NFL News:
- Following on the heels of Jeff Ireland and Marquand Manuel, some yet-to-be-named official decided to go for the whole magilla and asked Derrius Guice if he liked men AND if his mother was a whore.
- The League has found that to be “completely inappropriate”, and I’m sure appropriate HR reminders will be sent out.
- Also, the “Magilla Gorilla” theme song was fantastic.
- In SHOCKING news, Le’Veon Bell says that unless he signs a new deal, the franchise tag means he’s skipping training camp again.
- But he won’t sit out the season.
- BUT the Steelers might not see him until Week 10, the deadline for picking up an accrued season and ensuring eligibility for 2019 free agency.
- But he won’t sit out the season.
- Expect to hear Joe Theismann beaking this weekend, because the [Redacteds] are giving 1987 Super Bowl rings to the scab players that started the season.
- It all comes out of the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary titled “Year of the Scab” and the relatively warm reception by former union players, who used their union influence back in the day to prevent the replacements getting a ring.
- They did get a winner’s share of the money, however.
- It all comes out of the ESPN 30 for 30 documentary titled “Year of the Scab” and the relatively warm reception by former union players, who used their union influence back in the day to prevent the replacements getting a ring.
It’s Madness, I tell you.
MADNESS!
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Flyers at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet / NHLN
- Capitals at Kings – 10:30PM | Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Celtics at Timberwolves – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- Spurs at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- NCAA:
- Tournament games:
- American Athletic:
- Temple vs. Tulane – 7:00PM | ESPNU
- Central Florida vs. East Carolina – 9:00PM | ESPNU
- ACC:
- Duke vs. Notre Dame – 7:00PM | ESPN
- Miami vs. U*NC – 9:00PM | ESPN
- Big 12:
- Texas Tech vs. Texas – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- West Virginia vs. Baylor – 9:00PM | ESPN2
- Big East:
- Villanova vs. Marquette – 7:00PM | FS1
- Seton Hall vs. Butler – 9:30PM | FS1
- Atlantic 10:
- St. Louis vs. George Washington or Fordham – 8:30PM | NBCSN
- American Athletic:
- Tournament games:
Since I fell down that rabbit hole earlier today, this is for Hippo:
WHAT’S THE CHILDREN’S TELEVISION ACT?
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/pharma-bro-martin-shkreli-i-was-a-fool-leniency-plea/
I would like to pull the lever.
I think I’m going to be in my apartment less than 7 nights the entire month of March.
Nice TV you had.
The most binge-watched shows in each state
Ahhhhhh’m a lumberjack and I’m okay…
I’d bang her drum. And slap her high hat.
No floor tom. 2/10, would still bang.
Solid 8.5 on the bananacakes scale, and that was apparently Butler’s first Big East tourney win?
Awww
Butler-Seton Hall looks like it’ll have a good finish, 68-68, 1:30 left.
Pretty sure the Butler of Seton Hall is Toonesbury, not sure about his finish.
SWOON
Brittany Renner. https://gfycat.com/gifs/detail/chiefdensebuckeyebutterfly
Goddammit Miami, you had one jorb.
And you got spotted a 14-0 lead.
And you still managed to dick it up.
Fuck Carolina.
Get your own porn, pervert.
Tracksuits up by 14 with eight and a half to play. We’ll screw this up.
This is all I hear when I see that gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaoiKb8oQjg
Now that’s going to be in my Youtube history. Jerk…
Anyone else see the Anteaters beat Hawaii in the first round of the Big West tourney on a late shot by Max Hazzard (grandson of Walt)? No? Just me? Ok, then, carry on.
(It was tense. No, Hippo, we didn’t cover.)
I’ll Hazzard a guess that no, no one saw it.
Well, you missed a kinda bad game with a good ending.
Who are the Anteaters again? Asking foar a fried.
University of California, Irvine. Home of, um, Greg Louganis and Jon Lovitz.
That would make for a great Orientation video capstone.
I’m halfway done with this second bottle of wine, so it better work because I don’t have a third.
I don’t know what’s funniest about Marky Mark’s dong at the end of Boogie Nights – that it’s so obviously fake or that it dwarfs his real pebis
LOVE the use of pebis.
The RNC guy?
He wishes.
Blues Brothers came out in 1980
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7ogK_unbqM
That was only twe–
[checks abacus]
Forty years ago?!
/kills self
Time for dinner.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzzE6XLbC8M
If I had a nickel for every time Paul Rubens offered me a bottle of his Dom Perignon…
That wasn’t Dom he sprayed on you.
It was from a Dom.
Tar Heels dropping like mammoths at La Brea.
I’m down with making one that says “REPLACE AND GO FUCK YOURSELF” — AMERICA
Well, at least to lower income people.
