Your “Making Something Out Of Nothing” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

It’s very quiet, what with everyone travelling to Dallas & not wanting to tip hands ahead of Thursday night.

NFL News:

  • The John Lynch standard: don’t hit women. As opposed to the “see if they’re cops first” maxim followed by his teammate Warren Sapp.
    • Trying not to interfere in the case, he said that “if Reuben did hit this young lady, he won’t be a part of this organization going forward”.
    • Foster is currently not participating in team activities while he is dealing with legal matters.
  • It’s official – “Gronkowski” is out of the Kentucky Derby.
    • It’s a “slight infection” – likely the horse equivalent of an Upper Body Injury – but he might be cleared in time for the Preakness.
      • As opposed to whatever infections Gronk picked up in Cabo over Spring Break.
    • Someone tell Wes Welker, so he doesn’t show up & start yelling at the wrong horse.
It’s clearly concussions.
  • Being the most senseless and fit man for the job. Peter King had an opening to his MMQB this week that absolutely boggled the mind:
    • My advice to all of those professional and fan forecasters of the 2018 NFL draft in the hours leading up to the first round on Thursday: Be careful with the absolute statements. Three of the first four picks are controlled by two men (Cleveland GM John Dorsey at one and four, GM Dave Gettleman of the Giants at two) who could work for the CIA.
      • I wouldn’t entrust either of those two with the mayonnaise recipe from the Culinary Institute of America, let alone actual secrets.
    • FYI, the CIA’s actual mayonnaise recipe is here, and the video tutorial is here. It looks tasty, but it’s easier to just buy some Hellman’s.
      • For an examination of the 2016 Atlanta Falcons compared to various forms of mayonnaise, check out here, here, and here.
  • On the Falcons front, people are a’twitter over Julio Jones deleting all Falcons photos from his social media accounts.
    • He says it’s to “fresh start the season” and that he doesn’t want to be “defined by” his social media.
    • Every report on this says the Falcons won’t panic or think it’s a contract dispute until mandatory mini-camp in June.

Given that there’s not much going on today & tonight, I thought I’d selfishly indulge my personal interests

World War I Centenary:

April 24-25, 1918 – The Second Battle of Villers-Bretonneux

If this vaguely rings a bell for you, you’re not wrong. This town & battle were briefly mentioned during my last foray into this topic back on March 26th, when I talked about the Doullens Agreement & its precedent for World War Two.

Occurring weeks after the end of the German’s Operation Michael, the Second Battle of Villers-Bretonneux was more accurately a German counter-offensive, trying to reclaim the initiative of the Western Front. Prior to the actual attack, the Germans mounted an aerial offensive involving strafing troops & releasing mustard gas, while the British launched artillery assaults on perceived German troop mustering points. It was during one of these assaults that the German “Red Baron” was shot down over Australian lines, north of Villers-Bretonneux at Corbie, and all the ANZAC sites I read take great pride in noting that all their available evidence points to an Australian machine gunner doing the deed.

[The Canadian in me will point out that credit for shooting down von Richthofen has also been attributed to Canadian RAF pilot Roy Brown. (pictured right) It’s also acknowledged that the dogfight the two men fought brought them within range of Australian guns on the ground. There have been some allegations that the air force has covered up the Australian effort because Royal Flying Corp brass, being the snobbish aristocrats that they were, couldn’t bear the fact that the greatest flying ace of the 1914-18 conflict was brought to heel by ground troops, and colonials at that. Ultimately, military historians argue there are valid claims on both sides for the kill to be claimed but, without compelling evidence, the kill stands in the record books for Brown.]

On April 24th, the Germans attacked the town in attempts to re-establish their earlier momentum & advance towards Amiens. They attacked the British forces with thirteen tanks, a first for the German army, and were swiftly able to capture the town.

Word was passed to the British commanders, and orders were made for an immediate counter-offensive, to be led by two brigades of Australian forces. However, the generals in charge of those brigades, Brigadier-General William Glasgow and Brigadier-General Harold ‘Pompey’ Elliott, stood up to the British commanders, referring to their plan as a suicide mission, because the British had expended their artillery & would be sending the Australians in defenceless against reinforced German batteries.

