceiling—Andy Dalton? Improved bank shots?

Xavier Rhodes deflection sends Alshon Jeffrey to the med tent

All times Central, listings per my TV. Primary source, baby!

Atlético Madrid (2nd) vs. Girona (11th) –  9:05 AM, BeIn Sports

La Liga is at the midway point. Girona, a Catalonian club founded in 1930, is on its first year in the top flight. Their goalkeeper is a Moroccan named Bono. (“Only in New York.” —PK)  After being bounced from the Champions League, El Atléti is a respectable second in Spain, with 42 points—nine behind Barcelona. However,

“Wanda Metropolitano” is Atlético Madrid’s home stadium, and last Wednesday’s stabbing was about control of Frente Atlético, nazi ultras who cheer for the team. (Fun Fact! Atlético is coached by an Argentinian nicknamed Cholo.) The team recently signed Diego Costa for a second tour of duty. EPL fans know about Costa. Say what you will about him; regardless of form, Diego is a world-class head case.

 

Villarreal (5th) vs. Levante (16th) –  11:20 AM, BeIn Sports

The Valencia derby! Which would impressive if it involved the prime club of the region. What team is that?

 

Las Palmas (20th) vs. Valencia (3rd) – 1:35 PM, BeIn Sports

Valencia CF, who aim to get three easy points and a beach day on their trip to the Canary Islands to meet a Las Palmas destined for the Segunda: 19 matches, 11 points, 14 goals, 46 conceded. A Las Palmas fan sums up last week’s 6-0 at Girona:

Via the outstanding @Opiumtv (timeline NSFW)

Over in England,

Brighton & Hove Albion (16th) vs. Chelsea (4th) – 6:25 AM, NBCSN

Chelski’s hanging in there, with two wins and three draws in the last five games. Brighton might as well be called the blasé boids:

Via premierleague.com

Keep it stoic, lads [vacant stare].

 

Burnley (7th!) vs. Manchester United (2nd) – 9:00 AM, NBCSN

These two teams drew 2-2 three weeks ago. Take away those two goals, and Burnley has only 15 in 22 games. Manager Louis C.K. truly is the EPL’s  Mike Mularkey.

Via Wikimedia.org & wn.com

The other 9:00 AM games, presumably in NBC For Pay, are:

 

Merseyside Boycotts (redacted) vs. West Bromwich Albion (19th)

Sam Allardyce—

 

West Ham United (11th) vs. Bournemouth (13th)

Mid-table fixture. In culinary terms: overpriced burger and a seltzer.

 

Arsenal (6th) vs. Crystal Palace (12th)

I forgot to say that Arsenal transferred Alexis Sánchez to Manchester Unit… OK. I refuse to believe Tom Coughlin has some sort of Patriots kryptonite. His Giants teams could crush a QB with four linemen rushing, among them Justin Tuck. The Jags may do the same, but that would unleash the “Tom Coughlin: The Genius That Wasn’t Washed-Up”  narrative before the Super Bowl. Nobody wants that.

 

Leicester City (8th) vs. Watford (10th)

On the other hand, the whole Cheatriots thing: I don’t buy it. Year after year, New England starts slow, makes solid contributors out of waiver wire pickups, and then ends up on the AFC Championship. Belichick and McDaniels (in Denver) got caught videotaping a long time ago. My guess is both fellas value their rep enough to engage in that again. Deflated balls? Yeah, there was  malfeasance—at the very least, a coverup. Now, the competitive advantage gained by a few psi eludes me, but I’m gonna guess it amounts to

And I’m sure Brady’s stats are better after the 2nd half of that Colts game. What else is there in the CHEATERS file? The, uh, TB12 non-traditional health services. The other principal has a past, but his current methods haven’t been found illegal. (As far as anyone knows.)

 

Stoke City vs. Huddersfield Town

The breaks the Patriots get from the officials seem lopsided compared to the other teams. And yet, the overall officiating is terrible, and the convoluted game rules disfavor common sense and the naked eye. On the other hand, this is certain: Gronk is incredible; Belichick is the best coach; Brady is Another Level; and their most vocal fans are insufferable. I’ll feed my spite only as to those fans. As to the rest, I’m done. There’s too much bad shit in the real world to spend time resenting actual excellence in sports.

 

Manchester City vs. Newcastle United (11:30 AM – NBC)

Last week’s defeat at Liverpool (4-3) ended Man City’s streak of 22 straight EPL games without a loss—during which City earned  62 out of a possible 66 points. Newcastle is just three points above the relegation zone. I see Newcastle employing an 8-1-1 formation in this one.

