NFL News:
- Nick Mangold will sign a one-day contract next week & retire as a NY Jet.
- He spent 11 years with the Jets.
- He will likely spend time preparing his sister for the 2020 Olympics.
- If reports are true, we’ve been saved from Brett Favre in the Monday Night booth.
- He apparently failed his audition alongside new play-by-play man Joe Tessitore.
- Potential or actual tryouts have also been extended to Rex Ryan, Anthony “Booger” McFarland, Jason Witten and Greg Olsen, and the wish list is also said to include Kurt Warner, Matt Hasselbeck, Louis Riddick, and recently retired Browns tackle Joe Thomas.
- Peyton Manning turned the job down prior to anyone else being considered.
- “♫ No-one wants to-call bad games.♫”
- Peyton Manning turned the job down prior to anyone else being considered.
- Aaron Rodgers is reportedly frustrated at not even being notified of offensive personnel changes.
- Especially when it came to cutting Jordy Nelson & replacing his QB coach.
- The assertion is that he thinks “he should have earned a voice by now” when it comes to the team’s major personnel decisions.
- The Bucs have exercised the 5th-year option on Jameis Winston.
- It’s sad to see someone trapped in a $20.922 million contract.
- Still – it’s a lot of crab legs.
- It’s sad to see someone trapped in a $20.922 million contract.
- Adidas has signed on to become a Kaepernick ad client if he ever resumes his playing career.
- Which adds fuel to his collusion case, because he can attract sponsors but not job offers.
- He showed up at 345 Park today to depose Roger Goodell & other NFL executives.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Capitals at Blue Jackets – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet360 (CBJ up 2-0)
- Jets at Minnesota Wild – 8:00PM | CNBC / Sportsnet (Jets up 2-1)
- Vegas at Kings – 10:30PM | NBCSN / CBC (Vegaup 3-0)
- NBA:
- Wizards at Raptors – 7:00PM | TSN
- Bucks at Celtics – 8:00PM | TNT
- Pelicans at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
- MLB:
- Indians vs. Twins – 7:00PM | FS1
- Royals at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
- second-half of a twi-night double header
- MLS:
- 2018 CONCACAF Champions League: Final – Leg #1: Toronto FC vs. Chivas
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA (delayed to Wednesday in Canada – hockey)
- Day 2 of the “Superstar Shake-up”
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA (delayed to Wednesday in Canada – hockey)
I find out in the next two weeks if they’re:
- Keeping my school program,
- Relocating my program, or
- Closing my program & putting me back in a regular stand-up classroom.
Dammit – I’M TOO OLD TO RETRAIN!
I’d love an army of Raccoons.
That time H.P. Lovecraft went cute, before his editor told him to knock it off.
I need to stop procrastinating
Plenty of time tomorrow for that
Indeed.
I’m sorry, but this is still fucking hilarious IMHO.
(credit to Moose once again)
I made my last drink a tad stronger than I thought.
Nailed my day to a T
Well that might be the highlight of my day. In fairness it’s tomorrow here though.
I can take a couple off your hands.
Kings falling to Knights. What a wild chess match.
I believe that it’s notated Nxe4#
You would think the Kings would have gotten used to the “L” movement and adjusted. Because the Knight moves in a pattern that’s “L” shaped. And the Kings saw a lot of L’s this week and should have adjusted…. And, and sooooo…..
Never mind. I’ll show myself out.
Nerd. smgdh
How the fuck is it only Tuesday?
“Yes, I knew Barbara Bush.” – Barbara Bush’s bush barber.
Ohhhhh…just missed the empty netter. I was actually leaning to make it swerve.
Sorry LA,. Nothing personal.
More of a normal afternoon, pal.
Feel the burn
There’s a Trevor Siemian / Multiple Miggs joke there but someone already made it.
While I’ve been in that stadium multiple times, and have in fact eaten more than my fair share of Bojangles’ chicken sandwiches, I swear this is not me.