The Australians proposed their counter-attack for nighttime, at 10:00 PM, with the British attacking from the west and the Australians from the north and south. Key to this plan was the decision to not announce their assault with a preliminary artillery barrage, to provide cover for advancing troops. It was felt that the element of surprise would be more effective.

The Australian brigades enveloped Villers-Bretonneux and attempted to join forces to the east of the town. They were unable to join up in the dark and many Germans managed to escape. After dawn, the gap was gradually closed and Australians entered the town from the east and British from the north and west. Villers-Bretonneux was cleared of enemy troops on 25 April 1918, the third anniversary of the ANZAC landing at Gallipoli.

This action marked the effective end of the German offensive that had began so successfully with Operation Michael more than a month earlier.

  

The Villers-Bretonneux cemetery contains 779 Australians, 47 of whom are unidentified. The cemetery also contains 1,089 British, 267 Canadians, 4 South Africans and 2 New Zealanders. It was the final campaign in France for the ANZAC forces.

The primary school in Villers-Bretonneux carries a famous message painted on the roof of a playground shelter in English in tribute to those who fought to liberate their town, ‘Do not forget Australia’.

    


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • no games.
    • The next round’s schedule won’t be released until Boston – Toronto is concluded.
      • Ratings, baby!
  • NBA:
    • Bucks at Celtics – 7:00PM | NBA TV / TSN (Game 5; series tied 2-2)
    • Heat at 76ers – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN (Game 5; 76ers lead 3-1)
    • Spurs at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN (Game 5; Warriors lead 3-1)
  • MLB:
    • no national US broadcasts
    • Red Sox at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown Live! from Louisville – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Two days until the draft. CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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UnsurprisedtheeWeeBabySeamusBeerguyrobBrick MeathookBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Always remember, there’s nothing sadder than a sad Japanese man singing karaoke.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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WCS

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Boston’s too full of shit for an enema to affect it.

Senor Weaselo

They just called an up and down in an NBA game. How many drinks is that?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

All of them. Alternatively: vvvvv

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Time for a bong hit.
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SonOfSpam

Hey Beerguyrob? I just got here and have had a shit day (relatively speaking, nothing major), and reading your WWI historical stuff really made me happy, in that I learned something cool and that I’ve never had the chronological misfortune to fight in a war. You do yeoman’s work here, and I appreciate it. Just thought you should know. Also, Brett Favre has a small penis.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Agreed on all counts.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Beerguyrob is a hell of a good writer.

Wakezilla

Things I want to happen but know won’t in the Avengers: Wolverine and the Defenders all show up to meet with the Avengers and GOTG. Then, with GOTG, the Avengers and the Defenders all there, Deadpool just randomly shows up to point out they’re all the same and that everyone should check out Deadpool 2

Wakezilla

Ironman to Castle: “Punisher…”

/Hands Frank Castle a bad ass alien machine gub

Ironman: “Kill.”

*The hard guitar part on Metallica’s One plays and we see Castle mow down everything with his badass alien gun*

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

What the fuck is the point and use of putting them and AoS in the MCU and then never using them in a movie that involves every movie character from the last ten years and new ones?

Fuck it. This is stupid.

rockingdog
rockingdog
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Sending plastic to collect plastic. ‘Merika!

Senor Weaselo

Obligatory.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

A lot of people don’t know this but if you pull the stick out of a corndog, it’ll explode like a grenade.

rockingdog
rockingdog

good stuff.
Cool snoopy gif.
gonna stay up a bit and watch basketball. GO WARRIORS! close out game baby!

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Fronkenshteen

Having drinks again when I’m not supposed to. I’m being honest with my wife, but that doesn’t make it any less shameful. She’s good to me though. This is tough, man.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why aren’t you supposed to?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

As a teen he’s underage

Fronkenshteen

Anti-depression meds are tough on my liver. Adding alcohol is pretty dangerous. I’m pretty weak. Fuck. I went through basic training. Why can’t I be that hard on myself, you know?

nomonkeyfun

You ain’t weak.
How did you get through basic training? You had R. Lee Ermey telling you what to do and you had people in your group helping each other.
Best way to do the no-drinking thing.
ETA: Just keeping it on the I.

nomonkeyfun

I’d be happy to talk with you more about it in private or public, if you want.

Fronkenshteen

The anonymity here is liberating. Screenplay-worthy IMO.