 

Finally, gotta say I’m in Balls’s Camp: I think there’s nothing lesser about fútbol. But goddammit, there’s only three games left in the NFL season! And, AND, Jags @ Pats can turn out to be competitive. Vikes @ Philly looks pretty damn exciting—and the Linc being filled with dog masks promises to be hilarious and terrifying.

An Iggles fan pleads with The Rog for compensatory picks due to Wentz injury, via  Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So, sorry; I can’t help myself. Championship Sunday is the best single day on the sports calendar, IMHO. And  should New England win, at least we’ll be spared the Doug Marrone Bills to Jax arc packaged as a prepotent-diva-to-humbled-grinder narrative. ?.

Gifs via giphy.com banner via i.ytimg.com; substance-y #content via Wikipedia, elpais.com, premierleague.com, theguardian.com, and dailytelegraph.com.

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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blaxabbath

But the conference put (3)ASU (then-undefeated) at (14)Arizona on the PAC-12 Networks.

blaxabbath

Did you parlay those, Hippo?

King Hippo

nope

blaxabbath

SMRT

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Also, is Vegas’ success an indication most NHL GMs have no clue what they’re doing?

Yes, yes it is.

blaxabbath

I know I wouldn’t have a clue if I were an NHL GM.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So the Sabres are on pace to have a season on par, if not worse, than when they were straight up tanking.

“BUT TANKING IS AN AFFRONT TO THE GAME”

blaxabbath

Effort is a major stat.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I am going to wake up very, very early to see some Atalanta-Napoli tomorrow.

Colorado got a fucking steal in dealing Duchene.

King Hippo

Sooners now covering (I gots in at -2)

blaxabbath

So is the Community guy just going to stop acting and just be in Enterprise commercials, a la that chick who does all the Capitol One commercials?

WCS

And John Hamm for tax returns.

blaxabbath

Isn’t he Negan?

WCS

No, that’s this guy:
comment image

Jeffery Morgan

King Hippo

it would be upsetting, had he ever done anything of note other than his portrayal of Jeff Winger

bk109

and secondary/cameo douche in forgettable movies! (his level of smarm and douche-ness make even his cameos of note!)
On the bright side, he’s a Seahawks fan, so he’s still PTSD-y from the interception 😀

Unsurprised

I’m waiting for the Russos to have him cameo in Infinity War

blaxabbath

Is anyone in this WV/TX game worth paying attention to? Any NBA talent?

WCS

Jevon Carter, Sags Konate, and Esa Ahmad for the Tracksuits. Carter’s a senior, and is probably a second-round pick. The other two are a year away, but, Ahmad could end up a lottery pick. He’s that good.

King Hippo

there’s always supposed NBA “talent” on TX, just no skill

theeWeeBabySeamus

So how drunk is everybody so far?

blaxabbath

None.

Gonna go rip a bowl tho.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Now I’m jealous. You jerk.

scotchnaut

I suggested to my oldest son that we get high together and watch Donnie Darko. I was drunk when I threw that out. He’s super excited about doing it. I scared now.

blaxabbath

JV: Herm Edwards (new CEO-Coach of ASU) gave this interview. My favorite quote:

What have you learned about recruiting?

The thing that’s surprised me about the recruiting is that most of these kids have no idea. They have no idea why they’re about to choose the school they’re going to. They really don’t. I’ve sat in their living rooms and you talk to a couple kids and you (think), ‘This kid has no clue what he wants to do.’ And I don’t know what eventually gets them to do it. And sometimes the parents, you sit there and you realize this isn’t going to be the kid’s decision.

https://www.azcentral.com/story/sports/ncaaf/asu/2018/01/19/q-and-asu-coach-herm-edwards-discusses-ceo-role-potential-changes-and-more/1047703001/

King Hippo

oh this is going to be such a shitshow

blaxabbath

I feel the same way but I assume that is just rivalry hate. Then I think some more and….I don’t see how this works.

King Hippo

No, I think you’re spot on, dude. This is comedy gold. Get ready to laugh heartily at Sparky for the next 3-4 years.

Unsurprised

I appreciate his honesty.

scotchnaut

Huggins will be the next coach at the ICU. Book it.

blaxabbath

Damn! Huggins is still at WVU?!

King Hippo

The King of Track Suits shall NEVAR leave his mountains (and cousinfuckers) behind

blaxabbath

I need to learn how to cook asian food. I love this shit. Way better than Mexican.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Basically Trump’s immigration policy right there

yeah right

It’s really not that hard. Fresh garlic, ginger, green onions, a sauce and some protein dredged in corn starch fried hot in peanut oil with a splash of sesame oil. Boom.

