Goddess II – Episode 6



An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it’s a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles.When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.

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[Sky View Suite, Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, 11:09pm]

When the elevator doors open, Balls and Vanessa lead their entourage inside.

Balls (to the crowd while turning on the music):  OK Folks…  Try not to break anything.  Bedrooms are off limits.  Otherwise, make yourselves at home and enjoy yourselves.  There’s beer and booze behind the bar, and we’ll call down and have more brought up if need be.  (giggling now) …  And you female types, feel free to get naked and dance.

Crowd:  Woooooo!!!!!!

Vanessa (whispering to Balls):  Is this a good idea?  Won’t tWBS and Leticia be pissed if we wake them up?

Balls:  Nah, Baby.  They’ll just join in.  Besides, they need the distraction anyway.  They need to loosen up before they both fuck things up again, don’t you think?

Vanessa:  Big time, yes.

Balls:  We’ll leave them to themselves in there for now, and maybe they’ll work it out.  If not, then we’ll coax them out here and show them how to have fun and forget whatever stupid shit is causing all their friction.

Vanessa:  Sounds good.

Balls:  Soooooo….  For now, before this party really gets rolling, how about you and I retire to our room and knock one out really quickly?

Vanessa:  Well, I don’t know about the “really quickly” part, but otherwise, you read my mind.

The two move into their bedroom and close the door behind them.  Balls turns on some soft music and adjusts the lighting to fit the mood.  By the time he turns around, Vanessa is already nearly fully undressed.

Balls (turning to face Vanessa again):  So, you still got those handcu….  Whoa!!!

Vanessa (standing in the middle of the room but facing the opposite direction):  You know I do baby.

Balls:  I repeat….  Whoa.  No wonder I love you so…


Luis:  …much more than I can take! Seriously,  baby,  you’re amazing!

Manuel: And don’t you forget it! (Looks up) Where the hell are we anyway?

Luis: Honey,  you’re lucky I haven’t driven us off the road yet.  I don’t know. Somewhere in Ontario? There sure are a lot of farms around here!

Manuel: I thought we were going down….

Luis: You HAVE! And wonderfully,  I might…

Manuel: No,  numbnuts! I thought we were going to go south through Toronto and then get back into the States in Detroit!

Luis: And miss this wonderful scenery? Fuck no,  sugarnuts! Besides,  what’s another day or two? Those idiots are probably still…




TWBS (in a low controlled voice):  I don’t want to fight with you.  I just want to find those assholes.  And now you’re trying to act as if all of this is my fault?

Leticia:  What?  No, of course not.

TWBS:  Well it kinda feels that way right now.

Leticia:  All I’m saying is that they’re both adults.  Why are we even down here right now looking for them?  You could have just gotten out of the fucking tub and gotten in bed with me and we could be fucking like rabbits right now.

TWBS:  *silence*

Leticia:  Exactly.  You worry too fucking much.

TWBS:  *silence*

Leticia:  Exactly.  How about we take one more pass through the casino, just like before.  If they were in any kind of trouble, there would be some kind of commotion.  We’d have noticed something, right?

TWBS:  Yes, I think you’re probably right.

Leticia:  Then we’ll meet back here after.  If we don’t find them, we go back upstairs and just enjoy ourselves and stop worrying?

TWBS:  That’s fine, but if we don’t find them, I’m going back to Red Square for some vodka.  Balls already found me twice there today anyway.  It might be the best place to look.

Leticia:  Surely, you can’t be serious.

TWBS (giggling):  I am serious.  And don’t call me Shir….

Leticia:  I swear to God if you finish that sentence I will kick you in the nuts.

TWBS:  Hee hee.  Sorry.  But you’re right.  We need to stop worrying about anyone else.  I don’t want this to be one more thing between us.  They’re adults.  Very, very drunk adults, granted.  But adults.  So if we don’t find them after one more walk through, Imma go get very, very drunk myself.  You can join me if you want, and we can have some fun.  Then we can head back upstairs and have some fun.  Or you can go back up by yourself, and I’ll see you later.  Either way, I’m going to Red Square and having some vodka.  I bought six but you drank four of mine last time.

Leticia (giggling):  What????  I was thirsty!!!!

TWBS: (giggling):  You are so awesome.  I really do Love…errrrr….    Shit, sorry.

Leticia smiles, but says nothing.

TWBS:  But you’re damned right when you say we should be enjoying ourselves.  Not looking for those two.  So…one more pass through the casino, then fuck it.

Leticia (smiling):  Agreed… Fuck it!!!!

The two high five, then turn and walk in opposite directions once again.


Darkest Timeline Zack Morris and Rikki-Tikki-Deadly now sit in a different bar just off the Mandalay Bay Casino floor, with the four lovely ladies.  They high five one another.