Fronkenshteen

Interestingly, the #1 reason I need to quit drinking will become the easiest way to put it down. Bride of Fronkenshteen MIGHT be pregnant. We’re in that middle ground where her store-bought tests are all coming up positive, but you have to wait before you tell anyone. Wish us well. She’s a WonderMom, and I’m not so bad as a DaddyOfInfant.

SonOfSpam

Best of everything, chief. As an anti-depression meds slave and a willing drunk, I totally get it. Don’t hate yourself, you’re doing what you gotta do day-to-day. If the little one decides to blastocyte his/her way to the womb, you’ll do great.

King Hippo

hey, good on you for not lying at least. Don’t make the shame cycle worse. Ride it out together.

Horatio Cornblower

One step at a time, Fronk.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed with teh Hippo, fwiw.

Redshirt

Holy shit, the Reds won two in a row.

Sharkbait

I cut my finger on the metal cap of the bottle of tanquray. I have to finish it now to assert my dominance right?

litre_cola

Then smash it over the sonavabitch who had the last shot when you are done.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

You are correct. Open bottles of gin go bad after 2 days.

King Hippo

A bottle of Sapphire would NEVAR do that to ya

/also starting to think Litre might be from one of the Baltic states…

Fronkenshteen

Ahoy-hoy!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Greetings from Cleveland, Ohio where people on the street apologize to you if they’re just a little bit in your way and somehow guess your name and think IT’S NOTHING AT ALL WEIRD.

Redshirt

Seeing non-Midwesterns encounter Midwestern Hospitality is something I enjoy.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’m Midwestern as they come and it wasn’t the friendliness that shocked me, it was guessing my name correctly and acting unsurprised at being right.

litre_cola

You don’t wear a nametag everywhere?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I genuinely checked to see if I was wearing something with my name on it. It was that disorienting.

Redshirt

I guess you just have a face that says “Inanimate”.

WCS

To be fair, Inanimate Carbon is a pretty common name.

Wakezilla

That’s creepy.

Redshirt

AH! The ump just took a foul ball off the kneecap.

Horatio Cornblower

Yankees game is pretty interesting for an 8-3 stomping, what with the Yankees acting like they’re not sure why they have these leather things shaped vaguely like gloves on one hand.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Senor Weaselo

Don’t cry for me, sweet Alexa. The truth is I… aw fuck it. And I should have had this for DFO Radio, dammit.

Horatio Cornblower

Pictured: Alexa after tWBS said “Not tonight, baby. I’ve got a headache.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t I wish.
I mean……
YES!!!!!! THIS IS CORRECT!!!!! (probably)

Wakezilla

Hey Redshirt, who is your favorite Avenger?

Do you think the US government will sue Marvel for false advertising? It’s called Infinity war, but it doesn’t last longer than their time in Vietnam, let alone their time in Iraq, Afghanistan and sooner than later, Syria.

Redshirt

Hawkeye because he’s the most realistic. Black Widow because its Scarlet Johansson in tight leather.

It will be thrown out of courts; those are Infinite Police Actions.

Redshirt

Also Hawkeye’s retirements are pretty much me when I take a break at work.
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Wakezilla

I see him being cannon fodder. But they’re going to have to give us more noteable bodies for this to matter

Redshirt

My guess is Loki dying. Only because he failed Thanos in Avengers 1, and I don’t see Thanos as the “lets take this as a Teachable Moment” kind of guy.

Wakezilla

That would work. Though, it just occurred to me Dr. Strange can reverse all deaths, so maybe no one does at the end.

King Hippo

The Jays didn’t want Comrade Rigglovich to feel bad. Solidarity!!

Horatio Cornblower

“Three of the first four picks are controlled by two men (Cleveland GM John Dorsey at one and four, GM Dave Gettleman of the Giants at two) who could work for the CIA.”

Those three picks are going to be Darnold, Barkley and Chubb. The only interesting thing is whether the Giants take Barkley instead of Chubb, leaving Cleveland to take the other. CIA my sweaty asshole.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Reading between the lines of Gettleman’s statements, I’m thinking Barkley.

Horatio Cornblower

I think you’re right. I have them taking Chubb but I’m going to change that. Just too much pointing to Barkley of late.

Sorry about your fellow Wolven-sort having to go to Cleveland, but, plus side, that D is gonna be hella ferocious.