Horatio Cornblower

I like how one of us will say “I’d like to learn to cook [X]”, and Yeah Right comes in with, “Hey, no problem, I got you. Just do this, this, that, this and some of that, and by the way here’s six recipes with pictures to guide you through it” and we’re all “Hey thanks! Gonna try that this weekend!” and on Saturday the fire department is sifting through the ashes of what used to be our kitchens.

WCS

Shaka Smart should have never left VCU.

King Hippo

he can cry into his wheelbarrows full of moneys

King Hippo

fuck, $100 on Stanford, $100 on ND. Each getting MOAR than 2:1 v a verrrrry overrated side that has lost to NC State

blaxabbath

Them’s good odds. Don’t think I’d take STAN straight up but, hey, you do you.

King Hippo

I prefer moneylining when I can in hoopsball. Too easy to lose a marginal spread with free throws down the stretch. Rather have the added payout. Spread only like 5.5, but ML +215. ND is 6.5 and +250 @ Son of Clem

blaxabbath

It’s a balmy 55 degrees. Overcast, windy, crisp — I went and got some chinese takeout and I am so stoked.

blaxabbath

My bad — another 45 mins (damn time zones).

King Hippo

WHEW, we didn’t forget to pretend to care yet!!

/should I bet Stanford ML??

King Hippo

I mean, you fookin’ lost to NC State FFS!!

blaxabbath

UA is clicking pretty solidly. I am admittedly unfamiliar with this Stanford squad but, since Alkins is still only a likely (he did not play on Thursday), I don’t think I’d start flinging around cash.

King Hippo

Come On, You Sooners!!

scotchnaut

“A little high on the body but I do like the end result.”

-Bernard Pollard, judge on America’s Best Injuries

Horatio Cornblower

Moar liek Rex Notgonnabeworkinghereanymore.

King Hippo

Maybe not the hero we wanted, but perhaps the hero we needed.

/still believe this is all theatre

blaxabbath

This thread staying up a while? Cuz UA/Stanford for top of the SHITTY Pac-12 is starting on CBS in 15min.

ballsofsteelandfury

I couldn’t find the clip online, but there is a pregame ritual that the Girona team does that goes along the lines of

GIIIRRROOOOOOOOOOONNNNAAA
GIIIRRROOOOOOOOOOONNNNAAA
GIIIRRROOOOOOOOOOONNNNAAA

It’s intoxicating. I found myself chanting it.

scotchnaut

Found It! It’s actually My Shirona…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1T71PGd-J0

King Hippo

you could also do to L-L-L-L-LOOOOOO-LA!!!!

scotchnaut
scotchnaut

“I hate how stupid you are.”

-Me

scotchnaut
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Btw, this is good insight on a valid perspective on the Pats, but they can still go fuck themselves. Come in, Hoyer Country!

scotchnaut

Best stand up comedian you’ve never heard of? I give you Jon Steinberg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nER5D8oWuq8

King Hippo

Noles win!! 5 in a row, ninjas

scotchnaut

Have you given up on the Puppypack this year?

King Hippo

YES

scotchnaut

Jason Bourne can run faster than you and I combined!

scotchnaut

When you think about it*, isn’t Ice Cube a really, really lame rapper name? If he hadn’t been in NWA (Nigeria Without Awareness) he’s wouldn’t a had any credibility whatsoever.

*when I think about it

King Hippo

Setting himself up for his 21st century existence

scotchnaut

[eagerly awaits his upcoming Frigidaire commercial]

theeWeeBabySeamus

Frigidaire would be a good rapper name. Don’t you think?

scotchnaut

“Agreed.”

-Whirlpool Dryer and his posse

King Hippo

VPI making my ass twitch (and put a hunny down on Boomer Sooner, before remembering NEVAR trust those sacks of shite again)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe. Sorry, but this made me giggle.

rockingdog
King Hippo

Who did Hippo bet today? Glad you asked, Other Hippo! FSU Moneyline, +116 @ VPI!

/this would be 5 hoopsball in a row, including 3 MLs

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t even think the ‘Noles can blow this one at this point.
Well done Hippo.

scotchnaut

Does anyone else get Franka Potente and Famke Janssen confused because their first names are vaguely similar, they’re both European and I’m stupid?

Horatio Cornblower

Famke Janssen. hnnghhh

comment image

scotchnaut

“She’s taken.”

-Liam Neeson

scotchnaut

/this morning

*knock on the door*

Jehovah’s Witness: “Sir, do you feel that the world right now is out of control?”

Me: “Yes…”

JH: [smiles]

Me: “But I feel it’s always been that way.”

JH: “…” [quotes Bible passage, looks at me meaningfully]

Me: “Great! Goodbye” [closes door]

JH: “He’s coming soon!”