There are only 540 billionaires in the U.S. This is to the other 320 million of us.
500,000 and over are fine, ~100,000 and under are really fucked ones…. well and all future generations. Brownish near and under the poverty line are DP’d.
True. So I guess it’s just 300 million of us who are FUBAR.
I was just thinking that I’m pretty sure I only know one actual Trump voter and he’s a multimillionaire, so I totally understand why he voted for Trump. I don’t know why I talk to him, though, but I am an idiot.
.
Is your registered email still a good one to send to?
Is his [email protected]?
It damned well should be.
[email protected]
Hehehehehe
yes indeedy
Also…OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!
.
Really puts that watermelon video to shame
Greetings from Sandusky, Ohio, where the family and the in-laws are at their annual trip to the indoor waterpark. Let’s see how the Tracksuits put me in a bad mood tonight!
For the record, the one team I didn’t want to see in the Big 12 (ish) Tournament was the Rapists.
Sandusky and indoor water areas are a problematic pairing.
Especially with all the minors running around in bathing suits.
All that rhythmic slapping is distracting
I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I wouldn’t want to take my family to Sandusky’s water facilities.
Definitely not the boys. The girls are safe.
Fun* Fact**: Upper Sandusky is South of Sandusky.
* Fun not guaranteed
**Factness IS guaranteed
I know we have a few lawyer types here, but if you do the podcast thing, listen to Mic Dicta.
Mike Ditka was sort’ve on pardon my take starring PFT Commenter, another podcast on the mt rushmore of podcasts.
PMT sucks. PFTC sucks.
Ice Bombers win! Stop Taylor Hall’s streak.
/checks Ice Titans score, GODDAMMIT! 10 wins in a row. fuck sakes.
He couldn’t even get a
[takes anti-“boo” medicine]
Hall pass?
I would have said boo-urns anyway.
Apparently the clock struck March for the Flyers. I can’t understand this fucking team.
I know it can’t happen, but I’d be really happy if Carolina finds a way to not score for this whole game.
Throw a stack of SAT and ACT forms at the bench?
Hehehehe…that’s good.
The pre-made salad that I picked up from the supermarket had far more shredded cheese than I anticipated. #nothernontarioproblems
#MakeAmericaGrateAgain
Hey ESPN, fuck you, “create a bracket” sounds nothing like join a group. It means different things, how the fuck can I create a bracket when the field has not been announced. Fuck You.
Artist’s Conception…
Roseanne looks good these days.
This looks like a pretty darn good cartoon
Didya get that thing I sent ya?
/Remembers oh shit I haven’t sent it yet
//Will send it later tonight
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTpxeNQfDo4
Why won’t God smite everything east of the Rockies?
Hank Scorpio isn’t real, sorry.
Clear alcohol is calorie free right?
I hope so. I’m halfway through a bottle of white wine, which is like Wine Lite if I understand my alcohol.
Absolutely. It isn’t regret and dignity free though.
/Good /luck!
Can dignity go negative?
I’ll let you know after this weekend.
Evening commentists. I see the Tarheels are playing, how is the rage level?
Meh. I’ll hate ’em once it tips.
Miami might be the worst 3 seed in evar tho, so I don’t have much hope.
There seems to be no join button for the bracket challenge.
Hmmmmmm….
Lemme look.
I see a “join group” and “leave group” button on mine, so I’m not sure.
Want me to call ESPN Canadia and ask ’em what it’s all aboot?
Oh wait, I see the Warthog got in. Maybe he can guide us if he’s still around?
As usual, I’m too late to be of any use except cleaning up
If I knew how to insert video I’d put the clip from Clerks about jizz mopping here
Click the yuge Create a Bracket button
Ayo must know what he’s talking ’bout, bcuz he’s in now too.
Yeah he does.
I suppose I should include that info in TGISF tomorrow.
Grayson Allen’s future failed hedge fund makes me feel all warm in my tingly bits.
Tits to release SprayTan.
He brought professionalism to the TEN locker room, had a dynamite 1 million touches season, and last year prevented Mariota getting killed during 2.3 YPR games. Best looking guy in uniform too, IMO.
https://giphy.com/gifs/animation-disney-goodbye-isxmSunZOVKfK
“Notre Dame is slowly getting choked out.”
-Joe Rogan
Speaking of foul-mouthed bitch goddesses-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgQMW4eVrzw
What kind of fucking amateur drinks water after eating spicy food?
I still need to go to Chelsea Market and procure a bottle of The Last Dab. Unless they’re at the Expo which is also possible since they’re based in New York and all.
CSB Alert:
It fucking boggles my mind why basketball bigs don’t have free-throw %’s at 70 or above. Back in the high school we had 2 guys that were at about 50% or so. Coach didn’t seem to care about all those points being left off the board so I took it upon myself to play ’21’ with these guys at every opportunity.Not sure how many more games it won for us but I do know that one of the guys realized the importance of padding his stat sheet.