I’ve never masturbated with a sandwiich* and I’ve never thrown my semen at anyone who wasn’t fully consenting.
* Hypothetically might not exclude instances of eating a sandwich while masturbating.
I’ve never thrown my semen at anyone who wasn’t fully consenting (on purpose anyway).
Sorry again man. That’s what you get for sneaking up on me.
I’d ask how do you even do that, do you use the mayo as lube or something, but I don’t actually want to know, and considering my friends and I made “dripping red condiment” jokes for much of the evening (it involved a stadium bucket o’ chicken and fries) I feel like don’t get to talk.
DON’T FUCKING PRETEND YOU’VE NEVER FUCKED A CHICKEN SANDWICH!
I just heard Barbara Bush died. She always had a misleading name because it was more of a landing strip.
This song. ⬇️
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Up-nW_YNR_c
I should eat
I’m probably gonna reheat leftover Chicken Piccata from last night. Eventually.
I was just standing in the kitchen trying to decide on orzo or rice with it. I couldn’t decide, so I opened another beer instead.
“…naked crackhead literally running the speed of a moving car and I use the term literally literally he was deadass keeping up with the car…”
Well, at least after tonight the Staples Center employees will get some vacation time.
(it’s funny you see, because the Lakers and Clippers both suck and will not be in the playoffs)
Well, they might still need a few folks there for the coupla dozen season ticket holders who show up this summer I guess.
True story: The Liberty’s marketing motto mantra whatever this past season was #ShowUp. Which is both funny and sad.
Truer story: I would say “I wouldn’t go to x place even if you paid me,” but I did indeed go to a WNBA game because they indeed paid me. And Jim Dolan saw me as he was walking/carting by and yelled “good job!” It is also the first recorded instance of my now famous bow flick.
Nice work, Kings. I have seen royalty that were so thoroughly defined by their inability to score since Elizabeth I.
HI-YOOOOOOOOO!!!!
OK, time to go be productive.
Question….
Do you guys think BeerBoyRaoul would be pissed if I wrote Goddess II such that his dogs get rabies and attack everyone?
Yeah, probably.
Not the best idea.
I presume that to mean you agree that I shouldn’t do it.
Those people need to be murdered in a painful manner.
They really do.
The Romney family dog.
He just might.
Oh I wasn’t really gonna do it.
I already told you what was gonna happen with the kids. We need them.
Ooh. That bourbon tastes nice.
What’s the NHL record for the fewest goals scored in a playoff series? Are the Kings going to beat it?
Looked it up, nope.
Bourbon time?
/looks at watch
//realizes not wearing watch
Yes.
This woman has an odd fetish; but we are not here to judge, lest our odd fetishes be judged.
I and the moth that died in my Bourble earlier are way ahead of ya. *hic-ups*
Me: Happy Birthday mother in law, we’re taking you out for dinner. What do you feel like?
MIL: Fish, shrimp, seafood, really.
/I make reservations at a very good seafood restaurant.
/Mother-in-law sits down, sees the prices
MIL: I can’t have seafood.
……….
Why do I even fucking bother. We ended up eating at Starbucks.
It could be worse. You could have killed MIL’s cat. Yes, I once killed my former MIL’s cat. Well, technically it died under anesthesia because it was an old unhealthy piece of shit cat which also happened to have diabetes and cancer. But it was also a mean piece of shit cat.
I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUT THAT CAT THRU SURGERY!!!!!!!!
She hated me (even more) after that. Like it’s my fault her shitty cat was 20 years old and dying already. Meh, I didn’t much care for her either.
She also never paid me for the surgery.
Family sucks.
FWIW, she got a new cat. Which I managed to not kill while spaying it.
She never paid me for that either, though.
*sigh*
So in a porn one of the lines was “Yep, I just MURDERED my MIL’s pussy!”
I think I know what really happened.
Jesus. That’s brutal.
Admittedly, it wasn’t the most fun conversation I’ve ever had.
Well, at least they didn’t call the cops on you.
Fly the L, baby!!!