DTZM:  Holy shit, dude.  You were right.  These girls are fun as hell.  I think they really like us.

RTD:  And really hot too.  This is going to be really fun.

DTZM:  Why do you think they wanted to stop at another bar before going upstairs, though?

RTD:  Who cares??????  The drunker they are, the better it is for us, dude!!!!

DTZM:  Good point.

The four girls arrive at the table where DTZM and RTD are seated.

Girl#1:  Hey guys!!!  We’ve got drinks!!!!

DTZM and RTD (in unison):  Woooooo!!!!!!!

All Four Girls (in unison):  Woooooo!!!!!!!


Luis and Manuel (in unison): Woooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Luis and Manuel finally get thrown off the dueling mechanical bulls they were riding. They are in a farm somewhere in Northern Ontario at a party they stumbled into as they were looking for a place to sleep.  They are happy.

Luis: Man,  these Canadians sure know how to have fun!

Manuel: No kidding.  Hey,  who won?

A strapping young man wearing only a pair of jeans walks up to them.

Brad: Hi boys! I’m Brad. I can answer that question.  Luis here managed to hang on just a hair longer than Manuel!


Manuel: Maybe later.

Brad: Don’t want to intrude,  but you think you may want some help with that?

Luis: Wait,  seriously? You’re??

Brad: Up for it,  yes.  You guys are cute.  I’ve always wanted to have a threesome.

Manuel looks at Luis and nods his head.

Luis: You’re on,  cowboy! Where to?

Brad: Let’s go check out the barn.  Btw, can I get a ride home with you guys tomorrow morning?

Manuel: Yeah,  no problem.  Where’s home?

Brad: Medicine Hat.

Luis: That…. actually works out.  You mind driving?

Brad: Tonight or tomorrow?

Luis and Manuel: Both?

As the trio head towards the barn,  a thin young man walks the other way,  gets into a blue hatchback, and drives away.


Balls lies smiling, supine on the bed.  Vanessa is draped across him.  Both are out of breath and very naked.

Balls:  Holy shit, baby.  That was….amazing.

Vanessa:  You don’t have to tell me.  I was there, remember?

Balls:  You are so amazing.

Vanessa:  No, you’re amazing.  You hit me in spots I didn’t even know I had.

Balls:  Right back atcha.

Vanessa:  We should probably get back out to the party though?  Don’t you think?

Balls:  Yeah probably so, I guess.

Vanessa rolls off of Balls (giggity).  As she stands up, he smacks her on the ass….HARD!!!!

Vanessa (giggling):  Hey!!!!!  Keep that up and we’ll never leave this room!!!!!

Balls (smiling):  I think I could live with that.

Vanessa:  Whatever.  Come on, we need to be out there.

Balls and Vanessa get dressed and re-emerge into the suite proper.  When they open their doors and walk out, they immediately see that there really now are various drunk and naked individuals dancing, just as Balls had instructed.  And in a few remote corners of the suite there might even be some rather lewd sex acts occurring.

Vanessa (taken aback):  Oh.  My.  God!!!

Balls:  Inorite?????  THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!


Leticia walks the casino floor, still searching for a glimpse of either Balls or Vanessa, when her phone begins to ring.

Leticia (answering phone):  Hello?

Luis:  Hey Sis!!!  How’s Vegas treating you?

Leticia:  Luis?  How did you know we were…?  Did you talk to Elisabeth?  Did she tell you what I did?  Did she tell you I was here with….

Luis:  Ummmmmm….yeah, that sounds logical.

Leticia:  I knew I should have punched that mouthy bitch.

Luis:  OK, just take it easy.  Me and Manuel are on our way there too as it turns out.

Leticia:  Oh, no.  No, no, no.  That’s a really bad idea.  I mean I’m happy for you guys.  And I’m sure Salma would be thrilled to know she brought you two together, even as weirdly as it did happen.  But there’s still too much tension.  Please don’t come here.

Luis:  Oh relax, mi hermana.  We’re grateful.  We’re happy.  We just want to drop in and say hello.

Leticia:  I don’t know Luis.  It could be an explosive situation right now.

Luis:  Look, we’d like it to be a surprise.  We understand how you feel, though.  For now just keep it to yourself.  When we get closer, I’ll call again and we’ll meet and figure out how to do it, or even if we can do it, so we can all be one big happy family again.

Leticia:  Fine I guess.  But you call me BEFORE  you get here.  I want you and I to talk first.

Luis:  Sounds good, little Sis.  Love you.


Manuel:  So do you think she bought it?

Luis:  Oh yeah.  She even thinks it was her idea to meet separately from those two shitheads.   Let’s not keep that hot cowboy waiting.  This is gonna be easier than I thought!


Balls:  Wow, this was easier than I thought.