Unless Haslem fucks it all up, but, really, what are the odds of that?

theeWeeBabySeamus

gonna be hella ferocious

Just like the tapwater in Cleveland.

WCS

They call it the Bay of Pigskin strategy.

Horatio Cornblower

If Billy Price falls into the 2nd round, and if Billy Price’s pectoral muscle grows back by the 8th round, the Giants could have quite an offense next year.

Redshirt

…and that’s the Blown Save!

Senor Weaselo

Is Iglesias dead or something?

Redshirt

He had too much of a hole to dig out of.

nomonkeyfun

When I was younger I was very confused about CIA trained chefs.
I figured people they’d want to kill would have food tasters, or at least force the chef to eat first.

Redshirt

Three-inning Save Attempt in Cincy.

Redshirt

…and that’s a home run by Atlanta.

Redshirt

…and a hit…and Riggleman really want this three-inning save. Possible two-game Winning Streak be damned.

King Hippo

just following it on the ticker – it don’t look purty

Redshirt

Letting him pitch past the HR was okay, but after that he should’ve been pulled.

nomonkeyfun

Typical Reds. Always wanting to share the wealth.

King Hippo

Comrade Rigglovich ,, smh

Redshirt

A successful Suicide Squeeze and a Double Steal by the Reds? What’s going on? Why are they giving a shit tonight?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, and turkeys can’t fly.

litre_cola

theeWeeBabySeamus

They done killt Thor’s mama and sent her over the waterfall. I think they messed up bcuz Anthony Hopkins and Idris Elba do not look happy. Yes, old-ish crappy superhero movies tonight….so far.

Oh hockey, why hast thou forsaken me.?

/browses sitcom reruns
//waits for Adult Swim to begin

Redshirt

I’m going to miss the 1st Round so I can watching my favorite Marvel characters die (not spoiling; just taking a guess).

In case I don’t make it back, can someone be disappointed for me when the Bengals pick?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How much coke do you think each NFL team has to have on hand for draft day?

Sharkbait

Soda or powder?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Like all NFL execs love, the white stuff.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Genuinely not sure which coke you mean.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I imagine the Steelers keep an industrial-sized quantity on hand.

King Hippo

/Ralph’s coffee can

Redshirt

You think Mike Brown pays their employee enough to get cocaine?! How crazy are-

Oh, soda. Every coach gets one can of Big K Cola that has to last the entire draft.

Sharkbait

Mrs. Sharkbait is out of town. That means my night will consist of sushi and Far Cry.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Most nights just consist of Cry

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

If Reuben Foster wins this current court case, the Niners plan on making him the highest-paid head coach with his winning record

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

A “Reuben Foster” is when you cover your penis in sugar and cinnamon and serve it with pastrami, rye, and side of felony assault.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

REUBEN? DID HE GIVE HER SOME RUSSIAN DRESSING? OHHHHHHHHH

WHAT IS JOHN LYNCH. A HOMO?

Andrew Dice Clay’s one day stint on NFL Live.

Sharkbait

Better than Rush on Sunday NFL Countdown

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Even though I’m rooting against him, Giannis is awesome.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

To be fair, any encounter I have had with a Reuben has usually ended in severe stomach pains.

I had no idea Reuben Droughns was that big, though!

ballsofsteelandfury

This should be on the banner. Too bad it’s too long…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Work needs to end today

herodotus450
herodotus450

No hockey, and local baseballed game is rain delayed? Looks like it’s gonna be a book night.
/Book is what I call my penis.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Slamming my dick in a book is what I call intellectual masturbation.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My evening is going to consist of Celtics basketball, Arizona special election results, and cough drops.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Be careful with those cough drops. I hear your breath can become so fresh, you won’t be the same person anymore.

Sharkbait
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Greetings from Cleveland, Ohio’s Progressive Field where *squints through drizzle* I can see both of their buildings.

herodotus450
herodotus450

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WCS

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Who the fuck still uses a payphone?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That guy has at least three DUI’s.

Sharkbait

Im surprised they still exist in a place that’s technically a city

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Don’t go to East Cleveland or you’ll die

herodotus450
herodotus450

Two days until the draft!!? Shit, where’d I put that atlas of roads leading to Canada?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

— JFF