/may not get to say that again this season, at least not in Wrigley 😀
//seriously only happened ONCE all last goddamed season
The NBCSN app is telling me that “coverage will resume shortly”. If it had a better sense of humor it would attribute that quote to Chris Conte.
If it had a really sophisticated sense of humor it would attribute it to Doug Martin.
“PUBFT!”
-Glenn Milburn
That’s way to far down the depth chart to be funny.
Just because I don’t get it personally doesn’t mean it’s not funny. It’s a little thing we call “credibility”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU1fLmpZtZs
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/M/MilbGl00.htm
Credibility?? His name is Glyn!
Blazers-Pelicans? Ugh. Guess it’s more hockey for me.
Woah. That’s not possible.
Shit, now I gotta watch the next game too I guess.
Sonofabitch.
Hehehehe…that cat is like “WTF is this shit????”
“I CAN FUCKING FLYYYYY BITCHES!!”
-That one chicken.
RIKKI: Fetch me another Cuban Breeze, Gret…
GRETCHEN: YOU STUPID RUMMY I ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE THAT YOU’RE OUT OF COKE.
RIKKI: [cracks open a Guinness]
Get your own. I’m busy.
Well I’m on the train back from the Dirt Giants game. Probably one of the worst games I’ve been to, as it had it all, cold, wet, getting blown out by a bad team, and not a position player pitching.
And that might have been the highlight of the day!
Newark Airport, you suck
FTFY
What about Amsterdam airport?
Dammit Caps, just lose already so I can move on and begin the healing?
Waiting foar the obligatory “Balls and tWBS on the road” joke.
Welp, OK. “Balls and tWBS pull up to the body painting tent at Coachella… mirth ensues”
Mirth and Girth; On the Road Again?
Looks like somebody ate Leticia.
Phrasing.
I’m being initiated into a secret society right now, at this very moment. I’m sitting on a block of ice waiting to be branded. Once I’m in, though, I can get great rates on insurance and annuities. Gotta go now…
Here we go…PP will end it.
Seems apropos.
I think the Caps are colorblind. They obviously can’t see the big blue line tonight.
OT has looked like the Blue Jackets vs. an NHL goalie and 5 of his friends from the bar
I would agree, only I’m not sure they’re his friends.
Yeeesh, this is ugly.
“You’d never see that happen to me.” – Jim Irsay, holding a bag of Blue Sky.
Just finished washing a few dishes, looked up and spied a small dead moth in my drink. Death by Bourble seems like an honorable way out.
Ice Bombers win wheeeeeeeeeeee!
and betting against MLS in a “marquee” moment worked, PRAISE GAMBLOR!!
Why do I always end up sitting behind this chick at the movies?
Probably because you keep ignoring the restraining order she took out and have been following her.
cuein’ up the lolcaps
Pour me another Cuban Breeze, Gretchen.
[gives Rikki’s supply of coca-cola the goodbye look] – Gretchen
YOU GET AN OVERTIME! AND YOU GET AN OVERTIME! EVERYONE GETS AN OVERTIME!
You sound like the manager at an Amazon warehouse.
Oh yay, 20 moar minutes of torture coming up.
You really think it’ll last that long?
Whoa….flashback to my last sexual encounter.
@Brick Meathook (or anyone else who knows)…
I connect thru MDW on my way out next month. How much of a pain in the ass is that compared to O’Hare? I’m hoping for less, but expecting more.
Wow…what a dickhead.
I’ve connected through Midway in the past and it was fine. The airport is small and if it’s a Southwest flight, the gates are close together.
Good. Because I hate O’Hare.
Hey I went to a Capitals game their inaugural year when they set a record for losing. I’ve hated them ever since.
I think that bridge is on my hood.
Your car is UUUUUUUGE..
Dammit, autocorrect!
Obligatory Florida joke.
Too soon?
OK, that’s damn good.
I’m feeling some hate for ’em right now myself, actually. LOL
Sorry, had a burrito for lunch.