/Mission Accomplished?
Indeed.
Mathematicians are busy studying this year’s Ottawa Senators team; the slope of the line describing their record can only be achieved by dividing by dangerously-close-to-0.
/They are currently losing to Buffalo. Buffalo!
“You Mock My Pain!”
-Princess Scotchycup
Who’s dancing with GAMBLOR tonight? I need something to root for.
I’m giving 3.5 as the over/under on the number of drinks I drinky drink tonight. Insider tip: buy stock in overs.
I cashed out my $1,900 and change. No moar Gamblor for now.
Just waiting on mah moneycheck.
For those interested, the bracket challenge group is a thing again. Obviously there’s no bracket to fill out yet, but you can join anytime you’re ready.
(not you Hippo, I’m tired of you kicking my ass) 😉
Group name: DFO Brackets
Password: Dickjoke
Link: http://games.espn.com/tournament-challenge-bracket/2018/en/group?groupID=2250147
Smarch Smadness!
Fractured: Me descending a staircase
-A Nude
http://www.harkavagrant.com/history/18duchamp.png
A Duchamp reference that does’t include a terlet bowl? I thought I knew you, man. smgdh
I couldn’t
[puts a feather in cap and calls it macaroni]
find one.
Breaking: Aqib Talib to the Rams.
Unrelated news: Bloods and Crips announce team-up to keep LA’s nightclubs safe.
Bludso’s is safe. Cripso’s is on its own.
HOT TAEK: Bell is smart and SHOULD skip training camp. Fuck those assholes if they won’t pay him. He’s WAY better than Freeman and that’s who they are comparing him to.
When the franchise tag was introduced, I thought it could only be used on a player once. I must have missed when they changed it to twice, but any organization that actually does it twice is beyond stupid.
Looks like when they use it twice the amount goes up?
Yeah, I believe the default is a 20% raise so it’ll get really expensive if a team keeps using it.
Stupid is as stupid does.
— Every GM looking at Kirk Cousins
Threaten to trade him to Cincy. That’ll shut him up.
If this were a contest between frat boy haircuts, Notre Dame wins this in a romp.
Speaking of haircuts, Allison’s is looking a little tussled. I think she had a romp in the production truck pregame.
/would happily romp with Allison.
Brey needs a shave.
What about frat-boy rape numbers? I assume Domers are in the top 5.
Bruins-Arizona tomorrow nite should be good, depending on Ayton’s bank account.
[checks crypto prices]
[comes back to life, flies back to top of Empire State Building]
[Jumps again]
So Trump and Kim Jong Un are going to meet in May. Better take this down from the rafters as Kim’s going to talk Trump out of five states.
I predict that Trump will back out of the meeting a week before it happens, claiming that Kim Jong Un is under audit.
Or some other chickenshit, cowardly excuse.
Will North Korea recognize Missourah?
NEVER!
The DPRK doesn’t want that shithole.
To be fair, Puerto Rico would get better crisis support and aide under the new regime.
It’s a good fit. Most of North Korea doesn’t have electricity either.
We can trade plutonium for cocaine.
Grayson Allen is really kickin’ it, point-wise.
I’m participating in “HATEWATCH2018”
/It’s Duke/Notre Dame, btw
Shiva help us, if that match-up doesn’t call down the meteor, I don’t know what would.
GO METEOR!
I’m proud of Donald Trump working to improve wages for women. He paid Stormy Daniels for work at a rate of $15,600,000 per hour.
Stormy: [rolls eyes] “Finger me”
Donald: [inserts index finger]
Stormy: “Is it in yet?”
Stormy: “C’mon Donald – James Deen has bone spurs bigger than that!”
The bind that Cohen is in regarding the payoff is fascinating to me. I can’t wait to see how it shakes out.
Why is that cretin not disbarred and in prison yet?
I mean, they’re all cretins, aren’t they?
I specified that cretin.
Christ Almighty, the NFL fucking sucks.
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!
Fucking them over was the one good thing Cook and Snyder ever did.
“beaking”?
“Beaking News! Winnie The Pooh has passed away. Early reports indicate that advanced diabetes was the cause of death.”
-Christopher Robin
I suppose that’s less misleading than calling it “braking news” cause in that case I would have thought the story was about Rob Bironas.
It’s what the kids say.
Hasn’t he done that enough? Oh, I thought you said breaking, my bad.
Well, he makes no sense so I couldn’t really call it “talking”. “Yammering” might’ve worked, but it’s too good a word for him.
Talking and yammering require one to use words.
Real, authentic frontier gibberish?
There’s the opportunity I was looking for.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgSPO191GrQ