Vanessa:  What was?

Balls:  Getting all these chicks up here, drunk, naked and dancing.

Vanessa:  Wow, they really are having fun.  But what about those folks over there doing….what ARE they doing over there?

Balls:  Hell, Baby.  I’m not even sure.  But it looks fun.  Let’s try that later.

Vanessa:  Sounds good to me.

Balls:  You want a drink?

Vanessa:  Yes, please!!!!

Balls and Vanessa make their way through the group of drunk and naked girls dancing in the main room of the suite.  They both walk behind the bar, and Balls looks in the cabinet.

Balls:  Ummmmm….Vodka, Rum or Tequila?

Vanessa:  Oh shit…Tequila!!!!!  Hell yeah!!!!

Balls:  That’s my girl!!!

Balls pours two shots of Tequila, and then he and Vanessa lock arms and shoot together (giggity).

Vanessa:  Wooooo!!!!!

Balls:  Wooooo!!!!!

Vanessa:  But I have to admit, Balls.  I’m a little sad that Leticia and tWBS passed out so early.

Balls:  Meh, whaddya expect.  tWBS is a big whiny pussy.

Vanessa:  Oh stop it, you don’t mean that.  But I really was hoping the four of us could have some fun together.  I really like Leticia.  We had a great time driving up here together.

Balls:  Plus you kissed her.

Vanessa (giggling):  Yes I did!!!!  But that’s not what I meant.  She’s just a really good person.  I was hoping we could become really good friends.

Balls:  Plus you kissed her.

Vanessa (giggling again):  You’re terrible!!!!!

Balls:  Yes I am!!!!!

Vanessa:  Stop for a second, I’m serious.  Do you think they’d be mad if we woke them up?  I really want them to be a part of this.

Balls:  No Baby.  I don’t think they’d be mad at all.  Let’s go get them out here.

Balls and Vanessa move to Leticia and tWBS’ room.  They knock, but there’s no answer.  They knock again, still no answer.  Then Balls opens the doors to the room and peers inside…

Balls:  Wakey, wakey…hands off snakey!!!!

Balls and Vanessa look inside.  They see an empty tub, and an empty but obviously slept in bed.  But there is no Leticia and no tWBS to be found.

Vanessa:  Where could they be?

Balls:  Who cares?

Vanessa:  We have to go find them.

Balls:  But do we?  Really???

Vanessa (hand on hips, serious):  YES!!!!!

Balls:  Oh Goddammit tWBS!!!  When I see him I’m going to…


tWBS:  …Punch him in the dick!!!!

tWBS sits at the bar in Red Square.  At this late hour, it has nearly emptied out so now that the wait staff has some free time, tWBS is flirting with them.  He’s currently regaling one of the waitresses, who is dressed in a short little red dress, with his standard line of terrible jokes.

Her name is Natasha (yeah, sure it is).

Natasha (laughing):  Oh my God, that is hilarious!!!!  You are soooooo cute!!!!!

tWBS (blushing):  Yeah I know.  I know.  It’s a curse being this cute sometimes.

Natasha laughs again, moving closer to tWBS now.  Still giggling, she leans up against him and grasps his forearm.

Natasha (whispering in tWBS’ ear):  Tell me another one?  Upstairs, maybe?  I get off in an hour and I heard there’s…


Girl#1:  …a really big party.  At least that’s what we heard.  You guys still wanna go, right?

Meanwhile, in still a different bar, DTZM and RTD are still getting to know their new friends.

DTZM:  I’d like to propose a toast.  To new friends.


Everyone drinks.  But DTZM, now loosened up, downs his whole drink in one gulp.

DTZM:  And I’ll tell you something else.  I really am looking forward to this party now.  I think we should go ahead get our asses moving and…

DTZM’s eyes cross and then close.  He is unconscious.

RTD:  Hahahaha….what a lightweight!!!  Sorry girls.  But we can still get him up to the party if you’ll…

RTD stops in mid-sentence.  His eyes don’t close, but they do cross.  At least a little bit.

Girl#2:  Did you give DTZM too much?

Girl#1:  Well, I didn’t know he was going to drink the whole drink that fast.

Girl#3:  C’mon.  Let’s just get them both up to that party.

RTD:  Yay!!!!!

Girl#4:  RTD, can you walk on your own?

RTD:  I can do a lot of things on my own, baby.  Help me take my pants off and I’ll show you.

RTD gets up and walks toward the elevators with Girl#4.  Girls #1,2 and 3 help DTZM to his feet.  Once he’s up and moving, they need only guide his direction.  Soon, they are all in the elevator on their way upstairs.


Back in Red Square, tWBS is still entertaining Natasha.  She is still leaning in close to him as he does vodka shots, and tells her jokes.