FIN

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll be coming soon too, but you don’t see me bothering the neighbors about it.

scotchnaut

I’ll be coming soon as well, hopefully in a theatre near you.

Horatio Cornblower

Didn’t work out that well for Pee Wee Herman.

scotchnaut

[makes mental not to yell out “HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, AUNT BRENDA?” next time]

Senor Weaselo

This was a perfect opportunity to tell them about the true god, BLEERGH.

yeah right

Well shit. I ran a valiant race but it looks like the cold/ flu finally caught me.
Not too terrible yet but sore muscles and foggy brain.

Just in time for the weekend!

King Hippo

REMEMBER, only have to live 15 MOAR days!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope you do better with it than I did – it’s been a week and I’m only now at the phlegm-spitting stage.

yeah right

I’m going to have to force myself to get moving and get to the grocery store before this shit gets worse. I’m in need of plenty of fluids.

scotchnaut

Are you in the mood for booze? Anyone? I am.

King Hippo

one pill ahead of ya! Who L’Orange got today? AND SHOULD I BET??

scotchnaut

Sadly, no Cuse action until Tuesday(?) I think. Any game they play bet the under because they can’t score but play half-decent D.

King Hippo

in other words, they’s post-Melo Syracuse?

scotchnaut

Given how many they’ve missed, I think The Nose-Picker-In-Chief hasn’t run a layup drill yet this year.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kind of, yeah. I just got over the flu (well, my lungs are still lagging behind a little) and can’t wait to fall off the wagon. I had a martini last night. Maybe tonight I’ll have two.

King Hippo

as noted, the best case scenario for Everton would be to stay up either by one point or on Goal Differential. Anything else risks that fat, corrupt sonofabitch getting a summer window, and laying the foundation for an inevitable going down in a season or two.

King Hippo

am disappoint, a home loss to FOOKIN WEST BROM would have been perfect to get the Merseysiders out FOAR blood.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Assuming a height of 6’1″ (that is what I’m settling on based on photographic evidence), I’m setting the OVER/UNDER of Trump’s true weight at 275. Whattaya got?

litre_cola

260

Horatio Cornblower

261, Drew!
/Price Is Right strategy

Unsurprised

281

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don T, you’re treating it like it’s a binary thing. In the absence of all of their malfeasance, the Patriots would still be an incredibly good football team. Bill Belichick and Tom Brady are among the best to have ever coached/played the game. But there’s this notion that once each of them got caught cheating, they stopped cheating. That’s usually not true as far as cheatin’ husbands go and I doubt it’s true here. It just means they’ve gotten more careful. As far as using these past incidences to detract from their legacy, I absolutely WILL do that, because cheating is dishonorable and is a very valid reason to diminish someone’s accomplishments.

As far as the favorable calls, go…that’s a lot more subjective. I’d like to see an analysis to show whether or not controversial calls (or blown calls, or replay reverses) help the Patriots’ win percentage in a statistically significant fashion.

As far as last weekend goes; it would have taken somewhat of a miracle for the Titans to beat the Patriots – the Patriots are clearly a much better team. But from the way the officials ignored the blatant pass interference on the first Titans touchdown pass, it was evident that the league wasn’t taking any chances and that the fix was in.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, my feelings are hurt that you didn’t use this image.

comment image

rockingdog

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

GREY AREAS?!?

– THE BEN

Horatio Cornblower

The last time anything was hung out to dry as badly as Crystal Palace’s goalkeeper they were doing a bed check on Aaron Hernandez.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Man, drying out is the WORST.”

– Justin Blackmon

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah, put me firmly in the ‘getting wet’ camp.”

– Aaron Hernandez

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Horatio Cornblower

4-0 Arsenal, 21:28 in.

litre_cola

3 nil Arsenal in the first 12 minutes.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, Arsenal might go for double figures today.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said “double figures” I thought you were talking about Donald Trump’s figure.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m about the same height as Trump, 6’1″ vs 6’2″+, and I walk around at 214 these days.

There is no way at all that he weighs 239. None.

litre_cola

I am the same height as well abour 2 bills and there is no way that guy is only 30 lbs more than me.

litre_cola

Mornin futbollers, shit night sleep and am going to Ice football game today, Ice Stampeders and Ice Bombers who are both coming off their 5 day break. Should be a fantastic 1st period.

blaxabbath

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Welp, now that the sun is up I should prolly sleep for a coupla hours I guess.
Fuck yo 24 hour diurnal rhythms.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But enough about the sonic attacks on American diplomats in Cuba…

rockingdog
rockingdog

Whooo gooo Chelsea! 2-0
3 min in!
and at 6 min!

Unsurprised

Ahh. I am amazingly tense for not doing anything important.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That is one relaxed pussy.
So to speak.