Leticia:  Hey Bitch.  If you don’t want to lose that hand, you better get it off my man’s arm.

Natasha jumps back, away from tWBS.

tWBS:  Hi honey!!!!!

Natasha:  Who’s this?  Your wife?

tWBS:  No.  Not yet, at least.  But you better listen to her if you don’t want to go home with a stump.  She’s one badass bitch.  That’s why I love her.

Natasha walks off in a huff.

Leticia:  Soooooo….  Did you even try to find them this time, or did you just come here?

tWBS:  Nope, just came here.

Leticia:  And then proceeded to flirt with the waitresses in the tight, short red dresses?

tWBS:  Yep.  You’re the one who said we needed to stop worrying about Balls and Vanessa, and just have some fun.

Leticia:  This isn’t what I meant.

tWBS:  Maybe be more specific next time.

Leticia glares at tWBS.

tWBS:  Oh relax.  Can I help it if I’m cute and charming?  It was nothing, you’re the one I’m going home with.  (to the bartender)  …  Three more shots over here, please?

Bartender:  I think you’ve had enough, Sir.

tWBS:  OK Mr. Tchaikovsky, I didn’t ask for your  opinion.

The bartender only looks confused.

tWBS:  Really?  Nothing?  Swan Lake?  The Nutcracker?  Fucking 1812 Overture?  Really?  You work in a goddamned Russian themed bar and you don’t know shit about shit.  Besides, the three shots aren’t for me.  They’re for her.

Leticia (to the bartender):  It’s fine.  I promise.

tWBS:  See?  It’s fine.  She promises.  Now go get the fucking shots you peasant.

Leticia:  Are you just trying to get arrested?

tWBS:  No, but not trying not to either.  Your man, huh?

Leticia:  What?

tWBS:  You called me “your man”.  I’ve never seen that jealousy streak in you before.  What’s up with that?

Leticia:  No comment.

tWBS (giggling):  Sheesh…you tell someone you love them and they get all possessive n junk.

Leticia:  Please don’t make me hurt you.

Bartender:  Three shots, just like you ordered.

Leticia:  Thank you.

tWBS:  Yeah, thank you Anna Kournikova.  Yeah, I bet you know who that  is.

Leticia:  Are you just trying to get in a fight?

tWBS:  Not trying not to.

Balls (to Vanessa):  See?  I knew we’d find them here.

tWBS (to Leticia):  See?  I knew they’d find us here.

Leticia:  Unbelievable.

tWBS (turns to Balls):  We’ve been looking for your asses all night.  So where’s the case?  You said you were going to double the bank.  But you didn’t, did you?

Balls:  Nope.

tWBS:  I fucking knew it.  You just had to go and…

Balls:  We tripled it.

tWBS:  Say what now?

Balls:  We tripled it.  Or rather, Vanessa did.  $78,800.  It’s deposited in the cage, we can pick it up whenever.  Plus we’ve got a party going on upstairs with naked chicks and debauchery, so we really should get back.

Leticia:  Are you guys serious?  You guys tripled the money?

Vanessa (beaming proudly):  Yep.  I was awesome.

Leticia kisses Vanessa.  tWBS kisses Balls (giggity).

tWBS:  Bartender, one more shot over here please.  We need to toast.

Bartender:  I told you already, you’ve had enough.

Balls:  You heard my friend.  We’re celebrating.  Get the damned shot, Maria Sharapova!!!!

tWBS (hugging balls):  Hehehehehehe…I love this guy!!!

tWBS:  I’m Kool!!!!

Balls:  No, I’M KOOL!!!!

Vanessa and Leticia (laughing and in unison):  You’re both idiots.


To Be Continued…..


An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.

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Horatio Cornblower

DFO turned into a hardcore pornography site so gradually I hardly even no…

Just kidding. You could see this coming a mile away.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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When this is done, you should tally up what percentage of the scenes are sex scenes. I’m guessing 45%, 20% driving, 20% boozing/talking about sex, 5% drugs, 10% other

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fun Hollywood fact; the original scene had Al saying the same line, however he was just exposing his penis. This cost saving measure was overridden and the scene pictured above was used.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“i must return to my planet!”

“Damn, nope.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Starting to feel like some aspects of this story may be fictional.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Shofar it hasn’t been that crazy.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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18th century Balls

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Didn’t know you liked shoes that much….. that’s good information.

Senor Weaselo

So which one of you is Kool and which one of iu is The Gang? Wait did I make this joke already?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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1. When does the raid of the weed disposal bins happen?
2. Have you ever been ro Medicine Hat? It is a redneck shithole next to an army base full of the Queen’s military.


Never been, but heard stories that match your description.

Also, that may or may not be part of the next episode…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Is this ad the inspiration for the cigarettes from Undercover Brother?